My life as a boy wasn’t the best.
My dad made my days anything but blessed.
So, I was shocked when fate unfurled
A confidante from another world.
Yes, this is all written in rhyme.
I stepped it up a notch this time.
Chapters (1)
BrookwoodBronco
Joined 5th Dec, 2011 ·
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Howdy Y'all
I hope you enjoyed the story.
::SPOILERS BELOW::
If you're wondering what had happened to the man in black when he was in college, then head on over to Pony For Christmas (The Ballad of Pinkie Pie)
Of course, if you've already read the first story, then you're all set!
THANKS FOR READING!!
Wow.
Just... wow.
dame, that was a good story.
Sweet Celestia, that was great!
I read like half of this. I'm sorry, this kind of story just isn't for me. Still, I admire that you found so many rhymes to use. Most of them worked. Some were downright strange.
"Minutes turned into hours, with not much charity.
The cold was sucking out all my dexterity."
Dexterity? Wasn't he just sitting around waiting for handouts? Why's he thinking about that?
"To my surprise, the girl looked distraught.
She confronted him saying, “Hey, I bought
This gift for you and you’re giving it away?”"
The enjambment in line 2 is really distracting considering how you were ending most of your lines in complete thoughts before; and honestly that's what you should be doing if you're going for that nursery-rhyme ease of reading.
"And there are those from both worlds who are able to scale it
And those, like me, who like to avail it."
Celestia likes to help the wall between worlds?
Still, it's cool to see poetry on FimFic
That...was...touching. I found it to be very heartwarming, whatwith Celestia appearing to that poor boy, along with a mix of mild sadness when the doll got destroyed. I have yet to read, your sequel to which I paid no heed. But now I go to read that which came before, this story which seems to be pony lore. I give you these, and hope that you will be happy with a job well done.
1046097
Thanks, it was super tough to write a 10,000 word story that rhymed as well.
To address your questions:
1. The "dexterity" I was referring to was the mental dexterity, sorry if that wasn't clear. I don't know if you've begged before, but I can tell you that it becomes mentally and, in some cases, physically taxing to sit there while people shrug you off, pay you no heed, etc. Also, the dexterity also refers to his mental break down since he is seeing all the children getting toys while he gets none.
2. Sorry, I can't do that. When you're writing a full-fledged story in rhyme, it's EXTREMELY difficult to keep up the consistency that you referred to. This already took my a month to write...
3. Avail means, "To be of use." At least, that's what the dictionary told me.
And on a day daddy was drunk
His demeanor and person both stunk
The look in his eye made me afraid to die
So I took a dive towards the trunk
So daddy turned against mom
His temper now like a bomb
So she grabbed the knife, fearing for her life
But I'm afraid that didn't last long
Now he stormed towards me, furious
In my fear I was growing delirious
So he stopped for a while
And said with a smile
"Hey son, why so serious?"
encrypted-tbn1.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSaFH7PAcgC-XHbfbZ3G9Pqx6A05glsaNJH3lEnCPxvJN71ejGEWA
But seriously, I have to agree with the above comments, it was great.
1046248 Hahaha, awesome
I want Celestia to visit me so baaad
Brilliant.....just amazing
1046490 Me too, me too...
WoW........best story I´ve ever read. Great job
thesecularity.com/download/file.php?id=7457
Also i was listening to this song near the end.To me it fitted well.
A truley beautiful fic, thanks for writing it.
Okay, seriously?
Why isn't this featured yet?
I was sure you had it this time! It's so damn good!
1053068 I think it had something to do with it being put on front page for only a moment. The mods confirm submissions in waves and I happened to be at the beginning of the 10am EST wave of submissions. It wasn't on the front page long. I mean... I could email the moderators about it... but I think getting front page is automated due to views and thumbs in a certain time frame.
1051892>>1050738>>1049288>>1049053>>1048109>>1046221
Again thank you readers for enjoying my story. It took a lot of time and effort, and it pains me that so little people can read what I want to share with the brony community. Aww well, publicity as a writer is 20% skill and 80% luck anyway.
1050738
Great choice of music lol.
1053256
Have you summit it to EQD? That another way to get more views.
1053437 I dunno, I was going to wait until next Christmas to do that. Do you think I should now?
1053256
True dat... true dat.
Well, there's always EQD.!
1053476
Don't know, never tried to submit a story to EQD before. So I have no idea. You're the author, if you feel you should wait then wait.
I'm already helping in putting up in my top favorites and said that I think this better than My Little Dashie (This almost brought me to tears than Dashie...also the song didn't help).
1053476
I can see where that would be a good idea... but that's an awfully long time..
I don't think you should wait, seeing as a very small part of it is actually during the Christmas season.
Also if you submit around then, who knows when it'll actually show up!
1053583 Haha, thanks. I'm honored you think that
1053645 Alright, yeah. I think you're right. I'll submit it soon and see what happens.
BrookwoodBronco
I just made an account to say how much i loved these two poems. I cried both times. They were simply fantastic.
I don't like fanfics, but man this was beautiful.
And congratulations, i came here from Equestria Daily!
I saw this on EQD, and thought I wouldn't read it. I've grown up with Hanukkah songs, and at times I felt resentful of Christmas, so I wasn't too sure about a Christmas-themed pony poem. But this was so awesome, and more than worth my time. I'll never fathom how people are able to get so many consistent rhymes together, but it seems like you've gotten it all together.
that was... wow im amazed
1053727
ITS WORKING
even though this was written in rhyme,
I have to say its no-where near a crime,
even though my heart you did burst,
I have to tell you, other stories are just rust
compared to this, it gleams and glitters,
like a fine metal never to wither.
as I write this comment with my rhyming quite bad,
I have to say I am extremely glad
that you wrote this for others to read,
and also that others cannot compete.
now, as I bid you adue
I hope that others may find you,
to read your stories to smile and laugh,
so that others hearts can well up and crack.
I hope that you read this as it is quite a bother,
to keep up this rhyming and not be bothered,
as I go and write this last line,
I bid you well and a life quite fine.
1061091 Sorry for making you cry like that. I'm glad you liked my stories
And feel free to browse the site, since you have an account now. There are tons of awesome stories all over this site.
1061125 Thanks. Hey, in some ways, Hanukkah is way better since you get way more presents!
1061172 Thanks :)
1061226 I'm freakin' out!
1061443 Thanks for the rhyming comment :DDD
1061576 And with 8 presents you could get the entire mane six and then some!
1061576
you're quite welcome, after reading such a wonderful rhyming story how could I not? I'm only glad that you read it, just knowing that I'm glad but to hear you thank me for it is a welcome surprise, it was a little hard since I never really rhyme but my mind wouldn't let me leave you an ordinary comment, but it's me who has thank you for liking it, so thank you
My, my, that was beautiful. And it sucks that the father - oh, I'm sorry, *ahem*, "douchébag" - did that. And right after I was feeling bad for him...
But, anyways, I loved your other chapter - nice nod to that with the man in black, btw - and by the time my friend told me about this one I literally Royal-Caps-Lock-typed: [1:50:03 PM] Zack / Youkai Exterminator: OOOOOH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!
Kinda tells you how much I love your work. They're just essentially long poems, with great humour and style in its own. I just.... almost can't put into words how much I enjoyed this. I can tell you that this Christmas, I'll be reading BOTH chapters happily. Just... amazing job.
This is brilliant! The way you tied together the two stories was unreal. Only a few things: some of the rhymes didn't work, and the context kept making me forget that he was nine. Made it a bit confusing at times.
1063341 Yeah, it's kinda tough writing all this, but I can see where the confusion came from. Thanks for the critique
1062858 Haha, thanky kindly. You have no idea how much planning went into all this
Best. Story. EVER!!
I totally didn't see that ending coming! It just put the entire fic together. Yay!
This story...it was...beautiful
. I simply can only reply with a poem of my own.
You may not have heard of me
You may not even care
But I am AdamThePony
And I have been there.
In a situation that was largely abysmal
Within a world that felt so dismal.
I've had it hard before I saw My Little Pony
I wanted to die before i became a Brony
This story touched me in such a way
I almost shed a tear today.
I can safely say that I've felt that boy's pain.
With everything from me taken, with little to gain.
I have often been long without money
But the ponies soothed my ills like the sweetest of honey.
So congratulations, Mr. BrookwoodBronco!
You have given me a story I truly relate to.
I used to have a huge prejudice. I've always thought that people who read stuff out loud (even if very quietly to themselves, just moving their lips) was kind of missing the point of reading, slowing it down too much to actually dive into the story and whatever.
Then I came across this.
I had already read Pinkie's story. It was incredibly awesome already. I braced myself for even much more awesome, because the one thing I love about everything since G4 is that either the sequel isn't cheap or there will be no sequel. YET. These high expectations were delightfully exceeded.
And indeed about two dozen verses into the story I was all like
Whoa
Wait
I'm not enjoying this enough. I'm gobbling this story too fast.
So I went back to the beginning and did this thing I always despised. I read with my lips. Kinda quietly. Not all that quietly actually, because I read on the bus, but it's a noisy place and probably nobody heard me during the ~3 days I took to read it.
Also I'm Brazilian. Only Portuguese is spoken here, even in most immigrant communities. That's one of the reasons I wanted to read it aloud too, I wanted to keep my English warm. I used to live in Canada until 2 years ago and man do I miss speaking the language!! You have no idea. I have no idea why, but I do. That's reason #1 why I devour so much fiction despite having more "important" things to do.
But I digress.
So I'm done with the story.
That ending… It felt very bittersweet to me. I really pitied the kid's dad, who opted out of being part of the happy ending. Yeah, douchebag, yeah yeah, I agree. But he doesn't really know how to do better. Yeah, better than cheap "oh now I see what was wrong now I am perfect" stock happy ending, yeah yeah, I agree as well. Still bittersweet.
My uncle used to be a douche, and I had to endure it 2 months a year (summer vacations) during all of my childhood and teenager years. He'd hit me and his own children for no reason whatsoever. We all grew up trying to avoid him. Nobody really liked him. The years passed, and at some point (I have no idea when) he saw the errors of his ways and slowly got better. I didn't realize it as it was happening, as I was still trying to avoid him actively. Then about 3 years ago (I was 25) I realized he actually did change, and I realized that it did actually take a long time to happen. I realized he did actually care about me and about my cousins. And I honestly truly respect that, and I'm really happy for him. But I can't bring myself to actually sincerely like him anymore. I actually feel a little guilty about that because he never got a chance to make amends, and since I live thousands of miles away (and his first child even further, in New Zealand) I don't think he ever will (at least when it comes to me). Such is life, I suppose.
Anyway. Your story. Great work. It stayed in my head for like 2 more days as I went on reading other stuff. Only the greatest do that. You're a genius. Seriously. No exaggeration. You are. Take that compliment, no returns, no refunds.
I also started reading the next story with my lips too. Hehe. I felt silly once again. After a few pages I eventually got back to reading fully silently. But that one barrier is truly broken, and I also thank you for that.
And everything else.
My Little Dashie didnt make me cry, but this..... this story did
. Very well written, bravo, great job.
That... That was beautiful. If I can say so myself, it is up there with Fallout: Equestria and My Little Dashie. The one reason some might not like it is because of the fact that it is all in poem, and kind of confusing and boring sometimes.
this comment's number is the answer to life, universe and everything! (sorry, couldn't not say that)
but just, wow, this poem was incredibly beautiful. especially at the reference to your previous poem, just... really, wow.
don't have more words, your poem blew all my brains away and now I have the dumb.
still, as I said - this was a really beautiful poem loved every single bit of it
Wow. This was very beautiful, and brought a tear to my eyes. The way you connected this to the first story, just amazing.
Are you related to Zecora in anyway perhaps?
Just gotta say that I really loved this story every bit as much as I loved the last one. This one is definitely going on my favorites list.
Wow...that was...
I read your story before and remembered reading it a while ago. I was going to read it to help me with a story that is similar towards yours. I didn't expect to read this lovely story about Celestia and a little boy. A new change of pace which I love and when I was done reading it...
Well that took up most of my time. Great story for the holiday season and you brought back the boy from the previous story. Well I love it and now I must stop this rant because it is getting us nowhere.
this story is a work of real art, among the best ive ever read, thank you for making something so magnificent
I'm going to comment on this again. Last time I didn't do this justice.
You are amazing. A fucking inspiration. This is such an accomplishment. For anyone who hasn't tried to write in rhyme... it's extremely difficult.
Not even to mention 10,000 words of it! My mind WAS BLOWN.
And not to mention you made it have a simple yet sweet storyline that flowed smoothly, with only little bumps in flow. I can say that not all fics are great, and no fic is an exception, but the overall greatness of this one over-runs its flaws.
Seriously. This fic was great, and so was the one before it.
Yet in the meantime, we see Pony X's Y and Clopfic #2335445645645 featured, and not this.
Never quit writing. You're destined to greatness, and I say that from the bottom of my heart.
Wow. Wonderful.
You blew my mind when it was revealed that the dude was the guy with Pinkie from the last story. Linking them together was a simple yet highly effective move.
Even though the last one was more adorable and sweet, this one had an epic story about a kid with literally NOTHING and Celestia helps him put his life together. I'm not surprised the man took him in, they were in both the same boat. Both lonely and received temporary friendship with strong bonds with inter-dimensional ponies.
I also chuckled at Lyra asking about his hands.
Silver out!
Well. I just read the pair. Both left me in tears at the end. The poem form is just a bonus on top of the actual story itself. It seems to add more feeling without actually adding any, to me. There are no words to describe how much this moved me.
Thank you for writing these BrookwoodBronco.