Scootaloo and Dash go on a picnic, anything that could go wrong..does.. but that doesn't stop them from having the best day ever. Thank you
Jordan179
Jubilee Glider
and as always,Vital Spark for just being there.
Cover art by This guy
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 11th Mar, 2015
- offline last seen March 29th
Pony writer
A wise woman once said, " Fuck this shit." And she lived happily ever after
Pony writer
Joined 11th Mar, 2015 ·
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This is a beautiful little story with a very true theme -- when two people really care for one another, just being together can make a day be fun even if their plans run into all sorts of problems. I really like it.
That was a really special story
6273145 And you did a marvelous job on it and I can understand wanting to still write those same types of stories too but you did a great job beyond any doubt whats so ever
I don't know how but you wrote a cute non sexual story.
You know you can upvote your own stories, right?
Right missy. Make a sequel with them, now.
Jk, but it would be nice to have a sequel with Rainbow Dash and Soarin.
This is the best E rated story I've read, definately going in my top faves!
6273566
6273333 I know, I had to prove I was capable.
That was a very nice story and there can never be too much scootaloo and dash love...Not that kind.......kk...MOVING ON
But there was one thing that took one thing away from the story
The characters were WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY out of character
Scootaloo and dash are characters that hide what they truly feel in fear that someone is out to judge them
No offence to you as a writer the build up to the events and the picnic was good any emotion was good
The spelling was good as well as grammar
But i just cant feel I can 101% enjoy it with the scoots and dash being to
Childish isnt the word. Idk to forcing girly kind
Sorry if any offence was taken but the characters eh
6274482 Thank you for your opinion. In the story they were there alone, and together, it was intended that they have an intimate talk with one another. I appreciate your input though, thank you.
6274485 Ik Ik
They were together and I get this
But even in flight to the finish or sleepless in ponyville
They always rode off of there façades of how cool they and the other candidate was
But If something serious came out that needed to be addressed
Then they have a well set down emotional conversation
As well as I feel they would have conversations more directed towards flying or the wonderbolts instead of a picnic
Just try to mold every character into how there really made for themselfs
But dont even think about me or your self taking any offence out of this comment
This story gets my like.
Il leave you now
Just keep on writing and hopefully enjoying it
Bye
6274504 thank you. I appreciate everything you had to say.
1. This story is missing something (apart from a great editor).
2. Who goes on a picnic at Crystal Lake? Haven't they heard the stories?
6275015 ???
6275047 Sorry. I just feel like there's something off. Can't quite place it though.
6275061 let me know when u think of it
6275015 "Crystal Lake?" Hehehe. Old school rules!!!!
6275751 ok u guys what's the secret about Crystal lake? We have one in Colorado so I used it, thinking it was a good MLP lake
6275898 Jason Friday the 13th. Kills a lot of horny campers. It all happened a Crystal lake.
6276048 gotcha. My son likes Texas Chainsaw Massacre. So much he has a personally autographed picture of Leatherface
6277768 That's so cool!! I have a meat cleaver box with Alice Cooper's autograph
6277778 his picture says, "Gus you better run!"
6277777 ps.. Actually.. Jason could be an alternate ending to the story.. Teehee.. But were keeping it e rated
A few grammar mistakes here or there, but otherwise, a pretty cute story.
An upvote from me, good enough concept and pacing that the grammar didn't bother me all to much. I'm pretty sure you wrote this for the cute one shot contest, forgive me if I'm wrong. But best of luck my good Sir/Madame! 
6281915 yes.. That's exactly why I wrote this, and thank you for reading and commenting!
6281971
I'm not sure how my submission will fair against a story this great, but again, best of luck! You deserve to win, in my opinion.
No problem!
6281983 your story is VERY good! Just got a like from me!! Good luck in the contest
6281990
Thanks a ton! ^_^ and best of luck to you as well!
6287824 Actually that's exactly where I got the name.
It was sweet, so I gave it a like.
I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to get around to reading this. It's a very cute story.
Just one thing: "lupine" means wolf, not rabbit. Try "leporine" or "cunicular".
>6296336 are u SURE??!? I'll check, thank you now how can I be possibly wrong about this working at a vet clinic. I guess that's why I'm only a groomer. Thank u for pointing it out,I'll change it.
Good Story. Could use improvement. The story had too little details in between each dialogue session. And only some of the dialogue session sounded a little not realistic.
6632398 thank you. I sent it to rage reviews and they told me the same thing. I purposely wrote " ameteurish" as they called it and they're right. Thank you I appreciate your comment !