• Member Since 27th Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen Sep 24th, 2022

Silentpegasus


An aspiring writer that loves the fandom and it's works

Comments ( 46 )

Nice to see another new story. Hope to see more of this.

Hmmmm. Very nice. I'll keep reading.

Oh yeah, this looks gooooood. Definitely looking forward to more if this. Keep it up!!! :pinkiehappy:

Comment posted by Sparda_killer_247 deleted Mar 28th, 2017
Comment posted by Sparda_killer_247 deleted Mar 28th, 2017

So far its off to a great start. It looks like a simple story unlike your adventure ones, more like your earlier work. This is your third Rarity shipping story and it's not going to be a harem story(2 don't count in my book) with a character you haven't used yet so its a nice change of pace. I am interested with which one David hooks first.

A nice start.


I can tell this story was inspired by The Model's Secretary.

Really, don't understand what make humans different from, say, minotaurs? Why ponies don't have problems with minotaurs or sea serpents but suddenly chose to discriminate humans?
And before anyone bring Zekora case - no one know that she a zebra till Twilight point it out. Ponies fear her because she live in Everfree and no one knew what she do there.

8055841 Could be cultural differences or just plain old fear of the unknown. You don't need much reason to hate someone/something/race/religion/gender/whatever if you already have it in your heart to hate them. It be just to reinforce it.

8056065
No. If they accepting goat, minotaurs, donkeys, sea serpents, gryphons, dragons, changelings (who tried to take over them two times) and who know what else then you need pretty good reasons why ponies suddenly don't accept humans.

I think I may just be able to fap to this.... yes, maybe :rainbowlaugh:

8056073 Well yeah, the author needs to explain it in story why the ponies discriminate against humans. At least it is shown that not everyone has a hard on for hating humans.

Rarity is a gem that is quite..... A RARITY *snobbish and sophisticated laughter* :pinkiehappy:

I don't mean to sound like a dick, but is this fic gonna die too or is it gonna remain in a coma that only gets revived every now and then before going back to sleep?

8056948

Still hoping The Fable of a Zealot is updated soon.

Interesting so far. I'll see where this leads

Can't wait for the next chapter. :pinkiehappy:

I like this, I really like it. Can't wait to see where it goes.

Good start, deffinitely looking forward for more :twilightsmile:

This story is progressing nicely, but this chapter was shorter than I prefer.

As long as this story turns out entertaining, I'm fine with it.

Unlike the other ponies he’d seen she had both wings and a pair of feathered lavender wings coming from her back.

Umm... two pairs of wings? :twilightoops:

It's okay so far, will keep awaiting more. :twilightsmile:

8070065 i agree but meh, ya know. id rather have small updates then none

8070167
True

Quality>Quantity

I'm just saying the sweet spot is between 3000-6000 words.

Anything above would bore people midway and anything below is not worth reading to some people.

Well we got the introductions over already(except Spike) so we can now focus on the story. So the question will be, will David hook up with his boss first or his roommate?

I like how all the ponies are so welcoming of him. Seriously, screw Manehatten and Canterlot.
Also, I thought that Rainbow's hair was only six colours. I also thought Equestrian rainbows were only six colours. Which I actually think makes sense I mean in the seven accepted colours of the rainbow, two are purple. I think it's neater to just have the primary and secondary colours.

Great story, Minor typo in chapter 2

He quickly made his way to the translation and purchased his ticket for Ponyville.

Train Station.

Chapter 3

she had both wings and a pair of feathered lavender wings coming from her back.

Horn


The Monk

Unlike the other ponies he’d seen she had both wings and a pair of feathered lavender wings coming from her back.

I believe what you meant was a horn and wings but its all good.

I do love this story, and shall continue to follow it while it exists. Just two things bother me, there are a few instances of repeated words and statements very close together in sentences and paragraphs throughout the story so far, and second this "fact" I have seen authors constantly seem to put in their stories: "No, that’s illegal, same goes with horses." Wrong. It is one of the most widely consumed meats in rural areas of Europe and it is only in the "developed" countries that it is considered a taboo, but it has never actually been against the law to consume horse/pony meat. To be honest it is quite tasty when its prepared properly, North America up until recently was one of the largest Horse slaughter trades on Earth, Just the majority of it was always exported. Go to Italy, Spain, Japan or some South American countries and its a staple part of the diet.

Abrupt ending there glossed over character interaction. Missed opportunities and feels lazy. Try to avoid this. Write out a conversation and then say it out loud to see if it sounds like it would be something you would hear. Flesh out characters. That is more important than any plot.

It's a good start I would like to see you go further and continue this story.

Good story so far! Can't wait to read the next chapter. :raritystarry:

8058498
Depends on where said upper class comes from. If it is -say- the Dixiecrat strongholds? Yeah they're racist -and ideological- biggots and hypocrites overall. If it is from a man who worked from the bottom? He isn't an absolute ass.

Story interesing. Very nice.  I'll keep reading. :trixieshiftleft:

Pretty good, hope it'll continue soon.

When does the next chapter come out?

I'm shallow, but I gave a downvote for incomplete. Not a bad story, I would have loved to see where it went.

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