- Member Since 23rd Feb, 2013
- offline last seen Last Friday
TittySparkles
TittySparkles is pretty based, writes great porn that I can rub one off to on a weekly basis, and she has no problem telling societies leftie rejects to fuck off. - Anonymous
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This was the one you discussed writing on /mlp/ the other night, is it not?
Might need to mention rape in the description, though.
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Yeah this is the one, and I thought the dark tag mixed in with the sex part would give a better hint to what it was about.
2227306 Yeah, but some people are a little less keen when it comes to determining that kind of stuff. But you do hint at it and lead towards the event quite a bit, so if they cant tell by the time that its happening, then they're at a loss.
I enjoyed the slow build. You took your time with the pacing of this story, and it shows.
"Lady parts?" I love including nicknames for the ol' meat wallet in my stories, but there's a time and a place. In my opinion, "lady parts" is too casual of a term to use when diagnosing the physical state of a rape victim. Go with the proper term, like "vagina" or "genitals." "Marehood" can also word under certain circumstances. Leave "lady parts" for more lighthearted stories. (Or have the rapist use the word "lady parts" as a means of taunting the victim. Just leave lighthearted vagina idioms out of this story's narration.)
would
Rape is a strong word, in and of itself. You could just say, "you were the victim of a burglary and... raped."
is and such
when
Again, for a story that has such a dark tone, the term "meat product" cheapens the menace of the assailant. Cock, dick, member, shaft. Even prick works every now and again. Shlong slang is similar to a Swiss Army knife. There's a tool for every occasion. The trick is knowing which to use.
The word "to" is missing between "wanted" and "fight"
I didn't catch all of the errors. A second set of eyes can really help catch some of these simple word fixes prior to publishing. You can find willing prereaders here.
The story had a nice atmosphere and was well paced. I took issue with the rapist's scheme, as any second opinion would expose him in an instant. Surely Vinyl would notice fresh wounds on her friend's face?
Some questionable plot points aside, this was a compelling read and I look forward to reading more of your stories.
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Noted and fixed the mentioned parts along with a few other errors I noticed going over it again. You made a fair point on the use of nicknames and I, myself sometimes found it hard to pick one while trying to make it look good in the story. As for the plan I really don't have anything to say to back myself up for that questionable plot point.
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I'm not saying the plot point was bad. If anything, that could help emphasize the insanity of the rapist. He hasn't thought this though. He knows he'll never "get away with it." He's just curious to see how long he can keep this charade going.
Nicely done, I hate seeing Octavia raped (is it odd that I say that when a few days ago I wrote a 3k word chapter about her being raped several thousand times?), but this was done right. Good show sir, I hope to see more from you at this quality of writing!
All I can say is nicely done! I loved it all the way through. Adding the mystery and all added a nice touch to the whole thing!
overall it was amazing!!
perfect, i was looking for something dark and tragic for my folders.
This story is VERY good and i think it is the darkest story i have ever read.
And it is so sad
Wow...just, wow. This story was written so well and so detailed I had shivers far before anything even happened. Liek others have said before me, this story was incredibly well paced and leaves you with a certain feeling of dread. I don't think I have read anything as dark as this before. I am torn between liking and adding it to favorites, and digging into my skull and ripping out the front of my brain so I can forget I ever read this. Well played, good sir!
That was dark, and the ending... Holy fuck...
Woah, that was dark, top five dark. Thumbs up! Good writing.
It was nice.
Very predictable, but nice.
This is just a terrible concept, like it is horrifying. I can't say I liked it, but I do not hate it. It was well written and you described and portrayed the characters well. But the bleak ending without a nice resolution, like the rapist being horribly tortured by Vinyl. Like eye lids removed, cheese grader used on the inside of the cheeks and/or tongue, forcing the bone of the foot through the hoof, sick shit; but when it occurs to a rapist, I do not mind at all.
I so much want a happy ending.
If only...she written a note or two to remind herself... I mean just...
Ow. Fuck me, mate. I just read this again after having forgotten about it after reading it a month ago.
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But in seriousness l have always loved these more darker fics and it made it even better that you didn't have the guards burst in or something, you left it to say that this has probably been going on for a while, and probably will continue. So I tip my hat to you.
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Plus you didn't focus on the sex itself, more about the damage it was causing her and what this was doing to her already fucked up day. I mean that's the least thing to focus on but it makes it so much more realistic. So again my approval.
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and I may or may not have found this due to a certain itch that needed scratching
avvesione.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/dog_days_s2-08-cat_god-feral-smile-cat_ears-nekomimi.jpg .
Wow. Can't even describe that. Nicely done. The ending was perfect, even though I hoped for a happy one. Was thinking she could write his name or something in blood/bodily fluids before she fell asleep.
Well written, but horrifying. And this is the reason why hydrogen bombs exist.
This story left me emotionally...raped
Really enjoyed it, though Vinyl's almost ignorant reaction on Tavi's freshly beaten up face confused me. She's like "meh, someone beat you up yesterday when you were alone at the house, big deal." Shouldn't she be more concerned about it, given that the only person who sees Tavi other than Vynil herself is that "doctor"? Other than that I didn't have any problems with the story.
The rape scene is awesome. Never before have I experienced such hatred for a fictional character. You put the reader through the experience of getting raped, not just some sex scene. Well played.
Also, dat ending. You just couldn't finish this story more perfectly. The feelings of disgust, pity and uncertainty are strong with this one.
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I may have been playing Fallout New vegas too much but I want to cleave that bastard in half with a bumper sword then hack him into bits with a meat cleaver.... As a matter of fact I feel as though I now have a story to write.
Excuse me I need to get this fleshed out.
Well fuck. Now I need to go read something happy or something. I am NOT going to sleep after reading this.
Well then, that story was delightful, great work, good enough to look past all the grammar errors.
There needs to be an alternate ending where vinyl skips her job sees him and he gets caught and vinyl feels like crap for letting it happen under her nose. Still the ending made me feel like absolute disgust and I wish I didn't read it at all...
up vote.
EDIT: I lost sleep because of this story so there really needs to be an alternate ending to make the reader feel better.
Regardless that Octavia is my favorite pony next to Derpy, I really liked it. I suppose I understand why this story gets so much more hate than most other rape stories. I mean, he rapes and tries to murder her, then proceeds to take advantage of her condition. But I honestly believe it was a very well thought and well written story.
Meh. When the doctor was first mentioned, I knew what'd happen. It would be much more interesting if in fact Vinyl was a psycho, taking advantage of the fact that every day Octavia at first considered her a friend.
Well written and promising concept.
3869841 I actually thought it was Vinyl, until the story has proven something different to me :P
Man. Nice story, TittySparkles. That gave me the chills.
The thing I expected at the end: Tavi holds thtough and somehow manages to write the "doctors" name down
Actual ending: restart
both endings are great in my opinion
2900732
Well, unfortunately Vinyl isn't really smart... So nothing surprising about it.
2227800
The author must have thought it would be less sad if he would have put funny nicknames. He was wrong.
2552509
The real me would have done that
This is creepy... I'm used to pervert stories about me but this was the last drop! Beaten, robbed, raped and raped every night!?! This isn't only a perverted thing, this is also sick. The rape part is overly too much detailed and the final is scary. I must stop reading human stories.
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2227306
Perhaps it was added in the decade since this was published, but I think the Non-Con tag is what is needed here... I'd report the story, but that MIGHT reflect badly on you. Meh... if I happen to notice it hasn't been changed in a few days I might do that, with a note saying that I am sure it was NOT malicious in ANY way.