"So, what's the plan?"
"I checked with this place. The owner of that potion shop stops by here every Thursday for the flower salad special." Secret Formula and Safe Operation had resumed their activities trying to get Arca to spill his knowledge. It had taken quite a bit of time to dodge some investigators that had been after the pair's scam, but they had finally given them the slip and realized that claiming Celestia herself ordered the collection of potion recipes was probably not the best idea.
The Royal Alchemy Guild, on the other hoof, was a finely-tuned bureaucratic nightmare. It was foal's play to aquire membership, and there were so many rules that any meddling would be easy to hide or play off as a mistake. Seriously, why did one organization need so many rules? "So," Safe continued, detailing the plan. "We meet him and offer to pay for his dinner. We explain we're from the Alchemy Guild, and we're working on a project to compile every potion recipe the guild has for one grand compendium. And then, when he gives us his recipes, we sell them and all the others we've gathered at our emporiums across Equestria for cheap, making us the number one potion sellers in the country!"
"And when nopony else is in business, we can mark up prices to whatever we want, because there's no other option," Secret finished. "Smart. Oh, there he is!"
Arcane Catalyst was having a great day! For starters, Juniper had gotten a new mixing rod, so he had spent some time with her working on reviewing some advanced formulas together. And then he got to take Mister Splinters to the dog park! It was empty for some reason. The shop had sold quite a bit of generic, prescription, and even recreational potions today, so he'd be up late making more if Razzle didn't offer to help, but that was fine. Plus, it was Thursday! And that meant flower salad. Specifically, a mix of daisies, tulips and daffodils.
"Hello, Arca," the waitress pony at the door of the Riverside Diner smiled, greeting the stallion happily. He seemed a bit distracted at the moment to respond, his full attention having been caught by an errant butterfly flitting past. "When you're done admiring nature, table for one like always?"
"Actually, miss, it's a table for three today." Secret Formula and Safe Operation stepped forward, one on each side of Arca, who simply stared at both in confusion.
"It is?" He asked. Secret thought he felt Arca's gaze sizing him up, trying to find some sort of reason to tell them off before they could explain themselves. "...huh. Well, I forget appointments all the time. Just last month I forgot to wake up and didn't remember until I was eating lunch! Table for three, then. Me and… who are you two again?"
"Safe Operation and Secret Formula."
"Me and my friends Base Camp and Top Cake!"
And so, the waitress led Arca and the two scheming ponies over to Arca's usual table: a nice booth with a brilliant view of the rainbow river nearby… and, by absolute coincidence and totally not on purpose, the only booth with two fire extinguishers in arm's reach.
"Working for the alchemy guild, huh. Usually the guild sends a letter about this kinda stuff, when they send a representative to visit." Arca munched on another forkful of salad, their meals having arrived while Secret and Safe had explained their 'assignment' to collect the formulas of the world's best for the guild. "Knowing my luck, the letter either got lost, or is stuck in my P.O. box. And I'm not allowed to open my P.O. box without supervision."
"Wait," Secret interrupted. "You're not?"
"Not since I forgot which box was mine and proceeded to open all of them with a paperclip." He shrugged. "Regardless, I'd be happy to give you a copy of my recipes! At least, the ones I'm legally allowed to hand out." Arca didn't see it, but Secret and Safe's eyes lit up with glee at hearing there were ones Arcane wasn't allowed to give out, but had in his possession.
"Ones you aren't allowed to hand out?" Safe asked. "Why not?"
"Well," Arca began, putting a hoof to his chin. "Some of them are really dangerous. Like, explode-if-you-mess-up dangerous. And others, others are too powerful. I have this one recipe for a strength enhancer that only works on dragons, because other creatures just tear all their muscles from the boost. And I certainly can't just go giving out instructions on turning lead into-"
"Quack." It was at that moment that The Duck floated down the river, quacking happily as it swam. Onlookers gave it a wide berth, but still tossed it some bread. Arca glared.
"I really wish I wasn't in the middle of a meeting right now. I really, REALLY wish I wasn't in a meeting right now. Otherwise I'd take that bird and-"
"Ahem." Secret Formula cut off Arca, trying to get him back on track. He saw the opportunity: end the meeting on one condition. "Well, this meeting can be over as soon as you hand over a copy of the recipes you can legally give us." He'd go after the restricted stuff at a later date, play the long game. He was good at it.
"For realsies?! Okay, here you go! I've got a bird to catch!" Arca magiced up a piece of paper and passed it to the ponies across the table. They tooke it greedily, eyes scanning over it, hoping it held a formula they hadn't already found-
"Uhm… this is a recipe for chamomile tea."
"Yeah, that's the only formula I'm allowed to give out. Try it, it's delicious have fun okay bye!" Without another word, Arca pulled a flask of green liquid out of his coat, chugged it, and zipped out the door at lightning fast, potion-enhanced speed. The diner now had one less door to worry about as well, as Arca had ripped it off its hinges and was using it as a raft to paddle after The Duck down the river.
"That… definitely could have gone better," Secret remarked to his companion.
"Actually, I think it went well, for us at least," the waitress said, cutting into the conversation and passing them the bill for the food. And door. "Usually we have to mail Arca the bill, and that would mean putting it in his P.O. box. And we all know how risky that is."
Why do I feel like this is just a prelude to the things that Arca is not allowed to distribute or make?
i'm waiting for them to mess up and to it infront of tia well she's disguised and get sent to where emerald is.
11315544
Possibly, but it's also a prelude to these two bumbling nitwits trying to steal potion recipes from Arca.
I shouldn't need to explain why that's a terrible idea, yes?
11315549
I'm not sure whether success or failure would be the better outcome for these two. Or for the rest of Equestria, for that matter.
11315544
This is gonna be good~!
The problem with being a conman, is that you're very rarely the first one to think of your con.
11315566
The problem with being a conman in rainbow falls, however, is that everything you try backfires because Arca.
Secret and Safe, the reason the Royal Alchemy Guild has so many rules? Look at what those rules are titled.
'Rules for Alchemists' (one slim book)
'Rules for Arcane Catalyst' (10 very thick tomes)
They don’t know Arca very well do they.
11315596
Now available on E-readers!-New rule: Arca is not allowed to use an E-reader again until he pays for the damages incurred by trying to 'improve' the battery.
Imagine if they accidentally got his hair growth potion lol
11315609 Gee he only tried to improve the battery not the screen and the storage space good day then.
Of course if she could stand them Twilight might give Arca a run for his money in tweaking an E-Reader
tea? must be the most premium of tea is she wants it so well known
the most recent book on potions Arca has written is a giant popup book with one of pages being a 1 to 1 size replica of his shop witch he used before the alchemy guild asked him not to as it was making it hard to read the righting on the bricks. all written in colour to mach. his copy of the 1 to 1 replace of canterlot castle is not fully colourd as he got bored writing his recopies.
11315609
New rule: Arca is not allowed to pay for damages with IOUs.
New rule: Arca is not allowed to pay for damages with personal checks.
New rule: Arca is only allowed to pay for damages in bits.
By royal decree: Arca is not allowed to pay for damages with bits earmarked to Princess Celestia’s Annual Cake Budget. Arca, use your own bits!
New rule: Arca is not allowed to pay for damages using bits he minted himself.
11317145
I can only imagine how the clean up crew, if there is one, will fair dealing with the mess the lab is.
shouldn't that be hoof's reach?
I like to think that they didn’t care for the tea recipe and just threw it away on the way out of the restaurant.
I also like to think that if they HAD kept and used said tea recipe they would have ended up unfathomably rich.
11320479
Immortali-tea?
11320481 I have a chamomile tea recipe that allows one to walk through dimensional barriers. It uses this rare glowing chamomile that has mutated to survive in NJ's many toxic waste dumps.
11325377
As a resident of New Jersey, can confirm this 100% exists I swear
11325404
Question. You know how a lot of countries/towns/communities have these odd rivalries you only get if you live there? As someone from the opposite side of the country, what's with all the jokes giving Jersy a hard time? I've seen everything from cartoon heroes tossing away a horde of monsters away saying 'Eh, maybe it'll land somewhere that doesn't matter. Like Jersy' to a character finding a perfect apartment after all day checking a series of death traps only for the realtor to reluctantly mention they were technically part of Jersy causing character to walk away saying 'Searched all day and not one place remotely livible' Just kind of curious after all this time and seeing this comment.
11315653
What would Twilight have against e-readers? They are like books that can have thousands of pages, but you can still fit many of them in panniers. Actually the battery life would be a problem, but it isn't like a car (motorcycle?) battery and the electronics to link it to a tablet is THAT heavy when you have Alicorn strength.
11325377
*Snerk*