If I could go back to having my boring old normal life in San Diego, I would take the opportunity in a heartbeat. But no, I'm stuck in this strange... yet somehow familiar world of ponies. You can laugh at that if you wish, I won't. It's not as funny as it sounds as soon as you get a good look at what I have become.
I am no longer the man I was, at least not physically. I have somehow ended up in the body of the video game character Raiden. Not the one from 'Metal Gear Solid Two', No. I have become the one from the franchises spin off, 'Metal Gear Rising Revengence', and because of that. I am no longer fully human; most of my body has been changed into a cybernetic frame.
I'm afraid too show my face to the public; ponies don't like the walking cybernetic man with a sword, go figure. I've just been hiding in the shadows for now until i'm able to find someone too help me. I will then ask for their assistance in returning myself back too normal. I just hope I can find someone capable of this soon, not sure how much more mental strain I can take.
How rude of me, I haven't even told you my name. I don't care what I look like now, I will always go by the name of Arin.
[Displaced story]
I know what you're thinking, not another one of these stories. For Christ sake do they ever stop?
Well personally these stories are a guilty pleasure of mine, and I wanted to give one a try. You can complain all day long, but It won't change my opinion on these stories, and the group of people who write them.
With that being said, feel free to converse about the story in the comments. Except for complaints about this being a Displaced, they have already been said ten-thousand times. Complain instead about grammar, story structure, pacing, characters, et cetera. Those are the real worthwhile complaints that can make me improve as an author.
P.S Comments that are beyond rude, and just slander for slander sake will be deleted from this point on. If you hate the story, there is no need to be a dick.
Why all the negative votes?! Sure there are a lot of these cosplay fics but this one seems promising. Only upset that Big Boss hasn't been done yet. Keep it up!
This fic has potential. I like how you are avoiding alot of the most annoying cliches so far. Particularly how Arin does not nor will he ever identify as Raiden, and is still using his actual name, even though he has the same body. I also like how he still retains his personality and doesn't suddenly take on Raidens personality (and I hope he never does), it was also a really good move to have him not be totally used to his powers, and actually try to lay low. You also did a good job at portraying Rainbow Dash, and not having her be a hateful Xenophobe (like so may fics like to do).
Only time will tell how this story will end up, but with what you've done so far, you've earned my like.
6320476 Huge Metal Gear fan, so if anyone is gonna do the boss man justice, it's gonna be me. Technically not cosplay if he never dressed up for a convention.
6320502 My biggest goal with this fic, was to avoid the most cliche tropes in the Displaced; not following the whole god damn Merchant and thousand year bull crap. I hate it when those things happen in those stories, at least if they are done poorly, which a lot of displaced do. Only one I've seen to pull off a good 1000 years trapped trope was, "Awakening of An Tactician."
Arin is not Raiden, and never will be. He is only trapped in his body in a foreign land. He will not gain his personality, so don't fret. He will grow his own character instead; like any good character should.
Also, seriously. I'm so annoyed with the terrible portrayal of Rainbow Dash in these fics, she has so much potential to be one of the greatest characters in Displaced. I mean, Adventure is a popular tag among the Displaced, and what does Rainbow love? Adventure!
6320568 The merchant may be a huge cliche, but the thousand years garbage is probably one of the worst fanfic conventions iv'e seen. Usually the thousand years plot requires a ton of contrivances, and makes every fic that uses that plot essentially the same. Very few fics use it well.
Thank you for not having his personality be the same, seriously, people do that so much. It just comes to the point where, why not just have the original character go to Equestria instead of a OC stand-in. It's just slapping a personality onto someone who has absolutely none of the backstory of said character.
To be fair, Rainbow Dash is portrayed badly in alot of fics. Alot of stories like to use her brash nature to unnecessarily turn her into an annoying antagonist. Really, Rainbow Dash is pretty cool, when she knows that you don't plan to hurt her friends or anybody else.
For some reason displaced is right next to Gary Stu fics of unbridled cringe. If we were all freaking honest with ourselves, we'd actually know ourselves enough to know what the fuck we'd do come some blasphemous time that one of us actually goes to that magical land. To be fair, some people get original in displaced, but I still always have that niggling little thought.
6320706 A lot of the Displaced always end up being the same overall story, which can't be helped if they keep using the same tropes. I'm wanting to make a lot of the things in this story different from a typical Displaced, if the Community gets pissy because I didn't follow their terrible lore, than they can sit on it and spin.
Indeed, it is annoying for them not to just put the character himself if he has the same personality, personally the best characters to use for a Displaced would be the blank slates. First time writers could actually write a decent character from it, as long as they try not to mary sue the hell out of it.
Rainbow may be a cocky, hotheaded jerk sometimes, but she is one of the most reliable characters in the MLP: FIM universe. Loyal beyond compare, and the willingness to risk her life for the better of those she cares about. She is like an action hero from the eighties, except a lot more prideful and less one liners.
Raiden is defiant about a lot of things but he's definitely defiant here.
6321788 xD Oops, my mistake. I'll edit that right away, also, his name is Arin.
6321398 it makes me sad that the whole "merchant, and change in pyschology" is actually included in the definition of what Displaced is on the Displaced group page.
I agree. And there are alot of possibilities on what these stories can do depending on what character's form the protagonist takes on, how they would react to some of the different physiologies and such.
There are some characters that are inherently overpowered, and such makes a story with a protagonist who gains said powers more difficult to write, but it can still be done.
6321836 Biggest flaw in Displaced is the damn lore, and what defines being a Displaced. I don't like the lore, with it being too shallow and poorly written. That is why this could in essence be a different verse in the Displaced; no one ever focuses on Void Dwellers and the such, so that is gonna be the biggest plot point to this. Making a better backstory to the Void, and those who use it for their own gain.
I want that to be the mystery that Arin has to piece together. In fact, the next chapter is gonna bring up the Void Dwellers, so there is that to look forward to.
P.S Crossovers between Displaced are also very annoying, because they are confusing.
Why can't it just be Raiden? Why can't it just. be. Raiden...
6322036 Did you even bother to read the damn story... if not, then you're just the scum of this site. Read the other comments if you want the additional information.
I could have done the real Raiden easily, but I didn't want too.
6322045
Oh, I'll be reading it, don't you worry, but I've got plenty of reason for disliking it other than just the premise. Particularly this line:
Disregarding that entertaining stories can also be high-quality, and that this screams of laziness, I wouldn't even have to. You're admitting right here the quality is bad, and bad quality is usually what leads me to disliking a story. Simple as that.
6322094 High quality all depends on preference, to me it's stories along the lines of "Anthropology," and the like. Disliking before reading, or just because you hate what the content is, is just plain idiotic. It's like when people hate on the brony fandom without even given the show a shot; you're just acting like a hypocrite.
6322100
But you said in the description the quality is low. If quality really is a preference (which I disagree with, but anyways) you just openly said your own story is of low quality in your own eyes. If the story's bad, and you say it's bad, why should I force myself to like it?
6322115 Never said you should force yourself to like, I said read before disliking based on description. Never judge a book by a cover and all.
To a Displaced story, I will say mine is a lot better than most, to stories that aren't displaced, I don't really know where to put it. There is a saying I like, "You're your own worst critic."
6322122
That's true, but you, the author of the book, has stated that it is low-quality on the cover. I'm acting on your word.
6322155 If it's such a pet peeve, I could always remove it... Don't really see the big deal, ultimately it's up to the reader to decide if they like the story they read. Doesn't matter if the author finds it low quality.
Steven King hated the movie "Shining," so he made a TV series based on his book, and it blew so hard. Sometimes the author doesn't really know what the quality of things really is, to each their own is what it comes down to.
6322167
Though there are cases of that, it's not exactly common for someone to warn their product is bad.
Have you ever seen a salesman or author or director come up and try to sell something and include the warning 'now it is bad'? They wouldn't say that unless they have a serious cofidence problem, or the more common case of they know something's wrong with it.
6322240 I would take the former in my case, I do have bad confidence. I'll remove that little line, if it really is such a bad thing, shouldn't keep it around to stink up the place.
Tracking for now. Got some spelling and grammar problems, but not the worst I've seen.
6322864 Considering that editors are sparse in the Displaced group, it's kinda hard to get one. Been doing my own for the time being.
6322877 Believe me, I know. I'm one of the few that's been luck enough to have one.
6322893 If I ever get one, I'll be sure to rework all the chapters with him/her before working on future installments. My O.C.D is strong when it comes to these things, besides, can't get all these wrinkles out myself.
6321846 A story that involves the void? That should be interesting. The protaginist is going to have to go trough alot if he ever wants to get back home.
6323516 Oh, you have no idea... xD
6321398 Is it wrong I wish she did one liners?
6329928 Nope, I think it would be kinda funny.
6329932
"TASTE THE PAINBOW MOTHERBUCKER!"
6321846 Sorry... As the person who once caused a fit over it, this is both irrational and stupid.
more please!
6321846
Yeah, the biggest flaw in the displaced is the #*(#@^@#*( crossovers.
Oh, you have a god like character in the world... with deus ex machina summoning tokens if he/she ever breaks a sweat. Yeah... the crossover feature of many displaced is really bad storytelling. People want to see the protagonist struggle against challenges, not pressing an easy button to win whenever things get serious.
You my friend have caught my attention
I'm gonna keep an eye on this, especially since I've written my own version of this... Without knowing that this existed first...
N...No merchant?? But. But. The merchant is the best part...
6348071
In my opinion, if you're going to write a hero vs villain story, there MUST be some sort of difficulty for the hero. An overpowered dude just overcoming everything an steam-rolling every enemy in sight is just boring.
A: I am Senator Armstrong and this story has now been terminated. Why? Cause NANOMACHINES SON!
R: I am Raiden, and I will not let a story that doesn't kill Rainbow Dash's Character be destroyed by you!
Thoughts on the story so far: I really DO LIKE where this story is going, and I absolutely HATE to see it die. So far it's VERY original from all other displaced stories before it though there are 2 displaced stories that came out in March 2016 that I also really love. Though the BIGGEST Plus (for me anyways) is that: Rainbow Dash's Character is finally tolerable and not groan worthy. I mean it, her Character in this story is actually pretty good so far, and since Rainbow Dash is my Favorite Character of the Main 6, it makes me feel better inside since she didn't go all Gung-Ho on Arin when she first sees him. Though I do still wonder how Fluttershy (of all people) will react when she sees Rainbow Dash talking to Arin when earlier, she called him a freak of nature. Hmmm...
My point is: Congratulations on not only going out of the norm for the Displaced genre and not going for that DAMN Merchant route, but also for having Rainbow Dash as an actual Character for once, I look forward to reading Chapter 4 already. Keep up the Good Work Dude.
7231308
Guess what? There's another Displaced Raiden story. FYI, the merchant is actually part of the Displaced lore, he is the one responsible for all the Displaced. Now, the whole 'go to comicon' non-sense is the one that's overdone.
I don't have mush problem with displaced stories, what I annoying though are crossovers between them. Cauce suddenly you got another world, another story that you basicly HAVE to read also if you want to understand it.