Rainbow Dash has always been Applejack's best friend, but when something unexpected happens, and they thought about themselves in a different way, will everything be the same again? Would they thought the same thing? Would their friends accept their decission?
On the other side, Applebloom is having troubles to tell a fellow crusader her feelings, so seeks the advice of her sister.
Scootaloo was insecure about something, and she needs Dash help to get through, will everything go as expected?
Chapters (12)
I like the story and I like the concept. The only thing that is holding me back from giving you 5 stars is all the grammar mistakes.
I feel bad but I will give you 4 stars because through all the typos and whatnot, It is a great story and I want to know the outcome.
that was awesome make more soon
Ponyville
The town where lesbians run wild.
202072
Take into account that if you've found the grammar mistakes in Applejack's,Apple Bloom's or Big Macintosh's dialogues or thoughts, they are ment to be that way, to highlight their southern accent, their way of speaking and their slang
But if you've found mistakes in other parts of the story, please let me know, and I'll fix them in Ten Seconds Flat
And overall, please forgive me, It's the first time I write something this long, in english, you know, I'm from a non-english talking country, so it's kinda difficult to me some times
Not a bad story, especially if english isn't your primary language. It's actually quite good when qualified like that, but I digress. I had to comment after I saw you committing a deadly sin that is actually a peeve of mine that I try to correct when I run across it.
Y'all.
A contraction of you, and all.
The proper usage of y'all, in the southern or midwestern vernacular, is to address a group, not an individual.
For example:
Applejack trotted out of her house, where her friends waited for her. "Howdy y'all!" she greeted.
This is the proper usage. Remember, Y'all = more than one pony.
AWESOME
I cant wait for this to update
OKTNXBYE
202255 Yeah, at first I thought like that, but in some episodes, as in "look before you sleep" she talks to just Rarity, but say's "Y'all" anyways, also, take into acount that there are many authors that write southern accent in a different way, I just wrot in the one I'm more used to read, If you think it's wrong, well, maybe you could be right, but I know it this way, and it would be dificult to make it in a different way. As a matter of fact, I found myself writing with 'Ah' 'Y'all' and 'mah', that with 'I' 'You' and 'my'
3 thing I spotted:
connexion?
"they needed somepony who can/could/etc.. reach high places"
"or a fight in the mud"
Actually it wasn't bad, but... At least try to split these monologues up. If one of them talks for more than 5-7 lines straight, that is already a bad sign. It just breaks the flow, and it makes many reader skim through it. It wouldn't be a problem, as it can happen normally too, but it happens just too often here. At least try to split them up with descriptions of their behaviour or something.
202350
I'm sorry,
1°= connexion = Spanish derped
2° and 3° = thank you, sometimes I miss these errors, I'll fix them, but right now, FIMfiction seems to be hating me, I can't save the changes, So I'll try luck tomorrow
4° long monologues, Yeah, I know, it's just... this is the first chapter, where nopony really know what they want, nor need, you understand? I swear I'll try to make none of this looooong boooring monologues in the next chapters, it was just this one, stay calm.
Thanks for everything you've pointed out to me, I'll fix it ASAP
Oh and Gutovi i thought i should share my thoughts with you
(clears Throat)
I DIDN'T LEARN ANYTHING...
Ok my actual is this:
I like the idea of applebloom being mature but still childlike, it suits her well
and Big mac being a Smart but quiet pony
is a great way to put him.
With the exception of those errors this story is perfect.
only thing that need improving is usethis for thought.
and this for talking.
Nice story and tracking to see were it goes
your faithful fan Naught0
Oh and
for me What i meant to say was
use Italic for Thought and
Normal for talking and describing
there were a couple of instances were the two got mixed up
Love u
and BYE
rainbow dash is the original gangster.
202419
Oh, I understand what you mean, but I think that you were confused, sometimes I just putted Talk-Thought-Talk, and you understood it as just talk. Or maybe I just derped, I'll check out anyways, just in case, thanks
Awww
202178 No worries. I understand. Don't get me wrong. This is a really good story. It's just that it gets hard for me to read sometimes. I like flow and with grammar mistakes it doesn't flow quite as well. Now understanding that English is hard for you, I will take back my 4 and give you a 5. No hard feelings?
some of the emotional thinking and explaining is a little drawn out, but over all I love this story!!! great work and please Keep it up!
Thak you for the support everypony! I seriously thought that no-one would read it, and if that happened, it would bring negative comments. Yeah, I'm kinda a low-steem pony, and that's the reason why every comment, every tracking, and every favourite, makes me squee like a little schoolfilly.
Thank you, I'll post chapter two, as soon as I write something of chapter 3, it's because I want to uploead in a somehow regular basis. Dont hate me please!`
this shall be tracked
this is great
end of story
202349 Trust me when I say the writers of the show may not know the proper meaning either if they didn't grow up in the south/bible belt. But that is a minor error as far as I'm concerned, it just irritates me. otherwise you're doing quite well given the grammar issues. english grammar is one of the hardest subjects to master, but I feel you're well on your way! Keep up the good work and keep writing!
Simple explanation: RAINBOW IS GOD
220358
That she is.
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lm4hdkgbii1qjxtmio1_500.jpg
Very glad to see this story with an update, couldn't help but laugh at parts of it. Been having a good week so far, so I quite enjoyed this.
Just a quick note, when you describe the way a character says something, put their name before the adverb. for example.
Instead of, "..., said sarcastically Rarity." Say, "..., Rarity said sarcastically."
220784
Thanks! Truth be told, I know that it's like that, it's just that in spanish we write them the other way, and that's why I'm always troubled with it. I'll try to avoid doing it that way in the next chapters.
This made me laugh too. XD (Much to the displeasure of my roommates.
)
Keep up the good work!
I'm tracking this now this instant.
There are quite a few 'hiccups' in the story, but when it's only your secondary language that's expected. Tracked with the power of a thousand suns!
Epic
A thumbs up and onto favorites it goes! Keep up the good work!
this is going to be comical
The part with Bon Bon and Lyra made me lol so hard!
this
will be amazing
i cant wait to see what they both do :D
Me want more!
I take it that the next chapter will be about Applebloom and Scootaloo.
Rotfl ... Want next chapter now!!!
310439
Yes, chapter 4 and chapter 5 are Scootabloom, and they will explain some things that will be in chapter 6, that is appledash, and Hopefully, the story will end there. Maybe there will be more... maybe not, there's no way to know.
Brilliant!
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS
this is just a tad bit too cute :3
but theres nothing wrong with that
Pi kie is genious
Is it just me or is the whole date (or at least the clothes and the milkshake (hayshake) thing) a lil bit like a scene from the movie "Grease"?
deception in love is the best kind of deception. I loved how she made it seem like she was going to get the scooter when she was actually figuring out which necklace Applebloom wanted, if I hadn't tracked you already I would be tracking you twice
Although you have a few phrasing issues here and there that could be fixed, its good otherwise.
Scootaloo bought Applebloom the necklace, I just know it.
Scootaloo never bought the scooter.
The scooter was, in fact, a CLEVER RUSE!
367971 I think Scootaloo wanted the scooter to begin with. But Applebloom's mentioning of the necklace made Scoot's decide to spend her bits on something for her special somepony rather than on herself.
Man I can't wait to see this story keep going! It's so sappy, and yet it's AMAZING!!
366943
Well... I've never seen the movie, so unless a magical desing made the idea enter my head without watching itt, I just thought of something similar.
368820
I´ve never seen the movie or musical either, but i saw a version of it in "Drawn Together" and a lil bit in commercials.
i see a necklace in her future