After the defeat of Discord, the spirit of chaos, the birthrate of Equestria mysteriously comes to a standstill. With no new foals, the pony population quickly declines. Decades later, with the passing of the last pony, Celestia and Luna enact a plan to undo what has been done. Does their salvation lay in an all-too-familiar stone statue in the royal gardens, or is the pony race doomed?
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Any critical feedback would be welcome. Just don't make Fluttershy cry
Interesting. Tracking like a boss
Did you get inspiration from Children of Men? Just wondering.
Ooooh, Celestia and Luna VS. Discord. Time to see if they'll outdo him this time. I'd find it original if the villain did win.
Hmm, ... ‘this day is going to be perfect’, eh? My bet is on Chrysalis, can't imagine why she'd want a fancy time telling device though. Maybe Cadence given that I'm guessing that this has something to do with the day of the wedding? Or maybe it's the Grand Galloping Gala, I mean Discord is never very straightforward...
1553060
That's true, it could be a direct refference to the wedding or an indirect refference to the gala.
1552910
I've never come across that movie before, but I looked it up and it sounds very interesting. I will definitely be watching it in the near future.
1552981
That would be interesting wouldn't it...
1552981actually. if they kill discord then there is no reason to exist. good can never be called good without evil
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I like it. No glaring spelling or grammar mistakes, plot seems interesting, my only complaint is one of personal preference. I prefer Discord to be a sort of chaotic neutral, with his actions being motivated not so much by him being evil as by him lacking actual morals. I really don't think passive genocide would be Discords' thing. Your fic though, so write him how you see fit, just chucking my opinion out there.
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I based him off of this picture in the castle i45.tinypic.com/2lc9qwj.jpg and his personality from the first two episodes. So a sort of malevolent but fun-spirited embodiment of chaos. Doing what he wants when he wants for his entertainment.
How did Discord prevent all pony reproduction? I don't know if it will end up being a major revelation in the story, or if the princesses have to discover how he did it to bring ponies back, but it's something that I feel should be addressed.
1553419
Read the book and the movie, the book is a little bit more disturbing.
Edited a few things for grammar and clarity, nothing major though.
1552910
Not depressing enough.
1553060
well seeing how she IS a alicorn, would also mean that she would not be able to die i am right? if so she is probably alive.
or like you said it is queen chrysalis they are looking for, god knows where she an the changeling got ''team rocketed'' too
I like your Discord. Kind of reminds me of my Discord except less of a bastard.
Fantastic!
If you cared, I would say your personal form is off, but you don't care...
As good as this might turn out to be, I can help feeling like the story has missed an opportunity... If only ponies stopped having foals, it might be interesting to see what kind of society would eventually be cobbled together by the other races we've seen: griffins, gnolls/diamond dogs, changelings, and all the various hoofed types of zebras, donkeys, buffalos, etc.
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Some of those will be addressed
Queen Chrysalis? >:3
Anyways, this was really awesome!
Even though I'm a sucker for Discord fics, I'm favoriting!
Discord, your plan has 1 big problem: There is NOONE LEFT TO RULE OVER!
And my bet is at the Gala – nice story, will follow
And instead of the Sisters deciding to play Discord's game, they pull the ultimate troll and activate their S2 Engine self-destruct mechanisms (since they're actually Angels from Evangelion) and blow up Equestria, leaving Discord without anypony to torment forever.
This is just not my cup of tea.
“If it is the Time Turner that you wish to collect, remember that ‘this day is going to be perfect.’"
, season one episode one shows that she had a somewhat large hourglass, plus she also managed to use a time travel spell from swirly before, you seem like you have the story mostly done in your head and i dare to say you may want to enjoy a little like discord spurring our imagination or maybe create a little chaos on who has the hourglass :)
im calling twilight
keep doing it its very enjoyable so far your story
P.D. pm me if my theory is right i wont tell nopony about a possible spoiler
What time is it? ADVENTU-er whoops. Wrongs show, right catagory. Lets see where this goes.
As previously stated multiple times;
Either S1-Finale or S2-Finale. Though both of those put the main location in the castle. Now it's just where in the castle.
Oh wow, I do not regret clicking on this!
That quote...
I shall watch this intently
Do continue
1647436 he dosn't care...he just wants to rule...and so he should
I am so glad that the last pony wasn't Twilight. That would have made little to no sense.
Time Travel? Well, that does seem to be the only way to fix it. I hope Celly and Lulu brushed up on their disguise spells, because it would probably be a little weird having more alicorns running around.
I enjoy stories about Discord and his relationship with the princesses, so this is right up my alley. You've characterized all three of them really well (especially Discord), and I hope you're able to continue in this vein.
The only criticism I offer is that the scene in which Discord plays the message on the screen is a little awkwardly constructed. It read rather clunky.
Other than that, will Cadance be involved?
This might be said already but I like how the Princesses went to their last resort AFTER the last pony died. Then what were they expecting Discord to say "I can ressurect all your subjects?" Dumb Princesses are dumb but interesting story is interesting.
Holy shi- That was amazing. I'm definately keeping updated on this. You totally deserved to be on Equestria Daily.
Chapter 2 should be out soon. Expect it towards the end of this week.
Canterlot Wedding.
Cadance (no idea how to spell it)
Chrysalis
Changeling hive?
1548684 Fantastic, so far! Can't wait to read more... javascript:smilie('
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1658026 awsome i cant wait to see how it continous, was it twilight who had the hourglass al allong? oh god the suspence
Kind of a sad opening, with ponies gone extinct. However, I'm sure it will turn around into a more light-hearted time travel adventure. At least, that's where I believe you're going with this.
I'll be watching to find out. Great work so far! The writing style is well paced and well punctuated.
I just have one little nitpick about Discord's behavior. As I was picturing his scene, I found the moments where he would appear in one location, snap his fingers, and then appear in another location, to be just a little excessive. In the future, maybe you could substitute some of that "jumping around" for him becoming one with various aspects of the environment in creative ways (like the stained glass window, the talking apple piles, the butterflies, and the balloons, as in his original episode). Just a small suggestion for the sake of having Discord feel just a little more in character. The part where his couch randomly turned into a buffalo and ran off was good though.
Other than that, really great work. Want more. :D
>hide it where no one can find it
>Royal Wedding reference
>even more specific, the song "This Day Aria"
In the caves under Canterlot, obviously.
Or the fact that that's Chrysalis's line might mean its in her ownership.
Regardless, I want a prize for my autism.
And Chapter 2 goes live. Again, feel free to post any constructive criticism, just don't make Fluttershy cry!
Wow Celestia is a bitch. Here is a ruler in the exact same position as her who might be willing to help her but she says that after is all said and done the Changelings will be in the exact same position as now. I would not help them but then again I am cynical.
This chapter is more incredible than the first! My favorite character is now in this story (Chrysalis)! I love how you described the hives particularly, both inside and out.
I do have one question though: Where did Celestia send Luna off to while she scanned those books?
PS- (In a bit of shameless self-advertising) would you read my fic?
Oh, Discord, you little bastard you. :3
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Sooner or later sombra needs to have something to do with this
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Better some food than none right? Celestia's just stating that she will try to stop the Changelings from feeding on her subjects. After all is said and done, however, at least the Changelings will have something to feed on right?
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Oh you know, get the armor ready, make sure the doors are locked, feed the phoenix, all the normal stuff before you go on a trip.
Sure!
1678379 Yes but Celesita isnt even willing to negotiate and saying that she'll try to stop them again will put the Changelings in the same position they're now.
That's because Celestia has a power-complex where she always thinks she's the one in charge even when she's not. She has to make sure everypony knows that she is a ruler even when she has nopony to rule.
Am I the only one wondering if Discord will be in the form of the Kool-Aid man at the start of the next chapter?
....
where is the doctor?
1717140
Oh, you know... wibbley wobbley timey-wimey stuff