Ellipsis
Ellipsis
noun \i-ˈlip-səs, e-\
1. a : the omission of one or more words that are obviously understood but that must be supplied to make a construction grammatically complete
b : a sudden leap from one topic to another
2. : marks or a mark (as …) indicating an omission (as of words) or a pause
Dot ...
Shining Armor shook his head, "No, that I understand, but when has Blueblood ever gotten anything meaningful right?" He knew there was no changing her mind. She was strong and independant, that was one of the things he loved about Cadence. Ok, he loved everything about her, but who was counting?
"He says he found something up past Stalliongrad. Honey, if there's any chance of finding…" Cadence paused her packing to nuzzle her stallion for a moment. "Honey, this is very important to me. You understand that right?"
"Of course I do." He said, "I just… I don't want you to get your hopes up and be disappointed again." He couldn't even imagine what it would be like if he showed up one day and Canterlot not only wasn't there, but there was no evidence it had ever existed.
"I know. But, I can't help it." She eyed her travel pack, "It will only be a couple of days. Then I'll be back and we can start writing the invitations."
Shining caught himself drifting into a goofy smile, and went with it. "Yeah, you go have your adventure, I'll just slave away here, writing the names of forty-third cousins on envelopes."
"Oh poor baby," Miamore Cadenza crooned, barely containing her laughter. "Have you written to Twilight yet?" She knew the answer from his guilty expression. "Sweetie, she's not going to have time to be your best mare if you don't let her know before-hoof."
The unicorn buried his face in the pillows, "I know, I know!" He rolled over, hooves flailing in the air. "Heh, if I hadn't been there when your aunt came back to Equestria, I bet her friends wouldn't even know I existed."
"So you've got two jobs while I'm gone." Cadence crooned, "Write that letter to your sister…"
Captain Armor looked up, "And?"
"And, work on relaxing a little. You are so high-strung lately."
"I can't help it, it just feels like we've been having it too easy lately. This would–" He caught the barest hint of a frown on her muzzle. "and… that's not a bad thing. OK, I'll work on relaxing a little." He got up to give her one last nuzle before escorting Princess Cadenza to the train station "I love you."
"I love you too. Nothing will ever change that."
... Dot ...
Every night for more than a thousand years, she had the same dream. Ivory stairs spiraling from a pit of utter blackness. Somewhere above she knew there was a silver doorway. Every night she climbed the steps, and yet she never reached the gate. Not since she had made a most terrible mistake.
In her heart, she knew that it would be possible to stop, to give up. Either to trudge back down, or throw herself off the sides. If she did so the dream would never come again, of that she was certain. Even if she were simply to try to fly up, her instincts told her that would violate the unspoken, unwritten rules of the dream.
For a long time it had been pride that had driven her. Then it had been a sense of penance. Neither of those seemed correct any longer, and yet she would not give up the dream. The conviction that someday she would regain the silver gate.
A dream unto a meditation, understanding why she had the dream was almost as important as reaching the end. Nay, more important. Her sister had accepted her. The ponies had welcomed her. She had friends once again. What was so important about a dream of climbing stairs now, when she had everything she had ever wanted?
Desire, that was her weakness. She had craved recognition and spurned the satisfaction of earning it. Of being purposeful. And so she had lost all purpose. And lost… something else. A sacred trust? She couldn't remember. In her dreams there was the ache of a lost memory.
There was one last pony she needed forgiveness from. To be complete, to be able to move forward once again. She had searched the waking world for this pony, and never seen a hint, never had any idea who it could be. And yet, there had to be something more, she knew there was something more.
Putting all the stars in the sky? Foal's play. They knew their business, and only the gentlest of nudges was ever needed. Bringing on the night, that period of rest and renewal? It was her calling, her duty, and yet history spoke of a time when no alicorn had been needed to bring either sun or shade.
Luna stopped. Was this all fruitless? Was she still punishing herself? If everypony else was willing to give her a second chance, perhaps she needed to forgive herself as well. 'Very well,' she said to herself and to nopony, 'I shall walk the next turn and then...'
It shone with a silver light, gentle as moonbeams. Beautiful in its simplicity, the Gate of Dreams stood open before the Night Mare. There was so much to do, but she was ready. Ready to once again take up the reins as the guardian of dreams, and she knew where she had to start...
... Dot
The pale yellow pegasus touched down, looking around until a tan stallion finally stepped out of the shadows. Another pegasus, he sported a mane of pastel blues, pinks, and greens in a motley – all cut to a regulation flat-top. The mare tossed her head, for all that her own short pink hair didn't move, it still expressed her impatience.
"I didn't think you'd actually show up." The stallion marvelled, not quite meeting the mare's eyes.
"Some of us have better things to with our energy than to waste it on grudges."
He shook his head, "Sun and Moon, you are still such a fighter–
"I came because you said you had something important to tell me, Capt… Random."
"There are those who don't want you and your friends to succeed."
"Uh yeah, I'm kinda aware of that." The pink-maned pony glared openly.
"No," Random Sprinkles barked, "I don't mean individuals or even a small group. There is a conspiracy, stretching from the depths to the very top of Canterlot. They can buy, turn, or intimidate anypony – they get in and twist the very heart of a pony. Their soldiers are faceless, able to blend into any crowd, like perfect shadows."
The butter yellow mare nodded, "Alright, you have my attention. Do you have any proof?"
The stallion grinned, "They miscalculated, assumed that our 'history' meant I'd be up for betraying Equestria. I…" Sprinkles swallowed. "I've done a lot of things I'm not exactly proud of, but I'm no traitor." He began nosing into his saddlebags, producing photos, notebooks, letters, memos, diagrams…
"No, I suppose from your perspective you really believe that." She slid the goggles down over her eyes.
Random paused, "I can't ever possibly make up for the Tartarus I put you kids through, but I am proud of what you've accomplished, Fluttershy–
The yellow pony chuckled, "And I suppose you really believed that as well." Transparent green flame flickered around the pony's form as she stalked toward the elder pegasus. "I'd say it's a shame you couldn't stick to the deal, but I'd be lying if I said I'm not going to enjoy this."
"Oh no. No, no, no…" Random Sprinkles screamed, for all that he knew the building was abandoned and there was nopony in earshot...
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You had my curiosity, but now you have my attention. Looking forward to the sequal.
I'm happy knowing that the adventures of the Variant Six will continue.
...
I've seen you before...
I love this story!
why were you NOT on my favorites list already?
Herm...
Welp, one way to fix that!
Sequel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So Awesome...........
Interestin' plot twist. And I see that Rainbow still hasn't told them yet. That'll be interesting when she tells them what Discord revealed.
Holy frak yes! I have to say that I loved this AU. It was my very first one I've ever read, and while it's been a long journey. I can't wait to see the next story to this. Will you make a chapter that links the sequel to this one?
Happy now, RealityCheck?
there's gonna be a sequel!!!!
Really liked the story, thanks for sharing it with us!
:)
I enjoyed this journey you and I took together as we explore how a minor variation can have such a grand impact and I'm glad to see that there is a sequel.
I was wondering what happened to the changeling plot!
Very nicely done. This was well written and captivating, even if I'm going to have to reread it to pick up the threads that I've lost in the time since you started it. Good job and I look forward to what you do next.
I want to read this story, I do, but the early chapters need a proofread something awful.
Hm... Wait a minute, so the Variant six continues? I mean Celestia, Luna and Discord knows the other variations of the ponies... Also, Rainbow Dash sure has some idea...
3821460 I'm not sure I understand your question
But yes, RD has had the tiniest glimpse of the fact that there is another timeline.
As a matter of fact I intend to address this very soon
3821240 Sorry
I've tried to do some cleanup, but it is a horrible mess.
Quite possibly the most confusing alteration story of the mane six I've had the pleasure of reading. Apart from that, each character no matter how minor had an intricate background suiting the new environment. I particularly enjoyed the slight references made to individual moments in the original story. This particular story had me re-read a couple parts, annoyingly enough, but it worked out in the end, seeing as I finished it with a smile.Something that really stood out- the story got better/more complex as it went along, but with each character solidly in their roles, however vast the shadow of that role might cast. In summary... Loved the story, hope to see more work in the future.
3821818
This variation continues when Celestia, Luna and Discord knows this is not the canon world they are from, which again places that Rainbow Dash knows about the canon timeline.
3821923 Hmm, I'm not sure how much of this I should be explaining
Allow me a day to come up with an answer that is satisfactory without either ruining any possible future story elements, or somehow killing the mystique (the part I hate in zombie stories is when they try to justify the zombies to you.)
3821952
Then your answer is answering it through the coming chapters.
3817116 Now all you need is the scumbag hat for trying to make me do your work in finding someone
But in all seriousness, I don't know. Only two people come to mind and that would be the Luna who sang Children of the Night (if I remember correctly) or possibly Feather. But then again, Feather might not be the best voice... who knows?
3817140
Well, it does help that it's one of my favorite songs of all time.
3821819 If I ever do see that this is given a heavy proofreading, I'll come back to it ASAP, cause the concept and what you're doing is intriguing. Keep it up! :)
3822163 Rina-chan?
I wouldn't, even if I could afford to. There's talented armatures (moi) and then there are future professionals (the voice you mentioned).
I was being facetious, I apologize for once again underestimating the determination and chutzpah of this fandom.
As for hats, I have many of them, including a few I'm not proud of.
3829479
That makes a lot of sense.
I'm really enjoying this up to now (I'm just starting the variant season), I like how much thought you're put into the characters' alternate paths.
That being said, I have to be true to myself and speak out:
Macintosh isn't spelled with a K. And it's Sweetie Belle, not Sweetie Bell. To me, running into mispelled names is kind of like a stain on this otherwise marvelous fic.
3821818 I believe he was asking if you were continuing to write about this universe or another universe in the same setting (one of those parallel ones that this discord is in)
3853798 Well that at the very least I can answer:
The sequel continues to follow these characters in this world.
3847680
Found another
You'll find it in For Want of a War Beta.
It was mainly after finishing the fic then looking back for this error that I realised just how much Lavender Unicorn Syndrome your writing has. You seem to describe ponies by colour more often than you use their name.
The Discord chapters make me so happy I continued with this story. Very, very good and they reminded me why I had this slated for multiple reads even before I finished it. He was mean in the canon, he's almost downright vicious here. Instead of turning this virtues into their opposite vices, he just breaks them. it always makes for an interesting read when an author can do that effectively, and especially without having to reach for the grimdark route (not that such a thing is always bad, but I think it takes some skill to be able to do so without having to reach for that).
I think you nailed Twilight down especially well. What she said is dead on to your version and to the canon version.
WARNING: The following post contains well-meaning critique
Now that I'm done reading, I have to say... I liked the Slice of Life sections of this story a lot more than the actual 'climaxes'. You nicely work in each character's history and all the season 1 events without copying episode structure, and it's just sad to see that not happen for the 'action' parts of the story.
Apart from that... structure in general seems to be something that could use some improvement. It's often difficult to tell who is talking, and you seem to like starting in medias res without sufficiently describing what's going on—that's not what in medias res means. The most glaring omission is the gala, where it's not even clear that it IS the gala until the end. Starting in medias res is about presenting the most exciting information first; it's about clarity and impact and getting the reader's attention. The gala is... sadly very much the opposite. It's a muddy morass of seemingly random events that can't really be appreciated thanks to the lack of context.
That said, the parts that I did enjoy, I tended to enjoy quite a bit. I very much like the characterizations of these versions of the elements, though I was slightly disappointed that their lives were mostly swapped around, rather than being completely original. Not having Rarity as Princess Celestia's student was a very refreshing break from normal, and I kind of wish there was more of that, but I do like the end result, so it's more of a matter of principal than anything.
Basically, what I'm saying on all three accounts is that I feel that things turn out much better when you just do your own thing rather than trying to match something else.
3861058 Thank you for the analysis, you've given me several things to consider.
3851506 3856902 And thank you as well, I appreciate constructive criticism.
Now that I've finished in it's entirety, I can do a complete review.
(1) I think the best thing you did overall was the amount of thought you put into each character's deviation. The Rainboom was such an instrumental part of the path the ended up on that removing it would not just effect their paths, but each on of them as individuals, especially Pinkie Pie. I think one of the biggest errors I see in alternate history stories is simply taking the character and moving them one path to another without thinking how it change their fundamental personality. So, I think you did a good job thinking though it.
(2) I also thought you did well in justifying each path they took in life. When looking at such things, I tend to ask myself if it is reasonable (as opposed to likely or most likely), and in large part it was. I think AppleJack was the poorest representation of her new element, but I thought your chosen life for her one of the better ideas for your characters. She goes to Manehatten looking for her place in the world and its the Rainboom that brings her back. She is obviously unhappy there, but if the Rainboom never happens does she ever realize where that place is? It's very possible that no, and she just move from place to place, as you had her do. So, it's clear you put great thought into this aspect and the result was an interesting set of characters.
I think Rarity, though exemplifying her element well, needed the biggest Dues Ex Machina to put her on her path as canon suggest no else was there; something that would be true with or without the Rainboom. I like what you did overall with her after that point, but that one event was the biggest "....eh, I don't know...' of the six. I liked where it went, so it wasn't that big a deal to me, but I want to be thorough on everything I thought. Twilight going to Sweet Apple Acres had elements of this too. Still, overall, I think you did a very good job with this aspect of your story and I was very interested in watching their lives unfold and where the change led them.
(3) I would concur with Cast-Iron's critique about structure. For me, most of the time I could catch up quickly to who was doing what so it wasn't a huge obstacle, but it sometimes took occasional rereads of sections to figure it out. I think if you improve that it was solve most of your issues, especially with the Gala chapter.
(4) To me, it felt that allowed yourself to be too bound with the series canon. I totally understand with the Elements and Nightmare Moon because that issue is there no matter what. I can forsee you losing control of you basic goal real fast if you deviant too far from the general path to the elements. But, I think Cast-Iron is right in that they just swaped lives.
I think you did a very good job justifying their choices and I felt it was believable what you had them do. So in terms of general execution, I thought it was good. I bought into what they did, but there is no reason Generosity has to been in design or Honesty into farming. Where it really appeared that you seemed bound by canon was in the Slice of Life sections. The Gala chapter in particular was prone to it, but in general it came across that you felt you need to cover all the episodes in some manner. Many times you did so effectively (Mare-Do-Well, Owlicious), but others either were weak in execution (Gala) or were mentioned so off-handedly (Philomena) that I'm not sure why you bothered. To me, those episodes should be like a tool box, the ones that develop and show-off your characters, go for it. If they don't, don't worry too much, especially if it involves events that may not even happen absent the canon timeline.
(5) Enjoyed their (mostly Rarity's) rather frosty relationship with Celestia. In Canon, the elephant in the room is that either its one stroke of luck after another or was intentional manipulation on Celestia's part that arguably began when Celestia took her on as a student. With Twilight, she has such a hero-worship image of Celestia she doesn't think about it nor would it bother her if she did, but take that away, as you did, and it becomes a bigger problem. They are justifiably upset. It also damages whatever trust may have been there. It's the kind of thing that make building a genuinely relationship very hard. I also prefer treatments of Celestia that make her look flawed without just dumping on her. I understand what she did, but I understand why they aren't wowed by her either. So, well done.
As I said before, this is definitely something I will read more than once. Overall, I enjoyed your work, and should you follow through with a sequel, I will read that as well.
*ears perk up* Sequel~?
I laughed
, I cried
, I ate some lasagna, it gave me gas
, and I LOVED THIS STORY 
3879192
"
Funny, looking through the comments, I was a little surprised at seeing other people saying basically the same thing I said. If anything, you should take that as a sign that it is important to look into and improve upon.
As for why only half of the people are commenting on the flaws, well that results from two main causes.
Firstly, Where only a hypothetical half of your readers commented on the subject, that doesn't mean the other half did not notice. Sadly, some writers can't take criticism and will abandon a story if there is too much of it given. This phenomenon has resulted in a phobia of sorts building in online communities such as this that consists of people being afraid to mention a writer's flaws because they fear it could result in the story being cancelled.
The second reason why not all commenters mention flaws is because... well, not all commenters are smart. This may seem mean, but I assure you that if you were to seek out the worst fanfics on this site, that you would find they still have some wholly positive comments such as, "Amazing, keep up the good work," and, "MOAR
I've personally never understood these types, but they comment on pretty much everything, good or bad, and can kind of skew perceptions on how good a story really is.
P.S.
I am sure you have seen this already, but I think it would make good cover art. I found it useful in visualizing the main cast better in the case of Rarity and Twilight.
Neat.
3900912 Suppose you're right... there are a lot of variables going on around.
What with the whole cutie mark/ special talent/ destiny thing, the whole pulleys and "philosopy introduced to the difference between theory and practice" thing, the fact that ponies are actually attuned to the forces of harmony beyond our ability to comprehend...
Supposedly in humans, boys usually grow up to resemble their grandfather, on their mother's side, and girls their grandmother on the father's side. Maybe the same goes for ponies, only much more wibbly-wobbly-intricately.
So yeah, Mr. Cake, you can stop shaking like a leaf and reconsider hiring that private eye you've contacted earlier.
Just a fantastic story, loved the premise and presentation from start to finish
Aaaaaaand, SEQUEL!!!! I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!
img.myconfinedspace.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/excited-statue.jpg
It's so good to see this finished. I think it might be the first "elements are swapped between ponies" story I read. Almost certainly not the first written, of course, but it gives it a personal significance. And the sequel hook looks quite interesting as you've been building up changelings so long over the story (and introducing Cadence and Shining Armor early) that it flows so much more naturally than canon. Of course, you have the advantage of knowing you're going to write about it probably much more ahead of time than they did.
The three most important things I have to ask now are:
1 Did the sequel come out yet?
2 When was it established that Cadence was originally from the Crystal Empire? And if she is, why isn't she transparent?
3 Where do donkeys come from?
4540143 let's see...
Not yet
No
Nope (Also, the crystalline appearance of Crystal Ponies depends on an active Crystal Heart. At the moment there is not one functioning, so no pony has a crystalline appearance)
And ... donkeys are a separate equine species
I think you mean mules, which are the mostly sterile offspring of a horse and a donkey.
4540282 Ok, looking forward to it.
Oh yeah, they did establish that much...
Ooooooooh... right. I was not in fact aware of that fact. We do have two different ways to name a donkey, but I never knew that the third one was referring to an entirely separate category of pack beast.
4540282 Oh, and another question, if you don't mind. Regarding an idea for a chapter for my own story. You mentioned Fay Sprites on one account? Might you offer some reference material? Since in the Doctor universe, there is such a thing as a malevolent breed of fairy. I just thought using them would be a great way to bridge between the two universes, which is kind of the whole point I'm trying to make.
4540669 Well, first things first.
The 'fae sprites' are actually a nod to a curious critter from Hoopy McGee's story
Project Sunflower
... I can't tell you about their role in that story because.. 'spoilers'
That said... there is a long history of malevolent fairies.
There's the Unseelie Court (aka the 'Shadow Court' or 'Winter Court') which is supposed to be the hierarchy of all fae creatures related to darkness.
...
Though interestingly, the Seelie Court (...you guessed it, 'Summer' or 'Light' Court) isn't necessarily any kinder.
In fact, the origin of calling them fae or fairy actually comes from the term 'the fair folk' (literally 'the pretty ones') which wasn't so much praise as it was a fear that if you insulted a fae, the best you could hope for was to be cursed. Faerie was a capricious force to be placated.
But if you're looking for out and out nasty, consider looking up material about 'Red Caps' and Toadstool fairies.
4541389 Acknowledged, watched and noted. I'm sure to look into these as soon as I can. I thought Fae Sprites were something related to the Flutterponies of the first generations or something.
These are great references. Thanks again.
4541389
While I'm sure your explanation is more or less correct, I've always heard 'fair folk' described as being almost symbolic of their nature- fair, beautiful, and deadly, but without any mortal care or concern. they aren't evil- they're kind of beyond it. Blue and pink morality and all that.
(Also, if you aren't aware of it, Backwards Through The Mirror uses the Fae quite interestingly.)
5279621
Chloromancy.
Thanks! I can never remember the official name for it.