Twilight's sane Mind: -deep breath in- -Deep breath out- Ok, what would Cadence do at a time like this.
*Imagines Cadence in flashback sequence: 'Remember Twilight, there are precious few things as valuable as love. Love of a friend, family, or special somepony. You should be aware of how you effect them, and remember that no matter what you do, there will always be time to be there for them. Of course, it works the other way too, no matter how bad things get, they will have time for you too. You'd be surprised how much you can rely on them, provided you keep a cool head and explain the trouble you're in.'* End flashback.Sane Twilight: Ok, got to calm down...and get out of this outfit. Seriously, after all of the effort, it just isn't helping.
INsane Twilight: NEED TO FIND THE HUMAN!!
Sane Twilight: (Rolls eyes and mentally decks INsane Twilight) I've lost enough ground and time panicking, yes I can't tell Celestia, but I've got bucking FRIENDS damn it! I've been researching the magic of friendship for well over 2 years now!! I can rely on them! Provided I don't come off as having another episode, which ghost Sombra sure seems like an indicator of.
Ghost Sombra: Well, glad you finally got that right, at least.
Sane Twilight: :sigh: Guess the stress CAUSING him to show isn't gone yet. Still, I can manage this better. First things first.
Sane Twilight: (Sends all her cloths back to her closet, sword back to bed room and holds Spike softly, eyes clear and sadness reflected as she gently rocks Spike.)
Sane Twilight: I'm so, SO sorry Spike!! I'm having a really bad couple of days, and I really should have snapped out of it a while back. I shouldn't have taken it out on you and everypony. Please, please trust me that I would never hurt you or do anything that would endanger you on purpose. I need you, need my number one assistant, more than ever now.
Spike: :slowly unfreezing and getting his bearings: Tw-Twilight? Was, was all that just a dream?
Sane Twilight: :Gently nuzzling him: No, sadly no, Spike. But, I'm getting better, still not 100%, but that just means I need you to keep me grounded even more. Listen, an Outer God, a being of great power and madness called Nyarlathotep is coming. According to my research, the only way to stop him, is with a centaur. To that end, I summoned a human from another world, in hopes that it would help me create one.
I need to find this human, if there's to be any chance to save Equestria.Spike: O-Ok Twilight, just one thing though...couldn't you just summon a Centaur from another world like you could the human? I mean, humans are just pony-tales, at least Centaurs DID exist at some point. There's got to be another world where they exist right?
Sane Twilight: ...I love you Spike, you know that right? Seriously, Best. Assistant. Ever. :Gently kisses the top of his head and breaths deep and releases controlled and calm. Smiling at Spike: Now that I have a decent idea, mind grabbing the tomes on Centaur magical signatures, and some documentation on them? I think I need to set up another summoning spell. With luck, I'll have this done soon and we can send the human I brought back home...:Says quietly to herself:...After I apologies up and down to everypony AND him. At least the princess doesn't know about this.
Back in Canterlot
Celestia: So, been a while, Black Pharaoh, how are things in Egypt these days?
Nyarlathotep: Not too bad, humans are such lovely little beings. They cause chaos just by getting breakfast! And that's not even getting into the depths of their depravity and insanity! Why my masters would end such a lovely species when they are so entertaining is beyond me.
Celestia: I know! Discord thinks having Chaos ALL THE TIME would be fun, but then Chaos becomes the new Order, and it stops being fun anymore! 'Everything in moderation', I said, 'You'll get bored and loose your touch', I said. But NOOOOO, the little foal just wouldn't listen to reason! Still, at least now little Twilight acts as my new Chaos generator! Element of Magic, she may be. But if anypony was going to contact you or your lords it would be her! Seriously though, what did she think an old one would talk about after reading that book? I HAVE to know!
Nyarlathotep: :Grins widely: Oh you'll love this, she asked about...the MEANING of LIFE!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! :Gasps before righting himself: As if such a pedestrian concept isn't an oxy-moron unto itself? Meaning in LIFE of all things?!?!? Something that spawns from and embodies chaos having routes in order? PLEASE! :throws hands in waving gesture:
Celestia: :Nods with wistful smile: She's so young yet, not even gotten her wings or true stamina, let alone had her first evil transformation. My first empire was so long ago now, best decision I ever made, despite the assassinations getting old fast, then Luna was born. Had to take care of her since mother's never been one for family. Dear Luna only just got over her conquirer stage, and will likely be in shock for another century or two before she finally gets it. I do hope you'll be around then! She'll make such a lovely contemporary when her true talent starts shining through.
Nyarlathotep: Of course, why do you think I like coming to this little world so much? When one of these ponies finally breaks, they become things of unsurpassed beauty! The rarity of such an event only makes it better somehow! I get my bulk-insanity orders with humans, dime a dozen, despite the fun! Still, what about the human she brought? Think he'll finally go native and tap some of your subjects?
Celestia: :Puts a hoof to her chin thinking: I know my ponies are open-minded enough for inter-species relations, so long as the parts involved stimulate well enough and the exchange isn't lethal. Still, if I recall humans have stigmas to that sort of thing, being the only known sentient lifeforms of their world. So...60/40 I guess, with odds against due to Twilight's usual over-enthusiasm getting the better of her.
Nyarlathotep: You're on, I say he breaks down and does one of them before he leaves, no rape involved. Say...2 chocolate cakes?
Celestia: Make it five and you've got a deal.
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You scream out at the top of your lungs as the entire scenario plays through your head. Surely Nyarlathotep can’t be meeting with Princess Celestia. He just can’t. THAT’S NOT TRUE! THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE!!!!
Telling celestia would be stupid...
so would telling luna...
What to do, what to do.
.
.
.
Of cource!!
You need to ask Cadense about that love spell she is so proud of.
Then when you find that human. HE. WILL. LOVE YOU.
{Insert evil laugh and convenient thunder here}
Where did that thunder come? No matter. First you need to free spike, but how?
Maybe if... "Spike, wake up. there is Rarity with big pile of gems outside of the library waiting for you!"
I Hope this works.
Still, that insane little vision of yours gave you a good though. Obviously since asking Princess Celestia or Luna for help is a bad idea. There is always Cadence....
And she has that love spell that she’s always so proud of. All you’ll need to do is get her to explain to your how it works and the human will be yours.... YOURS!!!!!!
Thunder crackles behind you as you throw your forehooves out and laugh manically at this oh so perfect plan.
‘Wait, where did that thunder come from?’ you wonder to yourself as you let your forehooves fall back to the ground.
As you think it through though, you realize that that plan probably doesn’t sound like a good idea. Any message you send to Cadence will likely be relayed back to Celestia and Luna anyway, or worse... your brother. Yeah, as bad as Celestia and Luna finding out about this is, it would be even worse if Shining Armor found out. Plus, even if you wanted to, you still need Spike to send those messages for you, and he’s still in shock.
'THAT’S RIGHT SPIKE’S STILL IN SHOCK!!!' You scream at yourself in your thoughts as you remember that oh so obvious and important detail that you’ve almost forgotten about.
Thinking the solution through like the smart mare you are. Sure the human is important, but spike's like your baby brother! You don't just leave him and say "I'm going to mate with some human i've never met before."
Suddenly your maternal instincts kick in. The human can wait, at least for another minute. You’ve got to help Spike. After all, he’s your little brother, best dragon assistant forever right? You can’t just leave him here.
But, how are you gonna get him out of shock?
Is there no spell that can wake him up? If so, use it. If not, maybe a bucket of water thrown at his head will help.
As for the human, perhaps he retreated from Ponyville completely? You're pretty sure he is unaware of the dangers in the Everfree. In fact, he could be in danger right now!. Since its the closest forest and near to Fluttershy's, you could look there first. Before you search the Everfree, you could ask Fluttershy if she knew where the human went.
Use a spell to heal Spike, see a cardboard box that wasn't there a minute ago, lift up the box, and instantly lick whatever is inside it.
Do the cleverly named "un-unconscious" spell.
Splash a bucket of water on his face.
If all else fails, an uppercut to the jaw never hurt! (Haha, see what I did there?)
On an unrelated note, happy St. Patrick's Day!
There is a spell that can wake up ponies from shock, but you’re not about to use it, especially not on Spike. The last time you used that spell well... things didn’t go as intended, lets just leave it at that. Good thing Pinkie Pie was there or you would have driven yourself mad trying to wake Rarity up.
Out of the corner of your eye you think you notice a strange box, but you ignore it for now. You’ve got bigger problems to worry about.
Find a(n) ruby/sapphire/diamond/quartz crystal/emerald and offer it to Spike.
I don't know if it'll help him, but maybe he'll eventually eat it.
Maybe find him some water while you're at it.
Thinking quickly, you run back down to your kitchen and grab the emergency sapphire that you’ve hidden there a moment like this ever arose.
What, it never hurts to be prepared.
“Look, Spike... Look!” you say to him as you levitate the sapphire in front of his face. “Look what I have for you.” He doesn’t respond. “Its a delicious sapphire. You know how much you love sapphires right!?” He still doesn’t respond. He’s not even blinking. “Don’t you wanna eat it? Don’t you wanna bite into it, swallow it and feel it go down your throat like-” BY CELESTIA’S SAKE THE THING IS THE SIZE OF A GRAPEFRUIT WHY ISN’T HE GOING FOR IT!!!!
You could always get Rarity to kiss him. Too bad she still isn't speaking to you after you tried to kill each other and all.
go find rarity ask her to check up on spike then go and find the human
You look out the door and say "Hey how did Rarity get all that chocolate and whip cream all over herself?"
Spike Breaks out of his trance and rushes to the door excitedly "WHERE?!!!"
Laugh at Gullible Spike then get down to the business of finding that damn human as you rush out the door.
get a bucket of cold water and splash it in his face, that ALWAYS WORKS! and if that doesn't, have rarity give him a smooch on the cheek
Looking at the gemstone you’re dangling in front of Spike’s face for whatever reason reminds you of Rarity. Maybe you could get her to......
No, you’re not gonna do that.
While that would be a good idea and you know she certainly wouldn’t object to it, you don’t really think that she wants to talk to you right now. Especially after what happened last night.
Still, that does give you an idea though. You turn around and walk away from Spike (who still isn’t even blinking) and drop the gemstone on a nearby desk. You’ll still give it to him, the little guy deserves that much as an apology after all, but first you gotta wake him up. You then walk over to the stairs and look down them.
“Wow!” you say. “When did Rarity get in here, and how did she get all that chocolate and whipped cream all over herself?” you look back at Spike with an excited smile on your face. The little guy loves Rarity to death, you know that there is no way that this possibly cannot-
He’s still not moving.
“Dance magic dance...” the Ghost of Sombra sings to himself as he floats around you.
“Shut up Sombra,” you say to him as your smile quickly fades from your face. Okay, this is bad. If Rarity covered in chocolate and whipped cream couldn’t get him up, then he must really be in deep. You’ve got to try harder.
You need to take care of Spike. You also need to find the human. While you certainly have enough magic to handle all this, the human seems adept at getting help from other ponies that you seem to be lacking. You need extra help to handle this.
You remember the mirror pool, and how Pinkie's clones followed a prime directive she gave them, to have fun. What if you made clones of yourself who's prime directive was to capture the human for you?
Find a spell to temporarily clone yourself so that you can hunt down the human and help Spike at the same time. Then tell the Twilight who is looking for the human to cast a spell that will make the other ponies in Ponyville want to help you search for the human.
YOU ARE NOT GOING TO CLONE YOURSELF!!! You’re not sure if you can trust a clone of yourself with something as important as either task, and you certainly aren’t gonna use the mirror pool. All of the Pinkie clones she created were insane, and while you’re sure that you could make an army of clones whose prime directive is to find the human, you’re not entirely sure what they would do once they find him. After all, you only want to mate with him you don’t want to hurt him.
Then there’s the problem of getting rid of all the clones after this is over, and YOU DO NOT want to go through that again.
“GAH!!!” you scream to yourself. You’re getting off track. Spike first, then the human.
Slap Spike in the face. That always works.
Punch spike in the face, that should shock him back to consciousness. Then burn the forest down.
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU ARE NOT going to hit Spike. Not under any circumstances. You couldn’t do that to him, not even if you wanted to.
Action: Splash water on to Spike's face. That should wake him up!
When he wakes up, make him help you find the guy.
How to convince spike to help? Say: "He tried to steal Rarity away from you!"
Smelling salts should do the trick! Or a bucket of cold water.
Oh look! A conviently placed bucket of water! (Insert trollface here).
Lets pour it on him! That will un-paralyze him. Totally. Yah.
Okay, here's what you do:
Step 1: Remove Raiden suit, and hide it. That will not help your case when Spike wakes up.
Step 2: Get a bucket of water.
Step 3: Poor it on Spike in order to get him back on his feet.
Step 4: Apologize for poring water on him.
Step 5: Say in the most calm way that you're on a mission, and for Spike's safety, he probably shouldn't know.
Step 6: Once he leaves, get your outfit.
Step 7: Find human.
You find a filled bucket of water nearby and decide to use it to wake up poor spike, but unfortunately in you panicked state you forgot that there was a brick in there when you were trying to make water bricks with a new spell, and while you wake up spike with the water, you then knock him back out with the brick.
Okay, that’s enough of this. You’re not about to let this go on any longer. You didn’t wanna have to do this, but if Rarity covered in chocolate isn’t waking him up then you have no choice really.
You run back downstairs, grab an empty bucket, and run to the sink to fill it with water. You don’t take your Raiden outfit off though, you have no idea why the thought would occur to you to do that. Once the bucket is full, you quickly run back upstairs, careful not to spill any water on the steps. Once you reach the top, you stand right in front of Spike.
“I’m so sorry Spike,” you say to him before you levitate the bucket of water above his head and turn it over, dumping the water on him.
“*Cough *cough...” Spike coughs to himself a little as the water rushes over him, but you ignore that. He’s unshocked.
“SPIKE!” you practically scream as you throw your hooves out to give him a hug, but then quickly stop yourself.
“Twilight...” Spike asks you as he looks up at you with a weird look on his face. “Why did you-”
Suddenly, you remember that the human is still out there. Spike’s fine now, so you can focus on priority 1 again.
“I’ll explain later,” you quickly say to him before you run back down the stairs.
“Twilight wa-!” you hear Spike call out to you, but you pay no heed to it, as within less than a moment you are out the door and back into the streets of Ponyville.
That’s it. No more distractions. You are going to find this human and you are going to find him now.
It only occurs to you just now as you’re running that you have no idea where to start looking.
What do you do?
-Meanwhile, back at the Library-
Applejack and Rainbow Dash comes in.
"Twilight we need to talk."
you ignore them and use this chance to have those two watch Spike while you go look for the human.
Less than a nanosecond after Twilight left the library, Applejack and Rainbow Dash burst through the door.
“Twilight, we need ta-!” Applejack shouts, but stops when she sees that the library is completely empty. Save for a soaking wet Spike, whose just staring down at them from atop the stairs.
“Hey Applejack, Hey Rainbow Dash,” he says to the both of them with obvious frustration in his voice.
Concerned, Applejack and Rainbow Dash walk up the stairs towards him. He just backs away from the edge of the stairs and lets them approach. After a moment, the two stand in front of him.
Both Applejack and Rainbow Dash just stand there for a moment to take Spike in with incredibly confused looks on their faces. Spike just stands there and lets them. From head to toe, Spike is dripping wet, the water that falls off of him gets soaked into the wooden floor of the library.
“Spike,” Applejack eventually says. “We need to stop Twilight.”
“You’re just now telling me this?” Spike responds, the frustration in his voice still present.
His tone cannot be tolerated, unleash your inner Slickback and pimp slap everyone within a four mile radius. Afterwards, pray to pimp god that he kept your slaps straight and true, and thank him for his assistance.
Then rape something I guess.
Summon murdersaurus rex to do your dirty work.
Also, dubstep.
Oh, it was down for everyone. This is pretty useful.
Off to the intermission II: POV of Spike trying to stop Twi!
Follow your heart
hmm...maybe you should retrace your steps where the human went to hide, try and find any possible clues leading to his whereabouts.
You may as well also keep your guard up, with the way the other ponies seemed to react after finding the human, they always protected him whenever he's within reach; you don't need anymore 's.
Find the light switch.
You decide to visit pinkie pie, because of her wacky self, and the fact that she always does the inconceivable and impossible every-time, maybe she can help you find the human; or visit fluttershy; last you saw the human it looked like it was running in the direction away from town, and maybe perhaps she might have seen the human pass-by. Which one sounds like the better choice: Pinkie Pie, or Fluttershy?
Recalibrate the apertures on the nine and a quarter catadioptric telescopes.
Do and 80's style montage trying to find him.
hmmm... a deception spell might make him see you as a human then you could get him to do you!! just a little deception spell and he will be putty in your hooves! or you could brain wash him
At the Library:
After being filled in on the situation by Rainbow Dash and Applejack, Spike takes a letter to Celestia.
Dear Princess Celestia,
Twilight has gone off the deep end again and we could really, really use your help. Apparently she's summoned a mythical creature from another world with the sole purpose of molesting it so that she can get pregnant with some weird hybrid baby. The creature in turn has escaped and been running for his life. On top of that she's running around with a ninja suit and sword, attacking other ponies, arguing with herself, and worst of all, I think she tried to come onto me. Please, Please, PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF YOU, GET DOWN HERE AND HELP US FIX THIS!!!
Your Horrified Subject,
Spike
Ghost Sombra: you know twilight if I was you I would have left him. Mostly do to the fact he will send a letter to Celestia. Also if one of your friends are there they will tell him to tell the princess what you are doing.
go to fluttershy's and ask if she has seen the human after she explains what happened you go into the forest to find the human
You think back every time the human is with another pony it usually deals with clothes.
Lyra gave him pants.
Rarity is a seamstress.
Lastly Applejack would most likely given him Big Macintosh clothes.
So maybe he's attracted to clothing... You remembered you still have the same clothes that he arrived in. soooo take his former clothes and use it as bait.
You need a secret base, Twilight. Just in case Princess Celestia catches wind of the human situation and dismisses the danger you're all in like the did with Nightmare Moon. You need that centaur, and you can't let anyone stop you.
Plus, once you finally capture the human... you don't want to get the library all messy or damage the books.
Twilight, I know you want to find the human, and the summoning spell reaching into another dimension is a no-no.
But what if you cast a human summoning spell - based on the one you used to bring him here - but keyed to summon the human at the closest relative space/time/dimensional coordinates. That will summon the human right to you.
Above you a cloud explodes, pay no mind to it....
A ball of random turquoise cotton candy cloud floats by on your way to hunt the human down. You eat it without a second though and absentmindedly say, "Tastes like Rainbow Dash..."
Ok first off pay no attention to my username I just freakin' love InvaderZim plus all the usernames I thought of were taken so ya. Anyway this is what goes down u realize that u have a freakin' tracking.g spell and don't give a shit about what the author has to say about and tracks the human to cave where he is hiding then u follow it and channel ur inner rage and move the boulder then u find the human and then u black out for a second giving the human just enough time to escape but u just pretend to black out then when the human close u grab him then teleport to ur treehouse and that's all I gots :3
Use your inner Twilight instincts and look for scents, footprints, and poop.
Dun worry, site was down for all of us.
anyway. like i said before, HIRE A TRACKER.
please
This isnt for the story.
The website was down for everyone
Ghost Sombra suggests building a huge flight of stairs. You get annoyed at how pointless and irrelevant this is.
(Again, really sorry for posting the same thing twice earlier )
Um... go North?
ride the magical school bus outta here
Ask Fluttershy about the human! He's likely retreated from Ponyville completely, so he might be near the forest. He has no idea of the dangers in the Everfree, so he might be in danger!
Make sure you take your hi-fi blade and make sure your Raiden outfit is flawless. You're probably going to need them in the future.
Acquire a small box filled with acorns.
These will come in handy later.
Ok, do the wise thing and, and...
OH Shiny...
no i have to keep my mind in this...
But, but shiny...
NO, NO SHINY!!!
OH i know what we have to do, let's find Pinkie Pie and have a party...
NO, NO PARTIES, but finding Pinkie would be good idea...
Or, maybe we could go to fluttershy's house and calm down while petting some animals, that is if you want...
Yes, fluttershy could have seen the human and... wait who am i talking to?
Hello, I am your inner Pinkie and this is your inner Fluttershy!
Um, hi.
And there is inner Rarity and Applejack and Rainbow Dash.
What i... WHAT!!!
Yeah and then there is all those commenters. Say hi!
Pinkie, i mean me, i mean... Ugh i give up, even my inner pinkie is crazy.
What is it? What do you smell?
MANFLESH!
So, regarding this plan of yours, Twilight.... I'm just vaguely curious - assuming you succeed, and secks the human, and give birth to a centaur...
What's it's name gonna be? Have you decided that yet? Crossing that bridge when you get there?
Furthermore, suppose that, instead of a centaur, you get, say, an anthro unicorn, instead. Are you going to raise it, train it to follow in your footsteps? Give it up for adoption? Just curious on some of the side-planning aspects. Are you going to try convincing the human to help you raise the wee one?
THEN SUDDENLY!
A blue box materialises a few meters in front of Twilight. She bumps into it muzzlefirst and falls onto the ground. The door on the box opens, revealing a brown stallion with an hourglass cutie mark.
"TWILIGHT!!!!" he yells, "WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT MESSING AROUND WITH TIME AND SPACE?! REMEMBER THE TIME YOU USED THAT TIME TRAVELING SPELL?!?! Ahem, sorry got a litttle carried away there. Would you like a jelly filly?"
What is that buzzing sound you hear? You don't know but it sounds like it's getting closer.
Suddenly, you see something that completely leaves you at a loss of words.
You can see what appears to be a metal contraption hovering through town and what looks like to be a couple humans and Discord of all things to be in it.
After picking your jaw off the floor, you decide to follow it as you currently have no better leads.
Perhaps there are some human tracks in the ground, or maybe somepony saw him again? Maybe Fluttershy saw it, you should ask her.
Beating the crap out of your friends and complete strangers is A-ok, but she can't get herself to give Spike a wake up slap? I guess insanity doesn't just make her violent, it also makes her inconsistent.
Whelp, she hasn't seen Fluttershy all day. Her friends already think she's gone off the deep end, but Fluttershy might help.
Steal applejacks dog, then use said dog to track down the humans scent from the clothes left at raritys place
Get information. There has to be someone in Ponyville that doesn't know what you're doing that has seen the human.
Action: Gather Information. Talk to others around town. Maybe even ask
Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie. Maybe use Pinkie's Randomness to help you track the
human down!
Steal apple jacks dog and use her for tracking.
Some fine suggestions in here...
FINALLY a Labyrinth reference! Nice song choice by the way