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Geode, a scarlet crystal unicorn, is caught trying to steal food from Princess Cadence. She sends him to live with Twilight to keep an eye on him. At first he is distant and pays no mind to his new surroundings. What will happen when a certain Cutie Mark Crusader starts to fall for him? Join the CMC as they discover magic hidden from the world and a secret that will shake the very foundation of an empire.
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I already Love it!
But the colt sounds a lot grown up, even for a young colt.
2328378 that's to be expected though, don't you think? living on the streets, he'd have to grow up fast to survive.
Sound awesome so far!!! Keep going!!
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ma98dnGIH71qcly6r.gif
Interesting...
Nice! Seems like your story is well thought out
I can already tell this is going to be an interesting fic
Could have potential. Hopefully you explore the differences in culture of being a crystal pony vs. an earth pony.
i like where this is going
I would have expected him to be a little more shocked upon running into the princess. But I like this so far.
This chapter is pretty good, few complaints though. It seems rushed for one, you use the word "trash" an awful lot, maybe replace it with "garbage" or "rubbish," "refuse," etc. Also the protagonist has an awfully good vernacular for a young street urchin. I'd suggest revising his dialogue to more appropriately fit with his circumstances.
Otherwise good job!
Iam interested as to why the, "I've been around for more then 1000 years" didnt phase Cadence.
I like this so far, I'll be interested in seeing where it goes
A typo or two...but nothing major. I am interested....
do continue....
2329283
Crystal empire was lost for 1000 years.
Great so far.
This chapter, I like it.
ANOTHER.
2329283 all the crystal ponies have. :P
2329640 I don't know the specifics of there time away from Equistria but I got the feeling that he experienced it, like he was aware of the time passing or something of the sort. Cause from what i understand about time is that its heavily based on perspective and that from there perspective it could have been seconds from the time they were cursed till the time they returned but for the rest of the world it was 1000 years. That or I'am over thinking this and should just roll with it.....
2329671
I like to think of it as neverland-esque. Like, time passes there, but it's frozen in that moment, where time passes normally everywhere else, until the mane six set things rolling again. Does that make sense?
2329679 Yeah i see what you're saying. Then damn, cant imagine living for 1000 years stuck in time like that.
2329688 true. Especially under the spell of sombra :s
So why it is called Crystal Empire when an empire is made of various countries and that is only one country? (assuming it's a country and not just a really big city)
This has promise. Favourited and upvoted.
The name 'Geode' also sounds familiar to me, but I can't remember where else I've heard it...
2329776 It's the name of a rock
2329776 Well it is a type of volcanic rock. If your wondering where you head it before it is probably from your name it has Geode in it.
Awesome make more chapters you deserve some spike-staches
Weird...
The first time I came to this story, it said there was going to be some romance. The second time I come to this story, it says there is going to be clop and romance. Maybe because I faved the story...?
2329776 it's a type of pokemon
love it, my only suggestion is the C.M.C he ends up with is apple bloom just because I seen a lot of fic's shipping with sweetie and scoots,
you don't have too I read regardless but food for thought.
Looks like the Review Train is heading back to school:
As I mentioned before, it would be great if you posted a pic of your new OC's,(also will he look all crystaly and shit when he leaves the empire?)
It's great to show that males have some authority in this mare dominate world.
Well this story is off to a good start(even though this chapter felt rushed.), I hope you don't make it obvious on which CMC likes him right off the bat(I love to play the guessing game.)
2330189
2330283
2330676
I knew all that, I was trying to be funny.
2332716 The Pun is fron Doctor Who. I'll post the O.C.'s soon.
There should be a comma after the word "unicorn"
The comma should be a period.
On should be "as"
I won't read a story with such a poorly written description.
2335224
maybe you should focus on the content rather than the grammar used and you might enjoy the story
just a thought
2335224 Sorry, Grammer has never been my specialty even with my proofreader program.
nice to see an update.
Defiantly loving this story so far.
On the subject of which crusader falls for Geode. I'm hoping it's Sweetie Belle.
Whellllp, either something really bad happened to him and he's blaming himself maybe? I mean children are not normally like that towards adults without reason... Anyway MOAR!
I see some hinting at sweetie belle... :D
MAN this story needs work. No offense.
2345438 None taken. I know I'm ameture.
2345762
*amateur*
2345909 My point exactly.
2346292
Stop the train, it's time for a review:
Did you post the vid for the audio, cause you could just have used a gif?
It's spelled Twily.
For a moment I forgot that your writing this story, Its not your story unless your OC has some dark past.
Shining Armor gives a kid a dagger
. After this incident I'm going to question Shining's parenting skills when he has kids.
pinkie.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/133907669091.png
Last I checked, Pinkie works in a bakery not a restaurant. A bakery wouldn't have sandwiches or french fries.
FAIL
I forget does Geode have his cutie mark? The obvious is that I'm predicting that he's going to be constantly bullied by Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon if he has one or not since he mentioned that nopony talked and avoided him.*end of review*
A lot of errors in this chapter, at least this one gives more info about his past. I suggest that you pay close attention with the next chapter.
2353620 You'll have to wait and see.
CADENCE= the same way they spell it on the website.
2353573
If you know how's it spelled then Y U STILL SPELL WRONG? Parents giving their kids weapons is not something they normally do. Just making sure about the cutie mark, Either way I'm predicting some major bullying. Oh and is he a fighter? Growing up on the streets I assume he knows how to defend himself. Predicting he will defend the CMC in a future chapter.
2353620 You'll have to wait and see.
yay update
Turnabout Storm reference!