• Member Since 8th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen Feb 20th, 2016

Darkjolly


T
Source

Leaving everything while at the same time leaving nothing behind, join Charles as he undertakes humanity's final and most important mission. Sometimes we need pain to encourage hope.

* I don't take credit for any music or pictures I use in this story*

Special thanks to Horcon for proof reading

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 68 )

Utter sadness clouds my heart as i read the first chapter. :fluttercry:

That's...weird. And it needs some grammar checking.
But having a futuristic setting is kinda new, so I'll keep an eye on this story. It wouldn't be the first time I'm wrong :p

You really need an editor for the sake of grammer. But other than that it seems like a pretty good story.

me like how this is going, fav

Wow, that's quite a chapter, it's sad and kinda depressing which is good meaning you've made the reader feel, update soon

Damn, dis is some good shit bro.
here is a wrong i your script: he right (It should be he's right")
Realy good though.

Will we learn more why he was the chosen one?
Will the pod place all the data in his mind now or will he only have the data base? (I mean will the data about everything about earth go into his mind or does he only have the date base as for all the info?
He didn't get any weapon. Maybe it is like Crysis and you have super powers when using the nano-suit.
Well he didn't get any weapons like a gun or a knife, only his fists.
Will those negels be able to be used as a weapons as well?
Did he get a Tap-pad (I mean did he get something like the pip-boy)?
All these questions will be answer in the next chapter (I hope)

Only one problem for me, you seem to be confusing the use of "to" with "too". For example:

I'm going to the shop, or, I need to go.
Too is used like this: there's too many trees or;I'll go too

So the Earth turns into a post-apocalyptic zone... and he later gets sent to Equestria and meets the Mane 6 (which one he falls in love with... my bet goes to Applejack :ajsmug:).... I'll track this

826864
Really I just hope that it doesn't fall into the beaten path of Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, or Twilight. I mean I can understand why these particular three end up being the love interest so often. Like how everpony loves how adorable Flutters is and she would obviously tend to the "strange new animal that needs help," or Dashie being the cool tomboy with a hidden sensitive side the Protagonist brings out, and don't get me started on Twilight's "more than a new research project." All good reasons, all beloved ponies, but it's becoming a little stale. So here's hoping it isn't one of the big 3 in the romance tags, if nothing more than for fresh ideas.

Too short, make longer chapters, also, I hope you update quickly cuz I faving this and I need entertainment *jk* just dont take too long on chapter plzz :pinkiehappy:

There are three things I have seen wrong so far:
1. You keep using 'too' at the wrong time. Each time you have used it, it should only be 'to'.

2. (This one really isn't too important) When doing quotes, use the quotation marks, not two apostrophes. It may appear normal for the first two available fonts (Serif, and Sand-Serif), but for the Monospace font, it puts a space between the two marks.

3. When you use dialogue, every time a different person speaks, you should start a new paragraph. Example:

"Dad, I'm going to the store." shouted Mike. "For what?" Dad replied. "Groceries." said Mike.

It should be like:

"Dad, I'm going to the store." shouted Mike.
"For what?" Dad replied.
"Groceries." said Mike.

It just makes it a little easier to determine who is speaking when you split up the dialogue.
Besides that, there are a couple random spelling and grammar errors. Trying to get a pre-reader would be a good idea.
Anyways, it really isn't bad, especially for a first fic. keep it up and I hope this helps you later :twilightsmile:

Just read this one.
Although there are some slip ups, you are doing much better with using 'to' and 'too'.
And the dialogue looks great.
All that really leaves is the apostrophe thing that I mentioned in my last comment (Again, not too important.) and just random spelling and grammar errors here and there. Keep on improving.

Well here it is. Longer and hopefully better. You guys know the drill.

Stop, Drop and Point out my errors :pinkiehappy: (If you want too :fluttershyouch: )

and thansk a bunch too all of you who Favorited or read my story, it means a lot :scootangel:

not a bad story keep the chapters coming please.

First off how did this make it through moderation without Ponies?
Now where should I begin? Okay first off what would be the point in saving one human without giving him the means to repopulate the planet? It would just be a wasted effort and they may as well let him have died with the rest of them or built more pods considering they saw this coming.

Also this pad is supposed to be A.I. but it talks too casually like another person. Using words like basically and cause. At one point you had it think about how to explain something...what are you kidding me? This thing is a sophisticated piece of technology make it sound as such.

Another gripe I have is with the main character using references like troll and will it blend. This is a thousand plus years into the future, no way in hell will words like that be used in such context that far into the future. You need appropriate lingo if people are to buy into this angle you're going with.

All in all I think you have an interesting premise (although it's been done) But your execution is lacking. That's my opinion take it for what you will

well, I don't think Luna's gonna be too happy that one of the aliens who imprisoned and experimented on her is about to pop in on her holiday celebration
though the events on Earth feel kinda familiar for some reason

geforce.com/Active/en_US/shared/images/articles/Crysis2-Banner.jpg

but I just can't place it

832772


I understand what your trying too say, but chill bro, I cant reveal all the information of the character in the first few chapter. Thats like revealing in book one of harry potter ''Look harry your a wizard, your uncles a wolf, and your the last Crucifix, so you might as well kill yourself "
in time things will be revealed.

Since we are in the far future, Im pretty sure the ai we be highly advanced enough too speak casually. If not, my future humanity was smart enough to build a incredibly smart AI

As for the will it blend? Who knows? It could still stick.

832772 Overthought it. He has PONY BLOOD! He could just screw a mare

" . . .things cracked, it wasn't the table."
:rainbowhuh: Processing . . .
:rainbowhuh: Processing . . .
*Bing*
:rainbowlaugh:

Nice story you got here, can't wait for future chapters. Keep up the good work! ^.^

832714
You still have that to/too thing going on.

Now, this is what I call quality improvement. But there is one thing you must fix. More chapters. MOAR:flutterrage:

liked it and faved!!! :pinkiecrazy:

It appears you made a HUGE error......................................................................................................................................needs way more chapter. Also, that alien armour is f**king AWESOME! :rainbowkiss:

This was good. With the sound efects it made this even more BADASS like the rain efect was awesome.

Need a proof-reader?HMmmm...Maybe, maybe

Looks like Pad runs on Windows Vista.

Damn, this gets more epic with each chapter. Proof-reading/editor? Never did this before, but can surely try for the first time.

I feel like I'm reading either a manga or a video game. mother of god this is a stroke of genius!
Bravo sir!
fightersgeneration.com/np5/blaz-cs/sprites/2/hazama-clap.gif

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Thanks :pinkiehappy: Did the intro music really help it feel like a manga :rainbowhuh: ?

As much as i like action, harming the princesses like that is to much for me. Good luck on this story, but this is were i leave.

Dude... I gotta know... where did you get this map?

889489

Sorry for trying something different, and darker. :applejackunsure:



889523

Google images

889537 It's not you, I just hate seeing the Mane 6 or the Princesses getting killed or hurt irreversibly.

Once again, a great chapter! keep up the good work.

889489
Nah, I like to see it when they're not so immortal after all.

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