- Member Since 28th Sep, 2012
- offline last seen 1 hour ago
Firesight
I'm an IT Brony who writes stories based on a show for 8-year old girls whose content is meant for anything but 8-year old girls.
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Not much to say about this first chapter, but the supplement should be a lot of fun.
This is quite a good start for the story even though very little happens in this chapter.
10099263
Yeah, the first chapter is more of a teaser than anything else; trying to give folks a sense of our protagonist, in hopes that’ll make what happens to her all the more enjoyable. I thought about releasing more up front but decided to save my ammo to hopefully generate more heat by releasing smaller chapters over time. The action will pick up shortly, and when it does? It won’t let up.
10099320
Just missed your comment or I’d’ve tagged it in the previous reply.
True, not much. I decided to do daily release of smaller chapters, at least to start. This is more a teaser than anything else; hopefully give a sense of Owlia and what’s happening to her before we turn her into what she became in the latest chapter of the parent story.
When you know and like a character, sex scenes with them become more enjoyable. I’m hoping this little intro does the trick for unfamiliar readers.
A nice setup but part two is definitely my favorite of the two. And part three, wew! I'm not going to spoil it but dayum!
This is the start from the other's viewpoint compared to last chapter which is nice. I wonder if Derpy managed to reach her daughter and if Dinky will be effected by the curse and if so how.
I love Certified Mail. He's like the inverse of the RGRE mare and something you don't see too often in our neck of the woods. This is one of those instances where I actually am rooting for the virus because it genuinely feels like it's doing the infected a favor.
10100922
I admit, I don't quite have the answers for her or Dinky yet, but I did need to clear her out since the main story already stated she was a cyberpony, meaning this group didn't infect her. So she had to have caught it elsewhere. If I wanted to show what happened, I think I'd have to tread very carefully on anything dealing with her and and her daughter.
10100928
That he turned out the way he did in the story was due to your prereading suggestion, my friend. It was definitely a good one! Gave him a lot more depth and the scene more oomph.
This is another good chapter and I liked the descriptions of Certified Mail's magic. Postage is probably goign to join in soon.
10102607
Appreciated! I’ve always thought the use of unicorn magic in mating has been an overlooked element in way too many M-rated stories. As for Postage? I think that’s probably a safe bet!
This was a nice chapter and I enjoyed the description of Poastage's view of the scene.
I hate 2020 already: Health issues, house issues, life sucks! I'm just thankful there are chapters like this one that is the exact opposite of suck. In fact, this chapter inspired me. And in time, I will share this inspiration... with all of the main fic's readers
. Looking forward to it!
The pleasure was all mine, friend. Getting to read your stuff early hardly feels like a responsibility so much as a blessing. I won't deny that with my own production grinding to a halt it's also a useful creative outlet for me as well. We both know what happens when I'm reading something where I don't have a creative outlet...
I may have gone a little overboard in a few of my comments in years past. Reading them years later is still a fun opportunity to laugh at my own misery. Anyway, moving on to this fine chapter!
AJ's honest truth; when I first read this I thought to myself, "where has this scene been all life and why haven't I written it?" I've written a mare masturbating in a different room to her friend having sex but this is quite different and I like it.
My eyes must have skipped over this line hoooly shit that's hot!
The female in that instance hadn't been a griffon but that just goes to show you even the experts get it wrong sometimes!
She should have stayed with him; We need more long-eared hybrids!
derpicdn.net/img/2015/7/26/944443/large.png
Given the anatomical differences, I can totally see this happening. Inexperienced writers will want to be careful about taking this route though as perfect seals don't normally exist in vaginal intercourse with both the inner walls and the head of the penis deforming slightly during penetration. Just a note for anyone reading this comment besides Firesight.
Of horn, naturally. Get your mind out of the gutter!
This paragraph is going into the vault for mythic-tier Firesight moments. "Inner nest" is the greatest sexual adjective since "illicit inch"!
Put your spell on me
and possess your prize
Feel the pony love grow strong
Embrace equine until he comes!
Eat your heart out, Dumbledore!
Why do I hear boss music?
I love when there are changes after the preread and I get to have some authentic reactions to stuff.
A well-hydrated pony is absolutely essential to any clopfic. Noah's Flood is in, The Mojave Desert is most definitely out.
I can see evolution selecting for this, weirdly enough. The more ponies breed, the less chance they'll die out even during attrition events such as the Windigo attack.
How you keep finding new adjectives for sexual anatomy I'll never know. It's making my stuff look stale by comparison!
And the tongue! We can't forget about the thestral's sexiest weapon.
Or dickciplinary action. Same difference.
One of those new additions you mentioned! I do need to craft a spell list for those guys...
There isn't enough bukakke out there. Hosing a mare down with cum is always hot!
There's a lovely description of a transformation!
This turns me on more than anything else in the chapter. Breeding is the best fetish ever! Desire to write another zebra/pony fic increasing. Must... resist! Urk!
I'm interested in how the whole of pony society is going to change as a result of this virus. There isn't any going back from this, you know. Friendship as a concept has been molded into something entirely different by this infection and it's going to split the entire nation among ideological lines. There will be those who want this status to remain and those who fight to restore the old order by going anti-sexual. Harmony as a religious concept is going to experience a schism, regardless of whether societal reform is peaceful or destructive, gradual or drastic.
This is another interesting chapter and I like how Postage was affected by the mating magic and I'm looking forward to more. I also spotted a minor error
Since this is Postage it shoulkd be marehood instead of malehood since hasn't got that one yet.
On a completely different note I had wondered what would happen if Fireflight were to convert a batpony.
10109137
I’m glad! And I can’t thank you enough for commenting on every chapter.
Indeed you did. Fixed with apologies.
That is a good question. I can’t say I’d consider doing that yet, but you might get the beginnings of an answer in the next chapter of the main story.
10106108
Forgot to reply to this. Thanks! As I’m sure you’ve noticed by now, I’m trying to alternate the viewpoint between the various characters by section. Makes it more fun and interesting that way, both to write and to (hopefully) read.
10110745
You make an outlet by producing epic longpost comments that are stories in and of themselves! Case in point:
You make your points very well using your favorite characters, or turning the story characters to your advantage by lending them voice and allowing them running commentary. It's one of the things that makes your longposts so fun to read, especially on works like Firefly.
And to think that originally, I wasn't planning for her to appear! But then I decided to pencil her in at the end of last chapter, and things just went from there as I imagined what a stay in the curse-infused rain would do to her.
Then you get to experience raw and unfiltered here for the first time!
Like I said, I'm very gratified that I've actually hooked you on a griffie! Then again, I'm hooking her on ponies, so maybe that's only fair!
Well, there's definitely going to be some new chapters added to it after this story!
Or maybe Owlia will start a brand new one for griffons...
That was another late addition I figured you'd like.
She's being stretched at this point as C-M's stallionhood is already growing from curse magic. She's not complaining, though! The nice thing about the curse and how I built it is that it lets me get away with things I normally couldn't, even in clopfiction.
True. She's actually twenty-eight inches as Daybreaker!
*takes a bow* Why yes, I am proud of that one! I wanted a griffon term for womb, and that popped into my head. It was perfect both for the 'nest' part and the nice alliteration!
Stand by--I might have her actually sing that later!
The lights were even flickering in Daigon alley after this one!
8-bit boss music at that! Can't wait to use your altered lyrics for it...
And with me, there often are! I kept coming up with additional details to add both when I was thinking about it the next morning and then when I did my customary pre-release editing pass using fimfiction's voice narrator function. It lets me hear how things sound and I end up doing a lot of tinkering for it.
Absolutely! There's nothing sexy about the Sahara.
The argument could be made! It could very easily be an old mechanism to induce more reproduction in times of reduced population, Windigos or otherwise.
That inner nest one was so good I used it twice! On the assumption that's what griffons would call it. Makes sense to me! And yes, I do love my euphimisms. Especially sexual ones!
True, but he hasn't had the opportunity to use it on her to that point! Don't worry, she'll certainly find out about it in due course of cunnilingus!
Pity I can't use that because ponies wouldn't have 'dick' as a term for phallus!
You really should! We need to know more about them.
I agree! And the remarkable thing is, I'd pretty much gone through the first twenty-five chapters of the parent story without having such a scene!
Why thank you! And yet, this is isn't even the main phase of her transformation, which has to wait for her to be taken directly by another pony. Or eagless, in this case... she has to be brought to climax by another. Technically, you could argue that C-M did, but that's a bit of a loophole because the curse requires some form of intercourse to complete the infection/transformation process.
Thanks to C-M, she's now completely lost to eagless lovemaking! And very possibly, you are too! Can you resist the siren call of the striped ponies? Or will you fall prey to them like P-D did to Certified Mail and Owlia???
Well, there are certainly going to be consequences to all this when all is said and done. Far-reaching ones at that. The curse may be eventually dispelled but the damage will already be done, and some changes might be permanent to body and psyche. I don't actually have all the answers for that yet, but I'm confident I can work them out. But suffice it to say... some will take things better than others. And you might be surprised as to who.
10110747
Both could be true as well. Ideal opening move for a unique narrative clopfic is to hash out a setup — one chapter or multiple chapters unimportant — and finish off strong with a sex scene. As this story doesn't have a unique narrative, being part of a larger novel, you concluded the strength of the parent fic's readership would give you heat out of the gate. It was a fair try but unfortunately, it just didn't pan out.
It's the result of years of online content critics talking into my ear. You listen to them long enough and you copy them until eventually finding your own unique voice. Not all of my comments on Fallout Equestria were well-received but were the furthest thing from boring you can possibly get, especially Chapters 1-22 before I played Fallout and was blind reacting to everything. I dare even call it the platonic form of HAM. The closest I've come to those power levels on your stories is Five Star Service, select chapters of The Lawyer and the Unicorn and of course TAS.
My longposts on Firefly are much more down to earth, thoughtful, and reflective of years of thinking and study on the topic of war, politics, and personal motivation. They're the place I act the most like a mature adult which distinguishes them from all my other efforts.
Except our favorite Bedouin, Ameena!
This is a great chapter and I enjoyed it very much. I like Postage's new name especially given the connection it still has to her job.
10114012
I'm glad! But credit where credit is due: the suggestion for her new name came from AJ_Aficionado. I couldn't think of anything, but he could. I thought it was brilliant and used it.
10114012
10114028
Oh shucks! It was nothing.
vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/aceattorney/images/8/85/Oldbag_TS.PNG/revision/latest?cb=20120226022046
Just a small-town mare.
Delivering mail everywhere.
Now she's got loads of spunk stuck up in her hair!
Tantalizing description of a tongue! Bats really do make everything better.
That is a real shame, honestly. Infidelity makes me feel bad and is not something I've ever or will ever employ in any of my fics. I know there's nothing she can really do at this point and it's not troubling in the cosmic sense from a writing perspective but damn... what a shame for her marriage, ya know? She's got kids and everything...
The more the marrier! Maybe by the time this is all over you can merge your two herds and make even more babies!
Taken on faith this is more pleasurable than painful.
Oh my god... Is this alliteration heaven!?
You pegged that paragraph!
I'll just be taking my line for personal use. Thanks!
Time to start shopping for that second house!
DP: It's good for you and you and me!
This story doesn't just scratch the itches it gives you new ones! Nice use of bat wings there.
Typical batty, getting curious and groping the foreign object! Just don't get cranky with my cantaloupe!
14 inches and covered in barbs? No problem! Just write the proper postal code on my flank and your hot, interspecies baby-batter will reach its appointed oven.
The dickings will continue until morale improves!
And I thought the alicorn drones were bad! At least they never figured out the ingenious tactic of rutting Littlepip into submission. It's going to take more than a simple railcar to stop this infection from wiping out all virginity off the face of Equestria!
Pinkie, did you send your mail to the wrong universe again?
In any case, this may hurt productivity, but there's definitely something to be said for workplace morale.
It's quite nice to see the interaction between the post workers and I'm lookking forward to the next chapter which I assume will finish the first arc of this story.
Thought that Courier Six is pretty weird name even by pony standarts. Then it hit me that's New Vegas reference. Literally my favourite game even after so many years. Nice. Instant favourite character in the side story (or second after Night Owl). She's so... strong-willed.
10120111
I knew someone would pick that reference up and mention it in the comments. I picked that name and wrote her first major paragraph.
10119953
Hey, maybe she’s been setting up cross-portal pen pals!
The ruttings will continue until morale improves!
And will continue thereafter to keep it high.
10120089
Possibly two chapters, but yes. You will hear again from these characters in the story, however, as I have another arc planned for them called “Conversion Bureau” involving a pub and Package Handler’s old herd and daughters.
10120111
That was AJA’s suggestion for a character!
He insisted somebody would recognize the reference, and he was right! I know he’s very gratified that she’s an instant favorite of yours, too.
10120159
Indeed you did! And it would seem you came up with a winner if we’ve already got someone saying she’s now their second-favorite character of the story!
10121237
I couldn't be happier. I'll have to do her justice come the next chapter when the party truly begins.
If Roseluck lived in a federal building, you better damn well believe she'd be standing in the wet spot under the corrupted rain soaking that shit up.
Now I have this mental image of Roseluck, doing all sorts of "don't do that!" going completely out of her way to allow the rainwater to hit her while Lily freaks out about it.
None of that mattered though, not the getting shot or the long, lonely nights in the Moojave. She braved the road because it led to freedom; freedom from preset characters you don't give a crap about in favor of destiny you control; freedom from Skinner Box loot and shitty DLC that emphasizes cosmetics over gameplay; freedom to suffer the consequences of your actions with all but one NPC capable of permanent character death at your hands instead of immortality for all, leading you on a scripted path; freedom from Fortnight Zoomer pew-pew 360-noscope controls that distract from the RP focus that made Fallout a household name.
No gods, no masters, no princesses.
At least until she decided she'd had enough and moved to Ponyville where she wouldn't have to drink a gallon a water a day to not shrivel up and die.
I've never understood hate-fucking but it's definitely a thing for some guys.
I thought swinging was like a married couple thing.
You and every fillyfooler this side of the Colorado Dam.
Oh hey! It's a female main character in a Fallout game. You wouldn't happen to have a law degree, would you?
Depends, do you have a boot buried deep up your ass?
You have no sense of humor, Courier Six! Fine, I'll leave you to hash out the rest of this chapter with Roseluck instead.
Ugh! This guy's clueless. And I call horseapples on this wannabe being a ladies' colt. He ain't ever slept with me because even I have some standards!
Oh hey, Roseluck! Is your agent still putting you in clopfics? Why don't you have him put you in a Fallout story so you can kick flank and take names? It must get boring having sex with... everything that isn't another pony for the last six years.
Common misconception. I have sex with plenty of pony stallions... you just never get to read about it. You know, kinda like how no one reads about all the times you had to use the fillies' room; it's not important.
Having sex with your own kind... is like going to the bathroom for you?
Now you're just being mean!
Ha! I couldn't resist. Seriously though, if you could be in Fallout story, what would it be about?
Ooh! I know! It could be called Fallout Equestria: Stable 96". The premise would be a Stable designed to interbreed ponies with zebras for the sake of producing a mixed population free of racism and distrust. The plot would involve me getting rutted about a thousand different ways by powerfully built, well-endowed zebra stallions until my offspring burst forth from the Stable to conquer the remaining wasteland, spreading peace and love through the magic of rutting!
That's actually not a terrible concept, if it is clopfiction... again. It's at least plausible that such a Stable would be created but births would have to be held down, otherwise, you'll run out of space and supplies and starve to death.
Oof. Shots fired!
I am calling the police.
I am calling the police. Damn, you stole my joke!
And I get to watch!
Ew, Danger Noodle...
You think he can such a golf ball through a garden hose?
Only if he gave him a reacharound first!
It was fun, C6! Now if you'll excuse me, I have a rather large commitment in the form of a large number of zebras wanting to tuck me I need to be working on.
I'll admit it, sometimes I wish I had it as easy as you. Then again... next chapter I probably will! It's been a hard Wasteland; I can afford to let my mane down a bit!
10121817
Since she was your addition, you're welcome to write whatever you like for her.
And conveniently lose the paperwork she was filling out to fix it.
In Lily's case, she'd be terrified that she'd want to be with stallions if the curse caught her.
How profound! Few games or franchise and induce players to start waxing philosophical like that.
But what if she herself is about to gain godlike power...?
I've only ever seen it depicted in a movie once. It wasn't enjoyable to watch. I might be trying such a scene in my anthro fic, though.
I believe you're right. I'll have to change that.
And every brony out there.
Play nice, you two! I'm sure AJA will ship you together later.
Especially when it comes to anal! And he's not practiced enough in for you. But that's okay. He shortly will be--from the other side of things!
What about sex *in* the fillies room?
Yep. Exactly like how attacking Cloudsdale is no different than killing wounded prey. I should bring in the Primarch in this story just to make her a post-curse public use spectacle who craves pony cock. But that's Night Owl now!
Uh, Rose? You're drooling...
I wonder what the original FoE would have done with hippogrifs.
And she's not wrong!
In fairness, he's not normally that brazen. He's under the first stage of curse influence at this point. In his case, though it brings out his more lip-curling macho tendencies. For which he's about to be put firmly in his place.
Danger Noodle? And don't worry, Rose--you'll get to watch shortly! Though I admit I didn’t know you got off on two guys getting it on...
Nice, ladies! I should add those lines in!
What do you mean 'was' fun? It's shortly going to *get* fun!
And Rose, how do you juggle your flower shop duties in addition to getting bred by zebras? You must be an excellent multitasker. Then again, you can tuck four stallions at once, so I guess it comes naturally!
Then I hope you enjoy the coming ride, C6! Figuratively and literally...
"Sorry for the slow build" don't be sorry, a slow build-up can help a story greatly. especially a clop story as most would fall flat for lack of build-up for me. keep doing what you think is good
10169046
Apologies for not responding to this earlier, but thank you very much! That's what I try to go for generally, though in this case I think it hurt me when I only released the first chapter to start. It needed more than the initial teaser, it would seem, to draw in new readers quickly. Lesson learned. And I will, promise.
10198421
just take your time, a chapter that is taken slowly and written well does better than a rushed one
I like the shorter and more to the point chapters in this story.
10235490
You're welcome. Since this is supposed to be a pure clopfic, it's much more get-to-the-point than the parent story is, including much tighter chapters since I don't have to include all the scene shifting between characters and additional plot-building sections around it. Though they're written differently, my hope is that both stories have their charms and are enjoyable regardless.
Aryanne.
Kidding! Kidding!
It's that thestral magic again! Juniper Neptune the 30th needs to help the ponies develop infrastructure to resist their magic once this is all over.
The now-famous last words of the gay stallion!
The floor is
gaylava!That last bit wasn't the corruptive influence, it just gets really hot in the American Southeast during the summer months.
The curse doesn't even do him the solid of making him bisexual! That is dirty pool, Clopronavirus!
From where she got shot. I'm glad you remembered to add that!
I just love it when they lesbians start going for the horn!
And avoid a whole hell of a lot of arrows being fired at your head!
Mares with big boobs is a wonderful thing we could always use more of on feral ponies. Well done, Sensei!
Sometimes the story calls for intrigue and counterplots and wheels within wheels. Sometimes it just needs a sexual radiation leak that leads to a very different kind of elephant's foot.
... Let's just assume that was meant to be an innuendo.
10359861
That's not an elephant's foot, lad... That's a moose knuckle!
Isn't this just the same as chapter 5? You've just copy and pasted most of that in this one, even the same mistake of having a full stop instead of a space between two words, when P-P speaks to C-M.
What was the point of this chapter?
10362639
At first, I had no idea what you were talking about since I didn't copy anything from that chapter. Then I checked and discovered--to my horror--that I somehow accidentally overwrote chapter 5 with chapter 8. My apologies.
I fixed it and restored the proper content to chapter 5, so feel free to reread it. Reading chapter 8 at that point would have been confusing since Priority Parcel and the other two mail workers hadn't been introduced yet.
EDIT: I also found and fixed the full-stop-instead-of-space issue.
10362734
This has to be your all-time weirdest googledocs snafu of all time.
Full confession: I nearly posted a story with the docs comments attached to it at the bottom. That would have been a very shamefur dispray as some of the comments were pretty spicy.
10362734
Haha no worries, I was just super confused. Also thought the structure was odd with how the story jumped around and restarted from different perspectives, but now things make sense
10358617
Sorry this took so long to reply back to! I think I must be sick, since I'm not writing much lately. Why? Because I'm enjoying my work of late! I've ever been writing too much or been cooped up away from the office for too long...
Oh, I'm she'd be more than happy to help! Especially since she'll have a huge supply of new acolytes now...
I'd say poor Priority Parcel, but he earned it! And lest anybody think I have it in for males here, please note I made Certified Male the true stud and ladies' stallion, once he figured out what kind of ladies he actually liked.
The floor... the air... even the rain outside!
This might have actually been inspiried by a recent reread of The Best and The Worst where I was thinking about the propensity of neutron radiation to contaminate all it touched and turn it into an additional source of neutron radiation in the process!
It ain't the heat. It's the god-awful humidity.
The older I get, the less I like it.
The curse author didn't, no! Mostly because I didn't think he deserved the courtesy for the way he developed as a character.
Nice turn of phrase! At least if our own pandemic was that, we either wouldn't mind staying inside for months on end, or we wouldn't care in the least about the stupid quarantine rules and break them en masse for reasons other than destructive ones. :twilightangry:
I won't lie--it was there for you!
They don't like phalluses but they certainly like phallic objects!
I'm stealing that song to use later in Firefly!
Good point. I just added it in to that paragraph!
Agreed! Just doing my part to make them more prominent! They'll figure greatly in the next chapter, too...
10359861
Well, like I told AJA in the comment reply just before yours, I'd actually reread The Best and The Worst recently and was thinking about radioactive contamination again! That might have in turn contaminated my thinking here!
Well, why not? I mean, in this story, everything is an innuendo!
10362763
It's up there, definitely! and whenever I hear the word snafu, I immediately think of:
Hell, there are times I wish we did include the googledoc comments since some of them are really good!
10363136
I'm glad, believe me. I'd've been really confused too. I'm just glad you asked or else it'd probably still be the wrong chapter there.
This was an interesting chapter and I liked the effects of the mating magic. Given how powerfull one corrupted unicorn is it makes me wonder how stong Eclipse's would be and what she could do with it. I also have the impression that Certified Male's negative opinion of Priority Parcel is enhanced since he seems to enjoy the punishment a bit too much.
I also spotted an error:
Since only Certified Male has teeth instead of a beak it should be his teeth.