TANK! You're alive! Thank Celestia you're okay!

1575422
My thoughts exactly.

Yay Tank's back!!!
Super Pinkie Love Party Engage!

Tank survives! Epic heartwarming moment! Yaaaaaaays!

Nice to see Cranky's normal here. I love how he's all, "Huh. Flying bike. Have fun, Pinkie."

I knew it. Pets are invulnerable.

Oh... so glad tank is back I can handle rape but not the death of a pet

"What is love?" I believe that is the question, I would make a Haddaway joke but I can't set up a decent pun, a shame. In any case I believe love is the answer, if the saying is correct.

wait, Rainbow and rarity have not put on their element of harmony, do they?

I'll be honest. The ridiculous part with Gilda made me give this story a dislike, but I kept on reading because I thought it would get better since it was so good at the start, and the part with Pinkie proved I was right.

That thumbs down has just become a thumbs up.

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I've had so many complaints...I'm going to go add a warning RIGHT NOW to that chapter so people can skip it if they so choose.
But I -hate- Gilda anyway because she made Fluttershy cry, so i have no regrets on that part =) I'm VERY glad you chose to keep reading though. Thanks ^.^

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Teehee~

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I certainly hope the following chapters undo your displeasure =( I'm adding a warning now to prevent such unhappiness.

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Heheh....not sure if you're serious or not xD;

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HAHA! Well, he is a turtle afterall ;)

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I figured Cranky would be all 'Whatever she's doing its best not to ask' by now =p

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But I -hate- Gilda anyway because she made Fluttershy cry, so i have no regrets on that part =) I'm VERY glad you chose to keep reading though. Thanks ^.^

Oh don't get me wrong; I also can't stand her. However, there is such a thing as taking a dislike to the extreme, and when you take being a jerk to being a rapist, you've gone way past that extreme.

Basically, I wish you could have had Gilda do something which would have still been in-character for her, while also allowing the story to proceed normally. In other words, she would have done something (probably say something really horrible to Rainbow) that would have been in-character by having her be a complete jerk, but it wouldn't have gone to the extreme (rape Rainbow) and have her be a complete monster.

Still, I am glad I kept reading. I absolutely loved how Pinkie decided to solve her problems.

You know, Tank's shell was pretty strong enough to lift up that boulder that trapped Dash's wing, I was thinking that that his shell would definetely help cushion his fall,

however, after so many chapters not talking about Tank, I thought Tank was really dead, this chapter changed my mind

MORE!!!!!

==========================================================================
Hey there! I'm here on behalf of W.R.I.T.E. Unfortunately, your reviewer has been struck down by a case of the dreaded 'internet no worky-itis'. However, he was able to send me the review through different means, so here it is!
==========================================================================

Simon o' Sullivan and Beard, ready to rumble and gently give advice to all our writers.

... Forget the "gently" part, we’re going down on this with a war face. Let me get my axe. [...] Good, NOW I'm ready.

There was something really off-putting before I could even get to the sex scenes: the telliness. You need the story to be immersive, in a way that we feel the characters, their reactions and their surroundings. Telliness can be immersive to a certain degree, but this is just not the case here. It feels like someone's telling me about a movie he saw and retelling the parts he considered awesome and worth remembering forever. I can't feel attached to the characters, which is quite a feat considering these are the main characters in filly mode.
Another thing I really noticed is the total lack of the AU tag. You might not think you need one, but trust me when I say that you do. Alternate universes aren't only things like "Nightmare Moon won and now darkness lasts forever (insert evil cackle here)" or any world where something epic happened instead of something equally epic canon-wise. No, this universe you're writing, where apparently every one of the main characters seems to be in love with AT LEAST one of the others (or feeling butterflies in the belly, however you want to put it), requires that tag too. For several reasons.

-During Twilight's test, you describe something happening to her. Something I've only seen once in my life. And that was the time Rose Tyler absorbed the TARDIS' time vortex and became Bad Wolf. Let's copypaste that specific part

More than feeling happy with the world, Twilight suddenly knew everything. She saw the past, present, and future of all of Equestria unfurl before her like a giant parade.
Sonic Rainbooms, parties, curly pink hair, shy yellow smiles, rippling orange muscle, dashing blue wings, immaculate purple hair, toothless crocodiles, crying dragons, dark shadowy mares, mutant monstrosities, zebras, legends, harmony, discord, shapeshifters, marriage, sphinxes, hatred, and more!

When I read that, THIS is what came to mind:
[youtube=9847_BEaLlM]

See the similarities? That should be enough. Because remember that, when you watched that episode, Twilight doesn’t even seem to think “these ponies look familiar. I think I saw them during the moment where the universe got inside my head.” Now let’s go to the very first chapter to point out the issues there:

-Highlander Extraordinaire (at least to me) Granny Smith is apparently okay with calling not only lesbian ponies, but every single couple mares who are walking together a wee bit too close to each other, “carpet munching bitches”. Sure, she doesn’t say the last word because filly AJ is with her, but apparently correcting herself and simply saying “carpet munching foals” is safe for a filly to listen.

This brings a second point in the second chapter, where AJ’s uncles’ FIRST reaction when they see a SONIC FUCKING RAINBOOM (because it’s really hard to say that without the “fucking” in the middle) is complaining about the homos and their “gay pride rallies.” These relatives of AJ must have some amazing balls (or come from Australia at least) for considering something that literally SHATTERS rocks (see the Rarity part) “gay”. These ponies apparently live in a world where the water from the shower comes out with the force of a Kamehameha. This might make no sense at all, but it’s an analogy I’ve been looking forward to letting out for a pretty long while.

-The part where all of Rainbow Dash’s school starts singing about her lesbianity (I know word might not exist, but one of the dubious gifts us writers have is creating new words to satisfy our needs). Let’s jump into the TARDIS (right after the 9th Doctor put the time vortex from Bad Wolf back to the ship a few paragraphs ago) and see how kids at school were a few years ago. Yes, kids at THAT age mocked you, but not because of your sexual orientation (damn, most of them had no idea what that was. Depending on the kid you asked, being a boy was awesome because you could pee all over your enemies as an act of revenge.) They mocked you because you LIKED another kid. All those “A and B sitting on a tree” were songs mocking that you liked a boy or a girl. It wasn’t that much of a ruckus, to be fair, if two girls decided to date: it was the fact that they liked each other that caused the mockery. If they were teenagers, it would’ve been more believable that they mocked them for being homo (because, at that age, they KNOW what they’re talking about).
It was HARD to finish reading the second chapter because it really felt like a retelling of “The Cutie Mark Chronicles”, and I already watched that episode a few times, so I don’t need a fanfic telling me what happened. The only two differences are that the CMC aren’t there asking everypony about how they got their cutie marks and the addition of head-canon fluff that, at first glance, adds nothing to the story.

There was a river dragon between us and our goal and Rarity sacrificed her tail to please him.

There’s no way in the Nine Realms that I’m the only person who reads this and thinks “there’s a weird fetish happening here.”

"Yay Twilights here!"

Either you forgot the apostrophe or there’s an army of Twilight Sparkle clones waiting to conquer Ponyville. Also, a comma or exclamation mark after “Yay”.

There are several issues like these ones throughout the story: you usually miss commas, quotation marks and even genitive apostrophes. And Ponyville is most of the time non-capitalised.

Another thing I notice that becomes FRUSTRATING is that we suddenly go from Chapter 2, which has filly Mane Six, to chapter 3, where they’re adults and going through the first episode of season 1, to chapter 4, which takes another TWO YEARS time jump. Dude, only the TARDIS is that good at time traveling. I’m sure there must be a less drastic way of doing this.
Also, for reasons I have yet to understand, in the same fourth chapter, we go from how Twilight and Fluttershy are all lovey dovey to “HOLY FUCK, BATTLEFIELD! DEAD ZEBRA PONIES, SPHINXES AND CHANGELINGS!” … I don’t really care about foreshadowing. There’s NO WAY this serves for a purpose in this story. I haven’t checked all the comments in the story, but that totally came out of nowhere.

Allow me to show how much of a BITCH the characters in this story are, being totally OOC.

"That doesn't sound very generous of you," Twilight said with a smirk. Everyone giggled but for Rarity.

Let’s focus for a moment on this part. The context is that Rarity is apparently quite picky to choose a special somepony. Which is fine and all, considering she’s quite high class and she can afford being picky. However, for reasons I fail to understand, Twilight, as one of her best friends, considers that she, as the Element of Generosity (which, allow me to mention, is a title/rank NOONE uses to refer to them save for Celestia and Discord, and NEVER in a daily conversation), she should date ponies, if only because that’s what generous ponies do; date other ponies (probably out of pity). With that in mind, I could approach Fluttershy and, as the Element of Kindness, she wouldn’t deny relieving my blue balls by giving me a blowjob. And, because she’s the Element of Kindness, she’s supposed to simply oblige. Things don’t work that way, no matter how much you try to put it otherwise.

"You're Twilight Sparkle, remember? Student of Princess Celestia, Element of Magic, Savior of Luna, Vanquisher of Nightmare Moon, Harbinger of Harmony, Destroyer of Discord, Master of the Ursa Minor. You're a hero, acelebrity"

Aside from the lacking space in “a celebrity” and a comma after celebrity, you make Rarity spit the weirdest line in the whole story so far. Of all those things she mention, basically every mare attending that picnic ALSO saved Luna, vanquished Nightmare Moon and... destroyed Discord? Huh, last time I saw him, he was alive and kicking (and even if this was written before “Keep Calm and Flutter On” was aired, he wasn’t destroyed; just turned back to stone). Oh, and the other five ponies are ALSO bearers of the Elements of Harmony.

"But Fluttershy is just as great." Twilight said, "She's the Element of Kindness, the..erm...tamer of the Manticore, the Stare Master, the Dragon Intimidator, Photo Finish's Finest Feature," She tapped her chin trying to remember more events that would warrant a title.
"But Fluttershy is a local," Rarity said, "Different things are expected of her. I mean no offense dear Twilight, but you are from Canterlot, and everyone knows that Canterlot is...different. Amazing, extravagant, and glorious, but different."

This is how the dialogue continues. Okay, after spitting against this scene for a moment, I finally found out what it meant. And it still sounded odd or out of place. For what I gather, Ponyville’s a small city, so probably jumping out of the closet might not be the wisest thing to do. So maybe Canterlot, being a big city, is a much more tolerant place. I tried to spread that to all larger cities, but we all remembered how unhappy [a]were AJ’s uncles about the “gay pride rally”. Which makes me think that, in this story, Canterlot is the only city with the “yay to be gay” label. This is a bit of a stretch, but I guess I’ll roll with it.

And then I went through the fifth chapter... gosh, the fifth chapter. You have the dubious honor of having written lesbian sex and made it boring. Do you have any idea how hard that is? That’s a feat worth mentioning! Well, probably not something you should brag about, but it’s still something not everyone can accomplish. Sex is something really hard to write correctly. You need to focus on the characters, maximize the showiness of the touches, the emotions, the deep and lavish desires. Damn, there’s not even some dirty talking! That part needs a complete rewrite, and maybe even expand further. And come on, ONLY masturbating and oral sex? And, to up the ante, ONLY for Fluttershy? Twilight gets nothing? I’m not expecting the classic scissors, but at least have both mares enjoy themselves!

There’s no way to sugarcoat this; you have to fix this. Almost all of it. Though you get a bit showy here and there, you should rewrite basically the whole story to make it less telly. Here are some core points you should focus on:

-Sell it better: Really, the description adds next to nothing to the story. Yes, there’s gonna be love in it, but the “Romance” tag already implies that. It’s so lazy that, if the story’s description were a person, he wouldn’t get up from the couch to take a shit because “eh, I need to take a shower anyways. Maybe.” Tags will tell readers the very core of the story (what to expect and the genres the story will touch upon), but it’s really bare-boned. If you want to attract more readers, you should give away more details about the story without getting spoilery. Because you might find readers like me, who read through two chapters expecting something unique and got stuck with what looked like a bad edited copy of the script from“The Cutie Mark Chronicles.”
-Extreme telliness: You should try to focus more on showing us instead. For example, instead of telling us that Dash is angry, show us how her ears fold back and she grits her teeth, throwing an accusative glare at Derpy.

-One-Dimensional character: Most of the Apple Family (at least Granny Smith and AJ’s uncles) throw homophobic lines here and there, which is an overused trait given to them because of the hillbilly thing (which shouldn’t affect AJ’s uncles because they are actually high class ponies). This doesn’t only affect the Apple Family, though. Most, if not all, characters that appear show only one personality trait. These are mockeries of the original characters from the show. We know they’re who they are because they have the same name and colour schemes, but nothing else.

-Make sex interesting to read: Really, the only sex scene I read through was Twilight masturbating Fluttershy and then eating her out. Even if you could get away with that, it’s extemely telly and not arousing at all. I felt like skimming through most of it. Even if I tried my best to pretend they were women and banging, I couldn’t even get the slightest interest in it. You can’t expect to please everyone or create a masterpiece sex scene that makes people go “okay, I need to stop reading so I can masturbate” after reading it. But please, for the sake of your readers, work a bit harder on this.

That is all we have to say for now. Good luck and keep improving.

Simon o’Sullivan and Beard, WRITE’s Manly Reviewers of Manly Fics

“See you in an hour!” Pinkie Pie said

*waits an hour*
*nothing happens*

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I'm doing my best ;~; life is busy Dx

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I put the warning there cuz people prefer to be warned about that. It wasn't there for the longest time >.>

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I write goodly?

Way to go Pinkie! Leave it to her to pull something like that off.

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Sorry, but I'm just going to have to agree to disagree. I'm just tired of stories taking a character who at worst was a jerk, and turning her into a monster. With that kind of logic, Trixie must be a serial killer/rapist.

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In a manner of speaking

3387695
Or a pedofoal

BEST CHAPTER can not wait for the next literally!
This is one of the best storiesw I've read in a long long time.

3417826
I cannot tell you how happy it makes me to get such praise =)

3510207
I didn't know about the Red Alert series until you made this comment =p

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This story very well tracks my development as a writer =p Take the early chapters with a few grains of salt until I get around to re-writing them xD

3510365 oh XD. Thought you would have what with the name being identical :3
Well update soon
Its a great story if there are a couple of small errors that your editor appears to miss

It's on hiatus. Is this going to be updated soon?
I'm sure it's good, but I don't want to read a dead story.

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Its on hiatus, not cancelled I assure you. It will not be updated "soon" however. I would /like/ to come back to it sometime this year but I really make no promises.

I appreciate the interest though =)

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This year? Ooh. That's a dealbreaker for me.
On the upside...
If you can remember, PM me whenever you do update it?
I'd love to take a look at it then.

3998833
Okay, I'll try =)

Or you could follow me/favorite the story and be notified automatically? ;)

//bricked for shamelessness

3998874
It's a pet peeve of mine to fav stories that I'm not going to read for a while. It annoys me to see numbers in the fav tab if they're going to stay there.

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Fairy Nuff. I'll try to remember to alert you =)
The continuation of this story may coincide with a massive re-write of most of the earlier chatpers anyway. It was my first story and the early chatpers are SHIT xD

3998933

Alright :P

4449361
Yes, I do. And thanks??

By celestia's beard..... This is one of the best stories I've ever read *faved* please do update soon

wait. Let me get this straight
Fluttershy was dating Twilight,
Applejack is dating Rainbow,
Rarity's lonly,
And Pinkie Pie's dating all of them?

1575620 OMG! THAT is one cool avatar.

God damn Pinkie's efficient.

Keep going! This is amazing!

6293569 Damm...

3998933 pardon me but, me but when will the next chapter be out as this is amazing and would love to see more from this story

6598293

Thank you for your interest Lord_Razor. I do not know when this story will be continued. I'm currently focusing on my work, on a video game I am writing in my free time, and on my latest story, The Oldest Lullaby

3195842 your very welcome though I must ask, and pardon myself before hand. When will the next chapter be out?

6598319 your very welcome and due to this story you earn a follow, though I must ask, I pardon any miss conceptions and if this seems rude, when is the next chapter goin to be aired?

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Next chapter for Elements of Love? Unknown
Next chapter for Oldest Lullaby? In progress but technically unknown (could be this weekend, could be a christmas present -shrug-)

This is a very interesting story to read keep up a good work update more soon. I give you a five star for this story.

What?! Cancelled?!?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

This is my favorite pony fanfiction by far. Maybe it's just because I'm a sucker for omniship, but the story has stolen my heart. I'm sad that it was never finished, but it made me very happy to read what you wrote! If you ever decide to come back to it, that would make me very happy, but I understand that it's been a while and writing styles and interests change. I've got plenty of WIP fics that I have no interest in continuing (not pony-related). I just wanted to tell you that so many aspects of it make me very happy. Coming from a lesbian, there's a lot of truth in all of their realizations about their sexuality and their coping methods. I think I resemble Pinkie's earlier-chapter squashing of feelings the most. And the feeling of destiny is very sweet.

I'm so indescribably sad that this story died. It's so well written and one of the few polyamory Mane 6 ships I've come across that didn't go with that herd crap. I hope one day I come across more stories like this one.