rainbow dash gets stranded on a island because of a huge storm that she couldn't control and she stays on the island for months because when she landed her wing broke and she went crazy because of all of those months on the island her mind gets messed up and she go's insane and when her friends finally rescue her they notice a lot of ponies going missing.
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Oh my fucking god. The summary is so fucking horrible. The shitty sentence structure and complete lack of subtlety actually made me laugh.
It doesn't even start with a goddamn capital letter.
You need an editor. Or to do some heavy editing yourself including the synopsis.
Well damn than one 0 to 100 real freaking quick
So dash is a cannibal now. Oh boy
Does rainbow want to get Caught she is not even throwing the remains in the blender no more
Hiya! Yea, hi. Alright, so, this was a peculiar read indeed.
I don't want to be rude, but I do want to point out where this may have gone... south. As a writer to a fellow writer, I'm only trying to help.
I'm not touching on the story itself, the plot and characters aren't what I wanna mention, maybe some other time. For now, I'm sticking with the grammar and so on in this.
One; try adding things like capital letters at the beginning of every name (Example: Rainbow Dash or Fluttershy. Second, try ending your diologues with an end quotation mark (" - this thingy). And then make sure to add apostrophes (' - this thingy) where needed. (Example: Fluttershy's).
Next, try adding pronouns like She or He or They or any other fitting pronouns. Using the character's name over and over again gets the reader uninteresting and quite tired with the repetition.
Example:
Next, try finding synonyms (other words with the same meaning) to replace something or the other. Repitition is never fun to read and gets quite annoying, quite quickly. There are places where it can be used, and it usually adds a touch of flavour to the story, but here that doesn't apply, and it just comes off as bad writing.
Try adding more paragraphs, give more detail and add more depth to what you're saying. Give the reader some time to process what's happening, and let things flow a bit more smoothly, not abruptly forcing things onto the reader (though that is something a lot of good writers have to go through at one point, so I don't blame you). The stabbing thing should have had an entire para dedicated to it, and Dash's thoughts through it should have been made far clearer than it had been. Don't say something happened, trying adding something to that to make it less bland. Tell us in a more fancier tone, and add some flavour and depth to what you're telling the reader.
There are other things I can touch on, but I don't wanna bore you with all that. If you wish to request any help, hit me up, I'm always down to help. But if not interested, (which is perfectly fine) looking at the above mentioned, and trying to improve off of them, is going to help a lot in the long run - if you're willing to put in the effort, that is. I also wish to go into more detail on the above topic, if you ever want to.
Now I hope none of this comes off as hate, I don't want to say I loved this story or anything, but I don't want you to feel discouraged, as this looks to be your first piece of work. Everyone starts somewhere, alrght? You live and you learn.
Happy day ahead to you!
Maybe it's because i'm delirious from sleep deprivation but this is the funniest thing ever
We don't dersve such good writing