- Member Since 18th Jan, 2014
- offline last seen April 10th
Magpiepony
I'm a pegasister who just can't get enough pony magic in her life!
Magpiepony
Joined 18th Jan, 2014 ·
Offline
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Fun story. Nice mystery going on with a good atmosphere. Just in time for Halloween too. I like the tragic, bittersweet ending.
Some minor writing issues.
“That’s rather redundant,” Visiden said with his words.
Similar issue with the bolded text. Try to double check your sentences to see if they’re not just repeating what they’re saying using different words.
The POV appears to be third person omniscient as it goes in and out of different character’s heads. In my opinion, a third person limited to Rarity would give the narration a bit more focus and the mystery more...mystery. Except for the ending bit, of course, which is fine.
I just searched up what La Pomme Boutique means in French; The Apple Shop. The story is certainly interesting and has some creepy elements within it. I enjoyed listening to TheLostNarrator reading this, and I love the twist of mystery with the horror genre, which is something I like writing myself.
I would agree with Visden about the errors, but this is a good creepy story nonetheless!
I just finished listening to Lost's reading of this.
Can't lie, I almost had to stop listening at Merry Weather's sobbing of "mommy's coming, baby! Mommy's coming!".
That... man, that was just heartbreaking to hear and put into context.
At least, now Rarity has ended that demon for good, Merry Weather's spirit is free and she can be with her son again, just as Rarity can be reunited with Applejack.
Amazing and heartbreaking story, Mag.
This is a brilliant story. I found myself so engulfed by this while reading it in my darkened room, I was gone from the world for a few hours. I'm so glad that, even after nine years, the fandom is still able and productive enough to write stories of such quality. It's stories like this one that earned the brony fandom the reputation of the most talented fic writing community that has ever been.
It's only a shame that horror pony fics don't garner much attention in the fandom and are often looked over, this story deserves more views, more comments, more votes.
And this is a story inspired by a Stephen King story, you say? I admit, I haven't read many of Stephen King's works, so I might be missing something. But from what I did read, I have to say that this story is much better than the writing of Stephen King.
I hope that, one day, this story will be included in a ponyfic bookprint anthology. I will throw my money at it immediately if that happens.
Addendum: The most tragic aspect of this story is actually not that Rarity lost Applejack. And not even that Sweetie Belle lost Rarity or that everypony of the Apple Family died. The most tragic aspect is that, despite her loss of Applejack, Rarity actually wanted to survive and live on. She wrote a letter for help to Twilight, which she would have sent out of the boutique just like she should do with the letter for Sweetie Belle later, but the demon prevented that from happen.
So she resigned to her fate and decided to go out with style while burning herself down with the demon..... like a true lady hero.
Cheers, Rarity, you are a noble mare. *sips wine*
Dang, I tend to read this with the audiobook in the background, almost as if Lost is reading the story to me. And I gotta say, both of your work together is like magic. Of course, I had to pause on some moments that skipped the description and just did the voice lines instead. But the final letter, that brought me to tears. But not cause I share the same experience, but just hearing how genuine and heartfelt it was. As for the more... dark and creepy parts of the story, I might've gotten numb to the description of death in writing, cause I was as emotionless as Maud.
Either way, great story, great narration, and I hope that you'll keep on writing even after the show is basically over.
I don't like inter mainsix ships , I just have to be honest about that. But this was a good read, especially when read along with the audio version. You have such a talent for voice acting and the sound design is totally immersive. But I am a little confused on some points. Why does Rarity blame herself for the Apple Family's death? It doesn't sound like it was a suicide since AJ rushed in to try and save her family.
That's was good. Nice to follow along with audio.
The story reminds of the movie 1408 though.
I must admit a certain amount of smug glee in watching you break the canon ship for the much better one. :3
9983457
There might be a reason for that.
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I think she just felt guilty because she stood and watched as the farm burned while Applejack rushed to save her family and failed.
Rarijack is best ship it always will be.
I made some fanart for this fanfiction! This is by far my favorite MLP Fanfiction. I remember having a bad halloween until I listened to this incredible story on your wife's youtube channel.
Here's a link to it! :D
https://www.deviantart.com/thatweirdblondegirl/art/I-always-loved-you-843047260
Good old phycological horror.this is my shit, man. This is scary as fuck when you think about it. And dear god, that ending hits hard. I love this. R.I.P rarity.
I let this story be my first romance story since getting into the show. I was not expecting that, and I hate you for making me a Rarijack shipper with surprise sad lesbians.
(still faved and updooted, of course)
I recently listed to the YouTube reading of this and I must say it was perfection. Grim, mysterious, not sure what would happen until it was right in front of you then you couldn't escape it. I could see this being a fantastic psycho thriller horror movie premise. Very very well done it's now one of my favorites to listen to and by extension to read.
Hello Miss I hope you know that as a Rarijack enthusiast, this fic changed my brain chemistry forever and I will never recover