- Member Since 30th Sep, 2014
- offline last seen 1 hour ago
Arcelia
A 24 year old aspiring fanfiction writer, cosplayer and partner of Cerulean Voice
Arcelia
Joined 30th Sep, 2014 ·
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A good little story!
Don't think it needs the Sad tag. Also ends on a note that seems to be missing something in the subtle suggestions.
Otherwise, this was an enjoyable short read.
7476213
Thank you, that's all I wanted it to be.
7476217
Well, sometimes, stories can surprise you. I should really add that author's note though...
7476230
Thank you, your feedback is both noted and appreciated.
7476238
Well, I'm certainly glad you enjoyed it.
7476234
I think what seemed off has something to do with having no idea what Sunbutt's hinting at. Perhaps lost in translation or it was done too subtly.
A cute little story, I loved it. I always liked the idea of Celestia knowing all of her subjects, it's nice to see her portrayed as a more motherly figure in this. Though I can only imagine what that "If only" sentence means.
First thing, gorgeous story! Real feelings, real emotions, cast through the stained glass of a pony searching her soul for meaning. Worth a thumbs up, for sure, and I may even follow you (in a totally not-stalker-way).
You asked for thoughts and help on the "Authors helping authors" chat, however, so rather than just read I typo-hunted too. There are a few, but not too many and certainly none detract from the story.
Change "no" to "not"
Add apostrophe at the end of "ponies"
Add space after ellipsis
Remove apostrophe from "bill's"
Change "floor" to "ground"
Capitalize the "p" after the hyphen
This is a title of a specific target, needs to be capitalized (multiple places)
Add space after ellipsis (multiple places, the only time you don't put a space after them, is when it butts against an end-quote)
Change single quotes to double quotes
Change "your" to "their"
Add comma after "said"
Move comma from before, to after "now"
****
Please don't take these fixes as being harsh, I wouldn't have done this if I didn't completely enjoy this.
7476470
Thank you very much, your thoughts are appreciated it. The 'if only' thing was more or less a way of leaving it up to the reader's imagination.
7476482
Thanks for pointing those out. I did not have this one edited and while I don't expect my readers to take up that role, I do appreciate those who can spot any little mistakes. I'm glad you enjoyed the story. Your feedback is much appreciated.
You have kicked my nest of feels but then left me with to many questions I am very confused!
Ignorance is kind
I think the clue to finding the answer to 'If only...' would be to identify the statue Derpy was sitting under. Celestia's familiarity with Derpy, despite her being one of X amount of ponies in Equestria she does not have daily contact with, seems to indicate she knows Derpy as well as she knows Twilight Sparkle.
Or I'm reading more into this than I should.
What do think Smarty Pants?
What was that quote? Oh, right.
I think that's fitting enough here. Good story all around, though I can't say I understood just who that statue was depicting.
7476634
I am sorry to hear you are confused. But I'm glad it had the effect it was supposed to.
7476723
Thanks for the quote and to be honest, I'm not really sure either.
7476680
No I think even being able to read more deeply into a piece of writing is a sign that maybe, the reason those words were chosen was to leave the reader to imagine and interpret their meaning for themselves.
this was pretty good. that ending has me curious though.
The question of "will I be remembered?" is one that all mortal creatures must face at some point or another, and feeling under-appreciated is one of the more disheartening things that we can experience in our daily lives. Trying to deal with both of these things at once would be hard for anypony!
I really liked the atmosphere you set up from the very beginning -- the rain, the color of everything, the holes in the umbrella -- and the whole story really just felt melancholy and sad, something that worked very well for the subject matter. You said that this was more of a personal story, so I won't bother with the question of why you chose these two characters to fill the roles that they did; undoubtedly you have your reasons, and that's good enough for me. :3
The ending was a little vague, but not in a way that detracted from the story; I certainly didn't have any problems filling in the gaps left by Celestia's "if only" thought and, as a creative choice, it makes the reader think about Celestia's regrets and/or private inner thoughts as well. I know that someone quoted Martin Luther King, Jr. in the comments before mine, but if there was a quote that I feel sums up my feelings after reading this, it is this:
I certainly think that applies to Celestia's last thoughts, at least.
And, as someone who also works a very small, unimportant job, I can easily identify with Derpy. In fact, I've wondered the same things before. The rain has a way of bringing that out, even if we enjoy the days spent indoors peering out into the storm or sitting beneath an umbrella, and I think you did a great job of bottling that emotion up into one short, melancholy little story.
I don't like to critique in my comments (I prefer to leave encouragement and good stuff) but if you'd like me to do so (or even if you just want to talk about writing and whatnot) then I'll be happy to PM you.
Well done, and I look forward to seeing more from you.
~D4ft
Bonny work.
A nice wee piece about Derpy seeking acceptance and recognition, and running into the mare best placed to assure her. A Celestia who takes the time for her little ponies and does her personal best for them, even the seemingly-least among them, is always a joy to read. Intriguing last line as well - I'll chalk that one to Celestia's prescience, and her anticipating what Derpy'll yet accomplish.
" If only..."
-Given the fact the statue is an alicorn, my Canon is that it is "If only Luna had had your patience with a lack of current recognition."
Also, I don't know one way or another how people feel about the movie but TVTropes.org (CAUTION: Use TVTropes Responsibly) has the following as one of the entries in The Movie's "Crowning Moments of Awesome" page:
Derpy/Muffins becoming a Heroic Bystander by shoving Twilight out of the way of Tempest Shadow's petrification grenade.
So she might, just maybe, be getting a statue.
You can has review!
Nice story. A personal moment with Derpy. The older I get the more I wonder if anyone will remember me too. Though even statues fall eventually.