Pinkie Pie runs out of sugar, revealing a part of her life that she never wished her friends to know about. Just what is wrong with Pinkie Pie, and what will it take for her and her friends to change things back to normal?
Chapters (2)
- Member Since 17th Jan, 2012
- offline last seen Sep 22nd, 2020
theswimminbrony
I love to swim, write, and waste my hours away on this site.
theswimminbrony
Joined 17th Jan, 2012 ·
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Alrighty, here's the first chapter! The next is about halfway done. Let me know what you guys think!
IT'S OUT! YAY!
(Edit after reading) This.
And you know better than anypony else that there's nothing better in the whole wide world than a heaping pile of super-duper-splenderific sugar!
Ech, splenda. Cane sugar anyday
:thumbsup:
Using my art without at least asking? Not fucking cool.
Change it, or I'll have knighty do it for you
1030566 calm down, once its out on internet. Anyone can use it.
1030600
Incorrect
Perhaps you may wish to avail yourself to a copy of your jurisdiction's Berne Convention approved copyright law.
The fact he didn't take the 3 seconds needed to source the image also plays a part in my anger
....
You have garnered our interests.
Please, continue.
static.fjcdn.com/comments/Go+on+_b0d71ccffcb8fb43683e02a61c6d6508.png
1030618 Instead of crying, be glad that your art is out there somewhere. He found it and is using it; end of the story. It matches the story well too. Ever thought maybe he found it somewhere else? Imgur.com or google search, maybe someone already took your image and uploaded it on their own.
And you get angry at him, classic. Beside, the law doesn't apply much to underground artists.
Good start. I really appreciated "She's a pony, silly! Not a barrel!" That's the correct way to write Pinkie's fourth wall-breaking powers.
Just one thing: don't revise the first paragraph, delete it and the second paragraph instead, then revise the third paragraph. You should never preface your story with six sentences of fluff about how nice of a day it is in Ponyville.
1030566 Woah. Sorry kits. I honestly didn't know it was yours. I did a google search and that was the image I liked best so I chose it. I'll change it once I get home, as I am at a swim meet right now.
My sincerest apologies. I'll be more careful in the future. Sorry about the mishap, I really am.
1030907
>still has image up
>still unsourced
Howto source and image
1) Google Search By Image
2) here
3) Leads to: here
4) fill in source field
i.imgur.com/DWFnw.png
1030566
>I'll have knighty do it for you
dont say this, you look like a tool and we wont do anything for you. hope this helps
1031239 No need for fancy explanation nor the image. I'm sure theswimminbrony can find it just fine.
(edit: he sourced you, happy now?)
1031968 Actually, Wanderer D took care of that for me, as I wasn't home.
I appreciate the support, but kits has every right to be angry with me, as I bet he tried his hardest at making that image, and it was wrong of me to not credit him.
1031239 Is THAT how you upload cover images because I've been having problems with that and I don't know why.
Also there were some lines that seemed too much for a fic that's suppose to be rated for Everyone, here are some that I noticed:
"Sorry, Pinkie, I didn't mean to yell at you like that," Mrs. Cake said, though anypony that could read expressions would be able to tell that she wasn't sorry at all. (This seems OC for Mrs. Cake since she doesn't seem like one who is prone to anger.)
"I have to spend day after day with that crazy mare! And every day it's the same stupid crap! 'Let's bake some cupcakes, Gummy!' 'Oh, you'd look so silly in this outfit, Gummy!' Oh, and today? 'Let's have a staring contest, Gummy!' Because that's a whole lot of fun! Let's just sit around looking at each other until our eyeballs just dry out and shrivel into little raisins that we can use on those Celestia-forsaken atrocities that you call muffins that the Princess herself would smite you for having the guts to create!" (A fic that is for Everyone shouldn't have swearing and you really went into too much detail with that rant with the eyeballs and the cupcakes.)
A cigarette hung lazily in his mouth, the sparks at its end hypnotizing Pinkie. (A fic that is for Everyone shouldn't include smoking either and should not show any of the characters being attracted to it.)
"Get your filthy hooves off me!" the pink mare screamed, sending Pig reeling backwards in terror. "Ugh, this place is a dump! Would it kill you to get some air fresheners in here or something?" Her eyes made their way to the cigarette that lay in the ashtray at Pig's desk, and she gave the shopkeeper a quizzical look. "Really? In your own store?" (There's flipping out and there's just plain rude in other words you crossed the line yet again.)
Pig growled and narrowed his eyes. "Why you little..."
"Little what?" The pony that had once been Pinkie chuckled. "It seems like nopony ever finishes that line, am I right?" She shoved Pig aside and strode towards the sliding doors, mysteriously content with the fact that she was still sugarless. (Again you seem to forget that this fic is rated Everyone which is suppose to be fics that kids of all ages can read including the target demograph of little girls.)
If I were you I would either change the rating to Teen because of this content or revise those sentences.
All in all this isn't bad but as those 'mistakes' I listed above show you clearly don't have an idea as to what you can and can't include in fanfics rated Everyone, they seem to be more inclined to Teen.
1032093 Doesn't means she/he have to be a tool like Poultron have said and played "If you don't, I will tell a admin!" card and law card..
If he asked kindly, something like this "Oh hello there, I noticed the cover art is my work and you don't have a source/didn't link to me, I would be more glad to provide you that: link. Thank you, have a nice day.
If it was that ^ I would read the comment then move on, but he/she didn't. That's why I jumped in to defend/support you.
__________________________
Ignoring the entire issue about and to your story, I found it quite funny, enjoyable to read. I wonder what shall inspire in chapter 2 that now shes is this now
<-----, being angry of course haha.
1032127 Thanks for the suggestions. I'll fix that. As for Mrs. Cake, I kind of hinted that she was extremely stressed because of her duties as a mother. That's why I had her act the way she did.
1030866 Thank you very much! I'll make the changes in the next round of editing.
1032152 By the way did you see my question about cover images?
1032190 You put the address of the image in the URL section, or you can upload an image from your library.
Either way, make sure you source it.
1032142 I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at the new Pinkie.
Oh no...
Oh... Crap...
I feel very sorry for all who happen to come across her until she is once again full of sugar.
1032221 Really because I don't see you doing that in the comment I observed.
1034376 Honestly? In case you haven't noticed, I changed the cover image of the story since I didn't take the proper etiquette in asking permission for the use of the original image. The cover image now is an image from the show, and I found it on Ponychan, which I imagine is the reason for the source coming up as a 404.
I gave you that piece of advice because I learned my lesson the hard way, and I didn't want the same to happen to you.
Pinkie sobering up without sugar... may Celestia help us all!
OH THE HORROR THE HORROR!!!
It is the end of the world as we know it with sugar free PINKAMENA!
Hmm.. I kind of like this new sugar free Pinkie. Yes, let the hate flow.
Hmm.. I kind of like this new sugar free Pinkie. Yes, let the hate flow.
Goodness gracious. You've definitely got my attention with these two chapters. So curious to see what becomes of our favorite sugar...um...deprived mare. Consider this story under observation.
This will get featured...
Such a WONDERFUL story definitely deserves more 'likes' and views.
Wonderful work.
Oh noy we're in trouble!
(I think this works really well with Pinkie's new state of mind)
good concept. let's see where this goes
Equestria is no longer safe..
Oh my...
Things just got serious.
Plz dont abandon this story it's so good