OctaScratch
Joined 20th Apr, 2012 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Aj = AJ
Apple Jack = Applejack
dripping like chocolate and poison. That's a strange comparison isn't it?
I suggest getting a proofreader. It has potential but it's littered with mistakes.
I don't even read clop!
I came for the Appledash.
Not bad. You could use a better Applejack characterization, in my opinion. I don't know what to say, really. Some errors, not enough to really drag anyone away from the story.
I dunno... I'll leave it up to my clop friends here...
1180662
I apologize, I wrote this a little around 12 last night while my friend was throwing ideas at me.
I usually have a proofreader but we don't work together anymore so I'm trying me best. lol.
1180669
I kinda wanted to give her a dark personality in this one. Like, all that pent up sexual tension and such.
but thank you anyways.
Sentence structure is a bit wordy in places. Few mistakes noted above. Written pretty well, but the language used isn't terribly stimulating to the mind, nor the dick. All in all, not bad, could use revision phase or two.
As for the concept, personally I'm not a fan of clop of this sort; I prefer clop that isn't for the point of clop, as in, there's a romantic backstory that builds to the point of fuckception. Not feeling much tension during the naughty scene, cloppable but could be more heated.
1180725
Thank you.
Thats how I am usually about clopfics, I prefer the couple to have a history together. Actual romance, not just sex. Which is why I decided to possibly write more to this, explaining everything that happens, why it happened, and such.
1180745
I'd definitely consider doing just that! One thing I'd also suggest is instead of using language descriptive of what physically goes on during the sex scenes, I'd throw in some language describing the emotional tension and climaxes, which are also very stimulating and allow readers to "get in the shoes" of the one either receiving or doling out the fuck.
1180776
I'm already working on it, don't you worry about it!
and thats true, thank you for informing me of that! Its been so long since I've written anything clop related so I was hoping some readers wouldn't mind helping me out. haha.
Short, sweet, and dirty. Just the way I like.
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/298/073/68e.png
1180825
That cover image.
1182594
foreshadowing, maybe?
1182599
Heh... you are a sneaky author.
I was going to leave after chapter1, then i read chapter2 and find interest, now i'm quite interested ;)
1193625
I'm glad you didn't!!
I intended for the first chapter to sound like one of those nasty one-shot clopfics (it started out as a gift for my friend) but like I mention earlier, I'm not into meaningless sex so I had to write more.
1194621 I'm glad you did, clopfics are annoying, i mean, if you read a pair you already know what will happen, and by the way i find some of them quite...creepy? XD Anyway i like your story, and MAN, DAT COVER XD
didn't do much double checking on this one, will do soon.
Feeling a bit lazy today.
Y u no make longer?
1255509
the story would probably be better if I did make the chapters longer, but it would probably only be updated once a month or every other month because I am extremely bad at writing long passages.
Oh many frickin' god Pinkie Pie appears out of nowhere
images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110811220617/mlp/images/thumb/1/14/Spike_gets_scared_of_Pinkie_Pie.png/640px-Spike_gets_scared_of_Pinkie_Pie.png
1256058
yep.
WANT MORE
when is the next chapter?????