• Member Since 24th Oct, 2012
  • offline last seen 4 hours ago

Snivypony


I am here to comment and give my opinion.

E

Today is the big day. Spike and Rarity are going to marry today.


Note:this is my 1st Story.

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 34 )

bootiful

sequol

2114617>>2114577 Thanks for your opinions.

Genesect and mewtwo to be in sixteenth pokemon movie

Pure magic from beginning to end. My favorite part was when Spike and Rarity went to the alter and then got married.

10/10

that is a bit short:pinkiesad2:

Not bad, but a little lacking of substance if you ask me. Felt like there could be more.

How... how did this pass moderation?

2115653 That is a excellent question considering you need 1000 words published in a story to even send it for moderation.

2115671 I am going to write some sub stories today and get some more words in their.

2114753

Considering that was kind of the only part...

:unsuresweetie: Not quite sure what to think. From the comments that I have seen from you, I would have expected a much more polished fic.

The minimalistic descriptions and the lack of form (no quotation marks etc.) actually are quite interesting to read, but the story could still have used some padding here and there.

While I don't want to hate on this, there is so much missed potential. This is more minimalist than a report I would write in 5 minute
You are telling what is happening than showing what is going on. It feels more like a short puppet show I witnessed in elementary. And there is enough in the story to make a description.

As I said, there is so much missed potential here, it hurts. I will not dislike because it is a nice idea, even if it did leave me wanting something to actually read

RE: Chapter Titles: It is "Epilogue".

"They have been dating for mouths now and it has been great."
- months
"While he was their he came across a cave and decided to explore it."
- there
"gems in a way that they wold spell a special message for Rarity."
- would

There is only one problem for me here, Spike can only send letters to Celestia through his fire breath. If he found a way, I think you should explain that part.

Well. Here are some tips to make this chapter 'better'.
Write about the Boutique and what Rarity was working on.
You need to add quotes when they talk.
Add some description here and there.
Example: "Hi Spike, how are you doing tonight?" Rarity asked, happy to see Spike.
"I'm doing great, how about you Rarity? You look beautiful in that dress." Spike looked at her in awe, for she was the most beautiful pony he has ever seen.

And I would add dialog during the supper. This chapter could definitely use some dialog.

Well, this story is... interesting. Don't get me wrong, this has potential, but it needs a lot of work. There needs to be more dialog and description. And I think you should add some emotion to them. Things like "she/he blushed" "she/he said in a _____ tone".
For me the chapters are too short, and need more content. And to me, I don't think Rarity would accept Spike's proposal so fast.
My suggestion would be to start over and re-write every chapter. Take your time and make sure they flow nicely. I'd be happy to help you if you would like. I would definitely read the re-write.

So in the end it's an okay story. Hope this helps!

2144328 I fixed all the mistakes listed. My intention was to be narration focused then dialog. And as for the whole too fast thing, in my version they have been dating so long that it would be impossible to refuse his proposal. What do you think of the invisible bag thing?:moustache::heart::raritystarry:

2144623
I like it. I called it a pouch myself. I would explain that in the description. It just helps people understand that. But I would suggest you add more. I think this story could have more to it.

Good job. I like the improvements.

2160002 Glad you approve.

I like it. Its just a little short

This is a genius ending! :yay:

That's a really good first fic Snivy, well done. There are a few spelling and grammar errors I saw throughout the story but it was still good. :pinkiehappy:

3013870Thank you Natsu and Happy.

I just finished your first story. It felt rushed a little. It was also short. However I'm a novice writer too. It is difficult to write a short story and I like what you have. Good job in finishing the story. There is nothing more maddening when a story isn't finished. It is even more insane when the writer gets writers block. However it takes really courage to post a story for all the world to see and comment on. Keep writing and we'll keep reading. Nice job and see ya next time.

Loved it

just want to let you know its allicorn

I personally didn't enjoy it. I felt it was WAY too short and wasn't interesting. This story had so much potential but didn't use it. 1/10.

Loved this fic even though it was short and a bit rushed!

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