- Member Since 8th Aug, 2017
- offline last seen May 25th, 2022
Not Enough Coffee
"The soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts." ~ Marcus Aurelius
Not Enough Coffee
Joined 8th Aug, 2017 ·
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The title page makes it sound like this story needs a horror tag. Why isn't there one?
10522236
It's not so much a horror, as it is a tragedy. I don't write it with the intent to frighten. If people think it deserves a horror tag, then just reply to this comment saying, "Do it!"
NICE!
Strong start so far! You did a good job both coming up with the freaky dreams, as well as express Octavia's feelings about them. You also did a good job building up intrigue for what will be happening this story, and I look forward to what's coming next.
Also quick mistake I spotted:
Should be "unnerved" I believe.
10522355
Three editors and we all missed that! AAAAAAAAAA
Also, thanks, Broski!
i like this story cn you come to my house?
Hey gamer, this was pretty fun to edit. You should write more.
10523025
Just wait for part two. :>
10523061
No.
10523114
Wheeze.jpeg
Someone, I forget who, once said that characters with depression are hard to write, because a good character has strong motivations, and a character with depression, by definition, has no strong motivations.
There are some good ways to work around this. In this story, the author has used my favorite, which is to have the character's inaction drive the story. It's a good choice for the beginning, and overall I'd say this chapter is strong.
A few phrases stuck out to me as strange, like
I had to read that sentence multiple times to understand what it meant. I would have gotten it right away if commas were placed like this:
(I don't know if this is unique to me, but it did take me out of the story for a bit.)
Also, describing eyeballs as orbs is something I personally dislike.
Aside from that, though, this was a strong chapter. I don't want to make any assumptions about the author, but the way he wrote about depression leads me to believe he knows what he's talking about. It feels honest to me.
I'm planning on reading the rest of this as it comes out. It has an interesting hook, and I want to see what happens next.
10523985
I wrote this with the intention of portraying the feelings I experience waking up from my chronic nightmares. Which, in draft one, came off as way too telling, and I had to redo the whole thing from scratch. Soaring was great with lining me up with my intentions for the story while maintaining a good narrative voice.
I actually didn't really plan her out to be inactive, but more so to mimic the paranoia I'd felt from my dreams bleeding into my daily life. It isn't accurate for someone to instantly just find the motivation to overcome it, that is to say, know what they truly need and how to go about solving it. Even if there is steps made, even unintentionally, it can still go back a few steps before continuing forward.
I've mentioned my mental issues before with friends, and in some blogs. I'm not sure I'd call it depression, but something close to it, I suppose. At least a symptom of something else. So this story is deeply personal to me, as I'm writing it from the heart. I'm glad to know it's coming off as honest and accurate for others who've been where I have and still am.
I'm incredibly glad to hear that. As I mentioned in the authors notes, I can't promise quick updates. I am working hard to make sure this keeps a high level of quality, unlike the other works I shoot out with little regard for fine tuning. This story means a lot to me, and I want that to be seen. Though it won't be too long, as I only have two more parts planned out.
P.S: I agree with that sentence fix. I'll get to that.
10524125
Thanks for the reply. I guess I was projecting a bit about your authorial intent. You've got some thought provoking stuff in here. Keep up the good work.
10524158
It's all good. I think it's great someone can find such meaning/understanding of my work! It's exactly what I like to hear to know I'm on the right track! I await your future comments on the upcoming parts!
I'm glad to see how much this improved compared to the draft I went through. This is a much stronger version, and here's to hoping that you and Octavia keep up the fight, broski.
When does the non-can tag come into play?
10725668
Having Soaring explain to me what you meant with the last scene in particular was a god send. Totally was able to see your perspective after he explained it to me. Did a re-write of the parts that weren't needed, and kept focused away from anything that could be considered in bad taste for the scene.
And thanks, broski. Writing this has helped a bit, I'll say. Honestly some of the hardest to write, cause the subject matter. Oh boy.
10725674
Chapter two. The last scene. It's not written as smut. It's written as horror. But this is a warning, cause it's a real heavy scene. I don't blame you if you wish to not read it.
The return of this frightening story, with one HELL of a second chapter! I may be biased as both your friend and pre-reader, but I mean it :p
I really like the use of different font colors and everything else you improved on since my last pre-reading. Keep at it my dude.
I just read this chapter and i am completely confused
in other words: 10/10
10745417
Oh boy. Just wait till chapter two hits, broski. Though the questions you might have will be answered in chapter three, which is a work in progress right now.
10746976
sounds good
broski
Here's your long overdue promo blog, broski.
10764613
WOOOOOOOOO. THAT'S WHAT I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR! THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT!
10765823
Poggers poggers poggers.