For Want of a Shoe
For Want of a Shoe
'I can't do this, I can't do this, I ...' Fluttershy looked at the practice range where a handful of fillies and colts milled around, waiting for something to happen. 'I didn't agree to this, I'll tell Rainbow the deal is off. She'll be reasonable... she won't be angry, she... probably won't act upset... no, she'll have that look that says 'I feel like you let me down', but I CAN'T go out-.'
"HI FLUTTERSHY!" The Gray Pegasus watched Fluttershy rocket into the air. "Wow! You can jump really high. Are you here for practice?"
"I. I, hello, Ditzy-"
"Derpy."
"Uh? Are you sure you want to use... you can be called what you want but that means... it's"
"Problem?" The Blonde Pegasus grinned as her eyes slid askew.
"Nevermind."
Reaching down, Derpy helped turn the Yellow Pegasus upright and dusted the clinging bits of cloud off. "Boa-constrictor whale bee hair any minute."
Fluttershy surrendered to the inevitable. Eying her peer group, a sinking feeling developed. A stocky white colt with wings smaller than a newborn's flexed and snorted, an adult brown stallion desperately tried to avoid notice, a gray-green filly with silver blue mane scratched absently at the large paper cone around her neck as she turned her head back and forth to make up for her lack of peripheral vision, a tan filly - obviously several years younger than the rest of the group flexed a pair of wings sized for an adult pegasus, and a dark gray colt with yellow/green mane who was... Fluttershy's mind spasmed, trying to find a nice way to phrase 'fat' before giving up in defeat.
'Ok, before I thought I couldn't do this. Now I KNOW I can't!' Turning to flee, Fluttershy bumped into a mass of white fur. Backing up, she saw a snow white mare with an electric blue mane and tail, her cutie mark a blue line picture of a pony sitting in a chair with wheels.
"Hello everyone, welcome to Omega Flight. Let's get a few things straight here." Fluttershy was unable to move, "This is NOT a 'rejects' class, this is NOT an optional event, you WILL learn to fly to the best of your abilities, you WILL discover your abilities are greater than you believe right now. Failure is NOT an option." the mare flexed her wings, something was wrong with them. "Also, I am NOT just your instructor, I am a GRADUATE of this program, and my name is Differently Able." Smooth white wings splayed out gracefully... upside down.
"Questions?" The practice field was silent. In Fluttershy's peripheral vision she saw Ditzy-err, Derpy 'accidentally' put her hoof into the white colt's mouth. "Alright, clockwise circle, INTRODUCE yourself by name and tell me what you're here to master." Her hoof swung to point at the blonde over gray pegasus wiping a hoof off on clouds.
Derpy threw a salute, "Derpy Doo, I'm here because I have a lazy eye and tarragon spin gnome"
The white colt pounded the cloud in front of him "Snowflake Horsepower! I'm here because I've got tiny wings. Now how do I get out of this horse-apple outfit?"
"Aha, yes, introductions, fancy that. I'm... Tim E. Turner, and I have never... er, used my wings before aha ha aha..." the brown stallion with dark brown mane looked as uncomfortable as Fluttershy felt.
The Blue over green filly swung her limited gaze over the assembled ponies as she boomed out, "My name is Sea Foam, and there is something terribly wrong! I am supposed to be learning to swim. I don't even know what I'm standing on."
"Well, my name's Dorothy Gale, and if it's ok with you I just want to go home", Fluttershy's heart ached for the Roan maned tan filly, obviously out of her depth.
"I'm Thundercloud and this is dumb", the dark gray colt grumbled without making eye contact.
Then, silence. "Psst, 'Shy, it's your turn." Derpy's 'sotto voce' could be heard at the far end of the track.
"Eep! My name is Fluttershy" she squeaked.
Able leaned forward, "didn't quite catch that."
" my name is Fluttershy." She wished the ground would just swallow her, until she remembered where she was, how high up she was.
Able's brow furrowed, "we're NOT going anywhere until we do this correctly."
"Heeba-Dey! Her name is Fluttershy." Derpy looked upset, which made Fluttershy feel worse. 'Can't I do anything without causing trouble for my friends?'
"I was talking to FLUTTERSHY, Miss Doo." Able turned her attention back to the melting butter pegasus. "Now, WHAT are you here to do?" The mare tried to modulate her voice, but irritation was still evident.
"I'm... I'm here because I can't fly well." Snowflake looked like he wanted to cry. 'Huh?'
"Well, I can HEAR you now, at least. But you are ALL wrong. I asked you WHAT you are here to master, and what you are all here to master is FLIGHT. If we can help you master YOURSELVES along the way, great. Oh, and MR. Horsepower? If you swear in my class again you WILL spend your time cleaning the fields, do I make myself clear?" satisfied that Snowflake was cowed, the teacher continued. "You are NOT here because someone considers you weak, malformed, broken, or useless. From now on you ARE to report any such treatment to me, and I WILL see that it is dealt with. I expect each and every one of my little ponies to become productive members of society. Is that CLEAR?"
When she received no response, the mare leaned forward and raised her voice, "I Said. Is. That. CLEAR!" A belated chorus of 'yes', 'Muffins!', and 'Yeah!' seemed to satisfy her. "Ok, NOW, before we proceed, fair is fair, you all shared your own individualities, so I will give you mine: before I was born my mother had an unfortunate run in with a plant known as POISON JOKE and suffered a severe allergic reaction. Unfortunately it WASN'T discovered that the poison was transferred through her bloodstream to me until it was too late. There IS an herbal remedy for normal cases, but Developmental Poison Joke has no treatment. Not only can I fly, but I AM in trusted to instruct foals in how to fly. If I can do it with backwards turned around wings, each and every one of you WILL be able to learn to fly, I promise you. Now, we're going to start with stretches, you WILL follow my instructions. Do not - I repeat, do NOT try to copy my movements!"
'This is so... strange.' Fluttershy was confused enough that she forgot she wanted to leave. That continued to happen on a daily basis, until 'Omega Flight' had become part of her routine.
At least, until the storm.
"Pinkamena Diane Pie, are you honestly going to stand there and betray everything your family stands for because you are 'tired of looking at rocks'!?" The Pie family Matriarch spoke in a quiet, precise, civil tone of voice that disguised none of her discontent.
"Mother, I do not wish to. I do not dislike rocks, but I feel a need for something more." Hiding behind her limp hair had little to no effect, but hiding behind the furniture would have made her mother angrier, so Pinkamena took what shelter she could.
"Dear, I think we should..." Her father reached a tentative hoof outward, torn loyalties etched in his face.
"Clyde, do not question me on this." despite her words, The mare softened her tone as she turned back to her middle daughter. "Pinkamina, will you not see reason? We are ponies of the earth. The Earth and Celestia provide us everything we need, but we must work to earn that bounty."
'I must speak my heart, I must.' "Neigh, mother. I will not see reason, for it is not reason that drives me to speak so. It is my heart - my heart aches. Is there not something, anything I could do to see more of the world? I do not seek to be a burden, and would honor my family as best I can. But, if I continue as I am, I fear something I cannot even name will wither and die, and what will be left of me will be rotten inside."
A mother's heart ached for her foal, her precious pink pony. "Pies are not given to hyperbole, but I would never harm my children, even by inaction. Perhaps... the healer, Miss Poesy has been looking for an apprentice. I shall approach her at the gathering on Sunday and see what may be. You may go and dry your eyes now." she sighed as her daughter fled the room. She turned to the stallion, legs bent as though shouldering a great weight, "Husband, give me your thoughts on this, am I too harsh?"
"Wife, I understand it is a Mother's right and responsibility to rule her household. I will do a Stallion's duty and carry out your decisions as a good husband must. But, I admit gratitude that you have bent upon this issue. Pinkamena has always been ... too bright for our calm world. Surely, she must be meant for greater things."
"We all serve Celestia according to our abilities, tho I feel sorely tax'd as of now."
"I suspect your mother approves, and I know no pony could ask more of you."
"My mother was the next thing to a saint." a smile graced the Mare's lips, "after all, she put up with my sister, my brothers, and myself without braining a single one of us."
"Ok, put the last speaker over there, easy now." It wasn't the weight that was a problem, it was the tension. Holding it just so, that made Applejack's legs wobble. 'It's still better than being under an examination disguised as a dinner'. It had never occurred to the orange pony that there could be such different kinds of parties in Manehattan. Sure, back h... back on the farm there had been dances, reunions, shindigs, and yearling celebrations, but even two weeks ago she wouldn't have known what a 'club scene' was, and a 'wub' would have been baby talk to her. A white unicorn watched her with intense concern, sighing in relief as Applejack carefully set the huge speaker down on the red taped 'X'.
"Are you sure you have everything set up to your liking? Perhaps you could rearrange everything a third time?" The Gray Earth Pony's ironic tone seemed to escape the unicorn's notice entirely.
"Nope, this is going to be perfect, O. Thanks again for helping out, Jackie". That was new too, the nickname. 'Seems like everywhere I go I have another name: Applejack, Abigail, and now Jackie...'
It had started a week ago. The trip to Poney Island was a revelation. Not that any of the attractions there were anything she couldn't have found at a country fair or the 'social', but just the idea that the city consisted of more than high society - that there was in fact a 'low society' for it to be compared to. The contrast made it easier to accept the whole - especially once she found out that some of the 'upper crust' in fact indulged in what they called 'slumming' - she definitely didn't like the term, but it meant she could get away with slipping off to Harelem or the East Village without scandalizing her Aunt and Uncle.
It also didn't hurt that she was coming into her last growth spurt and could pass for older than she was - that bothered her a little bit, but if ponies didn't ask it didn't seem like she was obligated to tell them their mistake. The dancing and the laughter were a great release from the squeezed and cramped sensation the refined parties left her with.
Meeting cousin Woody Apple had been good, too. Auntie and Uncle seemed to be indulgently tolerant of him. He would ramble most of the time, but he had a dry witty sense of humor, and seemed to come up with jokes off the hoof that would leave her rolling on the floor in laughter.
The biggest thing though, had been meeting the musicians. The two of them were students at the Manehattan School of Performing Arts, they played at local clubs to try and offset their student loans. The meeting had been an accident, really. Half deaf after a performance, Jackie had stumbled out into the concession area and seen a frustrated White unicorn with a streaked blue mane wrestling with a vending machine and invoking Celestia's wrath on it. The only decent thing to do was walk over and give the machine a buck to show it that who was in charge. She hadn't even expected a 'thank you' - you learned not to expect politeness from Manehattanites - much less had she expected to be glomped by a teary unicorn.
Vinyl Scratch didn't do what was expected of a unicorn - that much Jackie learned right quick. She was introduced to Octavia Strings, and the roadies for their experimental band 'Vinyl Octave Overdrive'. Octavia was quiet and refined, respectful and pretty nice once you realized how tight a lid she kept on all her responses. Vinyl was... wild, unrestrained, expressive, and far more considerate than those characteristics would have lead Applejack to expect. When one of their normal crew, mostly members of the Phi Nu Iota Fraternity called off for an important performance, Applejack found herself volunteering to help them move their gear - well, Vinyl's gear really, Octavia brought little more than her Viola, and nopony touched her instruments but her. Well, it was obvious that Vinyl must have had something to do with electrifying the instrument, but Octavia was very protective of it.
Although a lifetime could be spent studying the many precepts, the 'Art of Pony War' has four important things to say about going to war, other than the central rule: "Only go to war if you think you'll win".
'Step 1, keep to the offensive.'
"How can you do this to me!?"
"Young lady, you will not take that tone with your parents."
'Step 2, divide and conquer.'
"Dad, you said you thought I could handle it."
"Your mother and I have talked it over and we made a completely mutual decision that a filly your age simply cannot travel to Zebrica, even with supervising adults. There's just no way our precious baby is going to be thrown into a wild jungle thousands of miles away with our approval."
'Step 3, divert the opponent from their source of strength. Oh Sun Hoof, don't fail me now...'
"This is my life! I want to make a difference in ponies lives... even if they aren't ponies - all sentient species deserve Love and Tolerance."
"Doesn't that mean that ponies living in your own country deserve consideration? You seem to forget that we're letting you do this 'volunteer program' at all because you agreed to abide by our decisions." The gray and purple of her mother's mane was swaying ever so slightly, revealing her subconscious shaking of her head 'Aack! retreat, retreat!'
"Young filly, this opening at Sweet Apple Acres is perfect. You'll be far enough away that you can feel you are making a break from school and ... us. You'll be helping an important historical landmark remain in the original founder's family, learning horticulture and local history, and most importantly your father won't be a nervous wreck the entire time."
"But..."
"And Lastly," 'oh no,' "the mission to Zebrica is part of the Pony Corps, NOT the Canterlot Civilian Conservation Corps that we agreed to let you apply for." Her mother's glower was ruined by her attempts to smother the grin her pride in her stubborn daughter brought on.
'Step 4, when all else fails and the battle is hopeless, surrender to an honorable enemy, stubborn defiance is foalish and a waste in the face of mercy.' She sighed, "Okay, you win. I'll go to Apple Arches or whatever. There's just nothing in Ponyville, and I'm pretty sure nothing will ever happen there."
"First you have to grow a little before you can go risking your life." Her parents pulled Twilight into a hug," And we do want you to know how proud we are of you, sweetie. A month ago you would have fought hoof and horn against being dragged out of your bed an hour early..."
"This is something I feel I have to do. Somewhere out there is whatever I didn't find before. I was so sure..." 'Keep it together Twilight, you tried and you failed. A sane pony tries something new, and you are a sane pony aren't you? Even if you are talking to yours-shut up! Keep it together...' "Right, I'll do this." Her parents relaxed visibly as she pulled herself out of her funk. "Well, I guess I'll go see what the library has on... arborculture."
Some things never change.
Rarity loved her parents.
Really.
There might be a list a mile long of things they did or said or didn't do and didn't say correctly, but that was all fussing. The truth was, only someone truly close to you can inspire the kind of agonized frustration she was feeling at the moment. "Father, please, put that down, it's... well I'm not sure what it is but I know it's priceless, the historical value is..." Yes, she must love these people who were doing their best to embarrass her so utterly. The worst part was that the Maresons seemed to be taken with them. Her father was animatedly discussing the local Hoofball prospects with Mr. Radcliffe, while Mrs. Amelia was discussing the finer points of childproofing with Rarity's mother and laughing at stories about Sweetie - her new little sister, the only family member not to betray Rarity. Yet.
In all, it was probably for the best that her parents had been able to make it to Canterlot so soon. 'If I'd had any time to really get established here I suppose I'd be heartbroken at returning to Ponyville, instead of simply ... disappointed.'
"Yeah, we knew from a pret-ty young age that our little Rare here was ... rare. She's got this natural grace an' she's got an eye for detail, let me tell ya'." Well, it wasn't so bad to have her family here...
"Well, I certainly must compliment your child-rearing skills. She has been no trouble at all while we were trying to find you. It is simply fortuitous that your husband's co-worker remembered you were camping in Whitetail woods..." Getting out of camping had been a minor achievement in itself, her contribution to the play had been instrumental in...
"The school play! I completely forgot about it - what happened? Were they able to carry on with those dreadful costumes I slapped together?" Rarity realized her legacy might be at risk.
"Oh, yeah, I heard they did a pretty good job. The costumes were good, easy to move in and they didn't detract too much from the little fillies and colts reciting their lines." That was her father, master wordsmith.
"Ah, and what was the production?"
"Oh, I think it was called 'Hijinks Ensue' or something. It was a local, Shady Oaks Elementary School doesn't have a fancy theatrical department" 'That was an understatement'. The glance the Archaeological couple gave each other was unreadable.
"Er, Mr. and Mrs. Bell? Ahem, as I stated earlier, we were quite impressed with your daughter. And, in fact, since we knew you would at least need a few days to manage the trip here." 'Which the two of you paid for, don't think I didn't notice.' "Hem, and during that time we... well we offered her the chance to help us out with cataloging the results of our last dig. Short story, we are convinced that she has a great deal of potential."
'Interesting, what are they having such a hard time saying?' "Well, that is to say - with no disrespect to Celestia's excellent public education system, which we are outspoken champions of - but we feel that Rarity might benefit from access to ... higher education" 'Come again?'
The Bells looked at each other uneasily. "Well now, that's really nice of you to say, but we don't make so much in bits, ya know? Of course we want the best for our daughter but-"
"Er, Hoofbody, I do believe you forgot to mention the scholarship?" What!?
"What?" 'Is there an echo in here?'
"Well obviously this is a rather large decision for you to have to consider on such short notice, please feel free to stay and consider it for a few days we wouldn't want-"
"Fella, you and your friend there are crazy." 'Oh no, please Father, don't ruin-' "But I think that's a kind of crazy Equestria needs. Frankly, I kind'a thought all you upper crust folk were going to be all stuffy and snooty." 'Oh dear sweet Celestia, he's shocked them so badly Radcliffe has fallen over!'
"Mareson! Stop laughing so, you are acting disgracefully!" The large Stallion was rolling on the floor, tears of laughter rolling down his cheeks. Amelia turned to the Bells, her cheeks red. "Well, I can't say you are far wrong about a great many of our 'contemporaries'. What makes the difference is that our interests lie outside the plush homes and gardens of the ... 'upper crust' as you put it. Quite frankly, I can think of a number of ponies who could use a 'good kick in the flank.' "
"By Celestia's beard! I do think I enjoy your company a far sight more than any Duke or Baroness you wish to name, and I shan't even start on the Heart family. That ghastly beast of a child they are raising shall be the most intolerable of them all if I don't miss my mark." The stallion's sobriety returned, helped by the glare of death provided by his companion.
"Well, this is provisional mind you, but it seems like we'd have to be plum loco not to hear you out. What do you have in mind?" Rarity often forgot that her mother was in fact quite savvy when it came to negotiations, she had never heard anyone else haggle quite like her mother...
"Excellent! Have you heard of Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns by any chance?" It was too much, Rarity didn't even realize she had fainted until she hit the floor. 'Oof! Next time, find a couch.'
"Rainbow Danger Dash!" 'Well THAT'S not a good sign.' "Just what in the Hay-fries do you think you're trying to pull?" Thunder Dash was outspoken, outstanding in the weather guard, and outraged. 'That's like three strikes in one.'
"Right now? Not a whole lot, I'm still in recovery." Dash flexed her healing wing to emphasize the ace bandages adorning them.
"You know that was a metaphor Rainbow." And that was her mother, technically accurate but missing the point.
"I met who now?" It was dumb to bait them, but Dash had a lot of anger she'd had no way to defuse for too long now.
"Young filly, you had better start taking this conversation seriously"
"Old man, you better start taking ME seriously!"
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah!"
Thunder abruptly sat down with a satisfied nod, "alright, impress me. I see you haven't lost All of your spirit, so why on Clouds are you trying to drop all your advanced flight training classes for... design?"
'Well this is new.' Not the change of moods, Rainbow's father had always been like that, abrupt, intense, and respectful of strong will. "Well, you heard about the race, right? And obviously you know I... well, they won't or can't tell me exactly what happened, but I got hurt enough so I couldn't fly, couldn't even get out of bed for about a month." A sympathetic shudder went through both her parents.
"Well, what you probably don't know is WHY I crashed or whatever. Y'see, the race happened 'cause these three meatheads were picking on my friend, Fluttershy. But when the race started, she... got knocked off her cloud, and she... well she was too surprised to pull out of her fall," It was a lie, but not much of one.
"And, well, I lost a shoe when one of the colts rammed me, and out of the corner of my eye I see 'Shy falling earthward. So the race is forgotten, buck those guys you know? I... well I got hurt making sure she didn't. And while I was recup- getting better, I had, well, a lot of time to think. About all sorts of stuff. The one thing that actually led anywhere,"'Besides the pile of guilt I still feel, sorry Fluttershy but you can't decide I'm off the hook so easy.' "Well, I was thinking about that shoe. and about sports gear in general, and then on to how all kinds of stuff is put together, from saddlebags to the Cloudeseium."
"And...?"
"AND I think that I want to devote my life to making ponies safer, in the most awesome ways possible."
"By what, designing clothing? Pssht, yeah 'Rainbow Dash, always in style' I can see it now."
"I'm not talking fru-fru, and maybe not even clothing at all. I just, well I did some drawing - I did a LOT of drawing, there wasn't really anything else to do. Just, just look at some of it and tell me what you think." 'This is going to be the hardest part, making them see what I saw looking back at my drawings.' She'd gotten better as she went along, but she'd started to realize she was really getting pretty good... for a bed-bound filly with no previous training.
But as she feared, her father just flipped through the pads she handed over and shoved them at her mother. He was about to open his mouth again, and the world exploded.
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Haha, the chapters have been doubled!
Edit: ah sleep, what a wonderful thing.
I should have a pre-reader soon.
Edit: Nope, but I have other options
1169195
I never am afraid for my own sake, but I have been severely criticized in the past for utilizing similar concepts.
"What Technology Wants"... I'll add it to my reading list... Granted, that still may mean a solid year before I get through everything else, but it's in the queue.
Hmm... Seems we will be covering very different ground between our two fics...
It seems you're more shuffling around the characters, whereas my plans set them in spectacularly different directions... Mostly negative ones, at that.
Nevertheless, I am very interested in where this is going, and I quite like how you are portraying the characters.
Loved all the nods during the Omega Flight Camp, and loved the ending even more.
"There's just nothing in Ponyville, and I'm pretty sure nothing will ever happen there."
OH WOW, HOW WRONG CAN SOMEPONY BE? Just about everything short Cthulhu has happened in Ponyville. She'll be in for a shock around the 1000th summer sun celebration.
Subtle reference to Fallout there.
OH MY EFFING GOSH!!
YOU TAUGHT ME SOMETHING AMAZING~!!!!!
Tim. E. Turner = obvious reference to Dr Whooves and the alias Time Turner.
BUT Tim. E. Turner SOUNDS like ==== TIMMY TURNER.
Timmy Turner = cartoon character VOICE ACTED by TARA STRONG.
And obviously... Tara Strong is connected to My Little Pony.
She does the voice of Twilight Sparkle.
OH EM GEE!!! I learned so much today!!!
1291416
I just realized this too... FREAKING BRILLIANT.
Her middle name literally is Danger!
So! Awesome!
1330655 she said as much in 'The Mysterious Mare do Well' and in my head it's been canon ever since.
The end! I didn't see that coming. The world blowing up is certainly a new ending for a pony story for me.
1382864 the hard part was faking another 20 chapters so readers wouldn't be suspicious
Heh heh. Rarity should find a couch. Great one.
"By Celestia's beard"
"Celestia's beard"
"beard"
Wait... Celestia has a beard now?
I assume its a playon the phrase "Merlin's Beard" in which case, i reccoment using the phrase "Starswirl's Beard" because StarSwirl is the Merlin of Equestria
1521086 Radcliffe is... a special case. It's a rather hard life being an Atheist (Ponyist? hard to come up with a good term) in a world with a ruler who lifts and lowers the sun every day, but he does his best. (In short, he's trying to be offensive)
...also technically any hair on the bottom of one's chin could be considered a 'beard' but that discussion strays off into the difference betwee 'hair' and 'fur'... which comes down to splitting hairs
May I remark that your avatar is exactly how I would expect Canon Twilight to respond if somepony tried to use that line around her?
t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSWUjN5tYzML_aQUgtJfDpDfSSfX87vDoGio--8wD5U4dIDtCw6QQ&t=1 = images1.nick.com/nick-assets/shows/images/fairly-oddparents/flipbooks/characters/timmy-1.jpg?height=220&width=300&quality=0.75 ?!
1521113
Reminds me of Discworld. Religion is nigh-universal, because the gods like to go around smashing atheists' windows.
Also, the Tim E. Turner thing was great, and you've got Rarity's parents unique way of talking pretty much nailed.
1925892 I do enjoy my Terry Pratchett.
Thank you, I try.
What fascinates me about accents is how small a difference it takes to be notable, it's easier to overdo than I would have expected.
This is a damn good idea. I love alternate universes.
This chapter was better. Much more concise.
"Rainbow Dash, always in style."
OH SWEET CELESTIA NO
Another good chapter
Though I miss the colored dividers
.
Sure I can tell when the perspective changes, but it's missing that pizzazz
Edit 2:
O, and I saw that Fairly Odd-Parents referenceOn second thought, and reading more, is actually probably a Doctor Who reference...
Edit: Also, this reminds me a bit of the Magical Mystery Cure episode
2838159 I'm getting that a lot – I swear I planned most of this out before Season 3 even started (
there were several stories that seemed to echo S3 episodes
)
So...
Pinkie -> Fluttershy (Seeing this Posey)
Fluttershy -> Rainbow (Flying becomes her focus)
Rainbow -> Rarity (Rainbow Dash always dresses in style)
Rarity -> Twilight (Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns... wait... isn't Spike's egg there too?)
Twilight -> Applejack (She's going to Sweet Apple Acres)
Applejack -> Pinkie (She's helping Vinyl and Octavia)
This is one hell of a set up.
1291416 Lmao xD
This is quite a very long story.. I don't have time too read it all. But i like the story of it. Its pretty weird how small choices (Even small mistakes) can take a hudge impact in you're future.
I read a book similar to this a while ago - one small thing affecting lots of people.
what was it...
Oh, I remember:
d202m5krfqbpi5.cloudfront.net/books/1367780931l/12262665.jpg
Okay, I just CAN'T ACCEPT THIS PREMISE.
A talent isn't just something that coincidence gives you, it's an expression of your inmost nature, of who you are. How it manifests might be dictated by circumstances, but it will still be fundamentally the same. An artistic person may become a designer or a painter or even a writer, but they're still an artist. A natural athlete may not become the fastest racer alive, but they'll still be drawn to sports and athletic events. Eggheads are born, not made-- Twilight may not have become a great magical student, but her love of learning precluded her focus on magic and there are an infinite number of fields of study. And as Applejack is learning, and Pinkie Pie should have, there's more than one way to party....
The characters are innately OUT OF CHARACTER, and this means the story is broken.
When Applejack was talking about all the names she has, I think you meant Jacqueline, not Abigail.
Ok, this an AU so you practically do anything, but ponies don't have last names/ family names
3819410 It's... complicated
the basic idea is that there are certain themes that the ponies of a given family grouping all center around.
Octavia plays the cello
3819421
It would be clearer if you spelt it "Belle"
I'm so sad for everypony! I see where you're going, I'm just- gulp, sniff sniff- I'm sorry for them.
I'm seriously tearing up.
I'll probably cheer up, I just... Wow... Didn't realize how attached I was to racer Dash- Or magical Twilight- Or fashionista Rarity- Or party Pinkie- Or Apple Applejack- Or animal whisperer Fluttershy......
Sorry.
This rocks. Seriously. I love this story so much.
Tim E. Turner? Heh heh...
And also, who was the Heart family which were supposed to be so menacing? Lionheart or something?
Color me amazed. Good job, can't wait to continue this.
The world exploded? What?
What a pun. What a pun.
HEH!
He's like me, except funny.
I see...
Smart.
Aye.
HEH!
Same.
Classy.
That can't be good.
space between lines.
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needs end punctuation.
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Two major criticisms.
1) You don't tell which of Rarity's parents are speaking and when. So it's hard to know who's speaking at any given time.
And
2) This chapter is missing the bars that show transition from one pony to the next.
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Still a good chapter, although I'm not really happy with how Derpy was portrayed. In that there were lines where she just shouted gibberish and I had no idea what she was trying to say. Even in the show she's able to speak properly. Even if she does have the habit of destroying almost everything she touches.
Oh, I so do love this. It's intresting to see how one tiny evnt could change so much. Dash loses desire for speed because she is broen hearted, Applejack learns about the music scene, and Rarity gets to show off her skill. IT all just so fun to watch the small changes done to the characters