Cooro in Equestria

by butterfield pancake

Apples and a flying Human?!

In this particular Universe there are two kinds of humans, regular humans and those who are known as a +Anima, +Anima are shunned from all societies since regular humans don't want anything to do with the +Anima, +Anima are actually humans who have Animal powers, one thing all +Anima have is a marking somewhere on their bodies and the symbol is different depending on how the marking is shaped.

It was one fateful day when Cooro was in the woods collecting berries and other edible foods. The edible foods included certain mushrooms, fruits, wild nuts and other things to eat. That's when he sees a strange book of some sort on the ground, Cooro was never really been the type to study things, but for some reason but book seemed to pull him towards it and before he knew it he was sucked into the book.

In reality the book was a portal to another world, the world of Equestria, unlike Cooro's world humans are considered a myth there, in this world the dominant race are ponies, and they come in four types, Unicorns, only earth ponies, Pegasi and Alicorns, although there are currently three alicorns, they are Princess Celestia, Princess Luna and Princess Cadence.

The book that had sucked Cooro from his world to this world faded from existence after it had transported Cooro.

The Portal ejected Cooro just outside of the everfree forest, just outside of Sweet Apple Acres, the sun was just starting to rise. The inter-dimensional journey had drained Cooro of his energy and he needed food badly or he would collapse. That's when Cooro started smelling Apples, his favorite food in the world, he greedily climbed one of the trees and started gorging on the apples growing on it. Cooro did not know this was an apple orchard, meaning the Apples belonged to someone. After eating almost all the apples in the tree, Cooro had fallen asleep while still in the tree.

The hard working Earth pony Applejack had just gotten herself up, after she ate breakfast, she was ready to start her apple bucking for the day. That's when she notices many apple cores on the ground. She thinks to herself "Some Varmint is stealing ma apples again."

That's when she noticed Cooro sleeping in the tree that had almost all of the apples in it eaten.

Applejack "Ain't that thing a human, I thought they only a myth." She had figured out that Cooro was the one who had probably eaten all the apples so she began to buck the tree and Cooro had fallen out from the shaking of her kicks

Cooro "Owww that hurt." Applejack "Pay fer the Apple ya dang thief." Cooro "This is an orchard whoops." Applejack sighed this human boy was obviously really young probably around her little sister Apple-Bloom's age.

At that moment Cooro began to run away, Applejack "Get back here ya dang Apple Thief!" That's when Cooro activated his +Anima powers, his arms were starting to cover with black crow feathers, none on his hands though, while black crow wings were sprouting on his back. After the wings fully sprouted Cooro jumped to the air and started flapping his wings and he began to fly away like a bird.

Applejack jaw dropped, she had actually saw one of the legendary humans, but what she recalled was humans couldn't use magic and that human did not have special powers at all, however it was clear that she had seen this one sprout black
wings on his back and fly away. One of the feathers that human boy had sprouted was stuck on her Stetson. Applejack examined the feather and realized it was a Crow's feather.

After Applejack had recovered she galloped as fast as she could to Twilight's library to tell her friend what she had witnessed

Fast Forward to Twilight's house

Applejack started knocking on Twilight's door and she could hear Twilight saying "Okay, I'm coming." after Twilight opened the door she saw her good friend Applejack with a shocked expression on her face. Twilight "What's wrong Applejack are you okay?" Applejack "Sure I guess unless ya saw a human stealing ma Apples!"

Twilight started to chuckle a little "Applejack you show as well as I do humans are only myths." Applejack "That's what I thought and this one had strange powers." Twilight cocked her head a little and asked "Strange how?" Applejack "He sprouted black wings on his back and flew away that's how it was weird." Twilight "I now your the element of Honesty but do you have any proof at all AJ?" Applejack nodded her head and produced the crow feather "This was one of the wing feather's he sprouted."

Twilight used her magic to analyze the feather, and the information she had gotten worried her a little, Twilight "Applejack I think you might be right according to what I got from it even though it is a crow's feather it has no crow DNA in it at all, and I checked according to what it says, the DNA is human." Twilight "Applejack I'm gonna use a spell that will let me see today's memories okay it won't hurt at all. Applejack "I trust ya Twi."

As Twilight used her spell on Applejack she had seen everything Applejack had seen that day.The memories clearly showed Applejack was chasing a human who had stolen some of Applejack's apples, and that the human boy sprouted black bird wings on his back and flew away.

Twilight ended the spell at that point "Applejack we might need Princess Celestia for this, clearly this isn't the kind of human we have legends about, since the kind we know about have no powers, but this one clearly had crow powers."

Meanwhile with Cooro

He was still flying and thinking of that female talking pony earlier, though his experiences some +Anima could take full animal forms, but still to be able to speak, Cooro thought perhaps that Applejack was a fellow +Anima like himself.

Cooro was also not looking where he was flying and crashed into Rainbow Dash's cloud house, his head hit the door.

Rainbow Dash had been sleeping when she heard the loud knock on her door sleepily she said "I hope its not Derpy with the mail again that mare can be a menace." When Rainbow Dash opened the door, she saw Cooro still in his +Anima form, Rainbow Dash knew for sure that this being was one of those legends and myths, the human. Rainbow dash then noticed a black feather had blow into her face. Rainbow dash "Where the heck did this feather come from?" Looking down her eyes zoomed in on Cooro's black crow wings.

Rainbow Dash 'Oh that's how he got up here this guy flew here." Her eyes they bugged out as she remembered that humans are not supposed to be able to fly after remembering this she flew as fast as she could to Twillight Sparkle's house.

Once Rainbow Dash reached the library she yelled out "TWI I think I'm going Crazy!!!"

Twilight opened the door to a frantic Rainbow Dash, who the said saying "Human-b-black wings I must be going crazy!"

Applejack "Hold on sugarcube I saw him as well today he stole some of ma Apples before flying away."

Comments

[Darkran]

screw you for stopping it there you are the worst type of person you should just kill yourself now!

please write more. :'c :p

[butterfield pancake]

1601889 I'm going to I just hit a road block [My neice accidenitally deleted what I typed and I forogt what I did type earlier [SHOT]

[Emerald Zweihander]

1601919 Finally thank you for making an +anima crossover i love the manga but its hard to find them!
Oh and love apple jacks meeting,Oh god if senri was there that would be destructive!

[butterfield pancake]

1603485 I know what you mean [And if he loses his eyepatch mass destruction

[Emerald Zweihander]

1605002 OH SWEET LUNA That would be awesomely destructive!

[butterfield pancake]

1605261 I've read every issue in fact I own every issie :)

[Emerald Zweihander]

1605274 Bring in senri's +anima namesake that bear was evil!

[butterfield pancake]

I was planning on doing that already I belive the name of senrui's +Anima was Amurai I think

[Thule]

Wow... just wow!

1 - The writing is really stiff. The 1st paragraph could alone have at least a little more punctuations. It's almost as if Pinkie is the one narrating that paragraph! It's lessens the further you get into the chapter, but is still quite present.

In this particular Universe there are two kinds of humans, regular humans and those who are known as a +Anima. +Anima are shunned from all societies, since regular humans don't want anything to do with the +Anima. +Anima are actually humans who have Animal powers. But one thing all +Anima have is a marking somewhere on their bodies, and the symbol is different depending on how the marking is shaped.

2 - Don't try too hard to approach ''Equestria'' from an ignorant POV. If you want the Ignorant POV, you should rather have the protagonist get it explained to him from the ponies. Not from the narrator to the reader, there is a relative good chance that the reader already know the basics of Equestria.
If you absolutely wanted that ''intro of Equestria'', you could have included it as a foreword (the back of the cover) to the random book at the beginning.

3 - As I mentioned, the writing is rigid. Try to force in some more details, to make it more fluid in nature.

4 - The dialog mirrors the writing, in how it is portrayed and delivered. When a new speaker appears, give them a new line. Space them out.

Applejack started to knocking frantically on Twilight's door, and she could hear Twilight saying "Okay, I'm coming.". After Twilight opened the door she saw her good friend Applejack with a shocked expression on her face, trying to look strong. "What's wrong Applejack are you okay?"

"Sure I guess unless ya saw a human stealing ma Apples!" Applejack answered, while her voice betrayed her attempt at appearing somewhat calm.

5 - If humans a mythological, why, just why do Twilight know how a humans DNA should be?
I could have bought the idea of Twilight rationalizing that the feather's DNA was not a crows DNA, but an unknown. Then she could have mentioned it resembled the DNA of a native species of apes, thus enforcing the idea of a mythological human.

This is like a computer engineer getting a random code file, looking through some random parts of the codes and saying ''Jupp! That's a terminator who looks like a bodybuilder from Austria!''

6 - The plot is to rushed. The story's pace seems to run like the wind and you skip too much. The time skip when AJ discovers Cooro is ok, but the blatant time skip Fast Forward to Twilight's house.... I mean, COME ON!
You could have gone at least something along the lines of ''After short run to Ponyville's library, which also served as Twilight's home....''

7 - Everything is a cliche, so don't go and try to avoid them as the pest, just try to use them in a productive manner. If Rainbow Dash was as shocked as she seemed, she would probably just burst through Twilight's window or something (this is a typical cliche of RD entering Twilight's library), instead of patiently knocking on the door.
It's also a cliche that when RD meets a ''potential threat'', she usually goes ''Up in your face''-ballistic, or if she is alone secretly ''shy away'' in a very ''panic-y'' way. And since RD was alone when she saw Cooro, it's justified how she rushes to Twilght, thus also justifying that ''time skip''.

You should get a prereader or an editor to help you... I hope my critic helps. Remember, practice makes perfect!

[demanji]

1608976 i gotta agree with him on that one

[WolfeofChaos]

When's the next update my friend?

[butterfield pancake]

2771960 Well not for a bit, I have a bit of Writer's Block

[catfire13]

hnggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg!
ELABORATE!! PLEASEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!