What happens when Rainbow Dash does a stunt, and crashes in the Everfree Forest and is injured? What happens when no one was watching Rainbow Dash, and no one knows she crashed, except one unlikely filly? Find out what happens in this tale that will test some of our favorite ponies alone deep in the Everfree.
Cover picture is another picture done by NaterRang.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I would like to see where this story goes. You know what happens in the forest while they wait for help rainbows recovery and stuff like that, and if you need help or ideas, just message me.
I would like to see where this story goes. You know what happens in the forest while they wait for help rainbows recovery and stuff like that, and if you need help or ideas, just message me. I accidently used my friends file you know Dark Rabbit Inganno just message me Salamence633 instead.
RIGHT IN THE FEELS
Tracking and hopefully this goes somewhere good! please! hopefully Rainbow....
The plot seems good so far. Your characterization is decent, and you left this off at a good spot. As DoctorOMalley has stated, the errors here don't make the story unreadable. It's alright so far.
*SNAP* the wind she had generated in her attempt to generate a Rainboom backfired and broke her wing.
I'm not sure if that's physically possible, but I'm willing to suspend suspicion about it.
I must inform you, however, that you consistently have run-on sentences here. Here are a few examples:
'This time, this time I'm going to get it right.' Rainbow thought to herself [This is not a run-on sentence, but that period after the word 'right' should probably be a comma.]. She was practicing for an upcoming flying competition by trying to perfect a dangerous move [Not a run-on sentence.]. She was flying over the Everfree because the other Weather Pegasi had storms scheduled for the rest of Equestria, the Everfree was the only place it wasn't currently storming.[This IS a run-on sentence. It groups two spearate thoughts into one sentence, and does so in a clunky way. I would suggest PUTTING THE WORD AND AFTER THE COMMA, like so:
"She was flying over the Everfree because the other Weather Pegasi had storms scheduled for the rest of Equestria, and (it) was the only place it wasn't currently storming."]
She tripped over a branch and fell into a puddle of mud, but she just got back up and continued running, she had to make sure her idol was ok.
I'd suggest making that final part its own sentence, or putting a semicolon there.
"She tripped over a branch and fell into a puddle of mud, but she just got back up and continued running. She had to make sure her idol was ok."
"She tripped over a branch and fell into a puddle of mud, but she just got back up and continued running; she had to make sure her idol was okay."
Scootaloo had to think fast, she needed to get Rainbow into a shelter, but Rainbow was in no condition to move, she had to think fast, then she saw it, a large fern with huge leaves on it, it was perfect. Scootaloo ran over to it and picked a leave [leaf]up in her mouth and ran back to Rainbow, she used the leaf to shield Rainbow from the rain while she stood holding it, getting herself drenched in rain.
These are the worst run-ons in this section, as far as I can tell. You have four thoughts in the first sentence:
1. Scootaloo needs to think fast.
2. Rainbow Dash needs shelter, but she's in no condition to move.
3. Scootaloo needs to think fast [actually, this is redundant].
4. She sees a fern with huge leaves on it, and it is perfect.
And you have two thoughts in your second sentence:
1. She picked up a leaf and brought it back to Rainbow Dash.
2. She shielded Rainbow Dash with the leaf, getting drenched in the process.
I'd suggest rewriting it this way:
"Scootaloo had to think fast. Rainbow Dash needed shelter, but she was in no condition to move on her own. Frantically looking around, she saw a fern with large leaves on it; that would be perfect for now. She quickly took one of the large leaves and ran back to her idol. She used the leaf to shield Rainbow Dash from the rain, becoming drenched herself in the process."
But that's just me.
Anyway, the story seems okay so far, and I'll wait to see where it goes. I wish you the best of luck and talent with this story.
Nice! I'll be waiting for the next chapter
This is really good!
Sad but good!
1144094
you stole my profile pic. Lol
The writing, while not horrible, isn't of a very high standard. There are grammatical errors littered about, and I'd suggest writing it with less tell, more show. Simply stating what happened like: 'this happened, then this, she did this' in its simplest form isn't very fun to read. These bland descriptions are not an effective way of creating an attachment between the reader and the characters. To add to that, there is very little explanation of a characters thoughts or motivations.
It was a decent effort, but in the end not very effective. If you need me to explain any of the above points, feel free to ask.
-Sparklight
This sorta starts off just like every other Rainbow Dash fic does. I hope there will be something original and not already used within the next chapters.
Here, have a Pinkie Pie.
And another
How about a Spike?
Let's see, now, we'll put a Dashie
Eh, why not? Have a Celestia
1144322 1143518 1142932 1142835
Well Finally people give me the creative criticism and error spotting I asked for, its about time.
I shall fix all of the spotted errors in your posts (Or try to) And in the mean time, I should tell you I have an editor.......apparently he is having an off week....
Should let you all know though, this first chapter, I wrote like 4 or 5 weeks ago when I was relatively new to fim fiction, the subsequent 3 chapters (Already Written) Have been written within the past week and Should be much better.......
1142812
*Spoilers*
You sir are going to be very happy with the subsequent 3 chapters....
1143271
It happens, a lot of people tend to write similar stories, I know my one Story "Flight" is similar to a few others out there.....
1144401
I am pretty sure I tried not to make it not follow the norms.
Oh yeah, Probably should have stated this following sentence before, but you will all find out later anyway......
This story takes place BEFORE the events of Episode 1 of FiM....
oh the agony
oh dude...more?
1144702
Tomorrow, Sure I do have the final 2 chapters already written and I could upload it all now, but I prefer to build up suspense, makes the ending more suspenseful to read.
Its more fulfilling to wait
Aw... I ddonnntt wannnaaaa waaaiiittt!!!
1144936
If you can get 5 more people to request I upload the next chapter before tomorrow I will.
But I don't want to upload an entire story in one go.
Request #4 is here.
Just need one more person now. 1145197
i wanna see it please please please
1145334 1145197 1144936 1144702
It is up now.
Heck ya. New chapter. Thank you Secret_Shadows.
\5
1145062 request no. 5 :p
CA SNEEZE!
nice and, they better survive dammit.
23 stories i have read that end in one of them dieing
1145748
I don't want to spoil it for you, But I can let you in on what happens, lol......
*Spoilers*
I'll say this much, you may or may not be very happy with how this ends.... lol
1145762 as long as niether of them die im good.
1145821
Spoilers doctor....lol
Hmm short chapter and only a 3? Doesnt seem this is going to end well
Hopefully this ends well I am to also tired of a Scootaloo Rainbow Dash paring and they keep dying!
Congrats on making the top scrolling thing.
1146350
I'm featured?
Far out, lol, though I've yet to see my story in the feature box......Screenshot? lol.
1146350
Wait, I have a better question, is this story really that good? lol
Poor ScootaDash.
1146441
Heck ya. The stories great!
1146441 You need to proofread or edit a bit more, since I saw a few mistakes, but this is ok! :)
So the final part is up, enjoy.
*Spoilers*
Damn were those rhymes hard.....you have no idea how hard it is to come up with rhymes, It took me forever to make a legit sentence that had a word that rhymed with Ponyville....
Well finally a Scoot/Dash pairing that doesn't end in tragedy! A little short and rushed but nevertheless at least their both alright! Good show!
Also if this is completed you may want to change it to that too!
1148442
Oops, I thought I did that, must not have actually saved the change, lol.
So this takes place before the series started, and Zecora was the one that saved them.
*Spoilers*
1150121
Zecora was never a bad pony/zebra, just misunderstood, they knew Zecora before she appeared in the series, they just always thought she was, in the words of pinkie, "An Evil Enchantress"
In all fairness, it can be said that Scootaloo was hallucinating and was saved by somepony or something else. And I never actually said Zecora anyway, I'll leave it up to you guys to decide if it was Zecora or not, maybe it was another pony/zebra? Do they all talk in Rhyme? Who knows! lol.
In the mean time, Rainbow never knew Zecora(?) saved her life because she never woke up, so, its plausible that this would happen and Rainbow would still feel the same way because no one would believe scoots if she said Zecora saved them.
Great story. Nice little thing you did there with the timeline.
1151188
Thanks
It must be Zecora since it said that scootaloo was in a home that was a tree plus the rhyming added to it.
1151567
My intention was Zecora, but I am still leaving it up to the reader to decide.
I think its actualy Zecora v2.1 yum
1151674
Whatever floats your boat I guess.....
I feel horable but im laughin at this. i mean its a grat story but the fucking irony, god so much awesomeness