For Want of a Pony
For Want of a Pony
"After THREE months of training, hard work, and determination I am proud to say that I feel each and EVERY one of you is skilled enough to join Pegasus Society in a role of your own choosing." Differently Able beamed at her students, arranged before her on a long, low flying, cloud. "This is NOT an honor that comes with a medal... a trinket is a thing you can lose. Instead I offer you a MEMORY, something that will stay with you for the rest of your life and canNOT be taken, stolen, or lost." The wind, which had been blowing, increased in intensity, the sky beginning to dim.
Thundercloud raised a hoof, huffing "Yeah, that's great and all, but why are we meeting so far from Cloudsdale. In sight of the ... Everfree Forest?" the colt's frame suggested there was now some muscle under everything else.
"The air feels strange..." Muttered Gale, the youngest student.
"Hah, Miss Gale, you may have a future in WEATHER management! As you know, each of you has not only qualified for your class ONE competency certificate, but has also passed the test for class TWO: Difficult weather safety. We are indeed here, near the boundary of the EVERFREE forest because I have received permission from the LOCAL weather team to ASSIST in storm watch."
Differently Able grinned from ear to ear, proud of the gift she could provide her little ponies. Those little ponies did not look as enthusiastic as she did, but she either didn't notice or intended to ignore their reservations. " OUR job is to..." Able raised her voice against the wind, which was now whistling through some of the taller trees nearby. "IS to watch the edge of the STORM that Has Spontaneously GENERATED From The FOREST! If WE Determine! The STORM Is Coming! TOo CLOSE! To PONYVILLE, The WEATHER TEAM WILL STEP IN AND CONTAIN-" The rest of Able's speech was drowned out by the formation of a funnel cloud, tearing the ground where it touched down, winds howling and thunder flashing from the nearly pitch black storm cloud.
"The 'Storm of Ages'... oh bloody he-" Turner's words went unheard. He began a frantic search of his saddlebags.
"CLASS IN DISMISSED! RUN MY LITTLE PONIES! RUN!" Of the many faces Omega Flight had seen Differently Able make, abject terror had never been one, until now.
"Feral Marmots!" Derpy began shoving classmates over the side of the cloud, just missing Dorothy Gale, who took flight in her panic, only to be swept up into the storm almost instantly.
"HOOVES!" Able screamed at the stallion.
"W-WHAT!? HOW DID YOU-" A metallic cylinder dropped.
"GET! ON! YOUR! HOOVES!" Any other words of advice were lost as the storm tore apart the cloud the two adult pegasi were standing on, as a bolt of lightning transfixed the white pony.
As Turner dragged/controlled fell with Able's body, Fluttershy was locked in panic.
Everything stopped. Fluttershy could make out individual raindrops, which looked exactly like the tears on everypony's faces. Terror, shock, horror for their teacher or themselves, or simple weather, it was all water. 'Well, tears have salt, and rain isn't salty. I wonder if different kinds of tears have different amounts of salt?' The idea was absurd, she suppressed a giggle, if she started she might never stop.
Motion. A pony, approached from the frozen storm. Stormlight bleached her colors pale yellow and ashen pink. 'Do... do I look like that?' The mirror pony stopped directly in front of her, frowned, and summarily smacked Fluttershy's face with her hoof.
Tears brimmed, the echo glared and raised her hoof again, waiting. "W-Why-" Smack.
"Stop being so horse-feathered selfish!" 'No, she's not like me, I'd never be-'. Smack.
"You are going to DIE. Your friends are going to DIE. Your teacher... is going to DIE! And what do you do? Cry?"
'There's nothing I CAN do!' Smack.
"There doesn't seem to be anything you WILL do." The doppelganger tilted her head and smiled in an insincere and sacharine manner "Oh, wait, you'll cry. What you mean is you won't lift a feather to help anypony."
"What can I possibly do? I'm not good-" Smack.
"Don't. You. Dare. Too many ponies have made sacrifices for you. Now it's time to start paying it back."
"O-okay." Smack. "Wait," Smack. "I'll do it!" Smack. "STOP HITTING ME!"
...
"Hmph, took long enough." The rain started falling again.
Smack. "Butter Pie!" Derpy's left eye was practically spinning.
Fluttershy stood, "Thanks, now get out of here. Wait, on second thought, come with me." She turned to Thundercloud and Snowflake, gesturing at their fallen teacher, "Everypony grab a leg, we need to get her out of here!"
Nopony argued, each lifted a different limb and raised the mare off the ground. Barking orders, Fluttershy led organized chaos to the dubious shelter of a copse of trees a few hundred yards from where the group had fallen.
"Turner, you're the only one here big enough to move Teacher on their own. I remember seeing a cottage on the way here, it was that way, towards town. I'm not a doctor, but I'm sure that being out here isn't helping her. You two, help me get her onto Turner's back."
"I ... I..." the brown stallion's eyes darted back and forth.
"Tim, look at me Tim. I'm going to say this, and it is the most important thing I will ever say to you: run." He ran. "The rest of you, stay on the ground, I think Miz Able was right - you saw what happened to Dorothy." Nopony moved.
"What're you going to do?" Thunderball asked.
"Somepony has to alert the Weather Team Teacher said was standing by."
"Hey! You just said not to fly!" Snowflake snapped.
"Somepony has to, the rest of you tell anypony you see, but get out of here. Without you, there won't be any Omega Flight."
"The school is stronger than the single swimmer!"
"Brainpan cosmonaught-Grr! We can't leave you behind." Four determined stares met Fluttershy's.
"...Then let's go." 'This feeling, what is it? It's light and heavy at the same time.'
It didn't take long to find the Weather Team, who were already heading towards the storm. The Captain of the team flew down toward them. "Keep going! This isn't a safe place for civilians!"
"We're not civilians. We're your lookout team, and we have a storm to report!"
"Well, consider it reported! Now get out of here, we hardly have the wingpower to steer this monstrosity. If we have to look out for... we can't be watching over you."
"Sounds like you need everypony you can get if you're going to beat this storm, sir. And we're not rejects, we're Omega Flight."
"Look kid, to make any impact on this thing we'd need a combined wingpower of over eight hund-."
"Never tell me the odds! Look, we're not going. Arguing is only going to waste your time, so just take our help and be greatful... if that's ok with you." 'Oh my stars, am I really yelling at a Weather Captain!? I'm insane... nevermind.'
"Okey dokie, that's the last of the windows secured Miz Posey. I've made sure all the animals are safely inside, and made double sure the... carnivores aren't with the plant eaters." The Pink Pony practically pranced in place she was so anxious.
"Oh, that's good dearie. Have you-"
"The fire is out, the flue is closed."
"Well good, what about-"
"All the glass stuff is in boxes with towels wrapped around it, stacked with the medicines and ointments on top for easy access." Her feet were raising and lowering one at a time. 'Be still' she admonished herself.
"Hah, Child I do not know where you get the energy. Forgive an old Nag who is frustrated she can no longer see to preparations herself. The price of having access to herbs and plants that won't grow anywhere else is these unpredictable-". Thunderous pounding resounded from the door, the regularity suggested pony agency rather than wind.
"Got it," Pinkamena pulled the door open, only to have it swing from her grasp and smack against the wall as the wind blew in. Two drenched ponies, one on top of the other, huddled outside.
"Please, help." Stammered the stallion, as the pink pony was already herding him inside and moving to draw the obviously unconscious mare from off his back. "Lightning strike, airborne, fell." He huffed before losing consciousness himself.
'Internal burn, shock, exposure. Whatdoidowhaddoido? She's WAY bigger than a bunny. Ok, priorities, door.' Putting her back against the door, Pinkamina shoved the door closed inch by inch. "Miz Posey? Customers!"
The elderly mare clip-clopped her way to the main room. "Alright Pinkamina Diane, what can you tell me?"
'Argh a lesson right now!?'. "Well, her friend said she was struck by lightning while flying, I can see the burn here on her back left hoof where it exited and it must have entered from... here just above the tail. Her breathing is even but shallow, her hide is cool but her breath is still warm..." On and on, the observations detailing the extent of the injury, suggesting details that couldn't be seen, and specifying the process of treatment. As she ran out of details, Posey began giving directions, in a crisp but gentle tone and the younger pony flashed back and forth, almost leaving echoes of herself in her haste to start the treatment before the patient could get any worse.
It would be hours before anyone noticed the markings on her flank, three plusses in an arc, the middle above the two ends, in yellow, blue and yellow respectively.
Weather Ponies and the students of Differently Able flew around the storm counterclockwise. 'Ok, so we start flying in the opposite direction the storm is spinning and we ...what, create a counter-whirlwind to slow it down? This is insane, this is the only thing we can do. I can do this, we can do this, we ARE going to do this!' Faster and faster they circled. The howling winds began to double back on themselves, the storm's progress slowed. Cloudy traces were starting to form behind some ponies as the very air fought against them. Oh no... wait! ... Surface resistance creates drag... and ... !'
Memories of Rainbow Dash discussing the Pony 500 flashed in her mind. "Captain!" Fluttershy shouted over the storm.
The captain glanced at the demanding filly, eyes narrowed in concentration even under his standard issue goggles.
"We need to form a draft line!" There was no sign he understood. No sign he was going to do what Fluttershy wanted.
'He's not going to listen, we're not going to... NO! If he won't listen, MAKE him listen.' She drew a breath, released it, and redoubled her flying. Flapping up behind the Captain, onto his back, she grabbed the sides of his head. "LISTEN To me! The amount of speed we need to stop this thing, we're going to run into air resistance! We need to form a draft trail, so we're like a needle instead of a parachute." she was practically screaming in his ear. Shock initially, anger, consideration, surprise, more anger, and resignation flashed across the Captain's face as he turned and saluted Fluttershy.
The orders went out "Line Up! Grab the tail of the pony in front of you, and by the Princes's Corona, fly as hard as you can!" It worked, at first. They got down to a single file, and started passing Ponies up the line to keep the freshest flyer at the front. When Fluttershy's turn came, she saw that they were all flagging. 'We can't keep this up much longer - but it's almost worked, we have to finish this now!' She didn't have any reserves left, she flew harder anyway. She banked toward the storm, dropping a few feet to gain speed. Flew further in, pressed harder. She felt like her wings were going to fall off, the opposing wind pressed against her face, she couldn't pull air in.
The storm collapsed in on itself. Most of it just dispersed, a wave of water was squeezed out, the core was pulled into a tight sphere along with all the electrical potential of the storm. A bright ball of energy collapsed past the point it could stand and exploded outward as an expanding disk of cloud and thunder, racing across the upper skies of Equestria.
None of the Weatherponies or Omega Flight saw any of this, since they had all been concentrating on the flank in front and not being intruded on from behind. The arrival of Fluttershy's Cutie Mark, a storm-cloud in the shape of a butterfly, also went unnoticed.
Twilight Sparkle contemplated the apple tree in front of her. 'Malus domestica, Cultivar Red Delicious, South field, row 12 tree 2, Bloomenthal the 2nd.' Satisfied that she had identified the tree in question, she addressed the taste of apples, the feel of bark, the smell of freshly watered soil, and the darn fact that she couldn't buck an apple to save her life. "Look, I'm here to help pick apples. Mr. Macintosh and Mrs. Smith say it's ok that I'm not strong enough to make apples fall, and I think it's heavily implied that I'd have to be an Earth Pony to do it right anyway... but I'm going to be helpful!" Shouting at the tree did not help.
'All of my studies were wrong, obvious, or things that members of the Apple family were the first to learn anyway! The only things I have that I can contribute are brainpower, organizational skill, and magic. My theoretical knowledge is trumped by the practical knowledge the Apples already have, ditto for the organization of the farm... mental note, the Zap Apple rituals are fascinating, make sure you document Mrs. Smith's methodologies. Argh! Focus! That only leaves magic, and plucking one apple at a time telekinetically is ridiculously inefficient, probably why the Apples developed bucking in the first place. I can't learn to buck because I'm not strong enough and I don't get plants the way an earth pony would!'
Twilight stopped wheezing before she hyperventilated and regained her wits. 'The solution is obvious, in hindsight. If magic is my tool to unlock this dilemma, then the key is a spell. A spell like Verdant Horn's "Analyze Plant" which I just.so.happen. to have found at the local library.'
With a smile that was only slightly self congratulatory, Sparkle unrolled the scroll in question with her magic and began formulating the mental symbols that would mold her magic to the desired effect. Glowing sigils popped, one at a time, from her horn and began surrounding her in a gentle violet glow. Arranging themselves into two rings, they rotated in opposite directions, shifting colors to a deep green. The upper ring drifted forward, surrounding the tree, Bloomenthal the 2nd. A hazy green glow tethering the two rings, and therefore the pony and tree. The rings condensed into their targets with an audible pop.
A rapidly expanding ring of rippling gray streaked across the sky, followed by an explosive roar that completely shattered Twilight's concentration. Her carefully orchestrated spell fell apart as reservoirs of magical potential she never contemplated let alone knew of poured into the purple pony's mind. It suffused her horn in a brilliant fuchsia glow and caused her eyes to emit white light that would have blinded anypony looking into them. The spell, disrupted but not dispersed, provided an outlet for the massive magical energy emission. A deep green shockwave blasted across Sweet Apple Acres, without causing so much as a single leaf to fall.
'I... I can see... every plant, every limb, every vein on every leaf. I can feel them growing, I know what photosynthesis feels like. It's all connected. It's so... perfect.' Tears streamed down eyes that went from floodlights to flashlights to a dim residual glow. Twilight didn't even realize she'd been floating until her hooves touched the ground. Gently, the spell ended, but the experience was burned deeply into the unicorn's memory, etched in green. 'All of it, it's just so...' She wiped the remaining tears away with a wistful smile on her face.
"Twai-ligh! Twilight Sparkles!" Big Macintosh galloped up the road, concerned for the volunteer worker. "There y'are Miss Sparkles, you ok?", Twilight was pretty sure the 'Sparkles' thing had originally been a mistake, then a joke, and had simply become habit. She considered it part of her training in not getting upset by minor details... most of the time; although she had the feeling it wouldn't bother her much anymore. "I say, did th' explosion damage your ears, Miss Sparkles?"
'Huh, oh, right, social interaction.' "Sorry, I'm ok Mr. Macintosh-"
"Big Mac will just fine-" Big Mac caught sight of something, stared, realized where he was staring, and looked away blushing furiously. "Y'got somethin' on your..." he gestured behind Twilight.
"On my what?" Twilight turned around once before looking at her flank, where her newly acquired cutie mark lay. Nine stars arranged in a hexagon, points vertical, with lines between and one star below pointing earthward. "The... the tree of knowledge?" 'I don't know what to say.' "I don't know what to say." She didn't know what to say.
"Whell Ah say this calls for a party!" cried a diminutive voice from Big Mac's saddlebags.
"Apple Bloom!"
"Well it does! An then she's got ta plan her Cuteciñera. You know ah've already planned mine out? I can let you see mah notes, if'n you want some ideas." She looked so earnest, this tiny filly.
"Applebloom! Don't go botherin' Twilight, this's a special moment."
"Actually, I think I'd like that, Applebloom. Let's go back to the house. Ohmigosh, is Mrs- Granny Smith ok?"
"Heh, take more'n an overgrown thunderhead to take out Granny."
"... you know, I think this is more words than I've heard you say in the last week."
"Eyup."
"You... really don't like to waste words, do you?"
"Mnope."
'You're kidding, right? Where did they even GET a dragon's egg? Focus Rarity, if this is a normal entrance exam test then it can't be beyond the capabilities of unicorns your age.' Not a drop of sweat fell from her brow as Rarity frowned in concentration at the cart and egg before her. In the back ground the board of examining unicorns frowned and scribbled on their notepads. Her parents stood off to the side, straining between pride and the desire not to interrupt her exam. Sweetie Bell was asleep on her mother's back.
"Any time now, Miss Bell" the Head examiner grumbled.
His complaints were ignored. 'First thing, all eggs need warmth. Dragons have a rather great capacity for warmth, so probably it needs more than a chicken would... ' Azure lit her horn as she applied a cantrip originally designed for heat-sealing fusible tape. 'Ok, now an egg is round, like a sphere. A sphere distributes stress evenly so in order to crack the surface of an egg... uneven pressure is needed - hmm... the picture shows the shell splitting in half, height-wise. Sh-should I try to pull it apart!? What if the dragon isn't ready? I don't want to kill it!'
Her breathing deepened and became a huff. 'No! This egg was prepared for the exam, it must be ready. And if I'm wrong, surely they have it warded? Canterlot isn't known for avenging dragon raids, so they can't be killing unhatched dragons left and right. Ok... breathe... So, pull...' More blue light enveloped the egg, causing it to flatten slightly face on. 'Ok, now for the uneven press-'
With a thunderous crash, all the southern windows shattered as a near-solid wave of fog slammed into them. Screams stopped almost as soon as they began, everypony realizing they had not been cut to ribbons by shattered glass. Rarity floated, a foot off the ground, sweat dripping out of every pore, the message coming from her mind saying 'Leave them alone!'.
Her horn lost it's light, Rarity collapsed, and the glass fell to the ground without harming anypony in the room. Everyone was so happy to be alive, and busy telling each other that they were, in fact, still alive, that it took nearly ten minutes to notice the newly hatched baby dragon on the cart. The fallen filly's flank flaunted a five gem pentagram with a larger stone depicted at the center.
"Oh, I'm sorry, have your YEARS of blasting toneless noise into your ears finally rendered you deaf? I said I'm tired of you insulting symphonic music!"
"Oh I'm sorry, have your years of having a conductor's baton up your plot left you... unable to do anything but sniff disapprovingly when ponies try to have a little something called FUN!?"
'Well this isn't going well at all.' Applejack had been listening to Vinyl and Octavia snipe back and forth for longer than she cared to think about. They were five minutes late for the start of 'Vinyl Octave Overdrive's last on-tour performance, and they were NOT having this latest spat (of a long line of arguments) in privacy. No, they were on STAGE. With an AUDIENCE who had come to hear music - 'well, I HOPE they came here to listen to music. We're doomed if they actually came here expectin' a fight.'
Worst of all, there was no way of telling if one of them was in the right. It just went back and forth. Usually they made their jabs and stopped short of setting each other off, but since they had been on the road, unable to escape from each other for more than an hour at a time things had... escalated. A favorite record got broken. A cello was smashed at the end of the last performance (the audience had loved it, Octavia had been livid). Snacks were swiped, glasses got 'lost', techno blared all night, and then instruments were tuned loudly all morning. It was a MESS.
And this was the end of it. It was supposed to be the end of it. This performance would provide enough bits to send everyone home, pay off a significant portion of student loan-age, and end the tour contract. The contract was the 'other' problem. Scratch and Octavia had a dynamic, anyone could see that. The agent who crafted the tour could see it, and so he stipulated that they had to put on at least ten performances before the contract was fulfilled and they got any money. They had pulled off nine performances, and had to cancel four times. This, the fourteenth tour stop was it.
'Y'know, I ain't gettin' paid enough fer this. I could just walk away now. Hoofington is nice this time of year I hear.' She was in Hoofington. 'Horseapples. No, I can't let it end like this. The crowd came here for a performance, and I'm going to see to it they get one!' "Hold on girls, I've got to go get a few props. You... just keep entertaining the crowd with your verbal skills now." Fortunately, neither performer heard her over the sound of their own grievances.
Dashing back to her personal trunk, Applejack pulled out items that had remained tucked at the bottom since... since she left the farm. 'Dangit, no time for melancholy now. It's up to you to make sure everypony leaves here with a smile.' With renewed resolve, the orange pony slipped into Octavia's room to retrieve a recording by Aaron Cropland.
Racing back onstage, she checked that neither musician was injured, and made a dive for the record table. Cranking the volume - then pausing and turning it down to an agressive 7 from a brutal 11 'Why does she even have it set like that? Ten could be top volume and it'd be round at least. Focus Jackie, focus.' One last look over her gear, adjustment of her boots, and girding of her resolve left her with no more excuses.
Music blasted from the speakers, and a one pony rodeo exploded onto the stage. She leapt, she hollered, she roped, she wrangled. There was juggling, there were acrobatics, somepony threw a tomato, she lassoed it and returned it to sender. She was losing them, ponies were getting up from their seats and heading to the doors. About the best result was that Vinyl and 'Octy' weren't fighting anymore, they were staring, dumbfounded. It wasn't working, the only people smiling were the ones enjoying the abject failure of others.
'Jackie' was just bringing her lasso in to wrap it up again when the wall of clouds screamed across the sky. Some last bit of remaining lightning managed to find the stage's radio transmitter and decided to perform a last bit of mischief by shorting out everything plugged into the electrical system. One minute Jackie was twirling the rope into a neat coil to catch with her teeth (pride it proper usage outweighed her desire to find a rock to hide under), and the next an ear-splitting skwak jerked her head sharply and she was trussed up tighter than a pig at a rodeo.
"Shoot, I'm tied up tighter than a pig at a rodeo." Laughter, genuine amusement made audible. 'What? That's funny to them? It's just what we used to say down... I wonder,' "Hay, you two ladies wanna help a girl out here, or are you still peckin' at each other like a mess a' hens after the corn's been thrown?" Again, laughter, maybe even a few cheers. Best of all, two shame-faced musicians helped her out of the ropy mess she was wrapped in.
'No time for pride now, rack that brain girl.' "Ya ever notice how every place has it's own way of sayin' 'boy do I ever have a bad hangover?' In Ponyville we called it 'Celestia's Wrath', in Manehattan it's 'Partied too Hard', in Colton they say 'It's Monday', and in Hoofington... they say 'Gimme another beer'." 'Wait, this IS Hoofington, aw ponyfeathers.' The laughter was thunderous, ponies whistled, stomped, and most importantly got back into their seats.
Jackie kept it up for a half an hour, behind her silent apologies were exchanged and last minute stage preparations happened. Vinyl had to drag her off stage. "So, why didn't you tell us you were a comedian?"
"I just found out about thirty minutes ago." A hug and a hoof bump later, Vinyl pointed at Jackie's flank, where an apple and an orange were supported by cross-tied green and blue balloons. "Well now if that don't just beat all." 'Sure doesn't tell me where I belong, but I guess I don't really have to decide, do I?'
"Pops! Pop!" Rainbow called to her father desperately. He shook his head, which felt like it rattled. "Hey, you ok? I think the blue one ended up over by you". She was holding a pad of paper and a yellow and a red crayon.
Without thinking, Thunder Dash reached to his left, picked up something the right size, and handed over a blue crayon. "Thanks, pop. Mom's over there, she's fine."
Perfunctory care provided, Rainbow Dash turned to her canvas. She worked with a quiet desperation, the 'cloudboom' had left her with an inspiration that threatened to vanish at a moment's notice. Filing in the last part, she placed a dot in the lower right and turned her masterpiece around. A single Curving arc, that somehow embodied the line of a wing, a predator crouched to strike, the front of a raging flood, and many other metaphors for action was drawn in red yellow and blue. Underneath it in cyan, were three words: 'Just do it.' Nopony noticed that the same 'swoosh' graced the filly's flanks with a paintbrush crossing it.
Sunny Rains put a hoof on her husband's shoulder. A single tear fell down Thunder Dash's cheek. "Featherin' Brilliant."
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Ok, you're probably all sick of the merry-go round approach to storytelling, yes?
I'm thinking the next chapter should be broken up into six updates that each center on one of the Mane Six
Lot's more grammatical errors I noticed in this one, but they all looked like the "Hurry up and write" style of errors.
It's difficult to picture some of their new cutie marks, but you certainly gave a good shot at describing them.
The only portion I really dislike, is Rainbow's. Maybe it's related to how I really just don't like her, but that portion of the story seemed, pointless. It may also have something with the fact that I always though Rarity's talent came from her learning a lesson from the rock, and Rainbow hasn't really learned anything.
In any case, that's my one big beef with the story. I loved just about everything else, AJ making a fool of herself, Fluttershy yelling at the weather captain, Pinkie being in multiple places at once, Rarity actually saving people, and Twilight memorizing the family names of every tree in the orchard. I look forward to the next update with bated breath.
BTW, I envy your speed. It can take me weeks to get a chapter of story written.
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.
.
sigh, illustration I love, but you don't love me...
I was trying for an extension of her struggle with eggheadom in-canon. But, didn't give it the attention it deserved
I thought I had a good start when she came unmoored from her proto-jock status, but I can see I left her hanging
.
. This whole process is new to me, and *shameless plug* the feedback has been great-I mean getting feedback. If there's a category below lurker, that's where I usually am at on the web.
I... please, whatever crimes against literature I'm committing don't take it out on the humble apostrophe
In all seriousness, I will find my errors and I will DESTROY THEM!
Hmm... Cutie Marks, sigh, I suppose this means I should come up with a cover art for the next batch of chapters.
Ah, Rainbow Dash...
It seems ironic to me that hers hasn't been the loudest voice in my head.
Some things never change, no matter how much I may shuffle them around. Finding those bits of identity that refuse to bow to fate and narration is one of the rewards of writing this.
A for the writing, believe it or not, this is the cut-down version. I edit heavily because I editorialize shamelessly. Also, stress is a great motivator
Edit: and Bullet Points, oh so many bullet points. Not only do they help organize my time-line, but it gives the characters time to give me their own inputs... that makes sense, right?
Also, I am a bottomless barrel of exposition (that line is stolen).
**completely unrelated to above **
Does anypony know if a fic had been written where a demon tries to buy the soul of the creator of MLP FIM but she turns him down? You could call it 'Faust'.
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I apologize for my mistake. This fic was the first thing I read upon waking up this morning. It even came before the back of the cereal box, so I'm amazed I only made that one error.
I could give a hand at making their cutie marks. I would not even hint at calling myself an artist, but symbols, particularly cutie marks, are something I can create.
As for your heavy editing, I applaud you. I admire the writer who can get a very rough draft written, and then edit the #### out of it. I edit, reedit, modify, scrap, rewrite, and perfect it to the best of my ability as I work through, which generally ruins the flow of the process.
And I would love to write that fic, just as a one-shot... In fact, I just saw how it ended in my head...
Curse you! Instead of finishing the second chapter of my other fic, I'm gonna have to write this one now!
Feels and lulz in all the right places.
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I gotta' step up my game.
*Magnanimous Wave* All is forgiven.
Wow, before cereal?
If you want to try a hoof at Cutie Mark representation that would be great.
Yeah, the edits they are coming more often.
Nurse Pie just won't hold still long enough for me to get anything written!
Err sorry about the stealth collab, sometimes an idea just wants out RIGHT NOW!
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Edit: To everypony concerned, I won't be submitting any new chapters until Sunday, but after that they're going to be coming out at a rapid pace.
I intend to have this story finished by the third week of September - no matter how much the story tries to expand past my grasp.
I'll be trying a few new things in the next six chapters, the side benefit of which will be far less pony-hopping between sections.
SQUEEE~!!!!!
Love how it's all put together~!!!!
MWAHAHAHAHA!!1
AND OMG, super tiny Applebloom is so kewt.
This goes to 11! I'm loving it so far!
Awesome use of pop culture twisted into the personalities of the ponies. Made me lol.
Err... I know Applebloom has the accent an all but I don't think it's that thick
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Nnope. That's another one for the list.
Thanks
I understand everpony's cutie marks except for Twi's. It looks more like a shield to me, but that's just me.
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I concede the point about rock farmers. And considering what happened to Dorthy, her name is perfect.
1879832 A sheild huh?
I had not considered that, but now that I do I can see what you mean. Suffice to say that it is an arcane diagram whose meaning is convoluted and subject to debate - that will serve the purpose it's supposed to serve.
Teratogenic effects of poison joke; that's unpleasantly inventive. Nice work!
I'll apologise in advance for picking at the technical stuff...
Having the pegasi line up to reduce drag while circling the storm seems a bit counter intuitive; wouldn't they want as much drag as possible to generate the opposing vortex? Or have I missed something obvious? Also when you say 'contrail', are you referring to a shock wave / Mach cone / bow shock type formation (because a contrail is a cloud of water/ice formed by a pressure drop).
The Cutie Marks have arrived! And there are not at all what they're supposed to be! Can't wait to see how this plays out. Will read more later.
One thing though: what the hay was Twilight trying to do? And what does her Cutie Mark represent? I'm afraid it doesn't make much sense to me.
2018694 Twilight was trying to cast a spell to help her understand trees better.
Then it blew up, instead of getting a peek at how tree functions she was exposed to the entire web of life.
Her cutie mark represents her understanding of this interconnectedness between all living things... sort of.
She gets how plants interact with each other, and some of how they react to animals.
It may not make much sense, but what does?
"A single Curving arc, that somehow embodied the line of a wing, a predator crouched to strike, the front of a raging flood, and many other metaphors for action was drawn in red yellow and blue. Underneath it in cyan, were three words: 'Just do it.'"
So Dashie creates Nike... I'm not surprised.
2615886 Thanks
Good, Bad, Indifferent - Distracted mostly.
Yay, everyponies got their cutie marks
This Defintely reminds me of Magical Mystery Cure
, but I like yours better
And hurrah for Dash, she's invented pony Nike
1879832
2018694
The "Tree of Life" is a bit of religious or mystical philosophy of Jewish origin which plays a prominent role in a variety of modern esoteric magical traditions.
BLOODY CALLED IT!!
Vinyls systems go to 11... Spinal Tap reference...?
Also loving how this actualy all makes so much sense, it COULD have happened this way if the Rainboom was never seen by the others..
And another boom-like effect came instead, but later..
Unlike many other "alternate history" fics, this one makes perfect sense where many others are just "Hurr Durr, change everyones talents for the sake of Fuck YOU, THAT WHY"...
THIS is MUCH more thought out and logic.. So far I love it, and will keep reading! I will also keep commenting my thought along the way
Not evey single chapter though, but each reading session I will comment on what I've read so far and my thought on it
All in all, awesome job so far, and I love the new cutiemarks too, nice job on those
Well, Applejack is a silly pony, isn't she?
Not sure, but I think she doesn't know what to say.
HEH!
Whoah...
Ooh, catty.
HAH!
Daaaw.
space
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Space between lines.
....................
There a lot more here. But I'll just say that you need to go through and give a quick look over the chapters and give them spacing.
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delete '.' around 'so' and after happen.
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I've
my
[yes the Apple's use Ah and Mah in fics / dialect wise. But in this fic they use I, and usually my. Thus it'd make things more consistent to keep with I and my.]
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Apple Bloom
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Missing the colored pony bars.
3905514
And this is a much more believable outtcome than Season 5's ending.
You know, knowing what I do about the music and the later chapters. I thiink I like the use of the songs even more. But, i am getting a head of myself.I love how the lack of a rainboom didn't change the girls all that much, just put them into different places so their marks could be discovered in their own uniqu way. Fluttrrshy .'s inner rage and desire to help others allowed herself to discover a love of cloud manipulation. Pinkie's unusualness and photographic memory gave her a chance to see a love of hlping ponies. Tilight and Rarity were where their maical gifts could be used (Let we forget Rarity has some magical talent as well.) Applejack sed her words well. The only one that I have a problem with is Dashie, and that is only because it isn't as impressive as the others.
It was interesting to see that the Six have strengths in other areas aside from what the cannon tells us. They all wound up having similar jobs on the series, but they are all in different areas. It would be interesting to see what Starswirl's Spell would do. I would agree with everyone else above, I am disappointed at Dashie's, unless you can make her designs Fabulous.
2023105
So Twilight's Talent is knowing everything about nature and animals like a Biologist and a Zoologist? Plants, roots, rocks, animals, soil, etc?
Amazing stuff. Harmony bided its time, and and it bided well. Seems like they really are destined to be together. Love how some of them just has wildly different careers, some found new callings, and then there's Fluttershy who just became the exact opposite of her canon personality.