This is a story of Spike's sixth birthday party in Ponyville a total of seven years after the defeat of Nightmare Moon by Twilight Sparkle and her friends. Spike has spent the whole week before hand planning this party just so he could tell Rarity how he feels about her. He spends the whole day at Sweet Apple Acres getting ready with Pinkie Pie, Applejack and Twilight. When the time of the party comes around instead of finding their friend Rarity politely knocking on the door they are confronted by the realization that she is kidnapped and Spike is only one the Kidnappers want for the ransom drop off. Will our dragon manage to save his fashionable fashionista? Will Spike ever get to say what he wanted to Rarity? Will Rarity figure out who kidnapped her? What will every pony think of the background relationships included in this story?
-Paul McCartney
The title made me do that...
Honestly, way too long of an author's note in the Begginning. You could have started the story with the time, like : Seven Years after Chrysalis, or something. Also, try separating a characters speech so it doesn't run on and on. Could use a little fin tuning, but good job!
I do like the story idea and it does have potential to it. However, this story does need some sort of proofreader.
There are a lot of walls of text that need to be broken up. It's a common mistake amongst first time writers, so don't feel bad about it. Just break it up a little bit and have at the most 5 to 7 sentences before moving to another line like this:
The years in Ponyville library had been good to Spike and his mentor, sister figure, and best friend Twilight Sparkle. Spike had started his first natural growth spurt since he was a kid last year, spending part of it molting most of his baby scales to allow for his growth in size. As well as the sprouting of his wings with this growth of his body grew in size to the point where standing on his back legs he was as tall as Big Macintosh with the top of his head. His tail was long and flowing though still spade tipped and his claws had become a bit more sharp as had his fangs. He had somewhat started to feel like a monster while hanging around his friends in Ponyville.
But all his friends still managed to make him feel welcome in their presence. His muscles had definitely matured in this new state he had been helping almost all of Twilight's closest friends on at least one day each week. He kept up all his abilities at the library though. His new size only served to make his chores there easier, even when he had to triple check the checklist for Twilight. He was most thankful that his new size brought on less sleep deprived blackouts. No one who knew the dragon personally would even say that the new size did anything to change who he was on the inside, and that's what mattered. So things had gone pretty well for him over the last year with no real big disasters to Ponyville or Equestria in the recent years.
Secondly, the dialogue needs it's own space as well. It makes it easier to tell what's going on. Again, simple mistake, so don't sweat it.
EXAMPLE:
Spike brought two plates with three pancakes on each out into the main area of the library, and set them on one of the study tables. As Twilight had started down the stairs she sniffed the aroma of the pancakes again and said, “Mmmm Spike those smell delicious. This is why you're my number one assistant.”
She slowly levitated the plate Spike was motioning for her to take with her magic the lavender aura bringing it to just in front of her setting it on the table.
There are some grammar errors and some unneeded spaces as well.
The story idea is not bad and there is a good idea here, it just needs some work is all. I suggest getting an editor or somepony to help you out. I'm still giving you a thumbs up for the effort and since this is your first story. That, and I am a Sparity fan as well.
>> To Bronyman1995: Thanks for that
>>To HighTide: I know I was kind of really over the top with explaining my self in the beginning. As far as your response to the spacing of the characters speech. I was really trying to unify the characters conversations so they felt like a conversation instead of separate thoughts. Thanks for the Advice and thank's for the support.
>>To The Dragon Warlock Thanks for the help I'll certainly look into getting some help before I post the next chapter and I'll see what I can do about updating this one with a bit better formatting as suggested. Thanks for the advice and the support.
1205174 No problem, you can also reply to comments with those double dialogue balloons in the upper right hand corner of the comment. It looks like this, static.fimfiction.net/images/icons/comments.png
1205255 So it looks a bit more like this then?
1205296 Correct.
There's a lot to read so it will have to wait for morning, but I will say that I suspect Shy and RD would be the same age based on the fact they were in class together and are exactly the same height in the filly episode, Cutie Mark Chronicles, where as everyone else is actually shorter.
1491285
Ummm Wow yeah it is a bit to read. Thank you for that I did mention it was more of a personal interpretation. I'm very honored to have you read it when ever you do. I may or may not have mentioned this before in other posts across this site but I really enjoy your story Eternal. So thank you for taking the time to read it. I'm having it edited soon though so I hope it's not too rough around the edges for now.
Apple Jack should always be one word, you switched throughout. You use he as the starting word for sentences too often. Details are good, but you have a tendency to go overboard. Paragraphs could probably be broke up a bit more. Outside of that, it's an interesting start to a promising story.
1492480 you still writing right?
1536367
I most certainly am still writing it. It's been my primary concern of all my creative pursuits over the past few months. Between work and my very busy editor pony it's been a rough slow road.
1536736i hear u it was just such a good story should not die
1537465
a few weeks ago didn't help either. Thank you again for saying that about the story it really made me 
. Very pleasant having a chat with you hope you continue to enjoy my story.
Thank you and I promise It's not dead. I'm not on hiatus and I'm trying to keep my blog full of weekly updates. So favorite the story or watch me. I haven't exactly said when chapter two will be coming but shortly is the best I can offer. Of course feeling like this
yes more please
Still some work to be done on the text, but it wasn't that much of a distraction.
1737897 I strive for improvement. I feel this one came out cleaner first time around than my first chapter.
by the end of the first chapter, I wanted to not just kill the perpetrators, but torture them using methods that are strictly banned by even the most savage and ruthless countries' most insane inhabitants... and the start of the second chapter only infuriated me more... but that's just my thoughts on the situation
and by the end of the second chapter, I hope that Spike feels a similar rage that I feel and uncovers a hidden power that can deliver the ideal punishment that I would enjoy reading about... but that's just because of my vindictive nature... either way, as long as Spike and Rarity have their song (meaning they're both alive and well of course) , I would love to read more
1742113 Well... both of those are excellent questions. I'd like to point out it was really almost a two month wait from when I first posted the first chapter. I have a lot of things to get done this month for Hearth's Warming I have a lot of ponies expecting gifts from me. I would honestly like to see the third chapter release at the start of Jan.
That being said even the best laid plans of ponies and dragons tend to go astray. Sometimes we just don't know what went wrong. 
I'll take my time with it and make sure it's out once it's ready there is a lot going on in that chapter 
Thanks for reading so far, and keep an eye out for Soarin's Pink Pie.
1742272 Trust me I don't think Spike is very happy about this situation at all. You'll see what happens when we get there my friend.
Also kudos for being the first person to put Creme Brulee in a fic and give him a speaking part.
1934158 I don't think there is a problem with that. Also I don't see a need for an OC unless you're putting yourself into Equestria. Especially when there is usually a background pony for that job. A little surprising it's the first. Thanks for reading it so far.
I certainly think the ending will come out quite well.
1934848 Thank you I'm trying hard to work on that. I think my progress has been slow with reducing the length my paragraphs, but I think I've been slowly getting better. Thank you for the kind words and the
Didn't read but
fc00.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/046/0/5/spike__s_gonna_f_her_gently_by_mickeymonster-d4psn4s.png
The plot, it thickens!
3.bp.blogspot.com/-Gr02jd19mOU/Ti-lQFEdCCI/AAAAAAAAJf4/6lbDwgRHGmU/s320/Waiting...%2BWeds%2B2.jpg
I was so thrilled to see an update after all this time. Well done! This is a beautiful piece of fiction! I am loving every minute of it.
2747935 Thank you. The journey continues.
2750684 Thank you for the vote of confidence. I know it takes me some time to get these chapter updates but I'm working through lap top issues right now and I have a lot of afk responsibilities as well so I'm always trying to bring the next chapters as soon as I can. That goes for all my stories but my Blog here usually keeps people informed when I'm close to done with a new chapter. Thanks for the support again.
Capes are always in fashion. Rule of Cool says so.
Oh shit.
2828706 Just for your first note
I feel the ponies are not superhero's in the average sense so capes are fine. They're just regular ponies who happen to save the day once in a while. More so for Rainbow Dash. To your second comment
is exactly the kind of reaction that scene was going for.
2831850 Yes, but he thinks he's all powerful he slayed a dragon by that point in his thought process. He knows who Spike's "mom" is and I don't think he cares. He's got his eyes on the prize of being the the New Ruler of Equestria. Thus he finds himself in a wonderfully euphoric state of where in his mind nothing could ever go wrong.
I think she'd be absolutely furious if you did that and considering how powerful she was before her ascension, might make the biggest mistake of his life. And that's before taking into account who Spike's "mom" is.
I have one little complaint. I haven't started reading yet but I lost a little interest when I scrolled through because of the size of the paragraphs. I got this same complaint on my story to quote them they said "...a wall of words..." I saw that you got this in a different comment.
I shall now read this story! XD
2862619 Yeah I know and as I'm sure some people around here might mention if they had a chance or looked at my blog ever I've re edited the first 3 chapters multiple times since I started this project. I've been working very hard to scale my self back and improve on this. I'd like to think I've gotten better. Only time will tell I guess and in all honesty hearing this again makes me want to run though it all again just to see if I can't lop a large section of the paragraphs in half.
3873498 Unfortunately all I can promise right now is I'm working very hard on it. With my primary side project out of the way. Right now that project is undergoing a finalizing set of edits. Then I can devote most of my time to continuing and working out any problems I might have with chapter 6. I have mentioned in my blog that this is the biggest undertaking in a chapter I've ever undergone so please be patient with me. The holidays cut a lot of my ability to work on this out.
Please finish this story.
Damn. This story seems really interesting, but I don't know if I want to read it knowing that the last anything on it was over two years ago... Y'know I've been thinking about starting a group devoted to collecting all the amazing fics left half done for more than six months. I'd need a cool name though... I've gotten off topic
. Anyways. It looks cool, but I don't know it's worth the feeling of meeting another cliffhanger never to be resolved