The Realm of Twilight is expanding again, this time to an unknown land inhabitated by colorful ponies. One more time the Twilight Princess will need the help of the Hero to save her Kingdom.
In the meantime the strange phenomena is affecting the land of Equestria and Princesses Luna and Celestia will ask for the help of the Mane 6 to save it.
Editing and proofread by ScootalooFTW
(All my stories in this profile are translations from Spanish of my previous works, you can find the original story here and my FanFiction profile in here)
Chapters (18)
I like this so far. Maybe a bit rushed with intros but given the nature of the visit and well midna its actually pretty believable things would go down this way. I like that the confrontation was brief and you didn't give rainbow the usual stereotype of mistrusting/hating new people no matter what.
At first I thought it was going to be some rip off with Twilight as Link, Celestia as Zelda, and Discord or Tirek as Ganon. Thank God it's not
Hella good concept, but one word:
E D I T O R.
Great chapter and your right Zelda is the worst archer
I like that most (not all) of the more common cliches are not present in your story. The only cliche that I saw was Lyra's Humsn obsession (much to my displeasure; she has broke stories for me in the past for that reason), but I'll overlook that for now.
I do like the premise of your story, but I feel that it needs a good polish and an editor to correct some of the story flow. I would be willing to aid you on editing the first two chapters (sadly I wouldn't be able to aid in all of the story due to college), because I see good potential for this story and While I find myself unable to bring myself to write my own stories very often, wish to become more active in the site
Send me a pm or just message in the comments if you'd like any aid as far as editing or proofreading.
Good night, morning, afternoon, or whatever you feel the time is.
So judging by celestia being in the name i can only assume A. she has something to do with it or B. she can do something to solve it. Possibly both. Also i am waiting for them to realize epona and sweet fog live in stables and are no better than regular animals in their worlds THAT will be fun and probably awkward. Also "Sweet Fog" is he in the lore at all or was he an oc? If he's an oc you should have chosen a different name honestly. Not that there is anything wrong about the name itself but it just too much of an equestrian name. I mean you got midna zelda epona ganondork and so on but his name is sweet fog. Don't get me wrong "Link" fits in just fine in equestrian lingo, but i'd argue he's the exception and not the rule.
As for the story itself
7844169 Yeah, Sweet Fog is an OC; but I gave him that name because if it sounds equestrian, also sounds somehow girly. A name tha a girl would give to him, and since he's Midna's horse I thought it fit him good
7844279 I can see that though I can also see midna naming him horse lol.
Actually, an Orange Rupee is a hundred, Silver is double that.
7845098 To be honest I haven't played TP in a long time, but in Skyward Sword the silver rupees are 100 and the orange ones 300
7845106 Yes, however, this is the Twilight Era, much later in the timeline.
7845355 Like I said I haven’t played Twilight Princess in a long time; but thank you for the observation, I’ll have it in mind for further chapters
Yeah, pretty much good. Editor needed, but good.
Freakout Lyra is best Lyra.
7841611 Ya do realize this is translated from another language. It seems to still be using the grammar rules of its original language. I agree that he should perhaps have a native speaker of the language give it a once over to correct things, but perhaps you could have been a bit more... polite in your suggestion? I'm not sure if it was intended, but you came off as a bit of a dick.
7847554 Hi, thank you for the support but don’t worry; I really don’t mind when this happens, after all I’m translating my stories precisely to improve my English and this comments are to be expected. Still thank you and I hope you enjoy the story.
Read ya’ later!!
You can feature your story here
Now that I've finally read this story, it has potential but it needs editing and a better pacing of the story (it went really fast from The Temple of Time to the Twilight realm to Equestria and that's not even talking about the speed at which the characters went from friendly to angry without explaining what was on their minds, etc.)
That's what I have so far, good so far.
That was awesome! Are the ponies going to react to link killing sombra or not? That'd be fun.
Simba died like a bitch
are you going to do one of the temples like the water temple in the ocarina of time
chances of success
So much suffering for money, this is Zelda.
“It’s because of I’m back on the adventure business” smiled Spike.
dont you mean link?
anyway great chapter cant wait for more
Rupees, dear Author.
They're Rupees.
Like India's currency.
Also, a little bit of editing.
8.5/10
7847554
No, I did not realize. Also, it was not my intention in anyway to be rude. So, I apologize for the impression that it gave.
Ok. I understand that you wanted to bring Fi in but Master Sword is called Sword of Evils Bane for a reason. How do you expect me to believe some pathetic fool like Sombra would even get a reaction out of it confuses me. Seriously that thing repels forces several times what you have described Sombra to have with ease. He shouldn't have gotten any reaction other than his own attack repelled back at him.
Sorry. Inconsistent power scales are just a pet peeve of mine.
If the Dungeons are based on places where the Mane 6 each got their Cuties Marks, then shouldn't Applejack's be located at her Aunt & Uncle Orange's place in Manehatten or near it?
8148525 But she didn't get the Cutie Mark until she returned to Sweet Apple Acres
8150213 Oh just checked you are right, my bad.
7849780
It's not Simba, it's Sombrero. I play this to commemorate his death. Wah Wah Sound
This story is cool, but I don't know if it's accurate to say that Hylians aren't human, since Midna refers to link as a human in the game.
That Temple was a pain, it also took me a while to figure out how to fight the boss.
Aren’t gold rupies worth the most though?
*Mentions dungeons*
*gets hyped*
*remembers obligatory water temple*
*gets depressed*
I must say, since the end of "Twilight Princess" I expect those two to meet each other again...
It may not be "official", but I loved your version of how this happened.
Maud is going to be the Guardian of Laughter, isn't she?
Fi!!! Yes!!! I love it so much!!!
HAhahahaha. I don't know why this is making me laugh so much.
Link X Midna! I ship !
Wow.. That makes so much sense.
I can see it now.
Link: Please no water temple. Please no water temple. Please no water temple.
Fi: Master. The Next temple is a water Temple.
Link: SON OF A BITCH!
a fun loving lava clown was not what I excepted
Nice Nod to Hyrule Warriors... Midna's army being Stalfos, Stalchildren, and Darknuts
In Arbiter's Grounds Redeads are the Worst!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH LYRA!! *GRABS PEPPER SPLAY*
8610098
FUCK THE WATER TEMPLE
7910313
AAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWW you beat me the punch
but i was going to say
"rarity this is legend of zelda get used to it XD"
Well, the story has some flaws regarding character development (or the interactions between characters) among other things but it was a nice trip and a good read overall.
Best wishes.
8974157
*teleports Shadow into a copy of the OoT water temple mixed with the one from Twilight Princess* welcome! I hope you enjoy your stay!
8610074
YEA AND aren't there white,black,orange rupees