Chapter 67
“Ye look well rested, Lad. Ye finally got the shuteye that ye’ve been lacking. Yer gonna need it, Moonlit Gambit is lookin’ to be at the top of ‘is game, Lad.” Wicked’s voice was subdued at this early morning hour, which was odd to anyone that knew him. Wicked was a big, boisterous pony, and when he went quiet, those that knew him best could tell that something was wrong. His accent was also heavier than usual, an ominous omen indeed.
And Flicker knew him.
“Sir, I had a good night’s sleep. It’s been awhile, since the purge of Ponyville.” Flicker went rigid and he looked Wicked in the eye. “Have we learned anything, Wicked?”
“Aye, we’ve learned a few things lad, and I’m gearing up to move soon. Doctor Sterling and I ain’t seeing eye to eye at the moment, and even though I’m never gonna admit it, ‘e’s right.” Wicked drew in a deep breath, which escaped as a groan, and his eyes revealed just how tired he was. “Flicker, sometimes, yer friends’ll be right and it’ll suck. But ye gotta remember, they’re still yer friends. A good friend will be right and be quiet about it. A great friend will be right and be a big windy asshole about it.”
Narrowing his eyes, Flicker dropped his voice into a whisper and asked, “Is Doctor Sterling an asshole?” He felt wrong for even saying it, it left an awful taste upon his tongue, but there was no doubt a lesson to be learned here.
“Aye, ‘e is, and that’s why I love ‘im like a brother. Sterling, ‘e keeps me ‘onest and keeps me ‘ead from being too puffy.” Wicked smiled, a bittersweet, wry grin, and he gave Flicker a nod. “I think Piper’ll be yer asshole, if you let 'er. Let 'er blow ‘er ‘ot, stinky opinions over ye and learn to be ‘umble, Lad. In this business, this little guild of ours, being a right almighty bitch is just what’s needed. If somepony ever tries to shut ‘er up, ye have my permission to cut ‘em down. We need to cultivate ‘er bitchiness, it’s an asset like any other, and I aim to exploit it when the time comes. I’ll teach ye to do the same, ye little cuss. Leave no asset unexploited.”
“Cut them down, like, head comes off, or just cut them down, break their legs?” Flicker, his eyes wide, and his body stiff from concentration, waited for clarification. Orders had to be followed to the letter, Wicked’s orders most of all. Wicked’s word was law, second only to the princesses and princes.
“Aye, Lad, breakin’ their wee legs might be a bit much, but ye have my permission to leave ‘em ‘umbled in a bloody ‘eap on the floor.” Reaching out his good leg, Wicked gave Flicker an affectionate cuff on the neck. “Best o’ luck, Lad. I want a good clean fight today between ye and Moonlit. I know ‘e’s yer friend, but yer gonna ‘ave to lay ‘im low. Right now, Mister Balister is no doubt giving ‘im some last minute pointers on all of yer weaknesses. Ye’ll have to cripple ‘im, Lad, because Mister Balister made him tough.”
“I have a lot of weaknesses,” Flicker admitted.
“Aye, Lad, we all do, we all do… but admitting them is a strength.”
Puberty was giving him fits, Octavia had assaulted his senses, Princess Cadance had stripped his soul bare, and the dark spaces beneath Canterlot made Flicker’s skin crawl. It was as if the entire universe was conspiring against Flicker, trying to lay him low, and springing puberty on him was just plain dirty. Today was not a good day for a fencing exam, which was why it was a perfect day for a fencing exam. While Flicker had a lot of confidence, he suspected that Moonlit was going to mop the floor with him.
Moonlit was just faster and more nimble. Being older, he had more training and skill. Yet, the masters of the guild seemed to think that he and Moonlit were evenly matched, so Flicker wasn’t sure of the outcome. He wanted to trust in the judgment and the wisdom of his elders, because doing so made the world make sense, and now, more than ever before, with everything being so uncertain, Flicker needed the world to make sense.
He thought about the touch and feel of Hennessy against him, and there was something comforting about that. That made sense, even if he didn’t understand how it made sense. Flicker acknowledged that his interest in Hennessy was growing, becoming something greater, better, and he wanted to know more. Flicker wanted meaning and purpose in his life that wasn’t related to his cutie mark. The colt had no idea what might happen, but he was willing to explore the possibilities presented.
His relationship with Piper was different, but no less significant. She, like Flicker, was a budding ascetic sort, Flicker had learned what the word ‘ascetic’ was from Doctor Sterling and he decided that it suited him. It was a word that he could make work for himself. A word, like a mask, could hide all manner of sins if one wore it properly. As a word, it worked for Piper, too, to some degree. Not everypony could share his own zeal and fervency, nor did they need to. It wasn’t a contest.
At least, it shouldn’t be a contest, but Flicker took secret pride in being zealous and he most certainly had more fervency than most of the ponies around him. Already, his subconscious mind was gearing up to make sure that Princess Cadance knew that he was her most dedicated, most ardent follower. He would show her… he had to show her. She would love and adore him because he would lavish her beloved artists with protection, care, and funding.
Love was service and Flicker wanted so desperately to serve. He lived to serve.
Moonlit had chosen the mess hall as the location of their duel. It was a good location, lots of obstacles, differing elevations because of tabletops, and yet still a wide-open space. Flicker thought it was as good of a place as any. The room was crowded and ponies pressed against the walls, apprentices and masters alike.
As he stood in the door, he eyed them. He stepped into the room, taking a deep breath as he did so, and he heard some hooting and hollering. Turning his head, he saw that Piper, Hennessy, and Doctor Sterling were all sitting together… and… he had trouble registering what he was seeing. All of them had bright yellow shirts and in garish, bright pink letters, the words LORD DEATH OF MURDER MOUNTAIN FAN CLUB was emblazoned upon them. He thought of the paper-wrapped package that Piper had brought back with her to the room, yesterday. Something in Flicker’s soul ignited and blazed with fierce intensity.
Doctor Sterling in particular looked rather silly.
Great. After all that trouble, Flicker was going to have to work extra hard to make sure that he didn’t let them down. Lifting his wooden sword, he raised it in salute to his companions and his mentor. The idea that Doctor Sterling was having fun caused Flicker some distress. This was an exam, a serious, studious time. Yet, there was this festive, playful atmosphere, like a carnival.
Flicker didn’t know what to think.
“I want a good, clean fight. Both of you know the rules!” Mister Balister stood in the middle of the room with a silver bell held in his telekinesis. “This is a no holds barred match! Hits will be graded on both technical merits and severity! There will be blood! There will be pain! This is our ancient tradition that we hold near and dear to our hearts!”
Hooves stomped and Flicker’s ears were filled with the roar of applause. Still holding his sword aloft, he held it out to Moonlit to salute him. Moonlit was on the other side of the room, in the corner, with Beryl Waltz beside him. Flicker saw Moonlit’s own wooden sword raise up, and the solemn salute was returned.
“Blood and pain!” an apprentice shouted, and he was soon joined by others.
“BLOOD AND PAIN!” The words were barked out to the cadence of stomping hooves. The air became electric and Flicker could feel the coarse hairs along his spine standing up as his dock went tense. “BLOOD AND PAIN! BLOOD AND PAIN!”
It was having an odd effect upon Flicker, and he felt a little euphoric. Was he having fun? He couldn’t tell. Lifting his sword, he saluted the crowd with a broad sweep, then began his slow march through the mess hall. If they wanted a show, he would give them a show. Thinking about this, he had a sudden understanding of why this was happening; Wicked wanted the guild to blow steam off before launching any serious offensives into the sewers.
All the more reason to trust Wicked and obey his every command; Wicked was wise and knowing.
Gritting his teeth, Flicker was ready to do his part. Moonlit was crossing the room now, moving with slow, measured steps. The crowd was still chanting, “BLOOD AND PAIN!” Flicker, after a year of intense, brutal training, was no stranger to either, and was prepared for both. All those hard, merciless strikes by Mister Balister were just preparation, love taps, a warm up for the real thing.
A broken leg would mean a swift, brutal end to the match, most likely, and broken legs could be healed. Time spent in bed recovering was time that could be spent studying. A broken leg was really just a favour between friends. Yes, a broken leg was the best way to end this. A good clean break.
Sure, there was the muzzle strike, and letting your opponent drown in their own blood as the match lingered on. One good hard hit on the muzzle would shatter it, and there were many masters within the guild that had crooked, misshapen muzzles. Flicker understood the meaning behind a mooshed muzzle, but he was still curious as to how friendship survived something like that.
He was about to find out.
When Mister Balister raised the bell, the crowd went silent and the chanting ceased.
“Both of you are exceptional,” Mister Balister said to the colts. “But only one of you can succeed. The winner will begin advanced arms training with me right away. The loser will spend a year in remedial arms training just to make sure they understand the concepts of swordplay and which end of a sword goes where. It will be humiliating and degrading. You will know shame for your failure, and I will carve away your weakness. Am I understood?”
Moonlit nodded first, and then Flicker, always a little slow, joined in.
“Mister Nicker, best of luck.” Moonlit bowed his head in reverence.
“Mister Gambit, to you as well,” Flicker replied as he felt the pressure building.
“This is one of our oldest traditions.” Mister Balister’s eyes had a hard, menacing gleam. “Any sort of interference from an apprentice will earn you nineteen lashes and your walking papers. Stay out of the way, because I believe this fight will get ugly. Prepare yourselves.”
How was this going to end? What might Moonlit do? Would he go for a muzzle strike? Flicker wondered what he might look with a mooshed muzzle. A broken leg? A direct strike to the windpipe? A single mistake on Flicker’s part would allow any of these things to happen. Blood and pain indeed. There was no room for failure and any moment of weakness would be exploited.
With a predatory grin, Mister Balister rang the bell.
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Although I, too, have regrets about missing out on anything regarding Flicker, I trust your skill and judgement as an author. Not every scene works, or can be worked in.
7983972
There was supposed to be a big fundraiser party with Flicker and Co being invited to deal with 'pests' that might pop up. They had to wear formal clothing. None of them are comfortable except for Doctor Sterling, who is quite dapper in his tuxedo.
It all goes horribly wrong when Flicker arms himself with a chainsaw for the second time, and goes after a horde of rats, but this time leading a pack of drunken party guests armed with makeshift weapons.
Doctor Sterling is understandably mortified.
Was any of the stuff cut stuff involving Hennesy's "Father" and "Brothers"? Because I REALLY wanna see them get what is coming to them.
7984000
This isn't about empty vengeance, sorry.
7983985
...I'd pay money to see that.
7984004
The Weedverse has one story about seeking vengeance. It doesn't need another.
7984005
How is Flicker and Drunk Party Goers chasing rats with a chainsaw and makeshift weapons about vengeance?
7984008
I don't understand the question.
7983985 Where does he keep on finding those chainsaws?
7984004
To make things clearer, Wardens are scary because of how little is known about how they work and operate.
If I wrote what took place, it would ruin what is best left to the imagination. Once you know all there is to know, the big scary unknowns become a lot less scary. I intend to keep the Wardens mysterious. Sorry. That is just the way it is.
7984017
This one was in the garden shed, and he found it after he crashed through the roof after falling off the second story balcony.
7984013
You replied to my comment about paying money to see that cut fundraiser party as if it was part of my comment of wanting to see Hennesy's Father and Brothers get what was coming to them
7984027
Derp.
Oh. 
Edit: It doesn't fit into the timeline anymore, because the days just aren't there. They were stricken completely, and the time was adjusted to fit the schedule of the end approaching.
If you pay attention in the chapters, you can count the days.
7984008
7984013
I believe that this
is referring to this
and not this
thus, by the time of this
the conversation has become conflated.
7984032
Yep. I am trying to have a conversation with about a half a dozen people right now, and lunch just showed up. I just don't know what went wrong.
7984026 It won't get over the top until he duel wields chainsaws, you know that right?
7984049
He's unicorn. Why stop at two?
7984062
Because at a certain point his skill to kill ratio will degrade with the increase number of chainsaw.
You know, we need a proper ratio formula for this.
7984062
7984080
He's had no formal training in dual wielding from Mister Balister yet.
7984087
7984080
Aye, and I suspect that he never got around to that "Creative Uses for Farming Implements 101" class either, but I have quite a lot of faith in his improvisational ability.
For example, what could he do with, not chainsaws, but just their chains? Or with a stack of circular saw blades?
I believe that you are missing a marketing opportunity, here. I would buy a Lord Death of Murder Mountain Fan Club t-shirt.
I really do love how Lord of Murder Mountain describes his duties to Cadence. It's complex in a good way with how many dimensions it has going for it. There's of course the comedic aspect, where he is unintentionally funny as he often times is. It is heartwarming. It is inspiring. I am sure you could find more. It's just so perfectly Flicker, and yet so much more. Like the kind of statement Flicker 2.0 Avatar of Cadence would have or something.
7984129
What about circular saw blades at the ends of chainsaw chains?
Pre-exam music:
Exam music:
7984420
Well, now you're just being silly.
7984129
Do em in XXXXL or even XXXL and I'd consider them too. This story is awesome.
7984455
Ya think?
7984439 I feel like Flicker and Doom Marine would be best friends. They have very similar jobs.
Kudzu, I still stand by this story being one of your best, if not the best, written out of all of them. Flicker, Hennesy, and Piper are all complex, interesting, and flawed and keep me wanting more. The backdrop of the guild and the war under the streets and in the back alleys that they wage is fascinating.
7983985 maybe you can do it as a small stand alone story at some point
Aaaagh anticipation
7984722
For some of these, they're not factions. Like getting registered to be able to shop in Mercenary Alley.
People make more of this than it really is.
I feel like this moment in the story is an excellent snapshot of Flicker's growth.
There are more subtle currents such as his growing relationship with Hennessy and Piper, his willingness to admit fault, his recognition of his own shortcomings, his desire to serve something greater than himself that is not just order but something good for the soul, taking his friends and mentor's cheering in stride, and etc. He still has much to learn but he has come a long way.
It's sad to see this story end but it'll be good to see where these folks get off to next.
Also you've done a good job leading up to this duel as I am unsure who should win and while I am rooting for Lima's chosen, I would not begrudge his opponent a victory. A delicate lattice of suspense.
I can't say I approve of the apparent design of this test. One student moves up, and the other one is held back for an entire year remedial training? That's something you design into your system if you need to artificially limit the number of highly-ranked people, and I would have assumed that was not the case with the guild unless there's some outside detail we don't know about. Well, unless we do know about it and I'm just forgetting.
7984885
Ah, but the one held back becomes hungry for success and tries so much harder at everything else. In real world historical examples from our own world, people held back for failure sometimes went on to become far, far better than their peers.
It is about motivation and drive. It comes from real world sources and the foundations laid by the various guilds in our own world are still in use today. We still hold people back a year in school if they fail a class. Sometimes, they recover and go on to become exceptional individuals. Sometimes not though.
Dude. Those t-shirts. AHAHAHAHA!
7984898 I wasn't talking about the effect on each individual pony, but the overall systemic effect from hard failing half of your target population regardless of absolute individual quality.
However, after sitting down and doing the math, passing half the participants through each year quickly ended up at an equilibrium I didn't expect. In only about three or four cycles into the system you are passing as many ponies out as enter, which means the jam of failing ponies that I was imagining doesn't actually exist.
7985236
Another thing to consider.
Being held back means not going into excessively dangerous situations, thus keeping apprentices alive, and thus ensuring that a few of them survive to reach adulthood and become productive members of the guild. Just because you can pass an exam, it doesn't always mean you are ready. But by having a winner and a loser, no matter what, you have somebody in reserve just in case things go wrong,
And things go wrong.
So Lord Death of Murder Mountain and The Bitchiness Express walk into a sewer...
7984008 Wrong story.
7984129
7984460
7985061
7983985 For all interested in shirts, here you go, spreadshirts.com will help you make your own shirt.
orig04.deviantart.net/35f6/f/2017/059/a/9/lord_death_t_shirt_by_lynx318-db0o4wb.jpg
Or this one (might need to approach artist on his picture use though?)
orig04.deviantart.net/232e/f/2017/059/3/6/lord_death_t_shirt_w_pic_by_lynx318-db0o6dt.jpg
Link to saved design https://www.spreadshirt.com/create-your-own?product=1016112020&view=1
Already had them send me a couple of earthquake hometown ones to annoy people around here with, so far so good. (Should have made the print bigger on this one.)
orig05.deviantart.net/dc24/f/2017/059/6/6/e_quake_shirt_by_lynx318-db0o64q.jpg
7986205
But I'd have to do it in a way that pays Kudzu.
RIP AND TEAR ! RIP AND TEAR !!!
7986374 Buy shirt then patreon Kudz, what's the difference, I already do. Shirts not a prerequisite that's on your own bat, just put it up here to show whats possible since there seems to be interest
.
I'm curious. Are we supposed to find the guild sympathetic here? A few modifications and this is easily a seemingly evil organization.
7988029
So's the Army.
This is one of my favorite stories. Thanks for the new chapters.
7988033 How is that relevant? I know full well that the army often does horrible things, has done horrible things, and while it is, ostensibly, a force of good for my own country its got its own shadowy past and is capable of a great many awful things.
I was commenting on this organization in particular, and your depiction of it. You chose to utilize details that, frankly, make me find them more akin to a cult of evil than a force of good. Yes, they're disciplined and have their own ways that seemingly work for the greater good in this world, but there's aspects you revealed here that hardly paint them in a favorable light.
7988773
They are not so different from us. I write them as real world organisations in our world have existed. Have you no concept of history? Do you even understand what Roman Discipline is? Spartan Culture?
You poopoo this now, but this sort of martial culture is what allowed human beings to survive long enough to create modern society and leave you in a position where you are safe and comfortable to bitch about it. Sociology and the history of human civilisation show that cultures like this one work.
7989127
They are "rough men willing to do violence that you may sleep safe in your beds," to probably paraphrase. Or in this case Ponies, and internally the violence has to be ritualized and limited so that they don't all just kill each other. That's what makes them a force of disciplined fighters rather than a rabble of bandits.
7988029
Well yes, but they would be some fairly significant modifications. For instance, if they were willing to harm innocent bystanders or turn dishonorably upon their own. Flicker is himself a good example of the sort of personality who can be very functional under a good code of honor but would be a dangerous sociopath without it.
7989286
Exactly. A fraternal order of violence and ritual, the answer to the age old question of, 'How does one make rough, ready soldiers and not have them burn down the society that sponsors them?'