Pink Hearth's Warming

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It's Hearth's Warming Eve and Pinkie is hosting a funerific party at Sugarcube Corner. But all of Ponyville is busy and nopony wants to be alone on the holiday; especially not Pinkie.

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Comment posted by Stratocaster deleted Dec 24th, 2012

HopeFox

HopeFox #2 · Dec 24th, 2012 · 2 · ·

Aww, this is adorable. It's good that Pinkie remembers her lesson from "Party of One" and doesn't think that her friends are avoiding her - it's just bad luck. It's really lovely that Rainbow dropped by in the end, though!

Comment posted by Stratocaster deleted Dec 24th, 2012

Twi-Guy

Twi-Guy #4 · Dec 24th, 2012 · 1 · ·

DAWWW... truly heart warming. A bit slow to start, but the end was good.

Now some hopefully helpful critiques.

The biggest thing I noticed was paragraph spacing. It makes it a lot easier for us to read if you put space between every paragraph and every dialogue change.

Minor detail, but 10:00 AM is pretty late in the morning, if you ask me. Again, just an opinion, or maybe Equestria uses a different time system .

To me it sounded more like Dash came across Pinkie, again minor detail, it's just the wording made it sound that way.

Yep... Twi would get involved in something like showing up Bon Bon with the lights, so point for you .

I liked how Pinkie knew everything about what Gummy was saying, yet at the same time... I'm not so sure she did. This made me laugh when Gummy was freaking out from third degree burns in his mouth. Not a critique, just a comment.

When Pinkie found the magic fuse box I was like "NONONONONODON'TTOUCHTHATNNOOOOO!!!!!" but the real kicker for me was Spike's reaction when the lights finally came on. "MY EYES" Oh Spike, how we love you so.

Yes, erhmm, back to the critiques. Yes, gas fires do not crackle. I think you should go with a more natural fire; ponies can not be trusted with the awesome responsibilities of an industrial revolution.... yet .

Other than that good job. Keep working to develop your characters and hope for that ever elusive inspiration/idea that sparks a truly great story. This one is good, don't get me wrong... it's just not there yet, y'know?

Anywho, have a good one and no hard feelings .

Stratocaster

Stratocaster #5 · Dec 24th, 2012 · · ·

Just a quick one-act I had planned for Christmas. Enjoy!

Twi-Guy

Twi-Guy #6 · Dec 24th, 2012 · · ·

Shoot, now I am feeling like Pinkie, or is she feeling like me? I don't know, does it really matter? I'm sorry everypony... it's just this time of year never really makes me happy... just lonely, I guess. I wish I could get rid of these feelings... but I don't really know what they are or where they come from... they are just there. I guess what I'm trying to say is I feel stuck, and I don't see myself going any where any time soon.

Before you ask, no I am not an attention whore, just a no pony having a bad day. Also sorry Stratocaster for this spamish comment, I just needed to get that out.

Thanks.

Stratocaster

Stratocaster #7 · Dec 24th, 2012 · · ·

1847354 Don't worry about it. I get lonely too. And I'm sure you'll find somepony to spend the holiday with just like Pinkie. Have a Merry Christmas!

Twi-Guy

Twi-Guy #8 · Dec 25th, 2012 · 1 · ·

1849342

Awwww, thanks . If it means anything to you, you made my hearts warming eve and Christmas a lot better. Best wishes to you as well, I hope everything works out for you .

looney93

looney93 #9 · Dec 26th, 2012 · · ·

As mentioned above, fix the paragraph spacing, but otherwise great story! Loved Fluttershy's Charlie Brown tree, Twilight with the lights and Rainbow Dash's reaction to the jacket. Very touching ending!

Shock and Awe