• Published 17th Nov 2016
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The Mask Makes the Pony - kudzuhaiku



Flicker Nicker has joined the Rat Catcher's Guild. He's rather good at it, but wants to be better.

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Chapter 19

“I am telling you, Wicked, the colt is a sign of things to come. Any time a great disturbance or change happens, destiny adapts. Flicker is what he is to deal with whatever is coming.” Doctor Sterling cleared his throat, threw back a gulp of brandy, and stared at his longtime friend and companion. “Wicked, he mulched those rats into a fine gruel with heavy farm equipment. He cleared the quarantined ship in record time and killed everything. If fate has given us him for a reason, well, I fear what is coming.”


“Aye, I too, find myself a bit worried,” Wicked admitted. “All these rumours, Sterling. Invisible rats. Smart rats. And the not-rumours, like Rat Bastard.” Wicked stabbed his wooden leg in Sterling’s direction. “One of our Fillydelphia members is in the nuthouse right now, nattering on about smart talking rats and how they all piled together, formed a body, and with each rat added to the body, they got smarter and smarter. Poor old nutter claims the rats were casting spells.”


“Any evidence?” Sterling asked as his brandy snifter trembled in his telekinesis.


“No,” Wicked spat. “Not a damn thing, but a story like that one, it puts me on edge, ye ken? Poor bastard, ‘e shows signs of having been in a magical battle, a real nitty-gritty one. Fillydelphia members have been purging the sewers, looking for anything that might back up ‘is claim. Nothing.”


“Well, something injured his mind,” Sterling said to Wicked.


“Most likely some unicorn using bad magic to make ‘is nightmares come true and the poor sod was in the wrong place at the wrong time.”


“That does seem more likely than what you describe… yet… we have Flicker. He is a worrying sign, even Princess Luna thinks so. Flicker and his cutie mark are a warning sign, a portent of things to come. Maybe we’re seeing the reason why Flicker exists.”


“Sodding buggery!” Wicked bellowed. “I won’t believe in a damn thing until I can see it with me own two eyes… still, it never hurts to be on alert. Be watchful. Be careful.” Wicked’s eyebrows beetled and he refilled his own brandy snifter. “Princess Luna and one of her Wardens are going to Fillydelphia to see if any useful memories can be pulled from the poor nutter’s mind.”


“Anything else I should be made aware of?” Doctor Sterling asked.


“Rats are somehow passing through the rat-proof meshes and grates down in the sewers of Manehattan. Nopony knows ‘ow.” Wicked took a long pull from his brandy glass, and half of it vanished. “There’s an investigation, but even their best minds are bloody baffled.”


“The Heliophant sent two druids out to the place where we just were to do a study.” Doctor Sterling stared down into the depths of his brandy, perhaps looking for the meaning of life. “Officially, they are there to help the ponies of that poor backwater. Unofficially, they are there to observe the rats in the wild and search for mutations. The Heliophant is worried that the Ashlands and the Froggy Bottom Bogg might be mutating the rats into something worse.”


Shuddering, Wicked let out a long, low groan, then said, “We’ve seen what the Ashlands did to the parasprites.”


“Ah yes, the infested parasprite… it eats diseased creatures, seeking them out, and then at the end of their life cycle, they explode into clouds of virulent pestilence. Infected ponies have brand new, tiny infested parasprites come crawling out of their skin in no time at all and the circle of life continues.” Doctor Sterling shook his head. “We’re responsible for dealing with those now.”


“Still not as bad as the voracious parasprites of the Froggy Bottom Bogg… Sterling, they eat metal… they can chew right through armor and they become what they eat… one day, when ye get a chance, ye should see them in action.”


The next morning...


Flicker wished that Hennessy would stop yawning, because it made him want to yawn. Yawning at the wrong time could get you lectured, or worse, popped on the neck or some other tender place. Plus, there was something distracting about Hennessy when he yawned, but Flicker couldn’t figure out what it was.


Lifting his empty bowl, Flicker licked it clean as his two companions kept eating. The meal, though small, was enough to keep him going for a while. Flicker suspected something with lots of exercise was coming, small meals were often a dead giveaway. When his bowl was licked as clean as it would get, Flicker put it down and looked across the table at Piper.


She had bedhead something awful and Flicker knew that she was in for a lecture for not meeting grooming standards. He went back and forth on warning her, but feared that a gentle warning from him wouldn’t be as effective as a good dressing down from Mister Balister.


“The foosh heresh ish greatsh,” Hennessy said around a mouthful of oatmeal and dried fruit.


Piper’s eyes met with Flicker’s and the two had a silent exchange. The oatmeal wasn’t anything special, it was rather bland and unappealing, but both were aware that Hennessy had come from very different circumstances. As Flicker sat there, staring at Piper, her horn glowed and her mane snapped into a state of perfection.


Oh, that just wasn’t fair, not at all.


Shivering in the chilly morning air, Flicker wished that he still had a tail. Oh, he had a tail, but it was rather naked at the moment, almost hairless. His frock coat was buttoned up because it was a chilly spring morning, brisk, with cold, invigourating air. Doctor Sterling had said nothing about the agenda, nothing at all, so Flicker just tried to enjoy the walk and tried not to think about the ponies staring at him as he passed.


Piper, walking along Hennessy, had her nose in a book and relied upon Hennessy to act as her seeing eye companion. For Piper, this was efficient, as walking was just a waste of time otherwise. The book she was reading was one of Flicker’s alchemy textbooks and she was already trying to understand the magic of the alchemical candles.


The best thing about frock coats were the pockets. Flicker had his wand tucked into one of them, some bits, a small book, and a few hard candies in another. Having pockets was nice, and it saved one from having to carry saddlebags, which tended to slap the sides. Breaking away from the group, Flicker hurried over to a street vendor, which had a bright, colourful wooden cart with rising clouds of steam.


“One breakfast burrito, please,” Flicker said to the mare minding the cart. “I’m in a hurry.” He fished out several copper bits from his pocket, one silver bit, and plunked them down upon the ornate wooden edge of the cart. “Also, slather it down with some of that salsa de asesinato. I’m feeling delightfully suicidal this morning.”


Amused, the mare smiled as she went to work, filling a giant tortilla with eggs, onions, peppers, black beans, olives, both black and green, red beans, some pale white cheese, guacamole, and of course, salsa de asesinato. With a few well practiced movements, she had it wrapped up and placed inside of a foil tube.


Bowing his head, Flicker accepted his food, then hurried to catch up with Doctor Sterling.


“Stay away from me,” Piper whined, “the fumes are making my eyes burn! You’ll be gassing us later, won’t you? This is intolerable!”


“Smells kinda good, actually.” Hennessy let out a wistful sigh and watched as Flicker gobbled down the delicious, greasy looking burrito. “Unicorns have it really good, ya know? Able to walk around and eat at the same time. It ain’t fair.”


“Doctor Sterling, where are we going?” Piper asked.


“Running errands,” Doctor Sterling replied, “and getting our exercise of course.” The doctor paused in his speech but kept walking while shaking his head. “That garbage smells monstrous, Mister Nicker, oh, that is positively ghastly.”


“I know, right?” Piper’s voice was annoying and chirpy, a common trait among Pies. “I can’t even read, my eyes won’t stop watering. How does anypony eat that? Why not just get a sweetroll? A cupcake? A cinnamon roll?”


“You never said where we’re going.” Hennessy gave Flicker’s burrito a longing, lingering look and then hurried up to walk beside the doctor. “So, what are we doing?”


“Well, Mister Nicker and I have to pay a fine, I thought I’d stop by my house and check upon my housekeeper, and then we need to stop by Mercenary Alley.” Doctor Sterling looked at a big brass clock that stood on a street corner, and then coughed because of the fumes coming from Flicker’s toxic second breakfast.


Flicker, his mouth full, had fond thoughts of Doctor Sterling’s housekeeper, Lentil Pakora. She was a curious, older, almost elderly mare with an eyepatch, a strange accent, and even stranger magic. Doctor Sterling told a story that Madam Pakora had once been tried for attempted murder because of her curry, but Flicker couldn’t tell if the doctor was joking.


“What’s Mercenary Alley?” Piper asked in a voice that was far too chipper for this time of morning.


“You’ll find out soon enough,” Doctor Sterling replied. “I’ll explain the rules before we enter, and there will be rules. Break the rules and there will be harsh punishment from the city guard. I will not be able to save you.” As the doctor spoke, he adjusted his sword that hung from his side and blinked away a few tears as his eyes watered. “Damn everything, Flicker, go stand downwind or something!”


Savouring his burrito, Flicker ignored the doctor’s complaining. The doctor just did not understand Flicker’s one true love or their complicated relationship that was centered around pain. Flicker’s eyes were watering, his nose was running, and his snoot had turned a bright, cherry red. Slipping his bright orange tongue into the steamy folds of his burrito, the colt felt his way around for a time, found an olive, and licked it out.


“You and Wicked both! I swear, those disgusting piles of hot garbage are the reason that you and Wicked can stand in the middle of a cloud of tear gas and feel nothing!” Doctor Sterling doubled his pace and cast an annoyed glance back over his shoulder. “It’s unnatural!”


Sniffling, Flicker came to a complete halt and looked up at the statue of Princess Celestia. She stood, wings out, head bowed, and weeping. Droplets of actual water fell from the corners of her eyes and into a reflective pool below. Ears drooping, he bowed his head in reverence. The Weeping Sister Hospital always left him feeling troubled.


“Mister Nicker, is this place suitable?”


It took Flicker several seconds to figure out what the doctor was saying and his brain dredged up the fact that he had to pay a five hundred bit fine. Five hundred gold bits. It stung a bit, but it wasn’t the end of the world. Going inside of this place always chilled him. It was a dreadful place, full of misery and pain. It was a charity hospital, for the poorest of the poor, and they treated foals exclusively.


The last time Flicker had been here, it had been on business, and he had killed rats down in the morgue that had been nibbling on corpses—corpses which made him think of his tiny little yearling sister. Corpses that had suffered so much in life, and had indignities heaped upon them in death as the rats had feasted. He stared up at the weeping statue of Princess Celestia, his mouth hanging open, thinking about how the rats couldn’t even respect the dead.


“Mister Nicker, are you okay?” Doctor Sterling’s voice was soft and rather worried. “You look troubled.”


“They desecrated the dead,” Flicker replied, his troubled expression becoming one of anger. He took a few steps forwards, closer to the weeping alicorn statue, and watched as the princess wept. She wept for him, because he had trouble weeping, his sorrow had become rage. Trembling, Flicker felt a soft touch against his uninjured side.


“It’ll be okay, Flicker. Take a deep breath.” Piper’s eyes glimmered with concern and she remained close to her friend. “It’s hard, seeing you like this… I didn’t expect this of you.”


“That was a troubling day for you,” Doctor Sterling said to Flicker. “I’m sorry, but it is a part of our job. You were bound to see it sooner or later. The rats… they get into everything and cause ruination. Stiff upper lip, son.”


“I’ll kill them all.” Spittle flew from Flicker’s lips as he spoke and his whole body shook.


“There are aspects of this job that are very unsettling… and some things, some things you will never quite adjust to.” Doctor Sterling’s expression was one of wise sadness. “Let this be a lesson to the both of you. The rats will respect nothing, hold nothing sacred, and if given a chance, will violate everything you hold dear. We fight a silent never-ending war against the rodent menace… come, Mister Nicker, let us do what needs to be done.”


“I’ll kill them all…”

Author's Note:

Burrito-lingus

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