- Member Since 5th Sep, 2014
- offline last seen Sep 25th, 2022
RoyalBardofCanterlot
Celestia and Luna's royal bard. Nature is my God, Art is my religion, Love is the Law. Concordia Invictus
RoyalBardofCanterlot
Joined 5th Sep, 2014 ·
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Fun story so far! Aside from a few typos and the needless use of the word a**, I'm really enjoying it! Have a like and a favorite, sir or Madame! I will be watching this story closely.
P.S
You might want to consider putting a comedy tag on this story. Just a suggestion.
orig07.deviantart.net/ab9b/f/2015/224/7/b/preencess_cadance_by_dm29-d94sals.png
I love it. Seeing some cute CadanceArmor lovey dovey couple stuff always makes me happy. if they think they are busy now, wait until they a have an Empire of their own.
6448987 About to get to that. It's going to be fun.
pre08.deviantart.net/d674/th/pre/i/2015/247/d/0/wrong_certificate_by_hillbe-d98exrr.jpg
Ooh! Interesting!
This story ain't bad. Keep 'er goin!
Prologue to The Crystal Empire's involvement with the Mane 6 and Spike.
My thought was that the Crystal Empire extended through the Crystal mountain range (or just along it), but the surrounding areas of the remaining city works to I suppose.
Further while I hold no objections with wanting to eliminate Sombra, I would have qualms with a torturous death, aside from the moral implications, a torturous death also generally allows a chance to escape, best to just off him before he does something more devastating or simply escapes to fight another day.
Not to say it wouldn't be tempting to consider such demises but best to keep them from becoming reality.
Nice chapter. The only thing that I am cross with is that Cadence used to spank Twilight. This just contradicts her whole character.
6694379 Considering how medieval Equestria appears spanking is probably quite common.
Great story but it's just far too rushed.
You need to expand on that. Also make a few descriptions of their emotions. Is Cadance angry? Embarrassed? Scared?
6765836 Thank you for your comment. I've always been told in my creative writing classes to show not tell. I was trying to convey a sulky, angry Cadence via dialogue ("I'll give you two words-fuck off") and her actions. However, I do need to work on adding detail.
Knowing Cadance I would actually think that she would be reluctant to share power with some sort of elected counsel. She seems to me like a bit of an autocrat who prefers to rule herself and maybe let her husband handle the military but she would want to care for her people herself and not delegate it to some random ponies that she doesn't know.
6770171
You should add the tone of how she says it, for example that she snaps at him. Also plain expand it because the pace is too high. Try more descriptions and more dialogue.
6798569 Thanks for the review.
6798917
are you planning of changing it?
6798975 To be honest, I've been losing inspiration with this fic for a while now. Reading over it, the fifth chapter sort of gave it a good ending. I may or may not end it there. Also, I have a bunch of other stories to work on.
6799072
I'm saying to maybe rewrite the middle. Not extend it.
6799072
why did you put a password on the chapter mentioning the spanking?
6799595 I didn't. I thought I took those chapters down since I've decided to end it (for now) on chapter five.
6799655
oh, so that's what happens when you do that. When I try to access it the site asks for a password.
6799714 After thinking about it I've decided to put the chapters back up and edit it.
6800446
what exactly do you mean by that?
I think Cadance has 2 titles. Princess of Love and Empress of the crystal empire.
6816312 I took them down then I put them back up.
6816754
I really would want you to continue this. I really love the way you write Cadance and also your writing style.
6818373 Thanks. I think I will continue this once I get some more inspiration for it.
6820683
Maybe I can help.
What do you seriously think about spanking btw?
6875331 I hated it when I was a kid and love it as an adult. That and naps and mushrooms.
6875333
Seriously. You don't love people spanking children, right?
6875401 Not love no. While it may be occasionally necessary to deter a child from misbehavior that could harm themselves or others, it's not the most effective disciplinary tactic a parent could employ.
It can also be incredibly hot when used as a bedroom activity between adults.
(Really, I'm completely torn on the spanking debate. My ma probably unintentionally gave a spanking fetish, but spanking really DID keep me from doing dangerous stuff.)
6875452
I was never spanked as a child and I'm now quite torn about it. Some people support it quite feverishly and I'm unsure of what to think about it.
Still, being that she was sixteen, she soaked up the attention. However after a months of getting gifts she was starting to feel guilty about not giving Shining anything in return.
I would expect Cadance to at times get annoyed with it. She's a teenager. Maybe you can make it that Cadance at first took advantage of him somewhat and Celestia disciplined her for that. It would help set-up for what's happening later as well as make Cadance seem more flawed. I kind of expect Cadance to have had a somewhat strict upbringing seeing how idealistic she is.
Also ponies don't know about hands. You should replace that word with hooves.
Also how does all of Shining's extreme doting impact his own life. I know it's from Cadance's POV but just a short mention of his parents being worried he's throwing away all of his allowance and getting into trouble for that would help.
I would think Celestia wouldn't allow Shining to help Cadance with her homework. Cadance is a princess so she needs to solve the problems herself. That would make more sense of her behavior later.
Is this said in a begging or irritated voice? I would think irritated though that second part makes little sense for that. He knows what the problem is so I would think he would try to justify it or complain that Cadance is just overreacting.
Cadance is angry so her sentences would be rather simple and to the point. They wouldn't be this complicated.
I think something like: "Forget it! I'm too angry to even talk to you right now" sounds a lot more irritated.
this needs to be a separate paragraph. Also detailing of her leaving would be better. Describe Cadance getting up and walking out.
I think you mean more that she is excited or charmed by it. Aroused just doesn't make any sense.
I think: The very thought made her heart flutter or something like that is better. You shouldn't make it like every single romantic excitement is automatically sexual.
that was a little confusing, maybe this is better: 'No body!' Cadance said to herself shaking her head 'We're supposed to be MAD at him remember?'.
Cadance is still convincing herself she's angry so I would think she would right now have mixed feelings about seeing him.
You should do more to build-up this scene. That Luna raises up and stares down at Cadance (she's quite a bit taller after all) and is dead serious. That it completely breaks the easy atmosphere.
I would think Cadance would be extremely excited.
Also I would expect Celestia to look over her or assign somepony to do that.
That was quite a stupid thing for Cadance to say.
I would expect Cadance to drink something like wine. Cider really is a country drink.
it seems a little easy for Cadance. I would expect Celestia to come along and help her get settled. Though maybe that might upset some crystal ponies so she might introduce her to a crystal pony to help integrate Cadance into the empire.
Sorry if I'm nagging about it but I really love the idea. Just try to make it longer and make it more role-play like. That Cadance is reacting to it like it's seriously. The hints that it's playful can be very subtle which actually would be much better.
6912420 I have an explanation for Celestia's non-involvement (it has to do with not interfering in another sovereign's realm. Cadence is basically a "big mare" now and needs to request help before Celestia will grant it.) More explanation will be in the next chapter.
6918915
She doesn't need to do anything. She would just be there to provide moral support. Cadance still is very young.
6918928
I'm not saying you should remove it but it started awkwardly. Why would they just start slapping each other when they are in such a serious mindset.
6919019 (Next chapter will explain it all, promise.)
6919032
how so?
btw: are you into roleplays?
6919045 (I'm not going to tell you, just read the next chapter to find out. Oh and Twilight shows up too.) And yes, occasionally.
6919072
I don't mean online roleplays but roleplay as a sexsual game.
And thus the Crystal Empire comes into play.
Yay
you made the Next chapter 
6928922 Yeah, I got a rush of inspiration. I hoped you liked it?
Poor foals.