What did I do wrong?

read all the stories

read all the stories #1 · Aug 18th, 2012 · · ·

Reply

Deep and right in the feels. Amazing job at making them feel like they all weren't really evil.

Honey Mead

Honey Mead #2 · Aug 18th, 2012 · · ·

Reply

I have mixed feeling about this.

The Discord section was good. I could sympathize with him and his actions.

Chrysalis could have been better. The problem here is that she is expecting sympathy after attacking Canterlot. She never gave them the option to accept the changelings into pony society. What might have worked better would be having her lament about her own failings as the queen of her people. Allowing her hubris to get in the way of victory. Or that there was a better way to go about it other than an all out invasion. Focus on the personal remorse.

Nightmare Moon. Honestly, this part was confusing to me. Nightmare Moon is Luna. Luna is Nightmare Moon. This is where you lost my vote, it really just didn't belong here at all. Now you could have done Trixie or Gilda. Those would have worked, but Luna is 'reformed' so there is nothing to lament.

D4ddy D15Cord

D4ddy D15Cord #3 · Aug 18th, 2012 · · ·

Reply

1108931
Well....In many Fics, NightMare Moon Is represented As A Spirit Within Luna And taht Take Over Control Of Luna, just Like An Alter-Ego Personality.
In Some Fics, Nightmare Moon Is represented As A Demon In Luna's Body...There's Also A Lot Of Different Stories, So Different Point of View About Who's Nightmare Moon.. Now, if you're Saying Taht You're Right And The Others aren't, It's True, but not For Everyone....

dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/discord.png <(Glad i Have Somepony Who's Friendly)

Pokey the Unicorn

Pokey the Unicorn #4 · Aug 18th, 2012 · · ·

Reply

This is pretty good, but it began to feel rather gimmicky as I read through. The discord section was amazing, but I would have preferred if you wrote more about that. Chrysalis's section was good too, but Nightmare Moon's section felt needlessly tacked on. Seeing the same catchphrase repeated in bold was again, gimmicky, and it made no sense to me. I can accept that you have an alternate interpretation of what Nightmare Moon is, but the Shadowbolts? They're fictional beings created to tempt Rainbow Dash. NMM WAS the shadowbolts.

Honey Mead

Honey Mead #5 · Aug 18th, 2012 · · ·

Reply

1109092
In that case, my issue then becomes thus...

A remorseful daemon/spirit/thing that took control of another being in order to bring eternal night? Sorry, but that still doesn't sit well with me.
It's not about having a different point of view on NNM, but it is about consistency with the source material and with character actions.

[EDIT] If the only part that had been posted was the Discord section I would have given it a thumbs up. But that is not the case, so mostly I want to give a good author my reasons for not voting up is story{/EDIT]

Jade Jaspers

Jade Jaspers #6 · Aug 18th, 2012 · · ·

Reply

NNNNOOOOOO MAH FEELS GATE!!!! dont cry dont cry dont c asdfa tears!!!

sleepingwithwolves

sleepingwithwolves #7 · Aug 18th, 2012 · · ·

Reply

This is an interesting one.
The Discord section was done well, and that's the one I enjoyed most. The Chrysalis section was... Okay, but I think it could have been better. I like the idea that you used (The ponies getting rid of them because they were different), but I think it could have gone into Chrysalis' failure as a queen though. The Nightmare Moon section was the worst. It was okay, and I like the idea of having the Shadowbolts as her servants, but it's true that Nightmare Moon is Luna. I liked it, though, and overall it's okay

???

??? #8 · Aug 18th, 2012 · · ·

Reply

tears relly? none were shed this day...

Darkjolly

Darkjolly #9 · Aug 18th, 2012 · · ·

Reply

1110029>>1108931

Thank you for the feedback.

tajjetone

tajjetone #10 · Aug 18th, 2012 · · ·

Reply

Right in the feels. 10/10.

Little_Draco

Little_Draco #11 · Aug 18th, 2012 · · ·

Reply

Short but amazing! Though I didn't listen to the song for various reasons I could still feel the emotions radiating from each villians out look.

bendelsohn

bendelsohn #12 · Aug 18th, 2012 · · ·

Reply

Look man, even though I don't ever get emotional about sad fanfiction, I can usually appreciate it. This was just silly. Discord's part was OK, but how exactly can he cry? He's a statue.
Chrysalis seems to be confused as to why the ponies don't like her. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that you NEARLY DESTROYED THEIR CAPITAL CITY. Good lord, if you need food, just freaking ask for it.
And Luna, come on. You know exactly what the fuck you did wrong. Don't act like it's not obvious.
Sorry if this sounds harsh, but even with the music this really just didn't do it for me.

Darkjolly

Darkjolly #13 · Aug 18th, 2012 · · ·

Reply

1111523

Discord: Inside the staute, he was crying inside the statue. Christ, I thought the picture would even help

Chrysalis: Desperate times calls for desperate measures.

and as said above, I am one of those people who sees Nightmare moon as a individual entity and not Luna, like a soul of a deceased pony or something like that.

shamrox17

shamrox17 #14 · Aug 20th, 2012 · · ·

Reply

This is awesome. I love how you made the story all about the villian's side of what happened. They're just desperate creatures looking for friends, and food. Great job, please bring more!