When one strives for a goal, whether compelled by personal passion, a sense of atonement, or either with a touch of obsession, how easy is it to lose sight of what is truly important? When all is said and done, and a dream is accomplished, when does one take inventory of their actions and choices? Could it be that in the pursuit of the greatest kind of good, one could become the worst kind of monster? Fortunately, there can be those who stop us from taking the horrific life altering risks that could make even the brightest angel into the most abominable devil. What can last an eternity but be born in an instant, and can be both so very close but far away. What can bind both many and few, big or small, the young, the old, and the ancient together? The answer is the magic of friendship.
This is an appendix to A Journey Unthought Of, however it is not necessary to read the original work to enjoy this story, as it can stand on its own as a separate piece of fiction that enhances the established canon of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. This story was written before the Season 4 Premiere took place.
So, I'm an awful person; I said I was going to upload this tomorrow, and I lied! Anyway, this is going to be a wild and wonderful experience for all of us!
If you're curious, take a look at the story telling of the titanic battle between Princess Celestia and Nightmare Moon here
If you're also interested in how Princess Luna became Nightmare Moon, look here for answers.
It was pretty interesting, MOAR I SAY!
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Fear not, good sir! There will be moar on the 9th.
I find myself greatly enjoying this.
very well written.
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Thank you very much! I've been writing a little over a year now, and it's good to know I've improved!
"Come on, young Basil Baggins. We have a goddess to bitchslap."
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Yes. You win best comment of the week!
Nice job. I like where this story is going. Keep up the great work!
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Thank you! I hope the story continues to hold your interest!
WOW!
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Eeeeeeeeeeeeeyup!
Hey! Time to review and burn away those problems on the behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors!
Name of Story: Lessons for a benevolent tyrant.
Grammar score out of 10: 8
Pros:
I love how you portray Star Swirl. I don't read many stories on him, so you've basically made your version my headcannon.
I adore the premise of this fic already!
Basil. Can't wait to see how he changes through the story.
Cons:
I'd like to question how a country can focus on Science and Logic, but also pray to a goddess. Wouldn't there be questions on how she has obtain this power?
Why does Basil fear Star Swirl if he though he was a little touched in the head?
After Star Swirl pokes basil with his staff, you didn't need to make a whole new paragraph to show a different action. Generally, you do that when you introduce a new speaker, so I thought for a moment, Basil was speaking.
Notes Section:
Honestly, I can't expand much on my cons. I do very much enjoy your story, and can't wait for it to continue on.
Well! There we go! One review! I'd like to exchange for one in equal value!
My story: The Surgeon in the White City
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Thank you so much for your favorite and your review! I'm just curious; aside from the example you pointed out where it was confusing whether Starswirl or Basil was talking, were there any other examples in particular where the grammar was a bit off?
As for your other cons, I'm afraid that would be due to me not world building more in depth in the story so far. In our world, faith and science are fairly mutually exclusive, and the general consensus is that they are on diametrically opposite sides of the scale of logic and reason. This does not necessarily apply here in this time period of Equestria, because the object of worship is a physcial god who can be interacted with, who also happens to be the tyrant of the country. In regards to Basil's paranoia about being turned in for heresy, I would say I need to more readily clarify that the Equestria we see here is a totalitarian state; Sol Invicta's order is supreme, and any deviants will be reeducated or detained. Solar Cultists would act as a form of Inquisition, routing out those that are not true followers of their mistress' light. Machiavelli would have been proud; Sol Invicta is both loved and feared by her subjects. Fortunately, Starswirl is going to step in to help Celestia get her priorities straight once again.
I'll be right over to read and review your story later today. Thanks once again for your review!
I lied again. I updated today instead of tomorrow. You know what? I'll just update this story every Friday now instead of Saturday. If you have any comments, passing observations, what have you, please feel free to comment below!
Interesting chapter you have here. My main concern is Celestia...She's spent years deluding herself with this lie, and with all the evidence, it'd be pretty easy to be trapped in the god delusion. I know she respects Beardy, but how quickly she turned....It seems a bit unrealistic to me. I'm still curious to see how Beardy will teach the lesson though!
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You're right; I should probably adjust her attitude a bit. Celestia does rebound a bit to fast. I'll see what I can do!
Edit:
There! Let's see about that! Do you think this works better?
Nice Lord of the Rings reference...I think. Was that one?
Anyway, awesome chapters! Keep going, I'm starting to really like this story. You're a talented author.
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Yes, it sure was a Lord of the Rings reference! I always pictured Starswirl as Gandalf ever since he first got mentioned in season 2, and so I translated that into my interpretation of him here. Also, thank you very much for the compliment! I hope it shows that I've put a lot of effort into this story.
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It really does. You're doing a fantastic job. And if it wasn't supposed to be a Lord of the Rings reference...then it wasn't. My dad's obsessed, but I've only read the Hobbit and watched the movies a few times. But they were the extended versions.
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I love both the books and the movies for LOTR; they're a fantastic blend of plot and creative mythology which I could never even dream of coming close to writing like. If you're not used to it, though, the books can actually be kind of on the dry side compared to the writing style today.
Though I did base Starswirl's personality on Gandalf, the actual plot to this story is not unlike 'The Once and Future King' by T.H. White. The first and most famous arc in the book, 'The Sword in the Stone', is where a certain eccentric wizard named Merlin teaches a young Arthur lessons that he will need later on in life to become a great King. It's also a bit dry, but a very good read in my opinion!
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Wait a second...Basil...Arthur...Star Swirl....theories are coming into my brain....
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Sorry, but Basil's not Arthur. Nice idea, though!
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Dang it.
Welp, one virtue of Harmony down, five to go!
2127465 MOAR!
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Don't you fret my good man! I update every Friday with one or two chapters for this story. Next week's lesson topic is Kindness!
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No no no no no no no...
*inhales and activates Royal Canterlot Voice*
WE REQUIRE ADDITIONAL INSTALLMENTS OF THIS WORK OF LITERATURE AT AN EARLIER TIME!
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My apologies fine sir. If I might ask it of you, could you please be patient? More chapters will come in time; this is definitely not over any time soon!
images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110612215235/gyropedia/images/thumb/8/83/CelestiaShrug.png/413px-CelestiaShrug.png
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Alright. We will let thee live, for now.
Yay! An update! This chapter was really good!
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I strive to make it the best! Thank you very much for the comment!
Ah, the slow and gradual change of a Tyrant. If only it happened more in real life! This was good chapter to read and was fun to explore the other nations a bit. Go StarSwirl! And I do hope we get to see a direct example of the religious fanaticism that she has stirred! LETS SEE A WITCH BURNING!
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In a twisted kind of way, we'll get the chance to see how Celestia experiences her own self deluded persona from before Starswirl's lessons in chapter 10. There will be burning, that much is true. However, there will not be any witches involved.
Well that's a shame! Ah well, though I do think I know what you speak of. If it is true then I can't wait to see! But goodness! What an action oriented chapter! Hehe...I can almost Imagine Starswirl just using Celestia as a way to push his own political agenda! Perhaps he had a stake in the Gryphon Civil War? Would explain why the Green Knight knew him! But I doubt it. Still fun to think about.
But enough ramble from me! Quite adored these two chapters, though one does have to wonder how Celestia didn't know about her people being taken away. Shouldn't CloudsDale have told her? And I can't shake the feeling it was a little rushed...purely my own thoughts however, and was still a good read.
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The reason I'd say that Celestia doesn't know about the raids on Cloudsdale is because only about one third of the pony population has easy physical access to Cloudsdale. At this time, Cloudsdale isn't the large city that we know it to be. On top of that, there are no other major population centers of ponies beneath or nearby that would be able to witness the Griffon wars. Ponyville, (if I've got my numbers right) which is the closest town to Cloudsdale, won't be founded for another five and a half centuries! Ancient history is fun to look back at the present through.
I'd say Starswirl has probably visited the Griffon kingdom before on one of his quests for knowledge. Maybe in his younger years, Gawain was one of Starswirl's students? The only agenda I really believe Starswirl has is that of a moral time traveler; make sure everything turns out close to how it should, and put a good spin on it!
Oh man. It feels good to get back to this story! I haven't been able to do much of any writing that was pony related this week, so it was good to have a small fix of it now! So, new chapters. I expect that chapters 9 and 10 were a bit eerie for most, but I think that the setup of Celestia discovering her inner demon has been long overdue. I hope you all liked it! Feel free to comment on it, tell me why you did or didn't like it, and have a fantastical evening ( or morning, or mid-afternoon depending on your timezone.)
I finally found the image of Griffon-lestia that inspired her transformation scene in chapter 7! I had it on my hard drive forever, but I couldn't find it on the internet again for so long. So, here it is, at long last!
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/510/993/19e.png
Haha! The action chapters have been doubled! I hope you all like this set of chapters, it was a blast to write! Next week, I'm going to publish the last two chapters of this story; one on Thursday and the other on Friday. Next Saturday is going to be a big day; this story is an appendix to my first story, A Journey Unthought Of. Saturday is the day I begin publishing chapters to the sequel, which I've called A Journey Unthought Of: Revival of Chaos. This sequel will draw from this and all the other appendices I've written to date. If you decide to read it, you may see parts of this story being referenced in it! Well, again, hope you enjoy these chapters, and have a nice evening!
Hmm, a bowtie? Why do I think there was also a blue box involved :P
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Ooooh yes! The Doctor's popped in on my work before. I have a feeling that he just might do it again.
Well, here it ends. This story is done, but a new story begins tomorrow! I will begin posting chapters to my next story, which is the sequel to the story this one is an appendix to. A Journey Unthought Of: Revival of Chaos is going to be big!
The hobbit, it's everywhere!
So Starswirl shows up out of no where and promptly lectures Celestia on her actions in the time of his absence like a damn school teacher. The fact Celestia believe him implicitly and immediately despite him not being there makes her seem incredibly weak in character and it makes Starswirl into a simple mouth piece for the author to lecture the character I.E. boring. Wise characters don't hand out the answers, they give characters the means to arrive at the answer in their own time. Having this old unicorn simply lecture Celestia on her actions is not a good way to make him seem wise. It just makes him seem like a know-it-all Gandalf wannabe.
This story is what is the word..... EEEEPPPPPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCC!!!!!
Wow, this is another great description of the Princess Celestia's mighty power.
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Thanks! I wanted to make it absolutely certain to everyone that Princess Celestia is more than a pretty face and a good politician: she is also a warrior unparalleled, and if called upon she will face any challenge with all her strength and magical might.
Wow a great explanation of what princess Celestia really is :D
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While how I've applied the idea is my own twist, the idea itself is actually the creation of Plato, the second of the three greatest Greek philosophers. When I had read his idea of a dual plane existence of Form and Matter, the idea of Form, a mysterious force of measured perfection, seemed to resonant with the idea of Magic to me. Philosophy can actually be interested and not so daunting if given the chance, don't you think?
3341948 Yeah, sure does
This made me literally LOL. That is the single best line I've read all day, and I've done a bit of a fimfic binge today.
Also, I think I like this Starswirl guy; but I'm only three chapters in.