Now rewritten to suck 20% less! Or possibly be better than before. Greatly expanded dialogue between Rartiy and Spike and an altered ending. Rewrites designed to take in mind criticism received and make the story more appealing for the Sparity fans.
Wow holy crap, my rewrite it nearly twice as long as the original, and I hope its better for it.
Spike's been turned from a little baby dragon into a big baby dragon and now feels more keen to act on his desires.
Rarity won't like this.... will she?
Pointless one shot.
Criticisms welcome.
Chapters (1)
Fix up the spacing, please.
That ... was SO weird.
I personally think it would've been less uncomfortable and more fun if Rarity or Twilight had turned gigantic.
Not bad. You really need to add a extra enter between paragraphs, though. You could go into emotional depth further, but it was still quite enjoyable. You missed capitalizing Spike once. Honestly, I'd probably throw a romance tag on this since it actually goes quite well for Spike and Rarity. There's a few tense issues, and the universal number for the pause with periods is three, although more may be used for emphasis.
Poor Spike, he's gonna take the butt of the complaints and anger for Twilight screwing up her spell.
1537686 Done
1538820 Hmm thats a point. Thank for your comment, you've inspired me to rewrite this story and the ending, and I hope the finished product is much better now. Let me know what you think.
1551997 It as quite a nice improvement. Still have some issues with your layout though. Some stuff seems to ahve gotten hit with a enter in the middle of the sentence or paragraph.
I loved the original edit, and I freaking love this new version. The spacing is a tad distracting and there were some small spelling errors, but if you need a proofreader I'll be glad to help. And here's a free mustache!
Not bad, not bad at all.
I found this story quite amusing!
That was hilarious.
The BIG date they wanted,
And so he popped Rarity into his mouth and ate her.
His excuse later, "It was all the gem dust she was wearing! I snorted too much! I was under the influence!"