THE LIST OF THINGS THAT ARCANE CATALYST MAY NOT DO AT LOONEY BIN'S ASYLUM FOR THE INSANE
-Arca is not allowed to magically alter the printing press to make all our outgoing mail get sent to his cell because 'he felt lonely'.
-Under no circumstances is Arca to find out this is an asylum. He thinks it is a resort hotel, keep it that way.
-Electroshock therapy is not a 'new spa treatment', and Arca is not allowed to encourage staff to join him.
-Padded walls are not to be used for pillow fights.
-Conjugal visits are not allowed anymore until somepony figures out how to explain what that really means to Arca.
-Razzle Dazzle is not allowed to attempt the above explanation until she pays for the cleanup of the flock of birds and swarm of bees Arca summoned.
-The asylum does not have any secret rooms, puzzle doors, dark cults, or anything else one would find in an Ogres & Oubliettes campaign.
-Monitor Arca during feeding times, lest he mix the drinks and food into a potion of varying danger and effectiveness.
-Arca is no longer allowed to purposely act out in order to receive a dose of the 'Happy night-night needle' sedative.
-He is also not allowed to brew his own.
-Arca has used several methods to attempt escape. Be on the lookout for any of the following, and similar plans:
-Although playing Beethoofen's 5th symphony on the bongos was an impressive feat, Arca is not allowed to play music during sing-along hour unless it has lyrics.
-Death metal is no longer allowed during sing-along hour.
-You know what, Arca is banned from sing-along hour.
-Following 'the incident nopony wants to mention', Arca is no longer allowed within 50 feet of a yogurt cup.
-If The Duck is within 50 miles of the building, and you will know as Arca will become agitated, nothing will hold him. Leave him on the front steps of the building, hide in the basement, and pray.
-"Crazy-hooves Joe said I could" is not an excuse for breaking the rules.
-Double-dog dares are not excuses, either.
-Straightjackets are not to be used for any of the following:
-Princess Celestia is allowed to visit Arca at any time, provided he is aware of her visiting.
-Even though 'Mister Splinters' is completely tame (somehow), no timberwolves are allowed for show and tell.
-If Arca has to ask, he probably shouldn't know.
-If you have to ask Arca, you probably don't want to know either.
-There are not ninjas in the building. And if there were, the fact that anypony knows they are here means they aren't doing their job.
-No, Arca is not a ninja. That certificate was written in crayon.
-Arca can be placated with candy, but only in an emergency. Celestia help us if he has a sugar rush.
-Brain surgery is not an option. Under all that crazy is one of the smartest minds in Equestria. Even if that mind is highly unstable.
-Do NOT tell any new staff that Arca doesn't age. The thought of working with him from day one until retirement is enough to make the staff as crazy as the patients.
-If Arca claims to have lost 'something important', put the building on lockdown until it is known how dangerous the thing is.
-If Arca is concerned about something, it's usually worth fixing.
-Just because half the patients beat their heads against the wall, Arca is not allowed to do it to "fit in with the cool colts."
-Trying to kill a spider is also not an excuse to headbutt a hole in the wall.
-Arca is no longer allowed at the morning workout after replacing the usual music with a techno rave.-Arca is allowed to disregard all rules on this list at his leisure
-Arca is not to edit this list, even if he asks Celestia to change it for him. Sorry, your majesty.
-Arca is not allowed to prove dark magic works through tinfoil hats. That just makes things worse.
-No selling potions to any patients or staff, or brewing potions on site.
"Why does it cut off right here, Celestia?" Twilight looked up from the torn, singed piece of paper. Celestia had given her one of the older lists from an asylum that had long since been shut down.
Celestia gazed out the train window as the royal coach rattled along on its way back to Canterlot. "Allow me to answer your question with a question. What happened to Looney Bin's Asylum for the Insane?"
"That's easy," Twilight replied, sitting up and adopting a lecturer's posture. "it's one of the biggest unsolved mysteries of that place. There was a massive explosion and fire that burned the whole place down without any injuries. It had to have been deliberate since no pony was hurt, but the only pony alive at the time capable of precise magic on that big a scale is you, and you weren't involved."
Celestia sipped her tea, wondering if Twilight would put two and two together. Maybe just one more nudge in the right direction… "And after today, and reading that list, which was the only document to survive the fire, can you really say I was the only pony who could have detonated the place?" She watched as Twilight's eyes widened, the pieces finally fitting together. "Yes, before news of the explosion and fire even reached me, Arcane was marching into my throne room in a tattered straight jacket and carrying that paper. Once he heard that last rule, he decided that with nowhere to sell potions, his 'vacation' was officially over. The staff mounted a defense to try and stop him, but… well, you know the rest. I'm surprised it took him that long to snap."
"Wait," Spike chimed in, setting his sapphire cupcake aside. "You say that like you knew he was going to blow the place up."
"Oh, I did." A chuckle escaped the lips of the solar princess. "That place was covering up several crimes against equinity: illegal and inequine 'treatments', subpar sanitation, staff without proper credentials… they hid it well enough that I couldn't take direct action… so I simply sent them a new patient. One that only one place has been able to hold. The rest took care of itself, nopony was hurt, and that horrid place had to rebuild under my supervision for compliance to health laws."
Twilight shook her head slightly, allowing the information to settle. "Okay, I definitely believe you now that he's that powerful. But what facility can hold Arca, if that place couldn't?"
Celestia grinned. "The only place that can hold Arcane isn't even aware it's holding him. Rainbow Falls."
This explains so much about Arca. Also, I’m wondering what Twilight will do once she realizes Arca is the founder of one of the most prestigious schools of chemistry in Equestria… and discovers it has a list of rules specifically written about her. 😝
Man... I wanted to kill my throat, Death Metal is the one thing I can sing perfectly!
And...
I think you meant sing-along hour.
Heh, I was waiting for this list ever since it was mentioned)
Also, check on several typos here in the text.
Feel like there is a missing 'not' here, then again it was a pretty baddy run asylum.
This is awesome.
Interesting and this is only the list for Looney Bin's we know of at least 3 other lists and there probably more
9733063 9732990 As to typos on this list where does anything say or imply the staff was sane. Celestia already said one or more lacked proper certifications
Never mess with a pony who's so insane, not even a place like that can hold him.
Okay now THAT was brilliant! <3
9732970
A rule book for Twilight? That sounds like FUN!
New rule, Arca and Pinkie Pie are not allowed to host a bake sale together. You know what, What would happen if Arca and Pinkie got into the same room?
9733300
They would create a "successful" mane growth cupcake that has the desired effects on the bakers but everypony else will get sick with the floof.
well gee, wonder what that could be referencing...
upupupuupupupupuppupupupupupupupupuupupupupu
Oh the implications.
ROLL FOR INITIATIVE, SUCKAS!!
To quote Arca himself, "IT DID BOTH THINGS!!"
*Metal gear solid theme plays*
But do we want to know?
Part of me wants to see a chapter where he introduces his pet in Rainbow Falls. I can already think of him trying to win best in show with Mister Splinters right next to him.
Why does this make me think of when Deadpool originally proposed his 'game' to High Moon Studios in the same way?
And there's your deal breaker.
Arca: I HAVE VACATION DAYS!!?! Like REAL Vacation days!?!
9733394
Arcane Catalyst: Ultimate Alchemist
I could easily see his logic dive/psyche taxi minigame being him brewing a potion of truth using the facts as ingredients...
Oh for crying out loud, Celestia! Learn how to be a proper tyrant, for Palpatine's sake! You don't NEED evidence when you RULE EVERYTHING WITH AN IRON HOOF!! If anypony so much as LOOKS at you the wrong way... TOOO THE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!
Not to mention you can torture confessions out of them! That's always fun!
(Alondro is not allowed near any positions of government or military power...)
My brain is tied up in so many knots it hurts. Can someone help me? And no I don't mean you arca.
9734824
(Alondro is also not allowed near any forms of local government either. Mayor Mare is not too happy about how his words is lowering the morale of her staff members)
9734872
Reading about Arca can do that to you at times
9734944
Soooooooo true.
9734944 Toooooo laaaaaate….
So does that mean Canterlot is Celestias cage?
9735520
Not really. Rainbow Falls is less of a prison and more of a lure. Think of a birdhouse: a bird spends a lot of its time at its nest there, but still can leave. Similarly, Arca literally owning the town and having entranched himself in the town's culture means he can't really leave for long, either.
9735626
Oh, I see.
It works as long as the Duck is there.
Somebody take the Duck to Canterlot.
9753036
It is an excellent premise; glad I'm not the only one to see a story from a list
9732970
That just gave me the idea of twilight being 'arca 2.0' or something similar
9756563
To be fair, the castle did have legs to walk, so yeah, like that
Oh dang, Arca the slumbering pacifist insurrection, and Celestia.. that bloody cheeky codger
Ah, the ramifications are too spicy
Holy $#!+
It just keeps going
This is basically the longest SCP containment protocol in existence
behold the alicorn of chaos!!! who is far better then the old spirit of chaos by far.
I mean....they aren't wrong.
I like Death Metal
And just because Celestia calls it a 'facility' doesn't make it one.
Monokuma, get your two-toned ass out of here.
If Dr. Bright has to ask, its probably above his clearance level
wha-