• Published 17th Nov 2016
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The Mask Makes the Pony - kudzuhaiku



Flicker Nicker has joined the Rat Catcher's Guild. He's rather good at it, but wants to be better.

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Chapter 21

Author's Note:

Big Science.

Lunch was a mild glazed carrot and cauliflower curry, eggplant steaks dipped in a lentil flour batter, fried to a delightful golden brown, and served with fragrant saffron rice. Piper was slow to try it, worried that curry meant heat, but was won over with one cautious bite. Hennessy had no such hesitation when he dug in, and neither did Flicker. Doctor Sterling, not a fan of too-spicy food, was thankful that his housekeeper had shown mercy and had spared them all.


Green bean tarts had been served for dessert.


Alas, the delightful meal could not last forever, and the doctor hurried his apprentices through the meal, reminding them that there was much to do. Lentil tried to shush him, but had no success, as Doctor Sterling was very stern and straightforward about getting things done. Even relaxed days had a schedule to follow, and the doctor made that clear. Everything was washed down with pomegranate juice, which caused Hennessy to pucker, and made his ears waggle with every swallow.


Then, with much sadness and dragging of hooves, goodbyes were said; the four companions left their warm, gracious host, the ever so delightful Madam Pakora, having full bellies, lifted spirits, and in the case of Hennessy, a strange, mysterious connection that left him wondering what had just taken place with the enigmatic housekeeper from the subcontinent of Windia.


And so, they departed through the kitchen door…


Moving at a swift trot in a two by two formation, the four companions passed the fortified tower that housed the Royal Academy of Science. Statues of an earth pony, a pegasus pony, and a unicorn pony all stood rearing up together, forming a triangle with one another. In between them was a glowing, crackling orb of magic, the symbol of the fearsome magical might of Equestria and the unified three tribes.


In Canterlot, there was old money, the wealthy noble families that had existed for centuries, and there was old learning, noble families that had dominated the fertile fields of science for centuries. These families, using these fertile fields, had cultivated some strange, and some might even say, weird fruit. It could be argued that old learning had more prestige than old money, and it was a matter of endless debate among equine sociologists found within the Royal Academy of Science for the past two centuries. Science was might, and might made right.


In Equestria, science was its own religion, and its fanatical, overzealous devotees could be found inside of the massive, imposing tower that the companions now passed. Scholars from all over the world came to study here, and it could be said that the tower was a lighthouse, a beacon for scholars to come and find refuge after sailing the high seas of ignorance.


It was also a very dangerous place to enter, as there was always some manner of experiment going on that one might have to defend themselves from, or even worse, spirited debate, the sort of spirited debate that involved dueling, deciding the hard way who was right, and who was wrong. One had to keep their wits about them before entering the front door, or even the back doors, or the doors that randomly appeared throughout the day—those doors could be the worst.


Flicker, still new to Canterlot at the time, had gone through one of those doors, lured by the promise of free cupcakes. The cupcakes had been a lie and nothing but an army of giant preying mantises could be found beyond the door, along with a cadre of cackling scientists armed with clipboards and ink pens of various colours to grade performance.


It had taken hours to hose away the bug guts from the hallways after Flicker, who had armed himself with a wooden mallet, had given a good accounting of himself against the endless swarms of cat-sized preying mantises. The scientific hypothesis that the dim witted and the brave could be lured in with cupcakes to fight armies of giant preying mantises had been proven with rousing success, and there had been much self-back patting that day.


Within the hyper-dimensional hallways of the fabled tower of learning, it was said that anything was possible. Even Death herself could be cheated, as she had no doubt become lost from the misleading signs and lousy directories written by lazy interns who slacked off on the job, but meeting her in the hall was no doubt one of the many hazards that one had to account for when traversing the tower.


As Piper passed by an inviting looking yellow door, she read a cheerful looking sign aloud: “Free cupcakes, available for a short time only.”


“‘Tis a lie,” Flicker muttered, still bitter that he had never received his promised cupcake.


Hennessy, who had stopped in front of a bright red door, stopped to read the sign. “This one says to give over all killers, thieves, bureaucrats, and lawyers… what goes on inside this place?”


Doctor Sterling, who paused to look at the red door, replied, “Clearly, rats aren’t vile enough for some experiments. Come, let us be away from this place, we have much to do.”


“Hey! Hey!” A breathless looking green unicorn wearing a lab coat came running up to the foursome and came to a skidding halt, his eyes were wide and he panted a great deal. “Have you lot seen a giant talking strawberry with big, sharp, pointy teeth? His primary means of locomotion are a cluster of vines growing from his top.”


“No,” Piper replied, “I can’t say that I have.”


“Oh bother.” The unicorn wearing a lab coat looked worried and he let heave a shuddering sigh. “Right. Well then, I suppose I’ll keep looking for a while before I sound the alarm then. No sense causing a panic until there actually is one.”


“Best of luck,” Hennessy offered.


“We really should be away,” Doctor Sterling said in an urgent voice, “come, come with me now, and don’t dawdle!”


The doctor came to a halt between a tavern and a pub. Between them, there was a narrow alleyway, a mob of royal guards wearing armor, and a heavy spiked gate. There was no sign announcing this location, as those who needed to be here already knew where it was. The guards watched Doctor Sterling, and one of them saluted, extending a wing.


“Lord Sterling Shoe, welcome. What business do you have here?”


The doctor cleared his throat and then stood tall, lifting his head high. “I have come with Flicker Nicker to purchase weapons.” Doctor Sterling gestured at Flicker, who stood beside him, and there was a feverish, manic gleam in the colt’s eyes that alarmed the doctor just a little bit.


“And he’s earned the right to bear arms?” The guard focused his hard gaze upon the frock coat wearing colt beside the doctor. “He’s very young.”


“He’s very capable,” was the doctor’s dry reply. “The other two are still untested.”


The guard scowled as he stared at Hennessy and Piper. “The rules here are very strict. Touch anything, anything at all, and things will go bad for you. Looking is fine, but touching will get you locked up for a minimum of thirty days. Am I understood?”


Both Hennessy and Piper nodded.


“You there,” the guard said to Flicker, “come forwards and submit.”


Without hesitation, Flicker, his eyes still filled with a feverish gleam, came forward. He was surrounded on both sides by pegasus pony guards, and a unicorn wearing golden armor surrounded him with magic. Flicker did not panic, as he knew that he had done nothing wrong, and therefore, had nothing to worry about.


“This’ll sting a bit,” the unicorn said to Flicker, as he lifted the colt’s right front hoof. The unicorn produced a rolled up sheet of parchment and a bright steel pin. Squinting with concentration, he unrolled the scroll, put the flattened parchment down upon the ground, stabbed the steel pin into Flicker’s frog, and then pressed the colt’s hoof down upon the parchment as the blood flowed like scarlet ink.


“Say your name, colt,” the unicorn commanded.


“Flicker Nicker.” As the colt spoke, his name burned onto the parchment with indigo flames and he watched as more of his own blood soaked into the fine, ivory paper. It was all so enchanting and he was enraptured, taken with this magical moment that marked his continuing journey into adulthood.


Saying nothing, the unicorn lifted Flicker’s hoof away from the parchment, he rolled it up, and then, with a flash of his horn, the parchment, now a neat-rolled scroll, vanished from view. He focused his hard looking flinty eye on Flicker, and nodded.


“Welcome to Mercenary Alley,” one of the pegasus guards said to Flicker. “You are free to pass this gate at any time on your own. Good luck, Mister Nicker, and may your career be as illustrious as it is prosperous.”


“Thank you,” Flicker replied in a hushed whisper as the gate opened, revealing a truly magical place beyond.


The narrow alley had shops on either side that held every type of weapon imaginable. Flicker stepped out of the way of the gate, he didn’t wish to be rude after all, and then stood there, trying to take it all in. Not far away, there was a diamond dog sharpening a sword on a grinding wheel. A griffon was hawking vicious looking steel darts. A team of minotaurs showed off a display of hammers and axes.


The alley was secured and covered, no pegasus ponies or flying creatures could drop in. Guards were everywhere, watching, waiting for trouble. Everypony, everyone present, all were on their very best behaviour and no one dared to be rude for any reason. Haggling was done in a calm, cool manner.


“If you are rude or disrespectful, the mercenaries here have a right to cuff you. Even worse, they have the right to challenge you to a duel of first blood, so be on your very best behaviour. I don’t want to have to fight any duels on your behalf.” Doctor Sterling looked at his three apprentices. “Mind your manners and for you, Miss Pie and Mister Walker, it would be best if you did not speak until you are spoken to. Being untested, you are here under my good graces. Your poor behaviour will be a source of trouble for me. Do you understand?”


Piper nodded, and so did Hennessy.


“Mister Nicker, you are one of us now, congratulations.” Doctor Sterling smiled and gave Flicker a fond look. “You’ve worked very hard to get to this point. There are many older apprentices that still have not earned this right. Wicked and I both are very, very proud of you.”


Flicker, who did not expect such praise, stood there, silent, solemn, and after a moment, he nodded, but said nothing. He just stood there, wide eyed, his swollen ears drooping a bit, and his breathing became a little heavier, but not by much. For a brief second, it almost appeared as though the colt might smile, but that moment vanished in an eyeblink.


“Come, Mister Nicker, let’s go sword shopping. I know a place…”


The shop was very, very narrow, as space was at a premium, and it was maybe three yards deep at the very most. At the far end of the shop, there was a counter, and behind the counter, there was a grizzled old diamond dog wearing spotless bifocals. His apron was clean, white, and his bright red jerkin showed no signs of lint.


“Lord Sterling Shoe,” the diamond dog said in a muted, dry, Grittish accent, “how do you do?”


“Mister Blackmoor.” Doctor Sterling bowed his head. “I have brought you a first time customer, my apprentice, Mister Nicker. Do with him as you will.”


The diamond dog, upon hearing these words, looked very solemn. “Well, you only get one chance to earn a lifetime customer, as I always say. Hello, young Mister Nicker, and welcome to my shop. Do you know what you want?”


“I need two swords,” Flicker replied, thinking about his encounter with the bear. He heard a gasp from Doctor Sterling and the diamond dog, Mister Blackmoor. Feeling a little nervous, he licked his lips so that he might continue, “They can’t be too long, as I do much of my work in the sewer. They need to be suitable for stabbing, as that works well against rats, but I want something with sturdy blades for scissoring, just in case I run into a rabid bear ever again.”


Saying the word ‘scissoring,’ Flicker thought of what he knew, how metal and friction pulled flesh in two different directions, ripping and tearing, creating life threatening trauma. Lost in his own thoughts, he was unaware that Mister Blackmoor was now peering at him through his bifocals.


“I don’t want double sided blades, I want something sturdy that I don’t need to worry about breaking. They need to be light, but not too light, as I need some weight to keep up deadly momentum when I do flurry attacks. Also, something with a high intimidation factor might be nice.”


“Well…” The greying diamond dog adjusted his glasses with his paw. “I think I have something that might interest you… unicorn swords, made by unicorns, for unicorns… they’re kind of unusual, but I think they might be just what you need. Let me go into my vault and get them for you. Just one second.”


And then, Mister Blackmoor vanished through a tall, narrow door behind the counter.

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