• Member Since 14th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Jun 20th, 2016

Twilove


E

[EDIT; Chapter two and further will be written in first person, because it is easier to write for me :) ]

Angela, a young teenage human girl, gets the chance of her life when she encountes the three main villains of the series; Nightmare Moon, Discord and Queen Chrysalis. They offer her a new life in Equestria, but nothing is as it seems and Angela is about to find out that the most important thing in life is learning from your mistakes.

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 73 )

Let's see where this goes

>Choose Queen Chrysalis
>Become love generating concubine for eternity
>:yay:

A few comma issues, a misuse of the word "your," but otherwise, it was awesome. Wanna see where this goes. Favoriting.

"but it's just to fun." too fun

why am I a sucker for this kind of story.... and since now you're taking the Mane vilains as the "portal openers", it's obviously a TRAP! My guess is they want her to get close to the Mane 6 and when she's close enough they'll somehow take over and have her as a Dark Agent to finally exact their revenge.

Still, HiE stories are one of the few types I actually like and as such.... tracking

Hmmm this kinda reminds me of Terra from Kingdom Hearts (how the villains use him to do evil things, even though Terra is a good guy)

"Because your special" you're special

I'm somewhat interested so far. Lets see how things roll from here shall we?:trixieshiftright:

AAANNNNDDD... TROLOLOLOLLESTIA!!! :trollestia:

All kidding aside, my first thought was, 'No one is that stupid, right?'
Looks like I was wrong.

This make soo much sense!!!:pinkiecrazy:tracking

A few grammar issues, but I can't say anything about your comma use, I haven't perfected it myself, yet.

This also sounds really interesting, I am tracking and faving

Wow.
This, I like. Tracking. :raritywink:

>Choose Discord
>> CHOCOLATE RAIN!!!!!!!!

>Choose Nightmare Moon
>> Can't see

>Choose Chrysalis
>> Polish sappy horn for eternity

>Choose space
>> become space

Yay!!! let the fun begin:pinkiecrazy:

Down the rabbit hole we go, where it stops............ well only the author really knows.

Can't wait for the next chapter.:pinkiehappy:
Awesome idea.

it wasobvious that it was the wrong choice.

if you're given the chance to go to Equestria by the help of the 3 major vilains, you know something bad's bound to happen

534118

if i had a world of my own
everything would be nonsense
nothing would be what it is
because everything would be what what it isn't
and contrariwise
what it is, it wouldn't be
and what it wouldn't be, it would
you see?

not really related but your comment made me think of it

Shame... the poor girl really has it tough for her (sorta like the saying "You're not suppose to exist!" thing)... maybe she becomes the seventh element?

This is starting to going interesting!!!
I can't wait to read your next chapter :pinkiehappy:

535167
Like what? The element of accidents?:trollestia:

535449

The element of love... though it will be kinda ironic since she wasn't shown any love

And the moral of the story is don't make a deal with the devil. Or in this case, three devils.

531018 I would agree and when I'm powerful I would KILL the three villains! BUAHAHAHAHA

I'll like the plot. I'm in a mood ta' root for the villians this month so I'll track ta' see what happen

Shit going to hit the ceiling...

Hard.

Geez... If this is a self-insert... And that whole thing about your parents is true... Wow. I am so sorry for you.

540503 No don't worry, it's not true. I have great parents :pinkiehappy:

542838 Phew. Good. I felt bad for a while, there.

The Psychopath is impatient. Bring us MOAR!:flutterrage:

543596 I'm so sorry :twilightblush: I just got braces and it hurts like hell :raritydespair: so it's gonna take a while until I'll upload the next chapter, but I'll try my best to finish it as soon as I can :twilightsheepish:

543843AH? I heard that it hurts for one to two weeks. It should start to tingle by the second. Either way, just wait til the doctors rip out your wisdom teeth.:pinkiecrazy: I'm resistant to pain, so it just hurt a bit (over a continuous span of one week), but some say that it hurt alot, while others say the same as me.

543913 It can depend on the person. It hurts pretty much by me, but it's not really BAD. It's just that I can't eat :fluttercry: Only drink... But I'll live through it :twilightsmile:

Well, certainly an interesting start. "Fun":pinkiecrazy:

567703

who cares? i have never read a fic where a human was sent to equestria by the main villains.

come to think about it. this is the first HiE fic i have ever read that has a female main character.

that must be fixed, any recommendations?

oh this story is going to be good, i can just feel it.

im not even kidding, my instincts tell me that this story in gonna be great.

never before seen equestria enter scenario, first girl as the main character AND really well written. I LOVE IT!!!:twilightsmile::yay::raritywink::rainbowdetermined2::pinkiehappy::ajsmug::moustache::trollestia::scootangel::derpytongue2::eeyup::trixieshiftright:

567703
It's better than the human becoming a pony willingly. At least for me. It's a major turn off for me. Dunno why.

567756 Thank you. That really cheers me on to keep writing :pinkiehappy:

Personally I like HiE, hell my stories are HiE (just not earth human), and this one looks promising.

Axz

hm.. a female HiE well that's a bit unusual and just because of that fact i'll give this a shot

567873

Happy to help:pinkiehappy:

But remember this:

Im not praising you just for the hell of it
Im praising you because you earned it.
Remember that
You deserve it. Every single word of it:twilightsmile:

Now keep em coming in the pace you feel like:twilightsmile:

I know I haven't said anything about what I feel about this yet, but here it is.
SO AWESOME
i3.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/005/787/i%20wub%20woo%20every%20day.jpg

"I see you desperately want to know that" You forgot that the period :twilightsmile:

My,my, what are you a strange young girl" You missed the period and perhaps, "My,my, what a strange young girl you are."
Also, can I be your pre-reader! Please!Please!Please!:pinkiehappy:

"otherwise you were probably still there, alone." otherwise you would probably still be there alone.

Just finished, and well....err, geh, (Deep inhale of breath[Dramatic Effect]) AWE:rainbowkiss:SOME!YAY!:yay:

Axz

okey after reading this i have a few thing i don't like but over all i say its good:twilightsmile:

The tund pony thing.. im not liking it, never really have and probably never will. its just so plane/boring and above all overused as hell, and i fail to see the significance/point of the character be human in the first pales if he/she will en up a pony.

and also while we are on the topic of HiE turned pony, you haven't said what kind of pony she is jet, you may have left that out accidentally or on purpose but regardless you shod include that the sooner the better, i mean there's no reason to delay it sean's you can't do any plot twists with that,
unless she is an Alicorn...
that who'd be quite cool even tho that is notlikely sean twilight with friends who'd have probably react to that. but i like in HiE´s especially adventures ones when the human protagonist have powers, ability´s, intelligence, just something that make them stand out.

so the pony turnd thing is so far the only real thing i have to complain about, the rest of the story is in my opinion quite good, the idea of having discord chrysalis NMM working together in someway and playing this girl as a pawn in there game, i like that. i wounder what ulterior motives they all have, or if they simply use her to get free from imprisonment
(tho i don't see why chrysalis needs that sens she got of easy compared to the rest of the trio) maybe there will be any backstabbing between them as well?

Equestria in this universe is not just this different world but a creation of humankind and watched as a show, meaning Angela knows stuff..
and i hope you have Angela keep that kind of information to her self.
but i doubt you will do that scene what's the point of having it in the story if you are not gonna use it, and if that is the case i hope you at least try to come up whit a good explanation for it, diffident dimensions/universes i don't care everything is better than just leaving it at
"I along whit millions of other people use to watch you on tv (which is not creepy at all) and your just a cartoon we invented"

And last 3 more really quick points i wanted to bring up
1# its possibly i missed this even tho i red it twice, but i did not caught Angela´s age, i would appreciate if you would include it in an upcoming chapter

2# your using NMM as a villain in this story and so far it seams she is her own individual and not a part of Luna, and that's good im so glade you decided to play it out that way, but if your going to ever have her posses someone to get control over there body or some shit along those lines, have Luna NOT be the target, that is so cliche and even more dune to death the HiE turn pony so please if your going with that have anyone else except Luna be the target

3# when Angela is lying in hospital the first thing she asks “Where am i" which they responded to and just a few sentences later twilight asks her if she can talk??
What did she forget they talked only a few seconds ago? now i know this is just nitpicking for errors but its bothering me much more then it shod, so i just thought to point that out

I hope you liked my criticism/thoughts on this and i hope you find it constructive rather than just pissing you off hehe:twilightsheepish:

Great chapter cant wait for more

569751 Thanks, it's a great help in some things.
And 1; Sorry, I did forget that :derpyderp2: But lets say she's about 16, 17 years old, maybe a bit older but not much
2: I'm not going to let NMM posses Luna, so don't be worried about that :ajsmug:
3: Woops, never noticed that :facehoof: I'll change that later :derpytongue2:
Thanks for the critisism though, it's really nice to see people that care about it :D

569751 Alright, I removed the 'can you talk?' part :derpytongue2: Thanks for pointing that out :twilightsheepish:

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