This story is meant to be the first of many Appendices to A Journey Unthought of: A man's life in Equestria. It is recommended that to avoid confusion, you might read it first rather than this story.
Long before the events of A Journey Unthought of, it was discovered that mankind existed on the very earth that ponies walk. Darker secrets were still discovered, as humanity created nearly all the species in Equestria and beyond through genetic engineering, and were responsible for the creation of Discord. How did his creation come to pass? And what of the mysterious Maiden? What part does she have to play in being the mother to the two most powerful ponies in Equestria?
Chapters (10)
Ladies and Gentlemen, I've returned bearing gifts. I hope you've all been well, and I hope you are as excited as I am to bring you this story. I'm hoping that in spite of college's exceedingly tight death grip on my time, I can continue writing for you all, and that a deadline of each Saturday night will help me be more productive! Enjoy this first chapter, and expect more to come!
this is a pretty interesting concept, look forward to seeing where it goes
You have my attention, sir.
VERY INTERESTING.
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Looks like the review train has arrived!
1) I love this concept, and I love what you've done with it so far. I've read so many bad pony fics involving humans, so this one was a real breath of fresh air. Though so far it's more like a human fic involving ponies, but whatever.
2) I was a little confused at the beginning as to whether Ahmed and Rad were humans or ponies, as well as where they were (I imagined them standing on clouds until you mentioned they were underground). It wasn't too big of a deal, but I thought I'd mention it.
Well, that's all I have for now. This train has left the station. Good luck!
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I'm glad that you like the idea of my story, and I'm especially thrilled that you think it's a notch above the rest! I recommend that so you won't be confused now or later on that you read my original story, A Journey Unthought of: A man's life in Equestria. It will explain things in much better detail the the quick recap given in this chapter!
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I'm glad you like it, and I hope you'll stick around!
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Welcome back jercos! Good to see you again!
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Oh, I shall. Don't you worry!
Whoa.
That was unexpected. But totally awesome.
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I'm glad you liked it!
BADASS DISCORD CREATION!!!
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I guess we know what the name of the lady with Dusk and Dawn is.
Great chapter. I really like how you're blending sci-fi with the MLP universe. It works really well.
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I think it does makes for an easy transition, as there really isn't that large of a difference between science fiction and fantasy. With fantasy your MacGuffin force is generally magic, and with science fiction, it's..well, science. But what if magic is just a more elusive form of science?
This was an interesting stylistic choice, but I thought it worked really well to fill in some of the backstory and get an interesting perspective on Discord's 'progress,' if you can call it that.
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I thought it was in order so I could fully explain some needed backstory and in order to set up of the next two thirds of the story.
Adventures in breaking physics. Oops. Also the elements of harmony are batteries?
Anyways, so far so good. You may continue.
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Batteries are probably the most correct but inelegant word for them. The Ancient Greeks believed that all of reality exists because of the five foundations: Earth, Wind, Water, Fire, and Ether. I decided to apply a similar concept to the Elements of Harmony, the largest difference being that these primal facets of creation are locked in crystalline form by human scientists and that their creative powers can be accessed by anyone.
tl;dr version: Yup. F**king batteries; how do they work?!
Thanks for giving a character and motive to Discord that makes sense to his very core.
So humanity arrived to God level science.... Cool.
Do all the humans die at the end or the Main Character somehow survives? (that would make a nice sequel by the way) because If this is how every creature in Equestrian was created, my blood will boil each time Twilight says "Magic" or "The Magic Of Friendship"
Another great chapter. I like what you've done with Discord.
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I tried to stay true to Discord's character in show, but I also had to tweak one or two things about him. I would say I tried to make him more a demented manipulator and that the chaotic and quirky personality we witnessed in the show is a facade from behind which Discord can freely spin his webs of intrigue.
Now, about magic and science. The humans are using magic to create all of the creatures that will inhabit Equestria and beyond. Magic as unicorns will later come to understand it will be based on willing certain things to occur based on mental concentration and some expenditure of either chemical or bio energy. Because of this, the greater the willpower and chemical reserves a unicorn has, the larger and more complex spells they can cast. It's sort of like a marathon runner eating an enormous amount of food the day before his big run; he is creating large reserves of energy for himself for when he needs it later on during his 26 mile run.
The humans in this universe have found out that magic is just another fundamental force of existence; just like how Electromagnetism is expressed through photons, or Nuclear energy is expressed through gluons, Magic is expressed through Tessaractal Energy. Humans cannot directly use magic like unicorns can because we don't have the biology capacity to do so, which unicorns do. Humans do, ironically, have a greater understanding of how magic works than unicorns do.
As for humankind, well, things aren't going to go according to plan for them in the near future.
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Thanks! I'm glad you liked how I've interpreted him!
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But do they use the term "Magic" on that fundamental force of existence each time they want to express what their doing, and how? If not, my blood will continue to boil each time I hear "Magic".
-Magic- definition:
Power or influence exerted through this art. The mysterious power that some people believe can make impossible things happen if you do special actions or say special words called spells using this mysterious energy of existence.
Is this what the humans of this universe have in mind? Or it is defined in a more scientific way on their perspective?
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Humans would define this in a more scientific manner. A good real world example of this would be the difference between Alchemy and Chemistry. The Ancients found certain combinations of fluids would interact in strange but predictable ways; What we know today as Hydrochloric Acid was known in Medieval times as Royal Water. Both time periods know how this liquid interacts with the natural world, but they simply had different names for it. Also, both time periods have ambitious goals related to their field. Alchemists sought immortality, artificial life, and cures for any disease. Chemists have a greater grasp of laws of Nature, but the goals remain the same; with the search for anti-aging compounds, stem-cell research, and cloning being on the immediate fringe or accepted fields in our knowledge of Chemistry.
The early years of Equine society will be similar to the Dark Ages, with large amounts of knowledge being lost temporarily, but ultimately to be rediscovered under different names.
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Wouldn't that mean that eventually Equine Society will come to the point where humans are right now, creating an infinite cycle that will never end, making the human existence a mere error or fluke, unnecessary stupidity or as Discord said an nice entertainment, a mere toy, that he became bored by, as he will eventually get a new toy and the cycle will repeat.
But enough of depressing factors.
My question related to your answer is -and by all means if this is answered eventually in the story, you don't have to answer- 'Will this story end in the moment which is the end of humanity and the start of Equine society, or this story is for you to make reference as you continue in which somehow you bring something to 'the end of season 2' -preferably the mother- making Equis history rewrite itself?
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Wow! That's deep. I hadn't really considered that whole cycle of existence of Discord constantly being a destroyer of species. I love it! Fortunately, that's not going to be the case for Equine society. And yes, this story is going to end right near the beginning of pony society, and it will be referenced in later stories. If you want to find out what eventually happens, read my first story: A Journey Unthought of, and you'll find out who the Maiden really is if you haven't already guessed!
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Hmm, this chapter seemed rushed. Red seemed to know too quickly that Discord was the source of their problems, and she came up with a solution pretty quickly as well. Also, I'm not really following her logic. Why does she think Dawn and Dusk can stop Discord?
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I do have to admit, it seems a bit rushed from the outside. The Maiden's near instantaneous distrust of Discord and suspicion of it is intended. There is an unknown agent at work here, influencing these events to their proper ends.
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What'd I do perfect? And how do I keep doing it?
One question: Didn't Dawn and Dusk (those are their names, right?) just hear the entire conversation about how they're going to be genetically mutated and how it's going to screw up their lives forever? Wouldn't that terrify them out of their minds? Wouldn't "Maiden" (wow, I'm terrible with names right now) want them to not hear that part?
Aside from that, I like how you're building this up and taking your time. A lesser writer would have jumped straight to the experiment, but your pacing is such that it moves the plot along while giving the characters ample time to act like... well, characters.
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Ahmed and the Maiden were off a small distance away from Dawn and Dusk whispering to each other. Sorry I didn't make it more obvious in the text! I definitely did not want to miss the opportunity to continue to flesh out each of the characters even further than what I have.
As is, I've had to do a significant amount of cutting and editing of The Maiden and the Serpent. I'm actually complete rewriting the ending I'm working on right now because the way I was going to do it wouldn't be fair to all you guys; it would probably seem too abrupt of an ending and would have been disappointing, I think, in the end.
Basically, things are setting for a big bad showdown between the mighty powers at work here; Discord, Dawn(soon to be Celestia), and Dusk(soon to be Luna). Initially I was going to be lazy and just smash to a quick historical overview of the First Battle of the Elements and the recreation of Earth. That's not fair to you guys and it would have been inconsiderate on my part. Because of that, the last chapter (which is still a couple weeks away, mind you) might take more time to upload, as I'm trying to make it as satisfying as possible!
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Right now in your story, you have in a perfect way showed the events that will unleash future reasons of the existence of everything, down to the dot. I can't help but point out how perfect it seems right now.
Perfection of how every question of how things are in the future world is explainable, especially at this very moment in the story, to a point of logic that can't be refused, doesn't matter what you try to question, how are they so powerful? Explained, what are the elements? Explained, why don't they remember anything? Explained, etc.
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Yay logic!
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I was thinking of this as I read the story.
WARNING THE FOLLOWING VIDEO CONTENTS IS HIGH QUANTITIES OF GORE
The perfect way to start chaos.
I am almost certain there is not that much blood contained in any amount of human bodies. Ugh! This gave me the jibblees!
Humanity has paid a heavy price for their scientists' lack of ethics.
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That's something I really wanted to get across people's minds. Take a look at or ask around about Synthetic Biology, and you'll start to get scared. Sometimes, scientific curiosity should be restrained, no matter what the supposed benefits of research could be.
1518662 I don't have to, really. I could use a night without running for my happy place.
So this is why you made the board members and most of the scientist staff the immoral bastards that they are?
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It was sort of a 'kill two birds with one stone' situation. I had to backup my claim from AJUO that humans created Discord, and these 'immoral bastards' were the perfect fit! So the real moral of the story is: Don't be thinking you're the Ubermensch, because you may in your hubris attempt to become God, create a being with immense power who can warp reality and has a affinity for chocolate rain who will ultimately see you as beneath him, at which point he will wipe you and your entire race from under the face of the earth.
tl;dr version: PROTIP: Don't be a narcissistic ponce and things will go alright!
Ah, time for some real chaos! I liked how creative you were. I noticed a few grammar/typo things, so I listed them below.
wander
surprise. now?"
whispered. "It's going
Mommy?"
You used 'could' twice in this sentence. as I could. "Of
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Thanks a lot for pointing those errors out to me! I can't wait to see your reaction to the finale of this little side story!
Well, it's done.
I'd like to say thank you to all of you for reading my story and providing interesting and fun feedback! I uploaded two chapters today because, one, it's my birthday, and this is my gift to you, two, season 3 is next week!
and who wants to compete with that?
I'd also like to say that for those who were affected in any way by Hurricane Sandy, I will be keeping you in my thoughts and I hope you are safe.
Now then, one story is done. So what happened for the near four hundred years in between what has just happened and the rise of Nightmare Moon? We'll all find out together in the next spotlight, starring Princess Luna, "The Sorrow and the Temptation". I hope to start uploading that around the beginning of next year. For now, peace
Woooo!
My only complaint is that the climax seemed very rushed. I would have liked to see a bit more of the battle with Discord and how Dawn and Dusk defeated him. Other than that, I liked how this ended--and I especially liked the reveal of Red's real name.
Well that was only completely amazing.
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Yeah, I'll admit it, I rushed it. I get very impatient when my brain is so full of ideas, all of them just bouncing off each other! My ADD is my greatest and worst asset.
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Thanks jercos! I only hope the next story is up to standard!
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And then everything has come full circle!
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What...
Oh my GOOOOOOOOOOOO-
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The circule is complete.
Hey everyone! Good news! The next appendix, "The Sorrow and the Temptation" is now up! I'd love to hear from you all again, and I hope you'll enjoy it as much as you guys enjoyed this story!