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Never enter the woods alone, for there are monsters there. They can look like anything, even another pony. And if you waver in Gaea's love, you will become one.

Winner of Ponychan /fic/'s April Write-Off!

First Published
26th May 2012
Last Modified
26th May 2012
#1 · 130w, 1d ago · 1 · ·

Originally written for Ponychan /fic/'s April Write-Off.

Thanks to: Demetrius, Eustatian Wings, midnightshadow, Thanqol, Dublio, Zay-el, G&P!Trixie, Pascoite, Sparky, Chocolate Milk, presentperfect, Kurbz, RogerDodger, Ezn, and everyone else who wrote, commented, and voted in the April /fic/ Write-Off. Also thanks to kits, who literally wrote my synopsis for me.

And thanks again to Choco, who I pretty much copied this entire comment from. Wouldn't be the only thing I copied.

Edits: I should have said this earlier, but thanks to Nicknack and Seattle Lite from /fic/ and Hugbox from the Training Grounds for their reviews and assistance.

#2 · 130w, 20h ago · 2 · ·

Silly Filler, that's

Winner of the /fic/ April Write-Off.

Now put that in your synopsis.  You've earned it, flaunt it!

#3 · 130w, 19h ago · · ·

Indeed it is the WINNER.

Also, synopsis, isn't "waiver" supposed to be "waver"?

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer
#4 · 130w, 19h ago · · ·

Oh yeah, this was the best goddamn story. :D

#5 · 130w, 18h ago · · ·

Great story, really enjoyed it! No story is perfect, though: there were a few grammatical mistakes here and there, but that doesn't matter! You seem to be a writer who likes keeping things simple; I like that. Keep up the good work, bro!

#6 · 130w, 17h ago · · ·

awwww she should have escaped :fluttercry:

#7 · 130w, 15h ago · · ·

>>648729

Yup. Thanks, fixed.

#8 · 130w, 11h ago · · ·

Awww, that was a sad ending :(

Great story though!

#9 · 130w, 10h ago · · ·

>>649568

Now I chuckle knowingly.

#10 · 130w, 6h ago · · ·

The village: :twilightangry2::flutterrage::moustache:.

The story, Whisper's delusions and Fairy Dust at the end: :fluttercry::pinkiesad2::applecry:

The author: :yay::pinkiehappy::eeyup:

#11 · 130w, 6h ago · · ·

It's always interesting to see a story written from the perspective of someone who's not in their right mind...and never will be.

#12 · 130w, 5h ago · 2 · ·

Ugh, I want to enjoy this, but it's just way too much of a rip from The Village and perhaps The Giver for me. It's a very standard dystopia, and I see no creative deviation. Also, the characters seemed a bit shallow to me (rebel pony and law abiding pony). However, this does execute the innocent eye well, and it's not absolutely terrible. I could see the ending coming from a mile away, though. It's very meh for me.

#13 · 130w, 5h ago · · ·

Reads quite a bit like Running Out of Time, but nicely done for a fic of that length.

#14 · 130w, 4h ago · · ·

Is it wrong that I laughed when a certain somepony (:rainbowderp:) was speared?

A good story all around. The introduction dragged on a little too long but luckily the intriguing details about the village and the wall saved my interest just before it died. It should have been a far shorter story though (like 2000-3000 words). You laid the foundations for a prolonged tale yet ended it rather quickly and somewhat predictably.

Either way, you've earned a solid 3.5 out of 5 Scootaloos.

#15 · 130w, 3h ago · 1 · ·

Came expecting a Game of Thrones crossover, I was moderately disappointed that it had absolutely nothing to do with Game of Thrones. It was still an alright story though, just not what I expected at all. My only complaints would be that it was pretty predictable and kind of, well, forced. The characters never had a personality and I felt like I was being told "hey Fairy Dust is the good one, you should feel sorry for her now." as opposed to actually developing an attachment to her.    

#16 · 130w, 3h ago · · ·

This is one of those stories where I wish I could send Celestia and Luna in to fix the problem, yet a part of me knows that's a bad idea for they may attack and attempt to kill the princesses. Its sad to know of a village where everyone is sick like that.

#17 · 130w, 2h ago · · ·

Pleased to see that this made it here!  I didn't know it was the winner of the April writeoff when I was commenting on the google doc ... it certainly is very well written :twilightsmile:

#18 · 130w, 2h ago · · ·

I loved it! Great story.:twilightsmile:

#19 · 130w, 2h ago · 1 · 1 ·

This story is all religions in a nutshell

#20 · 129w, 6d ago · 3 · ·

It's reasonably well-written, but the idea's been done a million times. The saddest thing is that although the story idea is so old, its lessons never seem to sink in and there are entire nations in our world that proudly proclaim themselves to be guided by ignorance and superstition; their people call evil good and justify it through lies they constantly tell each other and their children. It's depressing.

#21 · 129w, 5d ago · 1 · ·

Eh... it was okay... Bit predictable, bit bland. I liked the names the ponies had, their culture, so on. Too generic, too pointless.

#22 · 129w, 2h ago · · ·

Loved it lots, probably one of the more inspiring pieces I’ve come across. Reminds me of ‘The White Box’ actually. A pity that the introduction was bland and draggy, it might have put off quite a number of readers.

#23 · 127w, 5d ago · · ·

what a sad story... poor Fairy Dust she was only trying to show Wisper the wonders of the world.

#24 · 126w, 4d ago · · ·

It reminded me of a movie I saw some times back. Unfortunately I don't remember its title.

Regardless, that's a very solid fic. No wonder it won. :twilightsmile: Congratulations!

#25 · 124w, 1d ago · 1 · ·

Oh my... I'm pretty annoyed that this story has so few views. This is Dark done right. No needless gore; no rape or mutilation. Just good narration and understated horror. Whisperleaf as an unreliable narrator was an excellent choice, Filler.

#26 · 123w, 18h ago · 1 · ·

Absolutely superb. I do wonder whether or not it was ever intended as a commentary on blind faith/indoctrination, but that's certainly how it felt to me, and as such I wonder how many people missed the point about how this accurately reflects the society we live in.

I suspect, I shall always be left to wonder.

#27 · 121w, 2d ago · · ·

Holy Shit.

#28 · 119w, 10h ago · · ·

The really sad thing about this story is that Whisperleaf will live her whole life now in belief that "Gaea" is a benevolent goddess who graces the gift of her love only on ponies who obey the rules of the world she "rules." :fluttercry:

I feel so bad for Fairy Dust. All she ever wanted was to be free and show her friend what that meant. It was kind of Whisperleaf's fault that she was killed because Whisper insisted on "being a good pony" and actually told the elders that she was trying to escape so they killed Fairy Dust.

But it was the way she was raised...and the way all the ponies living in this village were raised.

Could you please write more about who this "Gaea" existence is? Please?  :pinkiehappy::fluttershysad::applecry:

#29 · 118w, 4d ago · · ·

>>644460

is it wierd that i think of silent hill when i read this???

#30 · 116w, 6d ago · · ·

This is...wow. This is beautifully paced, amazingly innocent, and fantastically dark. I congratulate you. 5/5 stars, and I don't give that lightly.

#31 · 110w, 3d ago · 1 · ·

I agree this rips off pretty heavily from the village and thus the ending was predictable, but I think it is much better than the village. Whereas the village tried to stretch this concept for over an hour, you gave it the proper length to not make the concept tiresome. All in all, not bad. You have earned a thumbs.

#32 · 110w, 2d ago · 1 · ·

It's well-done.

Kind of derivative, though.

#33 · 110w, 2d ago · 1 · ·

I like this. Might not the absolute most inventive plot, but hell, you pulled it off well. You really captured the youth in the narrative. Kudos.

#34 · 110w, 1d ago · 1 · ·

Flat, predictable, and a ripoff of The Village.

The latter is probably the most damning part, as Village wasn't even one of M. Knight Shalalala's good movies.

#35 · 110w, 1d ago · 1 · ·

I liked this.  To me, it wasn't near as much like The Village as people seem to think.  (And that is, oddly enough, one of the few Shyamalan films I like.)  Maybe on the surface it is, but that movie leaves it up to the audience to decide whether the idea behind the village is a good one or not, while Beyond the Wall is far more critical of the system of authority in the village and the cost of blind obedience.  The Village might have had an interesting mystery and plot twist, but this story has a stronger moral theme and perhaps even a more powerful emotional punch.

Good job!:twilightsmile:

#36 · 109w, 4d ago · 2 · 2 ·

Very well written, but more cliched than a HiE clopfic with an OC alicorn.

#37 · 108w, 6d ago · · ·

This is...creepy. Like M. Night Shayamalan's The Village, but with psychotic ponies.

#38 · 93w, 4d ago · · ·

I think this is great! A wonderful little tale of delusion and small-mindedness in rural folk. I don't care if it was derivative of anything – and I haven't seen The Village, so it doesn't matter how close it may be – I liked it a lot.

For those out there pissing and moaning about similarities and derivatives, this sort of crap has actually happened many times in human history, so *any* story on this theme is simply a retelling of actual history. So quit yer bitching, STFU, and enjoy it for what it is: a great little chiller-fic with an emotional punch.

#39 · 92w, 5d ago · 2 · ·

Damn, dude. This story is fantastic. I don't have words to say beyond that I enjoyed it immensely. Anything else would be superlative, but bravo regardless.

#40 · 86w, 5d ago · 2 · ·

Jeez, this had me getting chills up my spine. I know this isn't the most original idea, but it's executed very well, especially with the narrative voice. But now I'm wondering where this wall is and if anypony else from Equestria's noticed it. That pegasus they murdered probably had friends and family who'd look for her, which would eventually lead to the discovery of the wall and an investigation.

I'd love to see a follow-up to this story where Equestria finds this village and tries to assimilate them back into mainstream pony culture. I'd expect more tragedy from that story. Hmmm...

#41 · 85w, 4d ago · 1 · ·

I thought I faved this last time I read it.

Still good. :)

#42 · 85w, 4d ago · 1 · ·

This reads like a god tier creepy pasta. Perfectly Lovecraftian atmosphere.

Now then, I need to go bury myself in fluffy kittens for awhile. O.o

#43 · 33w, 1d ago · · ·

I love The Village and thus I really liked this. Wish you'd been a little more adventurous with the plot but otherwise a very creepy tale.

#44 · 32w, 5d ago · · 5 ·

¡Those ponies live in an utopia for teabagging birthers and CreaTards!  If one ever watches JesusCamp, with the totally heterosexual Ted Haggert, one will see that this is the kind of society they would create.

#45 · 32w, 3d ago · · ·

This reminds me of The Giver. That is the highest of compliments that I can give.

#46 · 32w, 8h ago · · ·

BEST. QUOTE. EVER.

She couldn’t fly, but she could fall more slowly than any other pony.

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