nice work.

9048743
Thanks

9092227
Okay what annoyed you the most the premise or my writing? Be honest but polite.

9092488
I guess it has to go to your style of writing here. I will admit, any other story I've read by you was Darker Harmony and that story had the same flaws with the way it's written. As previously mentioned, it's incredibly fast paced, so no scenes were really fleshed out due to how fast it moved on.

It's especially a problem with the character dialogue. Again, it's over in an instant and sometimes I'm not sure if what the characters say even makes sense. Probably the best piece of spoken dialogue was this, from chapter three:

Sunset said “Anyway, what I wanted from you was advice, not for you to go Rambo on my friends. You abandoned me as well Twilight and you should know better as the Princess of Friendship.”

Yes! She is absolutely right. But then the story suffers with lines such as:

They all heard a voice “Ah have something to tell you.”

Sunset turned to see Applebloom standing there “What is it?”

Applebloom sighed “I’m Anon-A-Miss.”

Sunset raised an eyebrow as everyone else gasped “What!”

The problem I have with this is that it is so sudden. I mean, yes, we already knew it was the CMCs, but building up at least a little bit of tension would've made this part better.

All in all, writing that's as fast paced as this makes it look as though the whole story was completely rushed and wasn't properly looked over, something I think all authors on this site must make sure to do. I'll admit, I did think I would get at least some enjoyment out of this and would be a step up from the first one, but unfortunately (Apart from that one point Sunset made) I just didn't and it wasn't. I'm sorry and I do hope for you the best.

9092548
Fair enough I do sometimes rush through some things but I'm not sure how to add something to it that would fix the problem.

Pitiful.

9125476
Elaborate?

I've trying to track this down for a while.

9204707
Thank you for that

9205859
No probs.

9546061
Thank you

9546061
Oh...........

9546389

9546511

I'm so sorry it took so long to get back to you.

9547855
Eh no problem.

Are you planning to bring Sci-Twi into this?

By which I mean, “Friendship Games when?”