Spike had been instructed by his mentor Twilight Sparkle to stay away from his longtime crush, Rarity, but when he disobeys her and starts helping Rarity at her dress shop, they grow closer than ever. Eventually the truth will come out. Will he be rejected, or will Rarity return his feelings?
Sparity. Implied Dash/Fluttershy. Moody Teenage!Spike. Awkward!Twilight. (A lot of Mean!Twilight). Humanized!Everyone. Some sexual references (THANK YOU, Rainbow Dash, that's quite enough), some legal drinking. Set after the show, so everyone is quite a bit older.
Chapters (13)
Tbh, I pretty much only decided to read this just cuz it had signs of Flutterdash, but it ended up having pretty much no signs, but I still loved it. Troll Twillight and RD made me laugh. Good work. :3
This story seems all well and good, except Twilight's behaviour. That's downright insane, abusive family behaviour. "Oh hai spike, i'm going to tell my friends your deepest personal secrets, and then forbid you from seeing your friends or joining in our group activities because I suspect you had romantic thoughts about them in a context that is literally entirely out of your control." That's like, Bob Jones University level insanity, and it's strange that neither AJ or RD call her out on it. The only way it's not strange for Spike not to throw a shitfit and say 'yeah, fuck you Twiley' is if we're basically treating him as a character used to an emotionally abusive household who doesn't see anything out of the ordinary about huge breaches of trust and arbitrary punishments coming from your family members simply because they hold the power in the relationship.
Why is Twilight acting so... mean?
What kind of family member smack-talks another in such an awful, borderline abusive way for the sake of gossip?
I'm following this, I like it. Although Twilight is being a major bitch >.>
Well, let's start with the bad stuff and then move on to the good stuff. Twilight is out of character. She wouldn't go as far as restrict Spike from seeing Rarity, and throwing him out of the room whenever she came to see Twilight. Also, just use Twilight, without Sparkle. Since when are friends talking with about their friends and use their full name? Now that this is out of the way, the grammar is not that bad. My nazi sense haven't gone off, which is good. Also, if you want to keep the "to be revealed" secret, I suggest changing the tags a little. Unless it's not the "to be revealed". Good story, tracked and faved, and waiting for more.
946431 I agree with Sam Axe here!
So you have Sparity on the ship list, but the end is "to be revealed." So I'm guessing that the Sparity is actually going to just be you shooting it with a Tommy Gun, and then going, and now he loves blank instead. I suspect blank to be Apple Bloom from the tags. I am hopping that isn't the truth as I want him end up with Rarity, but it seems to not be the case. Of course, I suppose Apple Bloom being Spike's friend could be the one who finds a way to get them together, and it would make more sense that way since the title and cover art is focused on Rarity instead of Spike or Bloom.
Well, I'm interested let's see how it goes.
P.S. Twilight is flipping out over three years? That may be one of the smallest adult relationship age gaps I'v ever seen. Girl is not good with the real world.
Three years is not much twilight I think its more like five I mean she was his test into school and kndergraden is like what five besides one year and dude is an adult legal wise anyways dude is an adult he can be muture. I mean come on love knows no age sex or gender or even speices the point im trying to make is let Spike have his love who knows it might even become more.
Good story dude
946758 really my parents have a bigger age gap
946839 I know right. Preschool starts at 4 by the way.
Thank you, everyone, for your comments. I've changed a few things that will hopefully make the story flow easier. I understand that Twilight's being harsh, but I didn't think she was *abusive* as so many of you said. I realize the age difference wasn't that much, but context is everything. I've changed the ages anyhow.
“Yeah, Opal is the only pussy of Rarity’s you’ll get to see.” Rainbow Dash grinned, peering around a bookcase.
Haven't LOL'd so hard since watching youtube haiku... BWAHAHAHAHA!!!
This is really awesome! My only word of advice is that in the first couple of sentences, you said swaray, which I think is supposed to be soiree. Other than that,
946415 There are more chapters to come, don't give up on my slipped-in implications of complete and total Flutterdash just yet!
Twilight is such a jerk! I can't believe she would do that to spike!! "Hey spike I heard you mumbling rarity's name in your dreams, omg you must be having a sex dream! I'll tell my friends and keep you away from your longtime crush!" I just can't believe her, she makes me sick. Spike may be a little short compared to rarity, but spike is hard working and mature and I can see that a dragon like spike has standards that can compare to a sophisticated pony like Rarity. Twilight should not have control of spike. I support this couple---> Spike
Rarity.
950110 Don't have to worry 'bout that. Fav'd just cause I can.
sparity forever!
it would be nice if you had rarity coming onto him
956829
All will be revealed in due time. Or it won't. You'll have to see. (Who even knows what I'm doing anymore? I certainly don't!)
By definition Apple Bloom, when it comes to Women, all men are idiots.
So lets see on the age scale I think everyone can say Fluttershy is the oldest. With the main six in "high school or grads" with Spike mid high school since he was born before any of the CMC were even seen, and the CMC in late middle school. And why does anyone care ok I will stop my rant now.
Good chapter buddy
958145
Look, dude, when you're writing a fanfiction about a humanized dragon who listens to music from our world and is surrounded by humanized ponies, pegasi, and unicorns... you're not really going for realism. I'm glad you like the story, so let's forget about the ages besides Spike's and Rarity's, please.
Yeah, this is the kind of story I like. There's lots of nice tension going on. No one really knows what's going to happen, and that's always a plus.
And really, Twilight isn't acting so out-of-character at all, if you think about it. She's always been rather oblivious to how her actions affect others, especially when she thinks she's right about something. I'm more interested to see what happens between Spike and Rarity. And ... Applebloom, possibly.
958196 oh don't worry about it it's just I had a big craving to say something about my little buddy kind of makes me a bitch now that I look at it anyways I was no trying to hate Im a big spike fan so I can never hate on him
958496
Finally, someone who gets it! I've always thought Twi is so scientific about things that she forgets about emotions, but she does mean well, so I was trying to show that. I'm glad you're interested.
Yay! I think that Spike X Rarity is underused :( I need moar of this. It would be good to know, because ut's kinda cliffhanging in here
So keep up the good work. Have a good life :)
P.S. I forgot :) 11/10 moustache fer ya.
Daaaawww... And the final line :P So twilightish :) MOAR!!! I mean... if you don't mind
I would like to see more please.
Twilight would know that.
Nice to see Twilight learned something without the town falling apart for a change.
Twilight's not being a jerk!
Give me more. Now.
...
Please?
973488
I have another chapter written, but it's a bit short so I'm trying to smush more of the plot in there. Do you want fun and absurd Spike dreams, or do you want plot? I might be another day.
Dam! So close and yet so far
Down the rabbit hole we go. Though I prefer the looking glass. I hope our young knight here, takes this lovely queen.
Thingss turned out to be... interesting?
Please do makke more :) 11/10 moustache fer ya
974227
Hey, buddy, that's a little too much innuedo right there. You're scaring the kids.
976553 ... FAIL! It was in no way sexual. Through the Looking Glass, is the second book in the Alice in Wonderland series. The book is a chess game. Therefore my reference was to the second book. Queen and knight are chess pieces, taking a piece means to capture it. In other words I want Spike to capture Rarity's heart.
976578
Yes, dear, I knew that. I've read the second book. I was attempting to make a joke, but apparently either I've failed, or you take things too seriously.
976598 I fail to see how using FAIL in all caps is to be taken seriously. See what I did there?
I am the king of double ententes! I just felt the need to explain as many people are unaware that there is even a second book, let alone a third.
Also, dear, really?
976631
Okie dokie Loki, then.
Yeah, I call everyone "dear." My online persona talks like Rarity, for some unknown reason...
976757 *Twilight Zone Theme*
976773
Make that Twilight *SPARKLE* Zone Theme!
(I can't believe I just did that. I also can't believe you didn't see it coming.)
988209 Oh, I saw it comming. I just wanted to see if you'd go for the pun.
988226
I'm so predictable! Though I suppose if you gave any brony/pegasister that opening, they'd go for it... Force of habit, making everything pony.
Woah! Just logged in. And I see THIS. Thank you! I wanted to take some rest, but sleep is for the weak :D
Probably Yatoshumirata Tomorrow.
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And now Meme Captiiun 'bout me :D
Good Guy Yatoshumirata
SAYS
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MEANS IT.
Skipping, one of the manliest swagtastic things a man can do
988427
You know it!
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988351
Aw, yay, I'm so glad you like my story enough to postpone rest! I agree, who needs sleep? This is what I'm like when I see new comments:
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Wow. It's like... Can't find words for awesomeness of this chapter. I didn't find ANY mistakes in this chapter. And, when reading this chapter, I could feel the emotions of spike. I don't know why, but in this fic Rarity seems really charming (I've always thought about her that she's cold-hearted, selfish, ice cold mare). Thou, kind writer, art destineth to write romance.
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In other words, cool story bro.
Good Guy Yatoshumirata
SAYS
ampersandartful.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/coolstorybro.gif?w=460
MEANS IT.
i want to know who the mystery person is.
992574
), but since this story is from Spike's viewpoint, I was trying to write her as he sees her: graceful, charming, poised, etc. Glad to see I'm succeeding! Also, erm, make that *female* sibling, but thanks, anyhow.
Thank you! I pride myself on being able to proof-read my own work very well. I don't really like Rarity either, I think she's a little stuck-up ("EXCUSE ME?"