Flight, its a strange thing. To some ponies it is cause of fear and anxiety, to others its a source of pleasure and freedom. Follow an unlikely pegasus as she tells her inspirational tale about flying.
Cover art is a picture I found in a Google search made by Deviant Art artist xWhitex77.
Authors Notes: I am really not trying to go anywhere with this story, its a first attempt at a first person (or pony) story and I thought I'd share it with all of my followers, readers, and fellow writers.
Chapters (1)
Excellent concept, and the style is intriguing. I can definitely imagine RD speaking like this.
However, the style also makes me go "Augh, why must there be commas." It's a bit too run-on like. I ended up reading the first half then saying "screw it" and skimming the rest. (And I feel guilty for that, because it seems like the good part comes after I started skimming.) It feels like a bunch of fragments sewn together. Try reading it out loud. A few small grammar mistakes too, but I'm just being nitpicky.
You'll get a thumbs up though. Well done.
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Well I talked to my editor about the run on sentences but we mutually agreed (Along with a separate proof reader) that since its suppose to be a story about Rainbow Dash's thoughts at the time, it was acceptable to have a few run on sentences, as that's just how people think sometimes, and its from the mind of Rainbow Dash, and this type of story kinda always ends up this way, no matter who is writing it.
And this story was originally 895 words, I added like 2 paragraphs (Reluctantly) so I could get it up, but me and my editor worked hard for like 2 hours to make it at least readable. And as for the grammar mistakes, not even editors are perfect, lol.
But aside from all that, Thanks for the thumbs up! Remember like I said in the description this is my first go at a story like this, so there are bound to be faults, but thanks for the creative criticism, If I should decide to do another story like this I will keep that stuff in mind.
1103505 And you and your editor did succeed at making it readable. It could've been much worse. (I'd have to kill you if I saw a wall of text.)
I don't really factor in things like "first fic like this" right off the bat because it should still be something you worked on so that you're proud of it. But since it is your first fic, good for you!
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Not first fic, just first fic in a first person point of view, It was incredibly hard for me to not put any dialogue in it. But not factoring that in, I was happy with it, And I absolutely loath walls of text, lol.
If you want to read a much worse fic, read my very first ever fic "Rainbow's Story" lol, I put that one on hold until I can actually make a decent story, lol. I basically am going to scrap what I have on that one and rewrite it, but that's a different comment box.
Thanks for the feedback, finally someone that had a problem with something I wrote, put a comment instead of just thumbing it down, also thanks for the thumbs up!
I don't care if it was your first first-person POV fic. If it sucked, i would tell you. But this didn't suck. Not at all! I really enjoyed this story, like i did Starry Night. You write it very well, in my opinion. Again, i did notice trouble with its vs. it's. Before you post it just read over it, don't rely too heavily on your editor.
Contrary to Lapison, i liked the style you used. With the commas and such. I don't know why but i don't hate it.
"Words cannot describe beauty"
-A quote that I think I made up
This story here was just beautiful, it just felt real and, well, poetic, and the writing style didn't turn me off at all as that just may be how I write, look at this thing that I'm writing write now! I didn't see any grammar mistakes
, but I did see that you may have forgotten to indent a paragraph or two. Best of luck for you future endeavors man.
Take a like and a fav. from me
I like poetry and this feels like one large poem; I actually read it out loud and my mom was like:
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Thanks
it's always nice when someone likes one of my stories, it can't be that good can it?
i1084.photobucket.com/albums/j412/bookplayer/ThankYoucopy.jpg
Your story was added to The Dreamers in the folder Dreams of Adventure.
Bugga Bugga Bugga
Great story. Hm, two people that I am currently following have also commented here...how odd. The visual descriptions in this story were truly breathtaking! I found myself mesmerized by your descriptive mantra. Very well done. I look forward to reading more from you in the future.
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Thank you, it means A LOT, this story was vastly overlooked and not many people even read it... to hear someone has read it and liked it, means a lot to me.
This was beautiful
6705617 Thank you!
I reviewed this a few weeks ago; see here if you're interested. To summarise what I said there: it's a shame you haven't written a story for years* because there's some evocative imagery here. The fic does show its age, and it could do with a proofread, but it's still worthy of an upvote.
* I've read your most recent blog. It would be great if the motivation did return. Good luck!
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I apologize for never replying to this comment. Fimfic never gave me a notification. I do appreciate it though. I do hope to get back to some of my stories but I don't know if I'll have the motivation anytime soon.