1w, 2d10 Story Rules55 comments · 558 views
I get several messages a month of people asking the same thing.
Hey, Max. I was just curious, have you read my story [INSERT STORY NAME AND LINK HERE]?
Typically, I do not answer these or click on the link. Why? Because, if I comment on your story or favorite it, it's because I stumbled across it, read it, and enjoyed it. You managed to snag me as a reader based off of the concept and writing alone. You should feel proud! If you try and cram a story down my throat, I'm going to ignore it. You should be ashamed.
That being said, to give you strange few a fighting chance, and because this is another slightly drunken blog, I shall present you all with...
MADMAXTHEBLACK'S TEN THINGS TO AVOID
IN ORDER TO GET ME TO READ YOUR STORY*
1.) Keep your descriptions short. If I have to read an entire novel before even getting to the first chapter, I'm not going to read your story. A good description should be short, yet interesting enough to catch the attention of a potential reader. It should make me want to read your story.
2.) Keep your own imaginary world out of it. One of the biggest turn-offs for me is when I see something like this in the story's description:
Alekitrak of Melidross was the most wanted criminal in Dewvile. One day when a heist goes wrong, she ends up in Equestria. Will the ponies be able to cure this thief of her need to steal, or do old habits never die?
Nobody but you knows who Alekitrak is, or what Melidross and Dewvile are. And you're insane if you think I want to read some long-winded, two chapter exposition from Alekitrak about what her home world was like. Seriously, I have issues with HiE's when a human is describing Earth, the place where I live. I don't want to have to memorize your own imaginary world as well.
3.) Pinkie breaks the forth wall. Eeyup, I said it. There is no quicker way to lose me as a reader than Pinkie suddenly mentioning the author, the readers, something that's going to happen in a few chapters, or having knowledge of something that she should not EVER have knowledge of. Seriously, Pinkie is random, not some demigod. She breaks the forth wall, and I'm breaking my keyboard (within reason. Some comedy stories can break the forth wall of entertainment sake).
But, Blackie! you cry, screaming at your computer, You have cliffhangers galore in your story! True, but you know what I do that most other authors don't? I update at a steady and even pace. And, for whatever reason, god forbid, I can't get the next chapter out in time, I let you know and keep you updated. Seriously, I have a progress bar on my homepage that shows how close the chapter is to completion. If you have a cliffhanger, and haven't updated in ages, and don't let people know why, fuck you. Especially when I look up and see that you were last online five minutes ago.
5.) OC Main Character sudden becomes OP for no reason. What's that? The changelings are invading again? Don't worry, I have a super bio-tech suit that can squash them flat and make it so I take no damage! What, I've never mentioned the suit in the thirty or so chapters of the story? Well, that's because it's supposed to be secret!
...fuck you, you know who you are.
6.) Your human character has a bullshit, unreasonable past. Seriously, how many people do you think are assassins working for a secret society of super agents? If your human is an ex-assassin, mercenary, etc... fuck you! It's even worse when it's revealed halfway through the story. "Why do I have trust issues? Well, it's because of [STUPID, UNREALISTIC BACKSTORY ABOUT THE REASON I'M ANGSTY AND HAVE LOTS OF SCARS]."
7.) Your human is transported to Equestria with everything he needs to survive in his backpack at the time. Luckily, this one usually happens early, so I don't get emotionally attached to the story. Seriously, I don't know about you guys, but I generally don't carry rope, a tent, combat knife, laptop with solar charger, three days worth of food, medical kit, flint and steel, painkiller, pistol with lots of ammunition, flares, rain jacket, and compass with me when I travel around during an average day. It's usually my cellphone, wallet, keys and watch. Maybe my laptop if I'm going to school.
8.) Bronies in Equestria.
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccck yoooooooooouuuuuuu! Seriously, fuck you and your waifu, who you'll probably end up with in the end because your personalities click together so perfectly. I despise everything about these types of stories. The MC has previous knowledge of Equestria, so they don't have to learn who the characters are. MC usually amazes ponies with his knowledge, and they don't at all find it creepy. MC greets mane 6 in such a way that they will like him (Rarity: kiss on the hoof, Fluttershy: a gentle hello, Rainbow Dash: hoofbump).
The only good BiE story is one where the brony gets sent to an Alternate Reality Equestria. Let's see him have god-like knowledge when Vinyl Scratch is the Alicorn of Wub.
9.) Trend stories. Just because someone did a Cards Against Humanity story and it was in the top spot of the feature box for a week and a half straight doesn't mean you should make one too! This also applies to Five Nights at Freddy's, LoHAV, YHaY. Yes, Your Human and You stories are on there too. Don't just write one because you want to be popular, only post two chapters and then quit when it only has thirty likes. You have to work for your fame and fortune.
10.) Pony on Earth stories. This is the last thing on the list because I don't really hate them; I just don't prefer them. I read these stories in order to escape from the real world, so I don't want to read a story that reminds me of it. There is nothing really wrong with them, I'll just generally not read them.
*Now, these are just basic guidelines. There are some stories out there that break the mold, and I will read and favorite even if they break a few of these rules. These are few and far between.
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