• Member Since 19th Sep, 2016
  • offline last seen Mar 9th, 2021

Sparrow Knight


Comments ( 62 )

Interesting i wonder what will happen next

The description is one long run on sentence, i'll check out the full story when I have time.

im interested there is not much to go on for how the story will be overall but this is a interesting way of introducing the human rather than just a portal dropping him off in ponyville hope to see this keep going

worse for were -> worse for wear

You've got me somewhat interested so ill give it a few more chapters. Other then some grammatical issue the only real problem i currently have is what reason did the guard have for calling in the elements and princesses?

7863885 near the start of the chapter I mentioned that thry were already coming to the town, it was just a coincidence that the ship rocked up there also.

Sexually assault? that's oddly specific

Won't lie, common theme I've seen in nature stories is the specifications of their cup sizes.
Also, in just the first chapter alone i noticed that there were a few grammar errors and a few spelling errors. They don't really affect the story too much but fixing them will definitely help the flow

7874750 oddly specific yet still a pretty broad example

I like it already i can not wait for next chapter

Another great story premise decimated by anthro.

I hate to harp on someone else's story, but if we wanted to read about what amounts to "people with fur and possibly an extra appendage or two", we'd go read "Animorphs" fan fics, not FiM fanfiction.
:ajsleepy:

7895753 okay yes i know that Anthro's are looked down upon, hell even hated... yes i know but i chose this premise because anthro's is easier to incorporate my own idea's into the story but also ruins the premise of the show, which i know but... this is my story and i am know that i am not good at writing stories which involve feral ponies... so all i have to say is sorry that this is anthro but if it upsets you that much then you can easy go to another story

7895793

I'm not so much "upset" about it as I am "disappointed", and i'll explain why that is.
Anthro (as you said) is "easier to incorporate".
But because it "ruins the premise of the show" (again, your words, though I agree that they are very accurate) it makes anthro a very mediocre/detrimental component, one that permeates the entire story (you can't just try to pretend that they're still ponies instead of mutant pseudo-humans).

Because it's so intrusive, and so mediocre, it's really disappointing to come across a higher quality premise that features anthro.
We've got a marooned human in an unfamiliar land, crashed sea craft, an unfamiliar setting for the reader who will have watched the show, there are more than a few key components here that could easily make for a top-tier HiE fic.


Anyway, that's just my feelings on the matter.
I hope you understand where i'm coming from, even if you don't agree with my opinion. :twilightsmile:

7895825 I fully understand and agree where you are cominh from but the main reason I have chosen to do this as an anthro is that it is far easier to be attracted to a female that is similsr to a human thrn to an animal due to the simple fact that... well most can find attraction in large curves and humanpid features then that of a waisr high pony, and this is not me saying that your points are invalid, far from in fact...

I am just trying to appeal to an audience that understands how hands and human like limvs work do I don't have to waste worse or even chapters poorly explaining pony anatomy that I don't understand and embarrass myself... so I am sorry that you do not like this but I do hope you understand why I do this please

Why do people hate anthros? Like I don't get it

7896189 I don't get it either I don't hate them I like all forms equally

Personally if this WAS ponies I'd skip over the clop that will be coming. Since it is anthro though I will most likely read it cause I find no attraction to ponies but anthro s and humans are another story

My only problem with anthro is when there basically furry humans. If there's one thing I've noticed in stories it's that science and magic seldom mix. I only just finished the second chapter but Equestria is a land focused on magic where it seems the highest level of technology is the steam engine, I wouldn’t expect them to know what a phone is (and I'm guessing it was a cell or smart phone based on the context). Most advances in science come from ways to make life easier so with pony magic I would not expect them to be anywhere near as advanced as a people without any form of magic.

You need some work done on the sentences. Too many run-ons.

7895753

So you don't like the extra packages such as boobs, then. I guess you're more into full-on animals then anything part human irl. :ajsmug:

7896189
7896306

Because they are more into quadrupedal creatures than anything human or part human. They're "animals". :trollestia:

7898485
That's what they used to say about black people.

If it's sapient, capable of rational thought, has a human-or-better intellectual capacity, and has built it's own housing, you're just being a racist.

7898481
They aren't animals, they're non-human people.
(They used to call black people "animals" not so long ago. This is no different. You're literally just making racist comments by calling anything as smart as a person an animal.)

7898427 Yea i know my sentence constructions is horrendous, it is something i am working on but that you for pointing that out Orion

7899194
7899200

Do not make assumptions that I was being racist because I see all as equals. I never said anything about black people except you, so who is being a racist here? Do you even know what racist means? Because being sapient or intelligent has absolutely nothing to do with race. Your argument is pointless. :ajbemused:

I would ask that you keep your mouth shut and read the story, or go elsewhere. I don't have time to deal with bigoted dumbasses such as you. Good day.

7900929

Do not make assumptions that I was being racist because I see all as equals.

You're thinking of "ethnicity". RACE applies to all creatures, of all species, of all worlds.

Racism -
"Any form of discrimination or prejudice towards people based on their race or ethnicity."

If it's equally intelligent (to the point of sapience) to people, it's racism to belittle their species (such as call them animals as you so clearly did) simply for looking different.

Holy run on sentence batmare!!! Punctuation is your friend. I'll give you one or two more chapters to see if it improves ,if it does I'll start being more helpful with pointing out improvements .

Mane medic

7903413 you do realize that we humans are animals right? :trixieshiftright:

7909228
7901745
7903413
okay can we all stop with the arguing please? i really want to get constructive comments here and not ones that dissolve into someone's deluded idea of racism... Orion Thank you for sorting it out mostly

7909853

Mmm. I already said I was done with the conversation, but you're welcome.

Lex going encout spik in dragon gian form

I call bull on Fluttershy only having one bed. We saw that she had one for the CMC in one Episode after all. This of course means Fluttershy is a sly little temptress! :trollestia:

inspecting the two foot long shard of foot currently living in his left leg.

That's big fucking foot... It's a two feet in one foot deal.

it bounced off and flew up and struck Lex in the face, knocking him out cold.

Best part of the story, oh my god, that dude ate shit.

I'm going to admit, I like it!

Also; Nine foot eight? That's ridiculously tall... As in nearly two feet taller than the average ceiling tall. But it's your story and I respect that.

7895240
Well, I mean, it's an easy way to find out.

8073225
Unless she gave them her bed and she was going to sleep on her couch or something.

7896543
I don't get attraction to ponies, I mean, why would you go out a fuck a horse? It bestiality and I'm pretty sure it's against animal rights... Maybe.

On other notes:
-great story
-funny
-I like it
-etc.

7899200

they're non-human people.

7901745

You're thinking of "ethnicity". RACE applies to all creatures, of all species, of all worlds.
Racism -
"Any form of discrimination or prejudice towards people based on their race or ethnicity."

I think you needed to read the definition of 'people' before making your arguments.
"People: HUMAN BEINGS in general or considered collectivity."

7909925

8073838

This is the definition ONLY because humanity is the only sapient race yet to create any meaningful means of communication that we have interacted with on the whole.
In fiction, science, and philosophy, it's nigh-universally accepted that the term "people" applies to all creatures capable of higher thought to or above that of homo sapiens sapiens.

Seeing as how this is a work of fiction, my assumptions in this regard firmly apply.

Welcome back also great chapter but can you make them a little longer?

8310032
Thanks and of course, just wanted to get this chapter out

Great googlymoogly welcome back!

Holy shit this chapter actually came out before HL3!

... And he's not the least bit suspicious :facehoof:

good to see a knew chapter though

Where'd he get the bow and quiver?

Did he find them randomly?
Did he get them from Zecora?
One of the Princesses maybe?
Did he make them himself from scratch?

8310939
I qm pretty sure I mentioned that Zecora gave them to him the previous chapter

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