A Variant Season, the Greatest Show in Equestia
A Variant Season
The Greatest Show in Equestria
Dear Aunt and Uncle Orange,
First and foremost may I assure you that I am still among the living. Second, thank you, thank you, thank you for all the important lessons you taught me during my few months with you. I am probably the most ungrateful foal who has ever been blessed with not one but two loving families; a failing I intend to rectify. My circumstances are not dire and I seek no aid from you, let me be clear: I wish to repay you for your kindness to a confused filly.
Words are but a poor medium, but as they are all I have at the moment, I shall martial them: I am sorry. I am sorry for running away, I am sorry for breaking your hearts, I am sorry for never finding the courage to let you know I was alright, and I am sorry that even now I am only writing you because a dear friend of mine insists I repair my past. Please, for your own sakes, forgive me.
You have every right to be upset with me and to refuse to ever wish to speak to me. If that is not your inclination then I beg you to let me visit you some few months from now. I will, of course, be more than happy to exchange letters with you in the meantime.
Sincerely,
Apple Jacqueline Orange
They came in the night. Few even saw them, the cloaked figures dragging a huge wooden cart, brass-bound fixtures and clanking springs rumbled ominously. In the morning, the cart was already in the town square, as wide as five ponies were long and taller than some cottages. They milled around it, those strange figures cloaked in purple robes. Some said their eyes flashed with a golden light, or that the outlines of their bodies underneath were not equine.
It was eight in the morning before the Mayor was informed. After half an hour of deliberation and ranting there was no further excuse, she had to investigate. Six of the figures milled by the monstrous cart, their heights were varied, but none was smaller than a pony.
"Ahem, as m-Mayor of Ponyville, let me first welcome you to our humble town. With that said, what exactly do you think you are doing?" There is a certain kind of bravado that only illuminates the fear underneath it.
Two of the figures stepped forward, they were neither small, nor were they larger than some adults. The two glanced at each other before facing the Mayor.
"Bring your ponies..."
"...bring them here..."
"...they will witness..."
"...the greatest show..."
"...in all Equestria." Their words slithered together like one mind inhabited the pair. Fear, revulsion, and a sense of curiosity roiled within the Mayor. She fled.
"I'm sorry, repeat that one more time dear?"
"I said, she's already here - she's in Ponyville. I can't get a good fix because there isn't enough plant-life where she's standing, but she is definitely in town." Twilight's eyes lost their verdant glow as she released the spell. 'Well at least this time I put a duration on the effect, I can't put off telling her any longer... I think lying by omission has been straining our... I just don't like it. The truth, however painful has to be better than this.'
"You can't tell me... no, of course we can't know how long she's been here." Rarity had no idea what to make of this. 'Why of all Equestria would Trixie come here? These convenient coincidences are beginning to be altogether too much.'
Spike ran into the room, trailed by a parchment colored pony with gray mane. "Uh, Rarity? The Mayor has urgent news."
"Well, please come in Mayor. What can I do for you?"
"I believe we are being invaded! An ominous cult has taken over the marketplace and is trying to gather every pony in Ponyville in the central square, please-you must gather the Elements and vanquish them!"
'Oh spare me the high-school dramatics course. But, I'm not lucky enough for these to be unrelated.' "Right, I'll gather the bearers and we'll meet you at the main entrance in... say an hour." She turned to Twilight, "can you round up Jackie and Diane? I'll find Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash." Both unicorns nodded and set to finding their friends.
"Kooky cult, eh? Of course I'm coming." Jackie held back any further comments.
"Um, there's one other thing... I don't think this is a good time, but I'll always find an excuse so..."
Fluttershy's eyes narrowed, "I'll be there. Would we be better off with a clear sky or cloud cover?"
The white unicorn started for a moment, 'oh, right, Weather Team. Useful advantage to be able to set the weather...' "Well, they seem to like darkness, so I think sunny skies are our best bet." The yellow pegasus threw a salute and shot into the sky. 'I'd better ask her not to do that... wouldn't want ponies getting the wrong idea.'
"So ya see, this screw is actually an inclined plane that's been wrapped around-" Dash looked up from her impromptu lecture when the door jingled indicating somepony had come in through the main entrance. "Hold that thought, err this screw, be right back kiddo."
The orange filly took the metal joiner, looking at it to see if it was the secret of creation or a bad joke.
"Hey, welcome to-Rarity! What's... ok, plan?" Dash's brain shifted gears as she took in her guest and the unicorn's expression.
"There may be a spot of trouble downtown, the Mayor would like an... Element of security. Oh, hello... you're... Scooter-ah excuse me, Scootaloo, correct?" Rarity glanced at Rainbow Dash, sparing a moment for curiosity. "Have you taken on an apprentice?"
"Let's go with that for the moment. Hey, Scoot, got some big pony stuff to take care of, be right back. You know where the snacks are, amuse yourself. And for the love of Luna's Inexplicable Toe-Socks, Please leave the power tools alone this time, k?"
"No... what I'm Saying is that it's creepy. What exactly can you tell I'm doing?"
"That's not how it works, I can't tell anything about you-other than where you are. Even that is in relation to nearby plant life. Look, I'm trying to figure out how to cancel it but it's-"
"Ya know what? Don't, don't bother canceling it Twi. Maybe... maybe somepony should be able to keep tabs on me. At least I know you'll keep me 'honest'."
Arriving at Diane's cottage spared Twilight from coming up with a reply. "Ok, who's hurt this time?" Neither pony had had a chance to knock before the door was open, Diane standing there with an expectant expression. Jackie resisted the impulse to step back. 'Nope, no madponies here at all... just Twilight Stalker and Nurse Diane Fuzzywuzzy.'
"Nopony is hurt yet - that we know of. Rarity had a visit from the Mayor-"
"Are-has she finally decided to officially recognize Zecora as a friend of Ponyville?"
"Z-who now? Girl, you are wound tighter than a ten year watch. We've got other problems but whe-"
"Problems, yes. Problems require solutions. I am full of solutions, let us go."
"Um, D? I know you're... new to smiling but-that's Not a reassuring expression you're making. It's more like a grimace."
"... nothing can stop the grimace. SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!" The other earth pony and the unicorn exchanged glances.
"Jackie, I can't leave her like this. You go help the others, we'll... we'll catch up."
"How will you know where... this's gonna take getting used to."
"I'm sorry. It was never supposed to happen."
"Yeah, but what was? Nevermind, I'll go, you get Di settled down ok? Good … good luck."
It was crowded. "Great, now we're missing another scene. Anypinkie got an idea what episode we're on?" Asked the poofiest pink pony present.
"Well, they did Applebuck and there hasn't been enough colateral damage for Trixie so it's gotta be the Brush Off... but how will they introduce Gilda with Rainbow Dropout?" asked the Pinkest Pony.
"Wait, this one actually goes to school and you're calling her the 'dropout', harsh." said the... boy?
"Berry, do everypinkie a favor be quiet. Who invited him again?" asked the straight haired pony.
"Why, why are you doing this? Can you not simply leave me in peace?" Diane railed at the interlopers.
"You saw the rainbow, now you have to be funny. Or defined by humor. You're... too distant without being cold or angsty." Poofy Pink Pony posited.
"I am not interested in being defined by one emotion."
"And that's why you're tied up." the Sulky one said. "If you're not going to be Pinkie, you shouldn't be pink."
"I see, 'Dying is easy, Comedy is hard'."
"Aand then you throw out one liners like that, or sarcastic thoughts. Inconsistent."
"She could be like one of the Warlorn's - " The Berry Boy began.
"We don't talk about that!" Several shades shouted.
Waves of seawater began inundating the inner-scape.
"Please, please, just tell me what to do... don't... don't be broken, ok? Please?" Twilight was at her wit's end.
Diane touched her own cheek gently, "...oww. I see that striking me did not work. This is... worrying." .
"Diane, what is going on?"
"I am not entirely certain. What I do know is that they don't mean any harm, likely far from it. I am... after we sort out the current disaster I believe I will need your help-"
"Of course!"
'Count to ten, breathe...' "... looking into the matter. Right now an external problem will help me focus. Where to?"
"The Marketplace, whoa!" Twilight scrabbled for balance as she was lifted off the ground, suspended over a pink pony.
"We likely have little time for dramatics, simply hold on as tightly as you can-without causing asphyxiation."
"Diane, what are you-" She hadn't screamed like this since she was a filly, and with less cause then.
"Well, we can't wait any longer, they're starting to move. We'll just have to hope they arrive when we need them." 'Ugh, such unnecessary dramatics always set me on edge.' Rarity was... less than pleased.
The four ponies began making their way toward the now large gathering. Only two of the creepy caped 'cultists' were visible now. One surveyed the crowd and nodded to the other, a switch was thrown. The stack of wood and brass on the mammoth cart flipped over, half falling to the side with a mechanical groan that repeated several times.
Clack, whump thump clack, clack thump clack, whump, whump whump. Spidery metal legs had sprouted from the bottom of the unfolded portions of the platform as it unfolded at a rapid pace... Clack, whump clack whump, thump thump thump... A space the size of a Hoofball Field had now unfolded. The gathering ponies watched in silence, unsure whether to applaud or flee.
The two figures reached up to pull their cloaks away from their heads, turning smug grins upon each other. Said the one to the other, "Well lookie what we've got here, brother of mine..."
Looking out, from every street
Ponies killing time, with no chances
Gazing into the distance, shuffling their feet
Doing jobs, no thrills, no will to survive.
So many times, foalhood leaves us too fast
Lose your passion and taste for Glory
But don't lose your grip, keep your dreams from the past
We will fight, just to keep them alive!
Meet the Elements of Glory, who thrill and excite,
Rising up, challengers without rival
Know wonder's revival, we amaze and excite,
Watch with us, the Elements of Glory!
Amazing Grace, untouched by defeat
Iron Hard, challenge hungry
Magic powers no god could defeat
Feel the thrill, hearts will race: feel alive!
Equestia's greatest Flier, an amazing sight,
Grand Gryphon, aerobatics without rival
Be grateful you see her onstage not in the dead of the night
Watch and be amazed by Gilda Skyraker, Element of Glory!
Sorceress Supreme, she is the top
Shining spells, filled with Glory
Great and Powerful Trixie, you'll know she never stops
She can best any pony alive!
The Iron Minotaur, one you don't want to fight
Powerful, wise, a warrior without rival
He will take you with him, be inspired by the sight
W. Bison is great, as an Element of Glory!
The Elements of Glory…
The Elements of Glory…
Sing it with me now, The Elements of Glory…
Raise the roof up folks, The Elements of Glory!
"Eh, seen better." 'Wait... 'Iron'... could it be Billy?' "Uh girls? I may-"
And then the stage exploded... fireworks shooting off in every direction, a legion of goats ran through the crowd, leaping onto the stage, only to disappear in the sulfurous pall left behind, walls and a ceiling clicked and clacked together, curtains furled in rich deep blues and crimsons. Screaming rockets barreled through the open sky, phosphorus colors making the blue seem wan and pale in comparison. Unseen speakers blasted music meant to excite, and from overhead a cloaked figure dived in at impressive speed, dropping off one, two, three, three figures before circling around and taking a place on stage.
"Good Evening Mares and Stallions, foals of all ages, I'm Flim, he's Flam-"
"-we are the Woorrrllld famous Flim-Flam Brothers, and theesee are..."
"... the ELEMENTS OF GLORY!" The crowd couldn't help but clomp and whistle.
"From the grim battlefields of Bovinia, we bring you the Iron Minotaur-"
"-General W. Bison! Behind those thews of steel is a mind that can master any battlefield-"
"-and the Will to lead any force to victory! Feeling motivated already? That's natural. But wait-"
"-there's more."
"Hailing from the sky clad Gryphon Lands, the Grand Gryphon herself-"
"-Gilda Skyraker! Fastest thing alive, she swoops, she soars!"
"Combining the greatest traits of nature's top predators-"
"-don't worry folks, paying customers have nothing to fear-"
"-steadfast and loyal, daring and deadly, if your heart has stopped-"
"-it's only because she's already stolen it!"
"And who is this figure? What do you behold?..." The brothers wove back and forth.
"... an enigma, a riddle wrapped in mystery..."
"... and black chitin, This sinister shape-shifter..."
"... the 'Mysterious Morpho'..." The third figure threw back his cloak to reveal an insectile pony.
"Is none other than a member of the forgotten race-", his wings buzzed, his horn gleamed.
"-from forbidden lore and lost legend, he's-". Green fire enveloped his form.
"-a Changeling! Now before you flee in panic folks..." He shifted, mimicking ponies from the crowd.
"...no need to fear, outcast of his hive..." He settled on the form of a handsome gray stallion with Green Hair.
"...for the tragic fact that he refuses to kill his prey-" ... with wicked fangs for teeth when he grinned.
"-you!" Flam pointed at a Tan Mare in the front row who promptly placed a hoof over her eyes and fainted.
"No... he only wants to feed on your love..." He reared back, becoming a pegasus.
"... for excitement!" The crowd was slightly more dubious in their applause, but were caught in the flow.
"Fillies and Colts, we have saved the best-"
"-for the last! From our own Heartland..."
"...from her hometown in Hoofington..."
"Lend a hoof for the ..."
"Great-"
"and Powerful-"
Both Brothers spoke as they swept into dramatic bows at her hooves,"TRIXIE LaMoon!"
Bedecked in Silver Breastplate and Hoofguards emblazoned with a midnight blue crescent Moon, her Deep purple hat bedecked with stars and moons, the rim traced with silver filigree. Behind her a purple cape flapped dramatically in a wind no pony could feel.
Using her magic, Trixie took the microphone from Flim's (or was it Flam's?) hoof, further fireworks flew furiously. "Citizens of Ponyville, rejoice because the Great and Powerful Trixie... and the 'elements of glory', has finally arrived in your village! We will now grace your humble lives with a taste of what is to come... the GREATEST SHOW IN EQUESTRIA!"
"I'm not sure this sets a good example for children. Who would follow a warrior anyway?" Fluttershy mused.
"Yay! The Gray and Powder-filled Trixie!" a unicorn filly cheered from atop her mother's head
"She's blue, Dinky." The gray pegasus corrected, shooting an embarrassed glance at Fluttershy.
"Ok, the Blue and Sorrowful Trixie!"
"Eh, could be about 20% cooler." 'Who'm I kidding this is... whoa, the 'taur can get some good air.'
"Now Ah really have seen everything." A faint keening noise could be heard, perhaps some new prop?
Rarity forced her mind to think, however much it rebelled. 'What... what the Buck is she doing!? Other than a triple Salcow with a Somersault while throwing sparklers... I have no idea what to do about this.'
"Oh, there you are, thank you girls for getting here so fast. If we do have another emergency it's reassuring that our local heroes will be ready to respond - but in this case, aheh." The Mayor took an apologetic tone," I... may have reached the wrong conclusion. I'll just discuss the importance of public use permits and business tax... after the show, of course."
"Well, h-how were you to know? They do seem to be consumate showpo-showpeople. I also think that I'd like to speak to the performers, but I see no harm in letting them continue their performance. Very well, girls I'm-" that noise, it was definitely getting louder, and not coming from the stage.
'Celestiadon'tletmedie,ohpleaseCelestiadon'tletmedie,ohpleaseCelestiadon'tletmedie...' Twilight's world was compressed to three things, the blur that was the outside world, the neck she clung to for dear life, and her racing heart. With effort she reasserted her ability to use the rational part of her mind. 'This isn't scientifically possible! The solution is-' With a sickening lurch her body returned to real time as the pink pony's progress paused, sliding the last fifty feet. Twilight would later swear that sparks ignited off the cobblestones where Diane dragged her hooves.
There are only a few ways to hold onto the neck of an equine while riding on it's back. Almost none of them help resist relativistic momentum when a pony stops moving at a high rate of speed over a very short distance. 'Oh, is this what flying feels like?' ...We're not flying, 'shut up.' Twilight arced gracefully through the air, over the audience, and crashed into the armored Minotaur. The noise distracted the gryphon as she dived headfirst at Celestia Darklight, a pitch black alicorn with negative rainbow hair and a skull emblazoned over a white sun for a cutie mark. The resulting crash tangled Gilda and the Changeling in guywires and stage lights.
The crowd gasped in awe, the show just kept getting better and better. If this was a preview, the show would be amazing!
"The Great and Powerful Trixie demands to know who is responsible for this! Show yourselves!" Twilight was unceremoniously plucked from atop Mt. Bison and levitated over to the upset unicorn. 'That amulet... this may be my chance. I just hope those two rubes I met earlier don't bungle their task...' "Twilight Sparkle! Why would you interrupt a performance by the Great and Powerful Trixie? Be honest, jealousy is unbecoming in a pony!"
"I, ugh, I honestly have no idea who you are. I know your name because you keep saying... omigosh, are you Miss Glamor, Rar-"
"She is with me Trixie, and your... associates terrified the Mayor so badly she thought you were an evil cult seeking to devour the citizens of Ponyville. I'm all in favor of a good show, but really, there is a difference between projection and yelling fire in a crowded theatre." Rarity and the other Elements stepped toward the stage. She raised an eyebrow, "and really, Elements of Glory?" The white unicorn realized her mistake the moment she had spoken.
"Oh, Flim?"
"Yes Flam?"
"I think we have-"
"a Challenger!" Further rockets shot off, pinwheels swirling colorful flames as the speakers blared a thump thump, crash sound.
"Hohoho... you think you can just trot up here and question the Great and Powerful Trixie at the height of her powers, surrounded by the Elements of Glory!? You're a bigger foal than I remember, and I remember EVERYTHING."
'I... I have created a monster. Stop that, there will be time for tears later, showing weakness now will only make this harder.' "You don't have to do this. We'll walk away. Whatever the damage to your stage, I'll pay to have it repaired. Trixie, I don't want to fight you."
"Well, how many of us are given what they want, repeatedly, on a silver bucking platter?" Her voice rose in pitch, becoming shrill. Behind her the 'Elements of Glory' glanced at each other dubiously as they untangled themselves.
"...tight. Too tight." Twilight gasped for air. Trixie spared her a glance and tossed her off the stage, releasing her magic.
Rainbow Dash was under her before she had started falling downward, Fluttershy slowing her descent. "We've got you, you're ok..." Soothed the butter yellow pony.
More music spooled up as Trixie struck a pose, "Since you asked sooo nicely, I'll introduce you to the Elements of Glory:" the three knew their cues and lined up, dramatic poses all around. "Iron Will, Element of Determination! Gilda, Element of Grace! Morphus, Element of Mystery. Annnnd to round out their number, the Element of Power, The Great and Powerful Me!" The stage lights went out and the crew seemed to disappear. "Since I doubt any of you ever studied Advanced Mathematics, allow me to demonstrate how Four can be greater than Six!"
"Here's the plan my thespian friends, Trix is obviously gunning for the White Unicorn, Morphus you distract the Purple Unicorn. Will, you'll keep the two earth ponies busy - keep an eye on the pink one, she looks odd to me." Flim muttered as costume changes were made.
"Gilda, you can handle a couple of puny pegasi right?" Flam stroked the Gryphon's ego while applying gold dust to her wingtips.
"I can take any pony alive. But, is that the real..."
"Yes indeedy, when Trix picks she doesn't take half measures, that's the 'Hurricane'."
Gilda's eyes narrowed, "that's all I needed to know. I beat her and my rep is set. You just keep your part of the bargain, I ain't doing this pony show forever."
Flim smiled sweetly as the curtain started to rise, "no... just long enough to settle your debts, Ms. 'Skyraker'."
"Ok, no idea what their goal is, everypony try to stay together because I'm sure they want us-" Rarity was interrupted when a stream of bottle rockets began barraging her, giving her barely enough time to raise a slim shield as she ran for cover-and away from audience members.
"Oh for Celestia's sake, are we really-" Jackie's thought was interrupted by 300 pounds of high-grade high-speed beef on two hooves impacting right next to her, shattering cobblestone. "Billy, that is you! You doggone son of a gun, what in hay is the big idear?"
"The big idea! Oof, get over there and we'll talk The Big idea is you become an apple pancake!"
"You leave mah second cousin outta' this!" Jackie darted back and to the side, toward the nearest exit from the square.
"Eiya!" Diane discovered that the Minotaur's armor was genuine as she hurt her hoof trying to kick him in the head. 'That makes no sense, how can he leap around and perform those acrobatic maneuvers while wearing what must be an extra hundred pounds of metal?'
"Dash, Duck!" Fluttershy shouted. In defiance of all laws of comedic timing, the Rainbow pony was able to dive to the ground and avoid the gnashing gryphon. "You get away from her, you Beak!"
"Challenge accepted, time to reap the Hurricane!" 'Run little pony, it'll look better.'
"C'mon, we've got to help them! Trixie's cheating and the others are all monsters." Spike urged the three fillies.
"B-but what kin we do... no, yer raight. Family's got to stick together. But we're going to need some tools..."
"You mean like these babies?" Scootaloo spat out the handle of the little red wagon she had been trailing.
"Oh wow, Scoot is that what I think it is?" the unicorn filly squeaked.
"So, hah, Changeling huh? Never thought I'd actually see one. Am I whoa, am I now?"
"Hreh, I'm the real deal. Move that way a little, ha!"
"Ok, a few questions..."
"Only a few?"
"I like, whoa, like to draw my own conclusions. First, aren't you part of a hive-mind."
"We're only partially hived, and I - uh - lost my connection. Happens every few seasons, a few of us drones wander too far from the hive; once our connection is lost, we're written off as dead."
"That's - Watch it! Terrible."
"It's just life, there's already too many mouths to feed. Anyway, most of us just perish - I personally think they're the lucky ones. Some of us develop a sense of individuality like I did, but I suspect we still don't last long. From what I can piece together, I'm the fourth 'Morpho' so far."
"So, ugh, why do this?"
"Because an independent Changeling is capable of siphoning off different emotions, and Flim figured out how to get us hooked on adrenaline. That's... that's part of why you're not completely panicked right now."
"Wait, you're draining me!? I thought you said you weren't trying to kill me!" Twilight began to rethink the truce.
"Not actively, and we don't kill. Would you chop down an apple tree because you were hungry?"
"What!? No, that'd be wasteful and you'd run out of... I see. But, I also wouldn't just trust there to be enough apple trees in the surrounding area for me to get one when I wanted an apple."
"Yeah, hive policies aren't really my fault though. Drone, remember?"
"Wait, aren't drones normally-"
"Yes, although for us it really doesn't mean much unless you're Queen. Flam thought a masculine persona would be more intimidating."
"Well that's... whew, I don't see anypony watching us, can we take a break? Thanks. That's awful mercenary of them."
"What, enslaving me through my food? Trixie's the only one here voluntarily, and the brothers play her like an accordion. I just don't think they realize she's a time-bomb."
"And the others?"
"Will they have through gambling debts. Gilda is technically wanted in connection to some crime or other."
"How do they keep getting away with this!?"
"They just keep moving, you ponies aren't very good at coordinated communication between distant cities and small towns. I suppose it comes from lacking racial telepathy."
"Whew, thanks for the break. Oh, and hold that thought." Creeper vines tore up from the earth and wrapped the changeling's limbs tightly. In a panic the creature tried shifting shape, but the numerous vines continued to entangle the creature. "Please, I don't want to hurt you, but by your own admission I can't really trust you. We'll find a way to help you, just, just sit tight."
"Funny."
'Well, she's fast, sharp from five ends, bigger than me, and ... seems more interested in showing off than actually hurting me. Although, she does keep taking shots at my wing feathers.'
"So, your name is Gilda? Is Skyraker really your family name?"
"No, that horseapples the brothers came up with, you couldn't pronounce my family name."
Fluttershy banked into a sharp climb, the gryphon matching her if not able to overtake her. 'One shot at this...' "One more question if you please. How did you solve the icing problem?"
"The what?" The two fliers broke the last cloud layer, the air becoming thinner and the temperature dropped rapidly. Lingering moisture in their wings froze quickly, causing both fliers to stall and plummet toward the earth below.
Halfway down, the ice on Fluttershy's wings began to crack, and she removed most of the rest with a couple of powerful beats, pulling herself closer to the frozen gryphon.
"Rainbow Dash came up with a conductive threat she weaves through the down layer of my wings. Takes a little getting used to, but they you can almost forget it's there until you preen them." Placing her hooves under the Gilda's forelegs, she pulled them our of their dive into a controlled landing. "Don't worry, I won't drop you."
"How are you doing this!?"
"I made a promise to myself a long time ago. I won't let anypony fall, ever again."
"I'm not a pony!"
"No, you aren't. Hmm... we do that without even thinking about it. I'm sorry Gilda, I won't let anyBody fall."
"C-confound you!"
"Gambling debts!? What kind of idiotic weak willed-whoa! Watch it there pal, a pony could get hurt."
"Sorry, I guess my motivation is stronger than I thought. But yeah, had a bad patch about three years back. Found my way back out, but the Flim-Flams had bought up all my bad debts. Started out as a sweet sounding deal. I work off my debt performing and I could do seminars after the shows, use the cash to work my debt down while helping folks respect themselves. Win-win in my book. The brothers had another book, marked 'schedule' and there was never any room for my act afterwards in it."
"As interesting as your tragic past is, I am curious how you are able to maneuver while wearing heavy hunks of metal."
"The brothers are pretty good at enchantment, the bracers and the shin guards increase my strength, and... I think the belt makes me... lighter or something?" The Minotaur answered the pink one.
"That's just what I wanted to hear." Rainbow Dash darted past from the side, flicking a set of bolt-cutters with her wings to carefully clip the supports for part of Iron Will's armor. Two more passes with Diane and Jackie running cover for her and the juggernaut just couldn't move anymore. "I've had a couple ideas while this was going down. Remind me to talk to ya' after we get this all sorted. For now, do us all a favor and stay down."
Fluttershy came in at a controlled crash, depositing the grounded gryphon upon the immoble minotaur. Twilight staggered in from a side alley, perking up when she saw her friends, and grinning when she saw they were triumphant. "Ok, is Rarity still..." she listened to the far off explosions and didn't bother asking, "ok, I think I've got a plan..."
"You've been doing some exercise, Rarity Bell, Trixie doesn't remember you being able to run this long before!"
"Ahh, Field Research, you tend to build up - Hah! - Stamina, or you move into 'pure' research pretty quickly. I -urgh- prefer to do my own digs."
"Oho, so you're working for the university now? Where are all your principles now? 'Never take a Tenured position' ha!"
"I'm an Assistant Professor. They won't let the tenured ones go out on assignment." Rarity raised a shield wall to give herself a moment to catch her breath. 'We can't continue this much longer, I'm going to get angry, then I'm going to stop her and I don't know if it will be worse if I harm her physically or emotionally.' "Trixie, look at what you're doing to the town-"
"Take some pride in your work! This is all your doing, YOU MADE ME!"
Rarity sighed, dropping her shield and catching the latest round of rockets, diverting them skyward. "You made me as well. Of all the things I have ever said, that was the one thing I regret. There really is no such thing as an average pony."
"You should stick to your day job, mouthing pieties suits you poorly."
"Every pony is special."
"If every pony is special then none ar-"
"It only works that way if all you look at are the numbers."
"Oh, you mean rationally?"
Rarity raised an eyebrow, "Is this an entirely rational display on your part?"
"You should be happy, I'm using my special talent. Stage Magic, misdirection, and cheap tricks!"
'Misdirection?' She leapt without thought, which saved her life. Buildings tore like balsa wood as an enraged four story tall bear made of night sky raged through the edge of town.
Two colts raced like... an Ursa Major was after them, tears flying as they dove to the hooves of the Great and Powerful Trixie. "We got the bear, your magnificence. Bu-but it almost ate Snips, like three times."
"Oh well done my faithful servants, you will be remembered when I rule this land. For now take cover as I vanquish the Ice Princess and free this land of Tyranny one step at a time!"
'Surely you're joking. Trixie, nopony can hope to defeat an Ursa Major, how is anypony going to survive this!? I can no longer afford half measures, Subtle's death will be on my conscience forever but I can't let an entire city die for one pony.' "Well, you certainly do know how to get a girl to take you seriously. Ok Trixie, no more playing around. Stop this right now or I WILL end this."
The bear leaned down to snarl at the blue unicorn. 'No!' Trixie leapt to the side and called a zephyr to throw her skyward, using magic to land on the bear's head. Immediately she began throwing out her most powerful spells, the Ursa's eyes began to swirl in many colors. 'Hhow, how in Equestria can she?' The bear focused on Rarity and there was no time for further indulgence in anything but desperate survival.
Apples, buckets, an overripe watermellon, even small carts only served to momentarily distract the monster as Rarity flung anything in reach to buy time and space so she could plan. 'This is madness, but if I don't stop this thing...'
Five friends arrived in the remains of the central market area to see a giant blue bear with a blue unicorn on its head assaulting a hopelessly outmatched white unicorn. "Oh no, she's facing an Ursa Minor! We've got to help her!"
Rainbow Dash couldn't resist, she turned to Twilight, "Ok, if that's a Minor, what's a Major look like?"
"Trust me, you don't want to know."
"Am I the only one getting tired of being upstaged by stage magic?" Jackie asked. Four heads shook in response.
"Hey, Diane, are you pondering what I'm pondering?" Twilight asked.
"If we can somehow make use of the huge expenditure of magic you performed in the meeting hall back during the Summer Sun Incident?"
"Well, no, I wasn't but I'm going with your idea instead. In fact... yeah, yeah. Gather round girls, I don't think we'll have time to go over this again..."
The Ursa roared. "Do you hear that Rarity? It is the sound of Inevitability!"
"If you're going to kill me, have the decency to use the giant bear and not your atrocious stage acting!"
"I know you've been looking into what's happening to our world, so you know some of what is coming. Unlike you, I embraced the truth, our age is coming to an end. Only by accepting this can ponies survive. Why stop an 'Ancient Evil' when you can twist it to your will? Oh, I suppose you've already done that? What is that like, having the Moon Princess so desperately grateful to you?"
"Trixie, your mother-"
"Don't you talk about my Mother!" The bear redoubled its efforts, crashing headlong through buildings and raking the road surface to rubble.
Fluttershy shot past, shouting something about... Meeting Hall? Before striking a glancing blow to the Astral Bear. Rarity briefly considered insisting on finishing her own fight, and briefly considered becoming a corpse, she opted for neither of those choices. Instead she ran for the Town Hall. Trixie's bear gave pursuit, proving its size did not prevent it from reaching great speed and gaining on her by the stride. Nearly neck and neck at the entrance to the Town Hall, Rarity found herself snatched skyward by yellow hooves. The Ursa Minor was unable to slow or turn in time, crashing into and through the main door.
The entire building creaked and groaned, posts burst from their moorings, growing new branches and sprouting leaves as the entire structure transformed into a small grove of tall trees meshing their branches and trapping the star bear within. Trixie barely had time to fling herself free before the trap was inescapable. Landing on the ground she took a breath to plan how she could turn this around, and found herself trapped under a large cargo net that seemed to fall from the clear sky.
Twilight and the others trotted up, Fluttershy gently depositing Rarity on the ground. The purple pony examined the enmeshed bear and netted pony. "Wow, that worked far better than I thought. Who came up with the net?" The mares looked at each other in confusion.
"Oh, that would just be the bravest fillies in Ponyville, and the greatest assistant squared." Spike modestly proclaimed, helping Apple Bloom, Sweetie Bell, and Scootaloo roll their miniature catapult over.
"Ok, I'll bite, what's an assistant squared?" Rainbow asked, expecting a terrible pun.
"Assistant to an Assistant Professor." he quipped. 'Aand I'm not disappointed.' Rainbow thought.
Rarity limped toward the captured stagemare, "Trixie, it's over. You've lost. Just listen to me."
"I had everything planned, this would have worked, if it weren't for those meddling kids!"
"I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that. Now about your mother-"
"I was trying to find a power to heal her you horrible-"
"-ABOUT YOUR MOTHER. She IS the reason she's not healing. She's refusing to let the magic work unless she sees you. I don't have the time or the energy to put this 'nicely', if you continue to refuse to see her, you will be killing her."
There was a moment, one single moment, where the Stage Magician considered oblivion. If she had been able to she would have ended the world. She couldn't and she didn't, and since she had to go on living she gave up. She gave up her plans, her hatreds, her ambitions and spites. They would take some time leaving, like guests after a long visit, but already she felt lighter, if hollow. "...fine... I want to see her."
"...alright then. There is one more thing I want you to do..."
Half the town assembled in the ruins of downtown Ponyville, emotions ran from shock, despair, anger, horror, to utter disbelief. The once great and formerly powerful Trixie stood, an iron clamped to her back left leg.
She looked upon the masses, a single tear shed. She closed her eyes and spoke, loud and clear with projection that spoke of years of training and practice, but with none of her usual bravado. "If we shadows have offended, think but this and all is mended: that you have but slumbered here while these visions did appear and this weak and idle theme no more yielding but a dream. Ponies - do not reprehend, if you pardon, we will mend." Rainbow light flashed outward to envelop the town, a white noise roaring at deafening volume but soothing in its intensity. When the light faded, the city was whole, the unicorn unseen, and some ponies looked at each other just to be sure they hadn't hallucinated the entire event.
Most would eventually agree it was at least the second best performance to ever be seen in Ponyville.
Dear Princess Luna,
Wow, have I got a story for you. So Rarity had this friend in College named Trixie, real low self-confidence girl. She compensated by putting on this personality of like unbelievable arrogance. One day Rarity showed her up by accident, and when they got into a fight... well Rarity teased her maybe more than she should have. It happens.
So Trixie dives completely into her 'Great and Powerful' act, picks a fight with a pyromancer trying to set herself a reputation. Twilight thinks she was planning on 'reflecting' the pony's fireball whatever that means. Rarity saw it and stopped the whole thing, but she was freaked out. Who wouldn't be, right? So she figures, 'I let her get away with this and she's just going to do the same thing next week, and eventually I won't be there to stop her from getting hurt.' so she tries to make Trixie admit she's all talk. Yeah, turns out Trixie's mom was in the area, heard there was a conflict, and comes in seeing what she thinks is Rare choking her kid. Automatic Postal like right there.
So Rare drops the roof on Mom-zilla, Trix runs off. End of story, right? Yeah, no. Trixie lured some crazy ass bear monster-an Ursa Minor, thanks Twi, figures out how to direct the thing at Rarity and long story short the kids save the day. Yeah, epic, I know. I got to wrestle a Minotaur, so it wasn't all bad.
Losing my train of thought here, the point is that this all happened because of self confidence. The whole thing. What Rarity wanted Trixie to say back in school was some horseapples like 'I am an average pony', what total bunk right? Every pony is important to somepony, and they all deserve a shot at being happy. Turns out, that sort of applies to the pony themselves, they-we-I have to let myself be happy. I made my own mistake a while ago, not ready to discuss that, but what I will say, and what I think you might need to consider too is: 'How can I love anypony else if I don't love myself?'
Look, I'm going to do my best. You too, ok? By the way, really been enjoying the night's sky since you took the gig back, yeah we could tell when you did.
your friend,
Rainbow Danger Dash
Dearest Jacqueline,
All you ever had to do was write. Of course we want to see you.
The one condition that we have is that you make your visit next month, so that you can attend your new Cousin Valencia's third birthday. Of course the rest of the family is invited.
With all our hearts we forgive you. Whoever your friend is, please give her our heartfelt thanks and a warm hug.
your loving aunt,
Clementine Orange
Coda:
They hadn't stopped running until the sun was down. Flim gasped for breath as he leaned against his twin brother, his only support - just like always. Flam panted and considered what had gone wrong, other than "everything". It had worked so well for a while, and the unicorn had seemed like the ideal addition to the show. "I just don't know what went wrong brother."
"Well hay, if that's all, I could tell you that. Happy workers don't try to destroy your stages." Both unicorns started at the voice from the tree they had stopped under, but couldn't find the energy to run. "You guys come up with some amazing stuff, I looked through the wreckage. But, when it comes to dealing with other ponies, you're kind of jerks, kind of really really jerks. I don't know what made you like that, right now I don't even care. What I do care about is that you two aren't running around on your own setting up more horseapples like this."
The blue pegasus dropped from the tree and began pacing toward the two. "So right now you have to decide, do I turn you over to the Authority of Equestria, or do you accept whatever judgement I decide you deserve. Don't just blurt an answer and for Pete's sake don't think you can outhink, outfight, or outrun me. Just ask yourself, do you punks feel lucky?"
"If it's all the same to you miss, I have never seen the inside of a jail-cell and am not interested in finding out what it looks like. So if you have some brand of 'country justice' cooked up, just... get it over with." The other brother nodded.
"Ok, first we take you back to my shop. Then you spend the next month doing community service, and then we discuss next year's version of the show..."
************************************************************************************************
Next Episode: A Variant Season, Between Friends
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How did you manage to fit all those references to other movies/shows in this--AND make them fit the dialogue!?! Brilliant!
Keep it up!
This was... confusing...
But funny! Nice job! 
1262039 you should see the stuff I leave out
1262068 Yeah, action scenes are new for me.
On the plus side, you'd be confused if you'd been there.
By the way, Ursa Minor was my favorite beast.
I was going to watch the series by the point I saw Boast Busters, but the Bear really and truly hooked me.
1262252 That must be why it's confusing--I've seen "Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000" and "Putting Your Hoof Down," but I've never yet seen "Boast Busters" personally--only heard about it from references in other people's fics.
1262624
Let me make sure we're on the same page here, Season 1, Episode 6, tG&P Trixie!?
You have been robbed, my friend
1262632
Possibly. The good news is, all of Seasons 1 & 2 are on YouTube, so I can remedy any gaps in my knowledge when next I get a free 30 minutes. 
I nearly died from this!
Excellent conglomeration of all those episodes; pulling all those otherwise separate characters together while keeping them not only in character but retaining a semblance of their original roles in the show would be no mean feat... but then again, you already done the reverse for the Mane Six, so it shouldn't be surprising!
I'm interested in that Changeling... and not only because I love Changelings, but also because--unless I've forgotten something--she's the first OC in this story(?)...
1262896
You did forget a couple of characters. What about Differently Abled (Fluttershy's flying coach)?
Or the nurse "Dianne" was apprenticed to?
1262896 ...
Did that to myself, didn't I? Morphus was thrown in to explain the many many ' lost changeling learns to love' stories. That's a terrible thing to do to a pony though, so I'll try to do right by her.
1263671 Yeah, Rosie Posey... technically she was based on earlier gen material, although those ones were gardeners-not too big a stretch to an herbalist though. A few backgrounders too: Hypocratic Oath, Good Hooves, Square Deal, and the coach with no name.
Aren't you forgetting somepony?
Oh, and Differently Able's students Thunderball (who exists primarily to explain one of the CMC's classmates), and Sea Foam no no, I am entirely not offended to be last on the list
So I guess you could say Morphus is the first completely uncalled for OC in the story, and a call-out does pretty much guarantee she'll show up again...this story just refuses to stay simple.
Edit: Come to think of it, what do all of you think defines OC'ness? This may be an opportunity for me to learn a little more about the Fandom
1263671
1264087
Durr... That's what I get for commenting at one o'clock in the morning!
What do you mean by "do right by her"?
An OC, to me, has to be significant. For example, take the Lotus twins/sisters; if MLP:FiM had been a fanfic, I wouldn't consider them OCs because they serve to do nothing but occasionally show up as a cog in the narration to provide context for a scene. They don't have (a known) history, nor personality, nor any (known) wants (a very important part of a character in narration), therefore they're barely a step above props. An OC has to have significant personality and development, which, in this story, "characters" like Rosie Posy, Differently Able, and Hippocratic Oath lack (Differently Able might be the most developed of these three, and while we readers might be able to infer a lot, that's all we can do: infer, not know).
... That probably says a lot about what I expected you to do with that Changeling... As Rarity seems to be "going after" (or was going after?) Shining Armor (and Twilight left home, possibly cutting short Armor's connection to Cadance before he worked up the courage to get to know her better?), I wondered if this would change things enough that the royal wedding wouldn't happen, and this was therefore your way to include some kind of Changeling plot (that is, "episode," not... that).
1264672
page two, whoo!
I hadn't considered how that could be miss-interpreted, well draw your own conclusions...the story I write you complete in your mind and there isn't a 'wrong'.
Um, by do right I meant make a place for the character.
Thank you, this is exactly the kind of info I'm looking for. Incidentally, old-schoolers call that a 'McGuffin Device', a term coined by Alfred Hitchcoc, which describes a person, place, our thing present to give the characters a motivation. The maltese falcon is the most famous of these, but check out the old man's work, once you know the name you can't unsee it.
As for 'Shiny' well, I'm going to give the poor guy some measure of privacy, but RD wouldn't poach and Rarity was trying to keep him off balance... I think she as much as says "I'm not looking to be tired down right now"...oh,
As for princess Cadenza, well...you'll see
Lastly... Eww. Outside of RDP: Spiderses, I really have no interest in bug action.
Edit:...
how did you... Ok, I know where Morphus fits in now, you are like 
voodoomagic or something. Stop conspiring with my brain.Edit 2:1265864 Oh, you'll know when it comes. It's too perfect not to use, but I draw the line at doing a spin-off, somepony else can do that. I'll come back to writing after this story, but I need some time to use my brain for productive junk.
1264943
Eh, I don't exactly mean a McGuffin, because they don't provide motivation for the storyline, only context or environment. Like, say, the difference between a someone who needs to be saved from a dragon and a someone who tends the gas station our character(s) stop at is that the first provides motivation and the latter is necessary to make the scene work (a gas station needs an attendant--that attendant doesn't need to be an important character). Both, however, tend to have very little fleshing-out, mostly because once the McGuffin is attained (whether it's a person or otherwise), the story ends fairly soon.
I have never read Spiderses, not even listening to the RDP version, and I'm sure my life is better for it... Changeling-on-Changeling action, however...
But "voodoo"? I prefer "magic", but I guess that works... even though I have no idea what I did to inspire you, nor of what I've inspired.
Pinkie Pie
Warlorn...
No more POV me the next 12 hours. My mind has been blown enough.
Edit: So many references! It is madness I tell you!
It's official, you're portrayal of Fluttershy is amazing to me. I finally realized what she puts me in the mind of. She reminds me of a knight sort of. She has a serious code of honor and though I get the feeling she prefers to not fight, being Captain of the Weather Team has toughened her up to the point where she can fight if she wants to. She's always been my favorite character, and here, she STILL IS my favorite character.
Cool.
I have to say, I didn't comment on the last chapter because I really didn't like it. Rarity and Applejack are so ... whiny with regards to their past. Yes, they have regrets, but it's all laid on a bit thick.
But anyway, this chapter?
Very cool spin on quite a few episodes. You're really good at twisting the history. I'm curious as to whether you write your own stuff, too. Coz I'm pretty sure you'd be great with plots and characters.
Oh, and I totally wanted to mention an error. Lol.
The word is queue. (correct spelling), but the word you were actually looking for was cue.
A queue being a line, and a cue being a ... a signal to start something. Or that rod you use to hit balls in pool or snooker. Lol.
Anyway, there you go ;)
1454664 Thanks, this chapter was a joy to write - Boast Busters is one of my favorite episodes
I'm afraid this is my first public work of fiction, all of my previous efforts having gone into RPG sessions. Confabulation is my special talent, but the typical use of that is lying so I don't exactly advertise the fact.
So after a long day I lay down and enjoy the plot, the language and the humour. What can I say. I loved every bit of this chapter. Bravo.
Also helps me learn new words in English other authors do not tend to use so often. :3
Sine you asked sooo nicely
Rainbow Dash came up with a conductive threat she weaves through the down layer of my wings
Takes a little getting used to, but they you can almost forget it's there until you preen them
Both unicorns started at the voice from the tree
1. Cosine, Tangent!
(Props if you know which character says this)
2. Thread.
3. Umm... would you prefer Then or just removing it completely?
4. Stared.
Meddling kids, icing problem... you sly devil you
Also...
...
zipmeme.com/uploads/generated/g1336631382521711746.jpg
Must... resist... urge... to hug...
1891714
noted
noted
noted
1.
2.
3.
4. To 'start' is what is now called a 'take' in movie terms, it's a full body twitch in response to a sudden surprise
(normally a twitch of the autonomic 'fight or flight' reaction)
In this case, the brothers think that they have escaped capture by the skin of their muzzles, when all of a sudden somepony startles them from above.
I'm always pleased when someone recognizes one of my older callouts - I didn't think anypony would catch that one.
1.) Diane is Craaaaaaaaaaaazyyyyyyy
2.) Basically this, 1262896, and just allow me to say your awesome for pulling it off
3.) For Trixie controlling the Ursa, were you inspired by this?
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9hy76xx131qj6f0fo1_500.jpg
Not sure how the release dates affects the answer.
Call me obdurate, but it feels like Trixie quit on her anger too easily for me
And as far as the Flim-Flam brothers go, I don't see how they'd have any reason to fear the law. Unless they are considered responsible for the damage because one of their employees caused it, and while they may not be the most ethical of businessponies, aside from potentially harboring a fugitive I don't think they acutally did anything illegal
2894492 Thanks
...
I've never seen that picture before, but it's epic
(the whole thing is great, but the 'war scissors' are a very nice touch)
I LOVE the synchronicity that you find in this fandom
Trixie never gave up her anger, and she certainly hasn't forgiven Rarity... she just decided in this case that her mother's health was more important than a futile gesture of resistance when it was fairly obvious she wasn't going to win this round.
As for the Barbershop boys? Any headcanon that satisfies you is probably close to the truth
This is Awesome! And here I thought For Want of A Battle would be hard to top. You are getting better and better!
Sweet~
I always like seeing a bit of Scootalove in AUs.
I'm interested as to what Rainbow's got planned for the brothers.
those two blockheads still is not able to do anything right even here they were not able to get the major they was after.
"Wait, aren't drones normally-"
"Yes, although for us it really doesn't mean much unless you're Queen. Flam thought a masculine persona would be more intimidating."
<facepalm>
DRONES ARE THE MALES.
In fact, the only males in the hive--- they mate with the queen and then die. Doesn't anyone do even a moment's research anymore before-- oh forget it (goes off in a corner and weeps in despair.)
3328685 Actually, while the only males are usually drones, there are still female drones in insect colonies, and they do usually outnumber the male drones. In some insect colonies, it doesn't even matter that the drones are males, because they're sterile anyway, and there are males whose specific purpose is to breed with the queen.
I'm glad we could have this talk. The more you know and all that.
Well, I love Smart Dash.
Poor Diane hehe.
pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw10290_medium.png
That was something....
Speakers? And lines need spacing.
______________________
Cap.
____________________
I
______________
fix tags.
_______________
my
_________________
right
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thread
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3328685
Your constant homophobia and ignorance is retarded and annoying.
Fact is. You are confusing Haplodiploidy with Eusociality.
As is, all castes, all workers and non-queens are called drones. Whom have a caste system. Which isn't inherit in a Haplodiploidy system [aka Workers are females [fertilized eggs], and drones are male [unfertilized eggs]. Which that form of drone is only applicable there. In a Eusocial group [one queen, caste system, overlapping generations, cooperative care of young, etc. That Lings are known for in Canon] gender selection is much less specific. But usually .75 out of 1 are female.
With males being greatly different looking than females. With much adornments used for fighting for the right to mate.
___________________________
You are even shown to be even more idiodic of your rant when you fail to know that InVerse Ling's are shapeshifters.
Which brings up the real life example of animals and multi-cellular entities that are capable of changing gender. Sequential Hermaphoditism google it. You might learn a thing or two.
Oh! And Parthenogenesis in which males aren't needed to fertilize an egg at all. Making males completely unneeded. So yes. Lings can be all female. It's biologically, and realistically possible. And if there are no males. Then drones can be all female.
______________________
4316359
True.
But we also have to consider that for Ling's workers and drones from the insect classes are the same thing. Add in the fact that they are shapeshifters and Sequential Hermaphoditism could explain how they are all female, yet are able to breed with the queen [if the queen needs fertilization to begin with].
Then you have to think about Parthenogenesis where species self fertilize without a male to fertilize the eggs [which while rare in complex organisms has been known in several species of sharks, reptiles, insects, and other multicelular entities]. So in a way, Lings may have that and males are utterly unnescessary for Lings and Changeling reproduction.
This has been an interesting way of showing the differences between worlds. While most fics either op to do it in seperate stories or let other do it, this brings a unique feel to the story. One where we have a full on cohesive voice. The mix between the other worlds and stories are done in such a manner that it helps to build the new worl that you hav created. Not to mention some of the refernece are too obtrusive
6770824
Um, not to be picky but the "Ah" instead of "I" and such is actually correct in this instance.
That's the way writers write accents, like how Jackie seems to still have her southern accent. I think...