Generic TwiDash. Leave your expectations at the door. I wrote this with my brain turned off.
Chapters (2)
Filler
Joined 12th Nov, 2011 ·
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My expectation: Awesome because TwiDash
Interesting. I like where this is going. Though, I wouldn't mind seeing some extra polish on this. I noticed a few errors that shouldn't be too hard to fix (mostly punctuation related stuff) or identify. Not entirely sure I'm a fan of the first-person, though.
Nonetheless, I look forward to reading more.
That last line is a terrible line that summons forth a great and horrific evil. Evil, thy name is...Murphy.
Not bad. I like it.
Lovely story so far.... I dread seeing how this is sad...
Can't wait for the next update!
Oh, and any idea on how frequently we'll be seeing updates? I don't want to sound pushy, just another curious reader!
Oh c'mon at least put a little more effort into the story. This is like...an intro to a story. Very unsatisfactory. Turn on your brain and put some meat into your fic.
I can definitely tell that you did write this with your brain off.
But, generic or not, I still love Twidash
434453
You appear to be still holding onto your expectations. Shall I take them for you, sir?
As for your suggestion, I am afraid that I find myself unable to write shipping were my brain turned on. I am not sure why. When my brain is on, it's all grimdark crap.
Also, I'm afraid that I cannot put meat into it. It is, after all, an F/F ship.
I like it.... So far
You need to write more! Us readers are teased by your intro! MOAR
434450
Sorry, but updates will be most likely quite irregular. I have to choose between writing this when the sun rises and I haven't fallen asleep yet, and writing this when I am awake and start obsessing over details, resulting in Chapter Two coming out some time around June.
I'm not going to judge this just yet, as it is way too short for that. It seems to be going the right way though.
As a form of constuctive criticism:
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The Gardens looked like a giant egg as its name suggested if you stared down at it from high above, and like the bottom half of a giant egg if you looked at it from the side. It was about the size of three Canterlot Castle Ballrooms if they were put side to side, and it had no roofing of any sort, making it perfect for today’s competition. Tall white pillars lined the entrance to the Gardens along stone walkways to the Gardens, spreading out from the Gardens in all directions
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you used the word 'Garden' four times in three lines; out of which three were used in one sentence. Try to refrain yourself from using the same word over and over again, as it makes the read boring. Try using synonyms for the word instead.
The champion of the "best young flier" competition a non pro?
Well, maybe technically, as she does do other things for a living, but somehow i can't think of Rd as an "amateur" flyer.
It recently occured to me that I subconsciously but totally ripped off of Where You Can't Follow by AbsoluteAnonymous.
Ah well.
Interesting read so far... I'd like to see where it goes.
Story renamed because I'm repurposing the original title. Though, given where this fic is going, I think this title fits better.
This could be expanded on, but I like how you've finished it.
it a little hard to follow, but not bad. I would stop using first pony thought.
Well, it's sad that you won't be continuing this, but it's a nice little piece.
I must say, though, I'm not a fan of first person. In spite of that, it's still a decent story. It just needs to be properly continued.
nice story... 1st pers was ok for ch 1 but here you should have gone with 2nd or 3rd perspective but otherwise nice
Out of all the ponies, I think 1st person perspective would be most compatible with Rainbow Dash. If you dressed this up a bit and added another 1k words describing the hoofington scene as a resolution for what you already have, it would feel complete. Just 1k. You can do it! Pretty please. I'll be patient.
643195
I'm afraid I have no intentions of adding to this. Sorry!
643287 You're not sorry at all! As in, it's your decision so there's nothing to apologize about.
I'm disappointed that you wont be continuing and I think you should, but that is your choice and I think somepony else can continue where you left off :) (Not me I'm not that good)
how do you write a story ive got all of the cover stuff but how do i get to writing the acctual story when i click write new chapter it comes up but then the text box disiappears.
772563
Go to your new chapter and click on "edit". For more information, see the FAQ link here.
Boo, you suuuck! D:
No, for what this is, it's clean and serves its purpose. Given how the two chapters opened, i was expecting something far worse to happen. Ironically, perhaps hypocritically, I wanna see where this goes. ._.
Dashie saying that makes me think that everything will not be okay. Remember when Twi did that whole ballad of how morgings in Ponyville shimmered and stuff and just as she said it was certainly fine something terrible happened.
I think in all reality this serves its purpose. It is a story and it's not cut off into some random thin air like "WHAT I WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENS!!" The most obvious thing that could happen is Twi and Dash go to the compitetion and Dash doesn't train as hard and she wins. Then Dash will most likely make up for Twi's poetry reading or whatever.
Cute fluff.
What if my expectations are twidash?