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61w, 3dOn rewriting...101 comments · 4,082 views
Rewrite should be completely and totally done. If anyone notices anything out of place, let me know.
If you want to read the original, download it here: http://pastebin.com/KD2TFT0Z
NOTE: If a chapter's title is blank or "Slice of Life," I'm looking for a title for it. Suggestions are welcome.
In case anyone is wondering what size chart I'm going on:
Also of relevance:
Changelog (definitely spoilers below):
1: Changed the wording in a number of places. Made Nav seem less whiny. Hopefully made some people less OOC. Made the beginning sound less preachy and angsty. It more properly... sets the stage, you could say.
2: Made everyone less OOC. Definitely, definitely set the stage here.
3: Reads better. Think I added some of the old chapter four onto this one.
4: Complete and total rewrite. Probably one of the best chapters I've ever done, actually. It's Nightmare Night.
5: Twilight and Nav vs Trixie. Almost a complete rewrite.
6: Ponified Nav chapter. Partial rewrite. New stuff added. Rape redone to be less OOC.
7: Cleaned up.
8: Added Nav meeting Celestia. More foreshadowing.
9: Added a section where Nav goes hunting with Luna. Plenty of foreshadowing here.
10: The Gala. Removed Z, added Egill, which is close to the same thing, but with Luna instead.
11: Summer Wrap Up, where Luna practically admits her feelings. Nav gets wrecked. This is the substitute for the stupid sky rodeo (yes, it was stupid, god dammit).
12: The aftermath of Nav getting wrecked. Close to the other aftermath chapter, but also different. Considerably less Zecora (by which I mean fuck that rhyming zigger).
13: Gave Nav a reason to actually kill. Gave him more of a moral problem with killing. Gave him more of a reason to not fight back against naga chick.
16: Made Nav less full retard. He grows a fucking spine and deals with Kat.
17: Changed up the Luna dialogue to fit her better. Nuked the ending.
19: Removed everything involving Celestia and Luna. Appended 22 to what was left. Removed the stuff about Winter Wrap Up from this chapter.
21: Specified that the vengeful noblewoman was Fleur. Appended stuff about Winter Wrap Up to this chapter.
22: Originally 23. Gave Twilight an excuse for leaving Nav behind when teleporting out of the dragon area.
23: Originally half of 24. Removed many references to what was 19. Cleaned up some wording. Added references to books to explain what the hell Nav was talking about.
24: Split in half. Some was moved to 23. Cleaned things up, added references to books, removed some references to the old chapter 19.
27: Cleaned. Removed references to Z and 19. Redid the Luna clop almost completely. It's considerably more romantic and readable now.
28: Cleaned. Changed a lot of the interaction between Nav, Twilight, and Rainbow Dash. Removed a bunch of references to Z and 19.
29: Removed references to Z. Cleaned up the small conversation with Pinkie to make more sense and sound less like exposition (hopefully).
31: Heavily modified his talk with Fluttershy.
34: And I removed Nav's humanhood size difference, thanks to the size chart.
35: Usual. Removed Nav's mini-peen due to size chart.
38: Done. Decided to remove that really stupid love conspiracy thing Luna and Celestia had going on.
39: Done. Never been so tempted to remove a clop scene. Didn't, though. Changed it due to size chart.
41: Gutted the shit out of this chapter. Nav no longer gets in a relationship with Luna. The love conspiracy is entirely gone.
43: Removed some Z stuff, removed some Nav x Luna stuff, removed the stupid conspiracy stuff.
47: Done. Removed Pinkie's stupid crush on Nav. Why did I even put there there?
48: Done. If you want to see the version that isn't censored for fimfic, check the gdocs version. I don't suggest it. The only thing that's changed is day four.
55: Done. Removed Twilight's silly little crush on Nav.
59: Toned down Nav's dickishness slightly. Chapter title still fits, though.
67: Don't get attached to Freki. Decided to kick him to the curb before Nav leaves. He'll be there for a few chapters, but he'll not go with him. My justification for this is that I literally keep forgetting about him in new chapters. I get midway through, look at my character list, and realize that I haven't mentioned him at all. Then I have to reread everything and figure out where I can put him. I got tired of that, so I'll just get rid of him before Nav leaves.
85: Freki left this chapter.