Back To Equestria

by DubleTruble96

My New Room-mares: Day 3 - Part 1

5 AM. The mares were asleep. I was wide awake, standing in the kitchen, making a chicken sandwich. I looked down the hall, then out the windows. I double-checked the hall to make sure...Good. Not a pony in sight. I completed the assembling of the sandwich then took one more peek around, and took a well-deserved bite. 3 days...3 days without any meat or meat alternatives. That one bite of what should've been a normal, run-of-the-mill chicken sandwich was like heaven between 2 pieces of bread, pepper, mustard and mayonaise. It was absolutely amaz-

"Austin?"

Oh horseapples...I slowly moved my gaze in the direction of the voice. It was Twilight, awake and wanting a drink of water. She must've heard me...I should've known that the one mare out of the 6 that actually pulled all-nighters studying and reading would be up at this hour. I coughed a bit and quickly swallowed, then hid the sandwich behind my back.

"Twilight....um..what are you doing up at this hour?" I asked with a twinge of paranoia.

"I could ask you the same question...I'm just up for a drink of water..."

"uh..SAME...same! Yeah...I got thirsty overnight..."

"What were you eating?"

"....Eating? What?! Nooo..Whaaat? Noooo!" I said, waving it off and grinning, doing my best to hide it.

I then felt magic grip the sandwich and pull it from my hands, then hover it in front of Twilight's nose. Nononononononono....

"Austin...? What is this?...It smells....odd."

"It's...uh...sandwich....stuff."

"It looks a bit like...cooked muscle fibres..."

"WOW LOOK AT THE TIME! We should probably be in bed!"

"Austin...do humans eat.....meat?"

"Let's go, huh? You must be exhausted, and I'm exhausted and we're all exhausted! Whew! Let's get under those covers, eh?"

"Austin!"

I sighed in defeat and walked into the other room.

"Okay! Fine! You got me. Humans eat meat. It's part of our diet. If we don't eat it, we could die from lack of protein. There! You happy now? You know my dirty little secret! I eat meat. All humans do."

"When were you planning on telling us?"

"Uh, never! Twilight. What if you were like me? What if you were the only pony who ate meat? How would YOU break it to your friends? Huh? 'Oh hey guys! I just so happen to eat meat harvested from slaughtered creatures! But it's okay, because if I don't I'll die!'"

Twilight's ears dropped and she looked away.

"Now do you get it? Twilight, it's hard enough being in a world of herbivores without having a twinge of craving. Earth is the only time I get to actually eat something I want. And not grass and flowers. And now you've intruded on that too. I kept this secret to spare hurt feelings, Twi! How would you break that to Fluttershy? Huh? How?!"

Twilight was silent, obviously looking for something to answer with.

"How?..................How?"

Twilight remained stoic, doing her best to figure out something to say.

"HOW?!"

"I DON'T KNOW!......I....I don't know." Twilight finally said, ears low.

"That's what I thought..." I snatched the sandwich away from her and threw it in the garbage. "Well what are we waiting for? Let's get back to bed...."

I wandered slowly back to my bedroom, with Twilight silently trailing behind. I finally walked into my bedroom and closed the door, rubbing my forehead with my hands. Pinkie rolled over in the bed, then opened her eyes.

"Austin..."

"Not right now Pinkie..."

"I knew about it the whole time...I understand..."

"How can you of anypony understand?! You weren't raised on it...You never eat it. You're disgusted by it."

"But I know that you need to do so otherwise you'd die."

I was silent.

"Austin, how could I NOT know? I'm an agent that works for the FBI here on Earth. Of course I knew. I keep my mouth shut to make sure you're safe."

"But now what? Twilight will surely tell the ponies at some point. You know how bad she is with secrets. For gosh sake she babbled about Rarity and Spike. It's only a matter of time before she says something about this."

"Maybe so, but trust me. If they were true friends to you, they will stick by you. But you know that, don't you?" She said with a warm smile.

I turned pink in the cheeks and slowly nodded.

"I guess you're right Pinkie...I'd better get some sleep before-"

That's when we heard Fluttershy whine rather loudly, indicating fear. Great.

"I'll handle that in the morning..." I said with a rather annoyed grumble. Pinkie shimmied over a little bit to make room, then I crawled into bed and fell asleep before my head even hit the pillow.

------------

The Following Morning...

I walked out into the living room, where the ponies all sat around in a circle, waiting for me. I took one look at the circle, then turned around.

"I'm going back to bed. Wake me up when you're leaving."

I bumped into a magic barrier Twilight quickly cast.

"No. We're talking about this."

I turned around.

"Twilight, I just woke up. You told everypony here about what happened at 5 AM. You know how sensitive I am about this. I'm not talking about anything. You want me? I'll be in my bedroom."

I turned and used my own magic to push my way through Twilight's barrier. She quickly set up a new one.

"Austin. We need to talk about this."

"We don't NEED to talk about ANYTHING. Technically speaking, we only need to eat and drink enough to survive, get enough sleep, and have the appropriate amount of physical excerise. Everything else is optional."

"Austin!"

I just sighed, then walked over and sat down near the ponies.

"Fine. But if this is an intervention, I'm not speaking about anything."

"It's not an intervention, but I think we need some insight."

"Okay! Humans eat meat. There's your insight."

"No, we mean we need more information than that."

"What could you possibly need?"

"How much do you eat?"

"Per day or per lifetime?"

"Per day."

"Not a lot. Depends on the meals. But usually, about 2-3 servings. And a serving is about 1 cup of meat. Which really isn't a lot."

"What types of meat do humans eat?"

"Depends on the situation. If it's everyday life, chicken, turkey, cow and pig. If it's hunting, it could include fish, wild game, and even rabbit. Finally, if it's survival, anything is up for grabs."

Fluttershy couldn't stop whimpering.

"You had to find out sometime, 'Shy..."

"Well, do you eat horse or...*gulp* pony...meat?" Rarity asked hesitantly.

"No. It's illegal here. And we don't have ponies like you here. So there is literally no way we could eat pony meat. Not that I would want to anyway. You honestly don't look at all decent for any sort of meal. In fact, the thought of eating you disgusts me."

Twilight and the rest were taken back by that remark.

"I don't know if that was an insult or a compliment..." Rainbow said.

"Fluttershy, this really shouldn't come as such a shock to you. You breed thousands of animals. You know what bears and wolves eat. You know what dragons eat. You know what even otters eat. They all have SOME form of meat in their diet. Technically speaking, humans are animals too!"

"Really?" Twilight asked, seeming to be interested in that.

"Yeah. Homo Sapiens Sapiens is what we're called. We're just another creature on this big blue ball floating in space."

"But you can reason..."

"Twilight, if you classify something just based on the ability to reason, then you'll be dumber than you look. Also technically speaking, you are all animals. Ponies. Just because you can reason, doesn't mean you're any less of an animal. Now, don't get me wrong here, you're not as...brutish or...dumb...as an animal may be. But you're still animals genetically..."

Twilight just stared.

"Point is, animals are split into 3 'eating classes'. Herbivores, Carnivores, and Omnivores. Herbivores, such as yourselves, eat strictly plant life. So, fruits, nuts, even the occasional baked good. Carnivores eat nothing but meat. Finally, omnivores, such as myself, eat a mix of both. If one is taken out of the equation, we could die. So yeah. Now you know. I'm an omnivore, and I can't change that! But I'm not a crazy murderer. We kill animals within REASON. We only kill what we know we'll eat. And what we don't eat, we recycle."

Twilight and the others looked at each other.

"And before you say anything...No. We are not going to kill ANYTHING from Equestria. I would rather not have a moon sentence. So yeah. You can kick me in the rear on my way out if it makes you feel better."

I stood up and walked out in an annoyed huff. The ponies just sat their, silent and awkwardly staring. I wandered back to my bedroom, closed the door and fell face first into my bed. I moaned loudly into my pillow. Suddenly, I heard a quiet knocking on my door.

"Who is it?" I managed to mumble from my pillow.

"umm...it's..um...it's..."

I sighed and stood up, already figured out who it was. I opened the door and peeked out.

"Yeah 'Shy? Here to give me a chiropractic treatment that ends up breaking my spine?"

"No...I...um...."

"Look, I'm still really tired and just want some more sleep, so can we please speed this along?"

Fluttershy suddenly...well, for lack of a better term, glomped me. I was pinned to the floor of my bedroom by a suddenly-cuddly pegasus who refused to let go. I gently tapped her back and shoulders, signalling that I'd like to stand up and that I've had enough. She just squeezed tighter. I winced in pain and gasped for air.

"Oh, I could never stay mad at one of my animal friends! Of course I understand...I'm so sorry for doubting you!"

"HOKAY! HOKAY! TOO TIGHT!" I managed to wheeze.

"I promise never to doubt you again!"

This is how I die. I never thought I'd die in the forelegs of a very cuddly butter-yellow pegasus that refused to let up from a very tight hug. Who knew?

She DID let go after a while, though.

I gasped for air and panted, wheezing occasionally and doing my best to get oxygen back into my body.

"Oopsie...Sorry."

I just waved at her to signal 'No hard feelings', then collapsed on the floor, chest heaving and heart racing. She just blushed sheepishly and gave me one more gentle nuzzle against my cheek, then left the room. I laid there for a while, still gasping for air.

---------

When I managed to stand without collapsing into a heap, I stumbled into the living room again and sat down for some much required rest. Suddenly, Twilight thought of something and turned to me.

"Hey Austin...remember when you first came to Equestria, and I asked you that question about romance?"

"Yeah?"

"Well...I failed to ask at the time...Buuuuuut....."

"Yes?"

"Are humans attracted to ponies in any way?"

If there was a record playing at the moment, it would've just scratched.

"I'm sorry?"

"Are humans attracted to ponies? Like...physically?"

".....Ummm...I REALLY think that you would rather NOT know the answer to that..." I said, looking away and turning red, thinking of Rule 34 and the /b/ section on a few Thread Simulators I've seen...There are some messed up people there...

"You sure?"

"Positive Twilight. That's the main reason why I'm keeping you away from the Internet."

"Oh come on, how bad could it be?" Rainbow scoffed.

"Rainbow, there are things on the Internet that would make even YOU sleep with a nightlight..."

"No way! I'll have you know that I've beaten Slenderpony on Hard mode!"

"There is no hard mode."

".....I've beaten it, okay?"

"Just because you've beaten that, doesn't mean you can beat the Internet...."

"Try me."

"You're certain? I'm giving you ONE LAST WARNING. Turn back now."

"No way!"

"I warned you..."

I took her to the computer and typed my query into the Google searchbar, then clicked the first link.

"Have fun Dashie. The mouse works like this, the keyboard like this. Feel free to explore the site." I said, then walked away and closed the door to give her some privacy.

"How long do you think she'll last?" Twilight asked me.

"I think all of 15 seconds."

"Oh come on, it can't be that bad!"

"You'd be surprised..."

Suddenly Dashie screamed and the door was blasted open, and she ran out and curled up in the corner and muttered to herself.

"Told you. 15 seconds." I said as I walked into the computer room, then cleared the browser history and turned off the computer.

"Dash! Are you okay?"

"I-Internet....r-ru-rule 34....b-bad..." Rainbow muttered, still shivering.

"Hey Twi, you got a memory erase spell?"

"Yeah..."

"Wipe her short term memory..."

Twilight did just that, and everything that happened in the past 2 minutes was wiped clean from Dashie's memory.

"What happened?"

"The Internet..." I said with a smirk.

Comments

[Ivellios]

Pinkie wouldn't have been phased at all by the internet.

[Gilgamesh King of Heroes]

Rainbow was warned disregarded it and was promptly chewed up and spit out by the Internet As for Twilight she is a guest in Austins house a guest does not force someone their host to tell them something about themselves that they are clearly uncomfortable with she should be ashamed of herself

[DubleTruble96]

1394607 Yes, though it IS just a story.

[Gilgamesh King of Heroes]

1395941 I know It just ticks me off that she would be so demanding when she clearly has no right

[Andy Ray]

What did I say just in the previous chapter ? Humans and ponies don't mix! Urgh, now we have to suffer through this topic!..

But we forgive you.

Also this:

I kept this secret to spare hurt feelings, Twi! How would you break that to Fluttershy? Huh? How?!"
Twilight was silent, obviously looking for something to answer with.
"How?..................How?"
Twilight remained stoic, doing her best to figure out something to say.
"HOW?!"
"I DON'T KNOW!......I....I don't know." Twilight finally said, ears low.

"Kung fu panda", eh ?