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GaryOak

Joined March 2012
597 followers

Writing student who loves cartoon horses and all manner of silly things. Occasionally writes serious stories. A divine Swedish woman drew this avatar.

Stories (7)

  • Twilight Sparkle's Not-So-Secret Shipfic Folder
    Twilight has been keeping Spike up at night with obsessive writing. One night, Spike's curiosity gets the best of him, and he discovers Twilight has been writing bad shipfiction about herself and her friends. He decides to teach her a lesson.

    1,976 words · 4,083 views · 498 likes · 35 dislikes
  • Sweetie Belle Discovers Scissoring
    When Sweetie Belle overhears Rarity asking Twilight Sparkle if she wants to scissor, her curiosity is piqued. Why is scissoring such a hot topic among the mares? What exactly is scissoring, anyway? Sweetie goes forth on a quest to find out.
    2,755 words · 3,129 views · 218 likes · 15 dislikes
  • A Feather In Her Cap
    By Scootaloo's age, Rainbow Dash had won many competitions. As Ponyville's Annual Bounceball Competition approaches, Scootaloo dreams of following in her hoofsteps. With her drive, she knows nothing will stop her... except, perhaps, herself
    6,716 words · 1,470 views · 89 likes · 4 dislikes
  • The Sundering
    Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria, there were two regal sisters who ruled together and created harmony for all the land...
    4,108 words · 1,110 views · 103 likes · 7 dislikes
  • Repercussions
    150,997 words · 1,704 views · 108 likes · 16 dislikes
  • The Barn
    7,479 words · 1,141 views · 68 likes · 13 dislikes
  • Miasma
    1,800 words · 722 views · 49 likes · 14 dislikes
Source

When Twilight Sparkle hits a wall in her research on Princess Celestia, a new face in Ponyville gives her the spark she needs to overcome it. But after his arrival, ominous events are set into motion. Soon, Twilight must choose her side in a conflict that will decide Equestria's fate.

Equestria Daily Featured Story!

Google Docs Version.

Edited by Horse Voice.

First Published
28th Sep 2012
Last Modified
8th Feb 2013

Comments ( 152 )

#1 · Chapter 6 · 104w, 5d ago · 1 · ·

.Ha!  First learned about this story on the observation deck of the Empire State Building, glad to see it coming up at last.  Congrats on the EQD feature!  Tracking for future reading...

#2 · Chapter 6 · 104w, 5d ago · · ·

So are people just commenting on the Google docs page? :applejackconfused:

Either that or something is messed up on my comp. :applejackunsure:

Besides that, I like the idea of your story.:pinkiesmile:

TO THE READ LATER LIST!!!!! No canterlock voice emote...:applecry:

#3 · Chapter 6 · 104w, 5d ago · · ·

Publish already you silly!

#4 · Chapter 6 · 104w, 5d ago · · ·

>>1349247

I can't believe you remembered me, or cared to after I talked your ear off about this for so long. Thanks for the love! ^_^

>>1349255

Comments are disabled in Google Docs. Hopefully this "publishes" here soon. Feel free to leave a comment here, on EqD, or even email/Tweet at me if you have feedback, though. Even if you can't see what's written here currently, it's an exact replica of what's on GDocs.

#5 · Chapter 6 · 104w, 5d ago · · ·

I taught Gary everything he knows. :trollestia:

#6 · Chapter 6 · 104w, 5d ago · · ·

>>1351568

Aye, you did, but you also did some unspeakable things to my Rainbow Dash plushie while you were here...

#7 · Chapter 6 · 104w, 5d ago · · ·

>>1352167

Po-tay-to, po-taw-to. You call it unspeakable, I call it a hot date. :trollestia:

#9 · Chapter 8 · 102w, 3d ago · · ·

>>1379086

If you thought that chapter was crazy, wait until the eve of Nightmare Night...

#10 · Chapter 10 · 102w, 11h ago · · ·

really? You just had to make it pinkie did you? Is there not one dark fic that can make it through to the end without a cupcakes reference?

#11 · Chapter 10 · 102w, 10h ago · · ·

>>1454302

I submit that in this case it's actually done well. And I'm not just saying that. I'm a bit of a horror connoisseur, and this is the only time I've seen this concept work, with the proper emotional impact.

And don't worry, folks -- this story is far from over.

#12 · Chapter 10 · 102w, 10h ago · · ·

>>1454591

Oh, don't get me wrong, it fit the story great, it's just that i feel that particular hand is a little...overplayed.

#13 · Chapter 9 · 102w, 9h ago · · ·

Why...

Why did I have to die?

#14 · Chapter 10 · 102w, 9h ago · · ·

>>1454866

I'm sorry. =(

Have a picture of my plushie's reaction:

Does that help at all?

#15 · Chapter 10 · 102w, 9h ago · · ·

"Rainbow Dash, aren't you supposed to be dead?"

"Eh, this isn't canon."

#16 · Chapter 10 · 102w, 9h ago · · ·

WOW! Celestia's reply really makes me suspect her! This is not gonna end happy I suspect...

#17 · Chapter 11 · 101w, 9h ago · · ·

Something tells me that Twilight is starting to develop feelings for Greyhoof, even if she does not yet realize it.

#18 · Chapter 4 · 100w, 6d ago · · ·

Surprised your oc isn't mad about Rarity doing something so stupid... or that he would even care about the platinum...

#19 · Chapter 11 · 100w, 6d ago · · ·

I like the direction you took this story, but there's a plot hole: why does Twilight's library have a map of the castle? This seems like a security risk, if anything. Not to mention ponies generally wouldn't have much interest in it.

#20 · Chapter 11 · 100w, 6d ago · · ·

>>1502957

Man, you read the whole thing so far, in one sitting? That's impressive, I'm so glad you've enjoyed it! Assuming I don't fall behind, updates will be every Wednesday. As for the map of Canterlot, I figured Twilight would probably have one laying around somewhere, considering who she is. That was at least the assumption I was under when I was writing that part of the story. Whether or not my assumption has any merit is another story entirely. Canon doesn't say so either way, but I think both of us have a fairly valid point. Perhaps I based my assumption on Twilight being similar to Hermione Granger in the sense she'll read practically anything, even if it's just a book on an old castle.

#21 · Chapter 11 · 100w, 6d ago · · ·

>>1503003 It wasn't one sitting, took a break somewhere in there.

Read -> Video Games -> Read

... that's pretty much sums up my free time.

#22 · Chapter 11 · 100w, 6d ago · · ·

>>1503014

Hah, awesome. I'm working on chapter 16 as we speak.

#23 · Chapter 12 · 100w, 11h ago · · ·

Chapter feels rushed. The action scenes could definitely use some polish. Making odd/creative references are only going to make the reader stop/think. The actions scenes are pretty much telling. It really feels like the fight are just being "described" to you, if anything.

The biggest mistake I saw was that you revealed Greyhoof's identity through the narrator... In that revelation you should've at the very least given the reader a couple of moments for it to sink in. Or better yet, have Celestia call him Cosmo! The better part of the story was building up to this little shock/awe moment, and basically it got smoothed over. It should have a shock/awe moment. Cosmo was revealed too far back for it to suddenly click with the reader.

Ranting aside, sorry if I took that too far.. I'm just really disappointed.

#24 · Chapter 12 · 100w, 11h ago · · ·

>>1537189

I'm not sure how the main error you mentioned made it through so many filters. I guess I thought it was better the way I did it. As for the action, perhaps it's a style/reading taste issue. I've actually received feedback of quite a wide variety on how I write high-magic fights.

I think I alternated between showing and telling to prevent bogging the scenes down; a dual that spans many thousands of words can get quite tiresome and bloated.

#25 · Chapter 12 · 99w, 6d ago · · 1 ·

*sigh* Another OC alicorn with no flaws... how original :facehoof: and this fic was pretty good until this chapter.

#26 · Chapter 12 · 99w, 5d ago · 3 · 1 ·

>>1543354

No flaws? Were you even reading? I'm all for reasonable discussion, but I don't really have anything else to say to a comment as asinine as that.

Comment posted by Alondro deleted at 11:46pm on the 9th of March, 2013
#28 · Chapter 9 · 99w, 5d ago · · ·

Was that a Cupcakes reference? If so, I think it was horribly out of place. But I can't really criticize your story, because it's kept me interested so far, and I think you're a pretty talented writer. But seriously? If that was a reference, it was kind of tasteless, even by my standards.

#29 · Chapter 12 · 99w, 5d ago · 1 · 1 ·

>>1546728

I am quite glad you're liking the story so far! It isn't truly a Cupcakes reference; I feel there are a couple of similarities, but they are ultimately different things. The event in my story actually has major significance, and it turns out Pinkie's more horrified about what happened than anypony else. I guess her state of mind can be best-compared to Ginny Weasley in Chamber of Secrets while Tom Riddle was manipulating her. Apart from Pinkie's disgusting insanity, another huge part of Cupcakes was vivid gore, something I steadfastly avoid. I'm not shy about writing about blood, eviscerations, or what have you, but mature-level gore is something that doesn't belong here. Actually, there was one subtle reference, which nobody has found thus far (at least judging from comments), but it is an indirect reference, and I only used it because it was simply too good to pass up.

Don't worry: it wasn't a cheap death or a stupid jab.

#30 · Chapter 12 · 99w, 4d ago · · ·

>>1537189

>>1546080

>>1546728

Tough crowd.

Folks, bear in mind this story was conceived in 2011, but wasn't published until now because reasons. 2011 stories were quite different, and it shows. I don't think it's a stretch to say, if this had come out a year ago, the reactions would have been quite different.

#31 · Chapter 12 · 99w, 4d ago · · 1 ·

>>1552695

I actually conceived this story before I knew who Discord was. It only seems current because I went to great lengths to incorporate the season 2 canon.

#32 · Chapter 13 · 99w, 10h ago · · ·

wow...wholesale slaughter of an entire town...ok then.

#33 · Chapter 13 · 99w, 9h ago · · ·

Is Applebloom ok?:applecry:

#34 · Chapter 13 · 99w, 9h ago · · 1 ·

>>1577169

Applejack was the only member of the Apple family in Ponyville at the time; the rest were on vacation. Sweetie Belle is staying out of town at her parents' place, too.

#35 · Chapter 13 · 99w, 9h ago · · ·

Thank Faust for that.

Oh, where do I find the slo-mo instant replay button? I want to watch Prince Blueblood's death again... and again. And again.:pinkiecrazy:

Better yet, put it on Blu-Ray 3D

#36 · Chapter 13 · 99w, 9h ago · · 1 ·

>>1577203

Ha! Man, that was great. I guess Cosmo isn't such a bad King after all, eh?

#37 · Chapter 13 · 99w, 8h ago · · ·

>>1577212 but he killed.:trollestia:  before I had a chance to tap that sweeet flank of hers! :fluttershbad::flutterrage::raritycry::raritydespair:

#38 · Chapter 13 · 99w, 8h ago · · 1 ·

>>1577231

Oh, well I suppose that's true. At least we still have Luna, right?

#39 · Chapter 13 · 98w, 2d ago · · ·

I still think the other chapter could be improved/cleaned up. For example there are things tacked on to the ends of sentences that seem to keep the story from feeling if it is actually happening "in the now."

Read the most recent chapter. I still have a hard time believing Celestia is dead.... doesn't compute.

#40 · Chapter 14 · 98w, 15h ago · · ·

holy shit :twilightoops:

#41 · Chapter 4 · 97w, 6d ago · · ·

Not sure where this is going exactly. Guess that means I'll have to read onward. Although I still can't be sure whether or not I even like this. It hasn't driven me away yet, so I guess that's a good sign.

#42 · Chapter 5 · 97w, 6d ago · · ·

Wait a second, if the forest is devoid of life, does that mean all the trees are dead? Or is it just devoid of all animal life?

#43 · Chapter 14 · 97w, 6d ago · · 1 ·

>>1619767

Thanks for the read! To clarify, the trees are fine; perhaps I should have said wildlife instead, though I'm not sure if that classifies the various monsters who inhabit the forest as well.

#44 · Chapter 15 · 97w, 8h ago · · ·

This story is gettin intense... each update just makes me want more!

#45 · Chapter 15 · 96w, 6d ago · · ·

Well, I got to say I'm disappointed. I did decide to read on, but after each chapter I felt as though the quality of the writing was decreasing, which turned out to be true. After about chapter 4 or 5 I noticed that there were more and more parts that gave me some problems when I read it. Although, this chapter (chapter XIV) appeared to be somewhat better than previous ones.

What has me dissapointed the most is probably the use of cliché writing in previous chapters. The other aspect of this that let me down would have to be some of the dialogue, which just seems forced, much like some of the plotpoints in this story.

Yet, despite what I've said, I'm still probably going to continue reading this. Yes, I am still interested in reading, though, it seems a bit like a chore at certain parts that feel like they weren't given much thought at the time of being written.

However, I do have to give the author for being tenatious. There are some qualities that show up in the writing that I do admire.

#46 · Chapter 15 · 96w, 6d ago · · 1 ·

>>1659326

I actually find comments like these the most useful out of any. I'm honestly about how surprised you feel about the quality in later chapters. Of course, the first ones were revised the most, but that's because they were quite terrible in early drafts, and later chapters did not suffer from nearly as many problems.

If you ever feel up to it, I'd love to see some examples of what you cited in PMs. I'm genuinely curious, as each chapter goes through dozens of hours of work as well as subjected to harsh criticism and refinement by two other people, so further knowledge about what specifically works and what doesn't would help my process along in future chapters.

I do appreciate that you're continuing to read; tomorrow I will be finishing up chapter 15, and today I'm in the process of second drafting chapter 17. I just wanted to let you know that I haven't gotten lazy since chapter 5 or anything; I've been following my writing process religiously, and will continue to do so until the story is completed, which I hope will be around February, give or take a fortnight.

#47 · Chapter 16 · 96w, 9h ago · · ·

This story...

I was waiting all evening for the opportuinity to relax and enjoy this new chapter.

Damn, this story...

Its freakin INCREDIBLE!

I can't wait for the next chapter.

#48 · Chapter 16 · 96w, 9h ago · · ·

>>1699061

I should hope so. Gary and I shed blood, sweat, and tears to get this one just right.

#49 · Chapter 16 · 96w, 8h ago · · ·

>>1699364 I get the feeling that there is a good deal more to go too. As good as the story has been so far, I'm certain that it will only continue to get better.  :twilightsmile:

#50 · Chapter 16 · 96w, 7h ago · · ·

>>1699386

Gary'll be thrilled to read that, especially since his one-shot clopfic has three times as many unique views as this story, which he spent over a year on. That's the hazard of making your first attempt novel-length.

And don't worry. The whole thing already exists in one form or another. The job now is to whip it into shape. And there's no way he'll quit until it's done. If I recall, I basically had to order him to take two weeks off.

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