Locals
Arin was walking down the dirt path that was next to the yellow equines cottage; he had been walking for around five minutes now. After a moment or two more, a couple of small cozy houses appeared in his range of vision. They were a similar coloration as the cottage from earlier, except that their roofs were brown unlike the green grass like look of the cottage. Their windows were also not circular, but instead shaped square like a normal house.
Hope that there are actual people who live in this town, I don't think I ever felt so alone in my life... Thought Arin, Every creature I've encountered so far has been animals. One being a talking one, but that's besides the point. There was no humans to interact with so far, and that was digging under Arin's skin.
Arin got closer and closer to the cluster of buildings, minute after minute; the buildings grew more in number giving this upcoming area the right to be called a town. It looked like a nice and cozy town, so he hoped that the locals would be much of the same.
A sign was on the side of the dirt path, it read. "Welcome to Ponyville! Home to the nicest ponies in Equestria."
"W-what..." Arin said now sounding like a broken record. "Ponyville... ponies... Equestria..." After a moment of flabbergast Arin opened his mouth again. "Ponies... that explains the little horse from earlier, but seriously? I'm I supposed to believe that I have somehow got stuck in a world with sapient ponies, while in the body of Raiden? I think that swords curse was insanity..."
Not wanting to enter the town knowing it was full of more ponies who would probably run in terror at the sight of him, he decided to walk on the outskirts of town; see what the locals were doing from a distance. Taking a turn at the sign, he started to walk a circle around the right side of the town. He went from tree to tree, bush to bush in order to make himself less visible. After a good moment of doing that he finally got a good vantage point on a hill, behind a bush on the right side of the town.
A whole spectrum of ponies could be seen with all colors of the rainbow. Some of them having horns, and wings. Some less fortunate being basic with neither of the two. A thought came to Arin's mind. He then said it aloud to himself, "now that I think about it. Didn't that yellow pony have a pair of wings?"
He continued to look at the ponies, watching them go about their daily lives. Some set up stands at what looked to be the local market. One stand was selling apples, the pony next to it had orange fur and yellow hair. For some reason that pony was also wearing a stetson hat. So they also wear clothes, well it doesn't look like the norm considering the others walking around are completely naked technically speaking.
Looking up to the sky, he could see a blur of colors swooping from cloud to cloud. His enhanced vision was able to make at that it was pony shaped, but it was moving so fast it was hard to determine what defining features it had. After knocking away a couple of clouds in the sky, for some reason. It stopped and Arin was able to get a better look at it. It was a cyan coated winged pony, but its most defining feature was its rainbow colored hair. both its hair and tail was every color you could imagine, and that was definitely different from the other colorful ponies; they were colorful, but not that colorful.
The pony wiped sweat from its brow, and looked around satisfied at the job it had just done. Unfortunately for Arin, with the pony looking around at her work, she met eyes with him and that made his heart skip a beat. He dove back under the bush in order to hide his visage, hopefully the pony would just shrug it off and pretend to never have saw him.
He could hear the wind being disturbed by the flapping of powerful wings; closer and closer it drew, eventually it was right up close to him.
Clop, Clop.
Sounded hooves that landed on the ground in front of the bush Arin was hiding behind.
"I know you're there, show yourself," came a raspy female voice. It didn't sound pleased, and knew that she had him cornered.
Arin slowly raised himself up reviling himself to the winged pony.
The pony gasped in shock, then blew air out of her noise. "Alright, what type of monster are you supposed to be?"
"Monster, I'm no monster I am a human." Protested Arin.
"Human... never heard of it. How can I be sure you're not lying, I mean look at you. No matter how cool it looks, that is defiantly not what any friendly individual would look like." She argued.
Arin looked down to the ground, "Yeah... I know I look like a freak, but you need to hear me out." The thought of trying to reason with a pony hit his mind; Never thought he would do that in his lifetime.
"One minute, that's all you're getting. Then if I still think you are a threat to this town, you are gonna get well antiquated with my hooves. Mr.pain, and Ms.pain."
Arin had to act fast, say something to convince her that he was not some evil scary monster. Okay, the scary part may be true, but that's besides the point. "If I really wanted to hurt these ponies, don't you think I would have done it by now. Monsters don't sneak around towns. They go into them and slaughter everyone, no remorse."
The cyan pony still held her dagger glaring gaze at Arin for a bit, but it was wavering. A moment later she finally let her defense down, and relaxed her muscles. "I guess that makes sense, but why are you snooping around this town for?"
"Same reason you accused me of being a monster, the looks." He replied to her question.
"Yeah, sorry about that."
"No problem, I don't blame you just look at me."
She let out a little laugh, "Yeah... so what's your name anyway?" She asked him.
"The names Arin, and yours?"
"My names Rainbow Dash, fastest pegasus in all of Equestria." She boasted proudly.
Looking at her hair he said, "Rainbow Dash, huh. Makes sense considering the hair."
"Mane, and I think that's where my parents got the inspiration for my name. That, and that I love to fly around very fast."
"Speaking of flying fast, when you were wacking those clouds away earlier it was hard to see you moving. Could only make out a pony shaped rainbow blur in the sky." He said with a bit of awe,
"Hey, don't put yourself down too much, like I said. Fastest pegasus in Equestria, and you seeing my movements at that speed is pretty impressive. Most ponies can't keep their eye on me when I'm going that fast."
"That is a pretty cool skill, wish I could fly. That would be awesome." He complimented her
"It is awesome, you feel so free when you are in the sky... you know you're a pretty cool guy Arin. We should hang some other time." She turned around, and continued to say. " have to get back to work, still a couple of clouds left in the sky, and all."
"Wait!" Arin reached out, and grabbed he shoulder. "Don't leave just yet, I have a couple important questions left. Foremost being that I need a place to lay low. Ponies are more than likely gonna react like you did when you seen me, either that or be scarred into a coma."
She turned around, and looked at him again. "I think I know one place that should work for the time being."
Rainbow and Arin were walking through an apple orchard for about three minutes now. They took the long way around town to get here in order for Arin not to be noticed. "These trees seem to never end, who owns all this?" Asked Arin.
"My friend Applejack, she along with her family run Sweet Apple Acres; best apples in all of Equestria. Any apple related product you may want, they have it." Rainbow Dash replied.
"With this many apple trees, I don't doubt it. Also, Applejack? Surprised she hasn't be sued by Kellogg's" Arin let out a soft laugh.
"What do you mean by that?" The pegesus asked.
"Oh, nothing you wouldn't understand." he replied.
"If you say so, anyway we're almost there." They continued on their trek until they came across a nice little tree house. "This tree house belongs to three fillies I know, but they are out of town right now. Something about visiting their friend in Manehatten. My friend Rarity got a fashion deal there, so she though it would be nice to bring the little squirts along for the trip. Said it would be a excellent place to get their cutie marks, city of opportunity after all."
Arin had many questions to ask her about what she just said, but thought to just save it for later. He had had such a ridiculous long day, and thought some rest would do him some good. He didn't feel all to tired, but he knew it was good for him.
"There should be couple of sleeping bags in there somewhere. Heard Scootaloo talking about it being there for slumber parties."
"Thanks, this means a lot to me." Arin thanked Rainbow Dash.
"No problem, always willing to help a friend in need."
"Friend?" Arin questioned letting the thought linger in his mind.
"Yeah, friends. You're cool enough, so I guess that we're friends and all." She replied.
"I'd like that, thanks."
"Again, no problem don't need to be so sappy."
He let out a little laugh, "Yeah."
"I got to get going now, the boss is gonna flip when he hears about me leaving my post." She turned around, and said to him. "You gonna be okay with me gone?"
"I'll be fine, you can head off to your job." With that Rainbow Dash took off into the sky, becoming just a blur on the horizon. Arin then turned around and made his way up the ramp to the tree house. "Nice girl, who knew ponies could be so nice." He opened the door to the tree house, and stepped on in.
The tree house was small, only having a singular table with a pair of chairs, a couple of small chests, and a pedestal where someone could give a speech.
"Eh... It'l do for now." With that he set out to find the sleeping bags, first looking in the chests. To his luck, they were there. They were really small for him, so he decided to just lay them down on the floor to sleep on, hopefully making it more comfortable. It wasn't the greatest, but it worked. Before closing his eyes, he thought of his friends Claire and Steven, and finally his new one Rainbow Dash.
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Why all the negative votes?! Sure there are a lot of these cosplay fics but this one seems promising. Only upset that Big Boss hasn't been done yet. Keep it up!
This fic has potential. I like how you are avoiding alot of the most annoying cliches so far. Particularly how Arin does not nor will he ever identify as Raiden, and is still using his actual name, even though he has the same body. I also like how he still retains his personality and doesn't suddenly take on Raidens personality (and I hope he never does), it was also a really good move to have him not be totally used to his powers, and actually try to lay low. You also did a good job at portraying Rainbow Dash, and not having her be a hateful Xenophobe (like so may fics like to do).
Only time will tell how this story will end up, but with what you've done so far, you've earned my like.
6320476 Huge Metal Gear fan, so if anyone is gonna do the boss man justice, it's gonna be me. Technically not cosplay if he never dressed up for a convention.
6320502 My biggest goal with this fic, was to avoid the most cliche tropes in the Displaced; not following the whole god damn Merchant and thousand year bull crap. I hate it when those things happen in those stories, at least if they are done poorly, which a lot of displaced do. Only one I've seen to pull off a good 1000 years trapped trope was, "Awakening of An Tactician."
Arin is not Raiden, and never will be. He is only trapped in his body in a foreign land. He will not gain his personality, so don't fret. He will grow his own character instead; like any good character should.
Also, seriously. I'm so annoyed with the terrible portrayal of Rainbow Dash in these fics, she has so much potential to be one of the greatest characters in Displaced. I mean, Adventure is a popular tag among the Displaced, and what does Rainbow love? Adventure!
6320568 The merchant may be a huge cliche, but the thousand years garbage is probably one of the worst fanfic conventions iv'e seen. Usually the thousand years plot requires a ton of contrivances, and makes every fic that uses that plot essentially the same. Very few fics use it well.
Thank you for not having his personality be the same, seriously, people do that so much. It just comes to the point where, why not just have the original character go to Equestria instead of a OC stand-in. It's just slapping a personality onto someone who has absolutely none of the backstory of said character.
To be fair, Rainbow Dash is portrayed badly in alot of fics. Alot of stories like to use her brash nature to unnecessarily turn her into an annoying antagonist. Really, Rainbow Dash is pretty cool, when she knows that you don't plan to hurt her friends or anybody else.
For some reason displaced is right next to Gary Stu fics of unbridled cringe. If we were all freaking honest with ourselves, we'd actually know ourselves enough to know what the fuck we'd do come some blasphemous time that one of us actually goes to that magical land. To be fair, some people get original in displaced, but I still always have that niggling little thought.
6320706 A lot of the Displaced always end up being the same overall story, which can't be helped if they keep using the same tropes. I'm wanting to make a lot of the things in this story different from a typical Displaced, if the Community gets pissy because I didn't follow their terrible lore, than they can sit on it and spin.
Indeed, it is annoying for them not to just put the character himself if he has the same personality, personally the best characters to use for a Displaced would be the blank slates. First time writers could actually write a decent character from it, as long as they try not to mary sue the hell out of it.
Rainbow may be a cocky, hotheaded jerk sometimes, but she is one of the most reliable characters in the MLP: FIM universe. Loyal beyond compare, and the willingness to risk her life for the better of those she cares about. She is like an action hero from the eighties, except a lot more prideful and less one liners.
6321788 xD Oops, my mistake. I'll edit that right away, also, his name is Arin.
6321398 it makes me sad that the whole "merchant, and change in pyschology" is actually included in the definition of what Displaced is on the Displaced group page.
I agree. And there are alot of possibilities on what these stories can do depending on what character's form the protagonist takes on, how they would react to some of the different physiologies and such.
There are some characters that are inherently overpowered, and such makes a story with a protagonist who gains said powers more difficult to write, but it can still be done.
6321836 Biggest flaw in Displaced is the damn lore, and what defines being a Displaced. I don't like the lore, with it being too shallow and poorly written. That is why this could in essence be a different verse in the Displaced; no one ever focuses on Void Dwellers and the such, so that is gonna be the biggest plot point to this. Making a better backstory to the Void, and those who use it for their own gain.
I want that to be the mystery that Arin has to piece together. In fact, the next chapter is gonna bring up the Void Dwellers, so there is that to look forward to.
P.S Crossovers between Displaced are also very annoying, because they are confusing.
Why can't it just be Raiden? Why can't it just. be. Raiden...
6322036 Did you even bother to read the damn story... if not, then you're just the scum of this site. Read the other comments if you want the additional information.
I could have done the real Raiden easily, but I didn't want too.
6322045
Oh, I'll be reading it, don't you worry, but I've got plenty of reason for disliking it other than just the premise. Particularly this line:
Disregarding that entertaining stories can also be high-quality, and that this screams of laziness, I wouldn't even have to. You're admitting right here the quality is bad, and bad quality is usually what leads me to disliking a story. Simple as that.
6322094 High quality all depends on preference, to me it's stories along the lines of "Anthropology," and the like. Disliking before reading, or just because you hate what the content is, is just plain idiotic. It's like when people hate on the brony fandom without even given the show a shot; you're just acting like a hypocrite.
6322100
But you said in the description the quality is low. If quality really is a preference (which I disagree with, but anyways) you just openly said your own story is of low quality in your own eyes. If the story's bad, and you say it's bad, why should I force myself to like it?
6322115 Never said you should force yourself to like, I said read before disliking based on description. Never judge a book by a cover and all.
To a Displaced story, I will say mine is a lot better than most, to stories that aren't displaced, I don't really know where to put it. There is a saying I like, "You're your own worst critic."
6322122
That's true, but you, the author of the book, has stated that it is low-quality on the cover. I'm acting on your word.
6322155 If it's such a pet peeve, I could always remove it... Don't really see the big deal, ultimately it's up to the reader to decide if they like the story they read. Doesn't matter if the author finds it low quality.
Steven King hated the movie "Shining," so he made a TV series based on his book, and it blew so hard. Sometimes the author doesn't really know what the quality of things really is, to each their own is what it comes down to.
6322167
Though there are cases of that, it's not exactly common for someone to warn their product is bad.
Have you ever seen a salesman or author or director come up and try to sell something and include the warning 'now it is bad'? They wouldn't say that unless they have a serious cofidence problem, or the more common case of they know something's wrong with it.
6322240 I would take the former in my case, I do have bad confidence. I'll remove that little line, if it really is such a bad thing, shouldn't keep it around to stink up the place.
Tracking for now. Got some spelling and grammar problems, but not the worst I've seen.
6322864 Considering that editors are sparse in the Displaced group, it's kinda hard to get one. Been doing my own for the time being.
6322877 Believe me, I know. I'm one of the few that's been luck enough to have one.
6322893 If I ever get one, I'll be sure to rework all the chapters with him/her before working on future installments. My O.C.D is strong when it comes to these things, besides, can't get all these wrinkles out myself.
6321846 A story that involves the void? That should be interesting. The protaginist is going to have to go trough alot if he ever wants to get back home.
6323516 Oh, you have no idea... xD
6321398 Is it wrong I wish she did one liners?
6329928 Nope, I think it would be kinda funny.
6329932
"TASTE THE PAINBOW MOTHERBUCKER!"
6321846 Sorry... As the person who once caused a fit over it, this is both irrational and stupid.
more please!
6321846
Yeah, the biggest flaw in the displaced is the #*(#@^@#*( crossovers.
Oh, you have a god like character in the world... with deus ex machina summoning tokens if he/she ever breaks a sweat. Yeah... the crossover feature of many displaced is really bad storytelling. People want to see the protagonist struggle against challenges, not pressing an easy button to win whenever things get serious.
You my friend have caught my attention
I'm gonna keep an eye on this, especially since I've written my own version of this... Without knowing that this existed first...
6348071
In my opinion, if you're going to write a hero vs villain story, there MUST be some sort of difficulty for the hero. An overpowered dude just overcoming everything an steam-rolling every enemy in sight is just boring.
A: I am Senator Armstrong and this story has now been terminated. Why? Cause NANOMACHINES SON!
R: I am Raiden, and I will not let a story that doesn't kill Rainbow Dash's Character be destroyed by you!
Thoughts on the story so far: I really DO LIKE where this story is going, and I absolutely HATE to see it die. So far it's VERY original from all other displaced stories before it though there are 2 displaced stories that came out in March 2016 that I also really love. Though the BIGGEST Plus (for me anyways) is that: Rainbow Dash's Character is finally tolerable and not groan worthy. I mean it, her Character in this story is actually pretty good so far, and since Rainbow Dash is my Favorite Character of the Main 6, it makes me feel better inside since she didn't go all Gung-Ho on Arin when she first sees him. Though I do still wonder how Fluttershy (of all people) will react when she sees Rainbow Dash talking to Arin when earlier, she called him a freak of nature. Hmmm...
My point is: Congratulations on not only going out of the norm for the Displaced genre and not going for that DAMN Merchant route, but also for having Rainbow Dash as an actual Character for once, I look forward to reading Chapter 4 already. Keep up the Good Work Dude.
7231308
Guess what? There's another Displaced Raiden story. FYI, the merchant is actually part of the Displaced lore, he is the one responsible for all the Displaced. Now, the whole 'go to comicon' non-sense is the one that's overdone.
I don't have mush problem with displaced stories, what I annoying though are crossovers between them. Cauce suddenly you got another world, another story that you basicly HAVE to read also if you want to understand it.